John_Brown's Compliments

Compliments:  69

Last Compliment: 11/3/2010

Helpful (69)

Submission Reviews

  • That Nurse is Smoking!
    Hi  This whole business is confusing! Doesn't the word like turn isopropyl into ...
  • Suprise Visit (Revised)
    Your first two paragraphs are really good. They paint the scene very nicely. I a ...
  • Face to Face
    I agree with XAerial Juggler about your first sentence. In the context of your s ...
  • Halloween Bash
    Hi As has already been said you have grammar and tense issues all over the place ...
  • Green Pumpkin Returns?
    Hi Shana  Really good as usual. I think your opening paragraph is the weakest po ...
  • removed
    Too many italics for me Zio.
  • Last Night
    Hi  Good effort. I think you have too many 'the strangers' in there for comfort. ...
  • The Titillating Tube (Full version)
    I might be tempted to add 'smiled out the corner of her mouth in a Drew Barrymor ...
  • Life after Life
    Hi Leonarae  Nice take. I realize that Hermes leads the soul of the dead into Ha ...
  • What's on the Calendar?
    Hi penbuddy  Just to throw a cat amongst the pigeons, I'd prefer to see it as a ...
  • Deadly Thursday
    Hi WolfWriter  I would be inclined to change 'Algebra. Only so no one will suspe ...
  • Working From Home
    Hi It was good to start with, as I said, now it's much better. I agree with Cesi ...
  • Working From Home
    Back at CT_Vincent.   Prostitutes come in all flavors as you say, but a point I ...
  • Killer Agenda
    Hi  Nice take. One small caveat. It appears a contradiction that the (stalker/ra ...
  • The Cabin
    Hi You're looking for extra words to fit something extra in right? Cut out uncon ...
  • Texan River Dance
    Hi Stuart  As usual this is well done. I think I'm talking intrinsic style diffe ...
  • You Go First
    I liked this. One caveat: I think you overused their names. I think the story co ...
  • The Silent Breakup
    Hi  I reiterate the suggestions for more description. You have the luxury of all ...
  • Do it!
    Hi  You need to change your font size to a larger one. It would be he bent forwa ...
  • Night.City
    Hi  I agree with both Cindi_Greene and Leonarae. This has the look of working no ...
  • The Cabin
    Hi Leonarae  I enjoyed this. Great story, but one small caveat, not much wordles ...
  • Just a Little Understanding
    Hi A few suggestions: Why not 'his knuckles whitened from the...'? I think the p ...
  • Did You Know All Along?
    Hi Leonarae is definitely right. There are way too many 'it was as if's' in your ...
  • SPI. 0407.12.3 - Electrifying Journey
    Hi Shana  I feel I need to bob and weave here. So in order to duck the barrage o ...
  • A Taste of Yesterday
    Sorry, a suggested word saver: my arm in my sister's  I reckon I would also pref ...
  • Mourning Trip
    Hi meganakameg  I can only hope that this isn't personal. If so, my sympathies. ...
  • For Andrew
    Hi again Just one more small nitpick. To be correct it should be 'had proven use ...
  • Rock On
    HI Cage24 Neat try. You've deliberately used a choppy style and there's nothing ...
  • Boarding
    Hi Moore.  I'm afraid there's a lot to nitpick here, but helpful crits are what ...
  • A Taste of Yesterday
    Hi Amanda 7  You must be feeling lonely with no comments, especially as its not ...
  • A Memorable Walk
    Hi Tenses and punctuation. Boring, but necessary.  So: I climbed out of my car, ...
  • Short  Ride, Long Journey
    Hi  First sentence: Having strangers pose me on the cold hard table wasn't the w ...
  • The Drink That Ends It
    Hi Your punctuation could do with some work. You've left out some commas. Starti ...
  • Until we meet again.
    Hi I like the way you've tried to control the pace, by making the first part sho ...
  • It's All in the Name
    It's really good. I particularly liked the sentence "I can't escape the sublimin ...
  • Your Fortress of Solitude
    I could have done this sooner (comma) but ... I laughed when the FBI told me to ...
  • The Rat
    Show not tell seems to be my new motto today.  Johnny's green eyes widened as th ...
  • You Cheated
    Hi I think this is good. I would change your second to last sentence to read 'Yo ...
  • Dead Voters
    Hi Shana  I like the idea. As usual it's good, but this time a few caveats. Shou ...
  • Call me when you get this
    I'm amazed at the amount of people who get your and you're mixed up. It should b ...
  • moving on
    Perhaps if you gave his address header, something like Caleb@heaven_on_high.com? ...
  • A bird may love a fish, but where would they live?
    Hmmm? You're over the word count already, but I'd so want to put a 'guess I' int ...
  • To Whom It May Concern
    Second Para:  I enjoyed our time together because you were so different. You nev ...
  • To Marcus@TheKingdomofJohkarsi.com
    Hi  It's well done, but if I may make a slightly cynical comment poor Marcus mig ...
  • Sincerely, Anne
    More suggestions, but don't worry I'll limit them to a few. I think it would be ...
  • Ghost in the Machine
    Hi maybe I'm being pedantic here but wasn't Cato Inspector Clouseau's Chinese/ J ...
  • The doormat leaves
    I would change the 'until your needs outweighed mine' bit. If the husband you ar ...
  • The Question?
    It's good, although I kind of sympathize with mother if the reaction is so immed ...
  • [no subject]
    Hi Maybe you changed your story, but there's nothing confusing here, it's all cr ...
  • Ctrl Alt Delete
    Once again, another person who confuses your with you're. It seems to be a damn ...
  • Indiscretion??
    I find this too confusing, basically, I'm afraid because of your writing, which ...
  • The Dating Template
    Okay so does the a in 'the a behind it' stand for reason, or is it a  mistake? E ...
  • It's not you it's me, right?
    Suggestions: So I guess this is finally it. I've come to a decision. You're obvi ...
  • Really?
    Hi  A few suggestions: I would change Yeah him to Yeah that Jeremy! I think you ...
  • The Sendoff
    Really well written, but too much on the saccharine side for me. Nevertheless, y ...
  • Moving to China Without You
    Hi It's not at all bad, but I find the first sentence to be overly formal consid ...
  • Wilted Rose
    As it stands, as others have said, it is weakly written and way over the word co ...
  • Shopping Trip
    A few comments. Very nice idea and well done. I would drop the last sentence ent ...
  • The Necklace
    I totally agree with Brandis 1's suggestion about your first sentence. It reads ...
  • The Apple Tree
    Your language needs tightening up, especially in the first couple of paragraphs. ...
  • St. Jude
    Just an afterthought. I think it would be stronger if you said "Rather than choo ...
  • St. Jude
    Okay, I like your imagery for a start. It paints a picture of the girlfriend you ...
  • Decision
    What's with the well collaborated machine? Surely oiled, although a cliche of no ...
  • The Interview
    There are some logical inconsistencies here. How could they have at once been 'p ...
  • Fates Choice
    I hope this story isn't a metaphor for your own state of mind, but if it is, be ...
  • The Price of Love
    Hi I think you got the 'nodded in the negative' wrong. Shook his head would have ...
  • An Old Friend At Your Door
    Okay so maybe I'm a thickie, but 'what appeared to be a silhouette' makes more s ...
  • The Beating
    A very powerful story well done. Wouldn't she have been deafened by the bang in ...
  • Sucks. (Literally)
    The weakest part of the chapter is where Caden is getting instructions from the ...