Sprayoncrayon's Compliments

Compliments:  296

Last Compliment: 3/1/2017

Brilliant (296)

Project Reviews

Submission Reviews

  • Frankly, Scarlett, because I give a damn.
    Not familiar with the source material besides the setting and characters.  I hav ...
  • Red
    Strong characterization and a well paced story, even if it is a little paint-by- ...
  • The Book
    A little here,  A little there Trimming words Like cutting hair  It's all about ...
  • The Author of Your Destiny - finished
    The only part that throws me is, "Our story began with Katie." almost as if the ...
  • BARTON
    If I understand your explanation, the girl has read this novel in which she is a ...
  • The Author of Your Destiny - finished
    I think you should drop the all caps yelly bits.  Other than that, it's well wri ...
  • Postscript
    That's a bit of a reversal on the "favourite character" idea, but it's brilliant ...
  • The Jimmys
    Some of the Jimmy's lose their individuality in the second part.  I would focus ...
  • The Jimmys
    Very entertaining, Chris, and exactly the sort of oddity that I would expect fro ...
  • Trigger
    I'm with Chris on this one, in that there is no differentiation in the narrative ...
  • Melted
    I'm having a little difficulty establishing the circumstances.  Matty dies, and ...
  • Numbers
    Yeah, I caught both of those callbacks while reading your enjoyable romp.  Loved ...
  • A Day of All Days to Cherish
    I agree with Chris that you have captured the "Then" aspect of the challenge, bu ...
  • Playing House
    I think that the way it is narrated, by nature, results in the reader not unders ...
  • A New Anhai
    From the unique tone combined with the subject material and the poetry in the de ...
  • Holiday Justice
    It seems like this story needs to have some ironing to get the wrinkles out.  Re ...
  • Rude-dolph
    As the reader, it's easy to guess where the story will wind up, but it's still c ...
  • Francine
    A very interesting and amusing story, and I like the idea of the slow change, as ...
  • TIME_AND_PLACE
    While there are fewer sticking points now, it seems to be a story of Churchill t ...
  • TIME_AND_PLACE
    I agree with Chris - once transplanted, there was no explanation as to why Hitle ...

  • Go for it, Tony.  I'm probably going to drop my Biblical comedy in favor of the ...
  • Floaters (Revised)
    Depending on what the doppelganger wants, it could give new meaning to the word ...
  • Nietzsche's Baby
    "Should have" and "Would have" are correct.  In dialogue, to accent the characte ...
  • You Just Never Know What's in Another's Heart
    This is a good story, and told with your considerable skill. There are more oppo ...
  • THE CRIME SCENE
    Lots of visuals, not a whole lot of other sensory information - like the lingeri ...
  • A close shave
    Gareth seemed to have some good sense after he'd used up all of his bad sense th ...
  • Slippery Soap
    I think the irony is that, despite making all of the characters blind, the story ...
  • Darkness
    I feel like I am missing that critical intuitive leap from the story within the ...
  • Surprised Father
    Thanks for sharing your story.  What you have is a description of events, rather ...
  • Coincidence #2
    Much more readable, and you've given two clear and distinct personalities, so th ...
  • Burden of Command
    Maybe not communicating a sense of horror, if that's what you intended, but of q ...
  • It is a bloke's life.
    I think part of the voice for the story is mirroring the same disenfranchisement ...
  • The Price of Freedom
    It's a good story on its own, but I feel like Lily has stepped backwards as a ch ...
  • IMPERFECT HUMAN HEART
    It does seem rather detached, although the gap of time between event and recordi ...
  • Cara's Tale
    I didn't think read this as Pasco taking Cara back in time through imagination; ...
  • Who can really say?
    Not only a different voice, but also a different perspective on the point of fol ...
  • New Life
    Having just re-read this, I suggest that you watch a marginally obscure movie ca ...
  • Four Years and a Day
    Hi Nyree,       My opinion, if you wanted to do an eleventh hour rewrite, would ...
  • The Peephole
    As I said, Maurice being egocentric and devoid of empathy, it's probably moot.
  • The Peephole
    I suspected early on that Maurice was a cannibal, but my inclination was to thin ...
  • Blindfolded Truth
    Well deserved placement on the podium this month.
  • Nothing
    Some good puns, but not much of a story.  Frankly, I just couldn't care about No ...
  • Franks Giving
    More logical than some of the other submissions here, and with more of a traditi ...
  • For the Man Who Has Everything
    Out of curiosity, what do you imagine happens to a genie once they have granted ...
  • Hotel d'Amore
    Confusing, but deliberately so, I would venture.  It wasn't until the final segm ...
  • Hotel d'Amore
    Okay, so let's ditch the "confusing" adjective, and call it "obscure" or "crypti ...
  • The Silver Arrow
    Goes to show you can lead your audience down a familiar, and still end up with a ...
  • Blindfolded Truth
    A bit of a nebulous story - not certain how much is genuine and how much is with ...
  • DEAD CATS
    Well, that was quite the story.  A battle between author and editor in the field ...
  • One Beyond Doubt
    Much improved, I would say.  It has lost the awkward phrasing that you started w ...
  • Bloke Bird
    What Archie needs is a butler that turns into a serving girl to help lace up the ...
  • Bloke Bird
    When I read, "Thirty minutes later..." I was wondering what took so long, and th ...
  • The Visit
    Never would have thought that a spirit smelled like ... spirits.  So every year, ...
  • Chapter 1--The Museum
    I reviewed the BigIdeasPublishing website and I must admit, I am a bit skeptical ...
  • Hannah
    I think what's special about this submission is that the narrative misleads the ...
  • The Chest
    Are you saying that your box was not sufficient to accommodate Ivor's package?
  • The Silver Arrow
    Also wanted to point out, the Mythbusters did an episode on the Robin Hood arrow ...
  • The Silver Arrow
    I agree with Neil, although I was expecting Robin to be unmasked and outfox the ...
  • Jerome Sanders
    Yes of course, as the slang may not have passed into British use.  It's really t ...
  • Hannah
    Good use of the punctuation to change how the sentence reads.  You have this lon ...
  • Prologue
    Hi Sam,      I'm going to disagree with others, that the voice of the narrator a ...
  • Creepy Crawlies
    Cute, Sue.  I have to admit, like the Twisted Tales challenge, I was trying to i ...
  • A Yarn of Confessions - Revised Aug 30
    Now to be pedantic: "...and the echoing whispers and prayers <,>made you feel... ...
  • Chapter 2
    The number one purpose of creative fiction is to tell a story.  That seems prett ...
  • Prologue
    This kind of scene setting doesn't really grab the reader's attention.  We are a ...
  • Marmaduke
    Okay, now that's a different ending.  Nope, Nessie's bogus, here's the proof. Al ...
  • I Lived
    Think of psychopaths that have been convicted already, such as John Wayne Gacy. ...
  • Endurance
    There was a submission a while back that used second person narrative.  Addictio ...
  • Stiff upper lip
    John Cleese as the sergeant, naturally.  I'm thinking Michael Palin as Herman, w ...
  • Confession of a Teenaged Grog-Slinger
    Something you've changed about this makes the embarrassment Sue feels about rela ...
  • Marmaduke
    Interesting tale about the fabled loch.  I don't think there was any attempt to ...
  • Confession (revised 8/19)
    Here's how to use commas: Print your story off in 36 point font.  Tape it to you ...
  • The Lone Ranger and Tonto in: Bad Men
    Oh Chris, you had me laughing the whole way through.  You've captured the ethnoc ...
  • Collateral Damage
    It's funny the things that people assume will be deal breakers, only to find tha ...
  • A Yarn of Confessions - Revised Aug 20
    Most people order the commandments as thus: 1) I am the Lord your God, you shall ...
  • The Truth
    Have you read Life of Pi?  Similar story, except that the narrator is stuck on a ...
  • Endurance
    Uh, Neil?  The Twist challenge was last month.  Nevertheless, the story was inte ...
  • Another One Bites the Dust
    It's hard not to jump to the assumption that it is an animal narrating, so that ...
  • Submission
    What a trip!  Seriously, this is Terry Gilliam territory here.  Not sure about t ...
  • Skanx
    Ah, the insensible thinking of addicts.  Action packed, very descriptive, and be ...
  • Revenge 2 (The Outstanding Balance)
    Hey Alec, how does the inside of your cheek taste?
  • Chapter Sixty-Five
    That being said, you have an action packed scene with absolutely no back story, ...
  • Soldiers of Destiny
    You don't need to change the direction of the story, just clean up the grammar a ...
  • Revenge
    Well, if you need 300 hundred words and 50 cc's, you could always describe the V ...
  • Revenge
    Once again, ignoring the imperative of this month's challenge.  "Give us 800 wor ...
  • The Reconnisance Mission Goes South
    Shameless self-promotion, right?  Well, I can't argue with that, especially when ...
  • In Case of Emergency
    Grim, chock full of action scenes, and suspenseful.  It seemed to me that the co ...
  • Bomaru's Quest, Part IV
    But what if Duncan likes his second submission better?  As reluctant as I am to ...
  • Windowless
    Congratulations on top spot!
  • Portrait of a Lady
    Reads in the same dismal and grim voice as your 500 words submission.  You reall ...
  • The Shelter
    You know, I considered using this line to write a story, but then felt that it w ...
  • Window
    There is a much simpler solution, Alec.  Look out the other window.  Or, grab a ...
  • Traveler
    It took me a few stanzas to understand what was going on, but I really enjoyed t ...
  • Window
    Took a re-read to really understand.  Not that that's a bad thing. In this case, ...
  • What My Mother Lost
    Absolutely lovely.  You carry the idea from start to finish, and while we know t ...
  • Windowless
    I liked the feel of the poem, the sibilant sound as I read it aloud in my mind. ...
  • Just Outside the Window
    All through the poem, you communicate the idea that the only thing holding back ...
  • The Ghost's Lament
    The despair of defeat from the great glass window, the triumph of success when a ...
  • Mermaid Wishes
    There's not really a whole lot here, in terms of understanding the subject.  We ...
  • A Life.
    Rhyme scheme?  Bah.  Good poetry doesn't need it.  And this is good poetry.  You ...
  • THIS IS BRILLIANT AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SUBJECT, BUT ESSENTIAL TO GOOD WRITING
    One hyperlink = 8 words.  No wonder the count on most submissions is off.
  • Monster (Revised)
    The revised ending does a lot more to explain Medusa's self-justification, as we ...
  • Tales Aboard the Chronicle
    Congrats on the runner-up status.  Now you need to transform this into a series ...
  • No, Really . . .
    A comedy of errors.  The only villain, really, being adolescent stupidity and in ...
  • Sara  -
    At the beginning, you have this statement, "getting to where she was going in li ...
  • Sara  -
    So maybe instead of getting into the hows and whys of what Sara is doing, you ca ...
  • Sara  -
    So, since you've already accepted that this is lacking in depth of character and ...
  • The Moment that Never Happened
    I think the ending is alright - a dose of reality after the peculiar encounter w ...
  • I will always regret
    Still not really sure what this is doing in this months' challenge.  While a gen ...
  • Tales Aboard the Chronicle
    The sea is a big place, but for a ship to last three hundred years from seventee ...
  • Slave to Temptation
    Sounds like a page out of the Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous book.  I've heard a ...
  • To Light, Ignite... And Bring To Life
    Neck and shoulder injury that puts the right hand out of commission?  Good lord, ...
  • CASA
    Definitely the voice of the devil-on-your-shoulder.  As soon as one vice is aban ...
  • Hungry
    The most important realization for the addict was that it was okay not to feed t ...
  • untitled
    Good to see you back, Devi.  Definitely expresses how the addict's behaviour imp ...
  • My Affliction
    I'm guessing you already have the few spelling corrections I noticed in the priv ...
  • Chronic Distortion Perversion Compulsion
    I've been thinking for awhile that you were capable of so much more than the qui ...
  • Lot 254
    There is always the risk of losing your audience during the world building, and ...
  • On the possession and ritual slaughter of hermaphrodite pigs
    I think I understand where your narrator is coming from now.  At fist I read, "W ...
  • A Very Mr. Darcy Christmas
    Whinging is a Brit thing and carried on to Oz.  My parents were in Papua New Gui ...
  • Drifting
    Bravo!  That'll show Alec what manning up really gets you.
  • For the Love of Christmas
    So it's my turn to learn a new word.  Never had heard of Christingle before.  Th ...
  • So This Is Christmas
    A touch of something magical.  Well-written, weaving through the emotions that s ...
  • The Call
    Seems you didn't cut it down enough.  Congratulations on the almost-win.  Litera ...
  • Tiny Dancer
    It does have to be mentioned, just not contained within the submission itself. ...
  • Tiny Dancer
    Read this a few times, and not sure that I can add much that hasn't already been ...
  • If We're Sinners
    Bonnie and Clyde, living the fantasy that rebellion won't ever end.  And then th ...
  • Say Something
    Great story - we get a good picture of who this character is and how he perceive ...
  • The Princess
    Well done on earning a spot on the short-list.
  • Snow White
    Kudos on the win!  Such a shocking story definitely met the challenge brief.  Wa ...
  • Goodbye Blue Sky
    I like the sense of foreboding that was well communicated, and as a reader, I ha ...
  • Common People
    William Shatner is one of those celebrities that's been in the States for so lon ...
  • Move. Run. Fight.
    Jed, haven't seen you kicking around the challenges for awhile.  What a comeback ...
  • Step by Step
    I would characterize it as a horror story, principally because it begins by pain ...
  • The Princess
    Certainly a darker version of the tale.  Methinks there is no Thrushbeard, playi ...
  • The Call
    Is this anything like The Ring, only you have to see it in a phone screen before ...
  • Ella
    Given Ella's nature, I thought she was going to use the opportunity to frame her ...
  • Ella
    Just trying to add things up here.  You have six deaths mentioned by the detecti ...
  • The Three Little Men
    Trollops and Tourette's.  There's a role-playing game even AlecS could get into. ...
  • Snow White and the Sudden Divorce
    As I was reading this, I was wondering exactly how Snow managed to mutilate the ...
  • Night Feed
    I have to admit, I am left with a "So what?" at the end.  Sure, there is a terri ...
  • In Plain Sight
    How about "I could never have said you were the best unless I had something to c ...
  • In Plain Sight
    I don't believe "of which" is a correct grammatical construction.  I suggest, ". ...
  • Walled and Bounded
    I really enjoyed this story.  Even with all the supernatural elements, the natur ...
  • Ash and Rain
    I see you have already been busy editing this story - including a title change. ...
  • Ash and Rain
    Cool story.  Love the concept, and the execution is well done.  I could picture ...
  • Nail Polish
    Urban poverty aplenty, along with all the challenges and justifications and esca ...
  • Honorable Men.. revised.
    Well, you have eliminated the obvious industrial revolution elements associated ...
  • Archimedes Claw
    Your story is an interesting take on the challenge, with society on the brink of ...
  • Aces and Eights
    Well, you've taken what was a really good story, and dressed it up in coal and c ...
  • Those Magnificent Men...
    I had a feeling as soon as all those collared women made their appearance that t ...
  • The Perfectionists
    Steampunk chivalry and something else.  Of course you would take the setting and ...
  • Aces and Eights
    To be honest, this feels like a story that was already there, tweaked to fit the ...
  • The Marching Man's Son
    Steampunk meets the Island of Dr. Moreau in a very interesting clash.  As always ...
  • Choice
    I think its okay to have some vagueness to the story - after all, the MC is tryi ...
  • Blackbriar
    Its an interesting story that presents Sir Collin as an honorable man, even as h ...
  • Freedom's Gate
    And here I thought they would just be left standing out in the desert, waiting f ...
  • Cobras and Pit Bulls
    Hi Dollys,  I see that you managed to convey a better passage of time with the w ...
  • Escape from Stalag-Luft XV
    Rather than arguing about where (or whether) to place an apostrophe or whether i ...
  • x
    Just one question...what does the fox say?  Sorry, I couldn't resist.
  • Cobras and Pit Bulls
    A good speech and a serious topic.  The story told around the speech is a little ...
  • Marcus Speaks
    Well, Sue, as long as you don't have readers sending the book back marked with r ...
  • Escape from Stalag-Luft XV
    Brilliant speech that went over like a lead balloon (which is possible, mind you ...
  • A Friend Like No Other
    Congrats on taking top spot.
  • A long Young Life.
    "This month, we are challenging you to write a story using taste, touch and smel ...
  • Still
    Okay, Chris, it's time to put down the bottle and the joint and get some help. ...
  • Little Girl Lost
    Hi Trish,      The rules were clarified to allow dialogue (I had eliminated it f ...
  • Suburbia's Vice
    Well, that was ... bleak.  No glamour for that suburban housewife. And I guess w ...
  • Doppler Feelings Log, January 12, 2013(Revised 6/23/14)
    Maybe just an aside, such as ,"When you retrieve this mental log from the chip y ...
  • A Friend Like No Other
    Gel paints and wax (for texture)
  • Trapped (Rev 6 - 15 days left)
    It seems that you had two options for a rewrite - either dive headlong into Raym ...
  • Practicing Pretend
    Horribly awful - not the writing of course - and I sometimes wonder if even God ...
  • Drifter (Revised)
    At first I thought it might be a sperm until it had arms.  Maybe a virus?    The ...
  • Taste My Fist, Wizard
    That's quite the change in the revision - we get a better insight into the Witch ...
  • Trapped (Rev 6 - 15 days left)
    I like this revision.  You have done away with any visual cues and the story see ...
  • The Tango
    Brilliant and full of motion, but also a few lingering visual cues.  No trouble ...
  • All By Myself
    Acca Dacca?  You must be from down under.    Strange tale, and while a lot of it ...
  • Jack
    Just goes to show that there are two sides to every story.  Well told.  I felt l ...
  • Bitter Lemonade
    You have captured the impishness of the boy and the affection he feels for the w ...
  • 3AM
    There has got to be a better way to get "rapscallion" and "biscuit" into this st ...
  • Where There's Smoke, There's Fire
    I can imagine that, after working backstage for male strippers, it might take a ...
  • The Wait
    Wow, that's a powerful story.  Sparsely worded, but communicating everything.  I ...
  • Tell es-Sultan
    Starts slow with a domestic scene and builds towards a tense conclusion.  While ...
  • Movie date
    Definitely something I could picture happening.  Your capture not only of the ac ...
  • The Engagement
    Hi Kassandra, this is the way I would have written it:      They saw us get enga ...
  • Rant
    Honestly, the frustrating thing for me is not the people who don't read their in ...
  • Snow
    I've said it before and I'll say it again - this one deserved the win.  And sinc ...
  • The Engagement
    Hi Kassandra,      Thanks for sharing your story.  While it may be your second l ...
  • One Hundred
    Sometimes the monsters aren't under the bed.  Stark with the horror of reality, ...
  • Sin Eater
    A fantastic submission, rich with backstory just waiting to be told.  The only i ...
  • Be Mine...
    Ah, puppy love.  Boys pulling the braids of girls just to get their attention, a ...
  • Rant
    My work (insurance broker) is trending towards a 'call-center-environment' that ...
  • The Hardest Task
    An interesting story, rich in depth and scope.  Very well written above the brea ...
  • The Many Virtues of Water; or The Treachery of Mothers-in-Law
    Interesting story and reversal of fortune. The scheming woman, one has to wonder ...
  • Milo and the Junior Hi
    Awesome, funny sub.  You clearly communicte two distinct personalities and manag ...
  • Last Words.
    Excellent story, clearly illustrating why he is the Patron Saint of afianced cou ...
  • I'm Sorry
    Good sub - it's sometimes difficult to show personality when there is nothing bu ...
  • The Destroyer Month
    Wait - is this another attempt to educate us ang provide culture?  If pagan gods ...
  • An Officer's Unfortunate Birth
    Good, gritty story that, like great science fiction, is less about the technolog ...
  • Enya
    A beautiful mythology, with realistic portrayal of people's mob mentality and xe ...
  • Vincent
    Well told, good pacing and enough heart to make me care about a machine.  Good j ...
  • Past Lives
    Now it actually feels like the story is going somewhere, from opening to ending, ...
  • Used up
    Echo what the others have said.  This has the ring of authenticity to it - the p ...
  • Lucy
    Excellent, well-written, tender erotica.  Or at least bordering on the edge.  Th ...
  • Past Lives
    If the theme was rebirth, then you have re-created Sex and the City.  Er - I thi ...
  • The Last Lion of Palestine
    Story could use some proofreading.  There are several typos and formatting probl ...
  • The Escape Claus
    A dark an amusing comedy, although the ending seems a little rushed (damn that w ...
  • The Caroler of Wall Street
    Well, it's the beginning of a familiar story, with the setting updated, but you ...
  • I Remember
    A touching, sweet Christmas thought, and definitely the right season for the sen ...
  • Duality of Fate
    "create an alternative version of a traditional Christmas story " has been done ...
  • Professor Moore
    Sweet, yet satisfying.  Historical fiction surrounding the creation of our belov ...
  • No Room at the Inn
    This one is definitely a contender, not telling the traditional Christmas story ...
  • London Nativity (A Love Story for Christmas)
    Quite amusing, with all the right elements there, although motives are widely sk ...
  • OSC Genesis
    It took awhile, but eventually you managed to pull the myths together into your ...
  • Lord of the Christmas (Lord of the Rings parody)
    If only you had more words, I would have liked to see a different ending on this ...
  • Krissy Kringle
    I tried to get into this one - seriously, I did.  But the dialogue kept throwing ...
  • Aylis of the Rock  -  Chapter One  -  YA novel
    Disagree.  While we all know you are a talented writer, this submission leaves a ...
  • 1 | Jesse Chancellor
    Great writing - Jesse's character is exposed in the descriptions without giving ...
  • Tainted
    Talk about a hit-the-ground-running kind of an opening.  No slow build up here. ...
  • The Guardian
    Great characterization, excellent introduction of tension. I was mesmerized from ...
  • *The Devil Will Cry*
    I read the first part of this project on your profile page and commented before ...
  • Last Chapter -16: The Gathering
    It's always difficult to dive in for the last chapter and understand what is hap ...
  • Suspension of Disbelief
    I know I've read this before, maybe on PageToFame?  I enjoyed it then and enjoye ...
  • Wait For Me
    Talk about character - this story leaps off the page with a running internal mon ...
  • Chemical Light
    Loads of character and just enought plot to keep it moving.  Storytelling where ...
  • The Adventures of Mr. Pibb
    Is it a bad thing that rating this five stars made me feel a little dirty?
  • Salvage! Chapter 1
    See, men have no idea why she would throw on a skirt instead of pants, but now t ...
  • Salvage! Chapter 1
    Great story full of vivid characterization.  Just a quick question about the cap ...
  • How to build a castle in seven easy steps
    There aren't enough tongue-in-cheek fantasies.  This one has it all: witty bante ...
  • Folklore, Maybe
    There is still a lack of building terror leading to the horror in the graveyard. ...
  • Bad Blood
    Like many others, I have followed these through several iterations.  Now that yo ...
  • I am you, you are me
    I'll be honest, I didn't really 'get' this.  It felt like a lot of the lines wer ...
  • The Beginning
    Oh brilliant.  Out of all the submissions that have started with this line, your ...
  • The Moon in Exaggetarius
    I've always wondered what it was about the reflected light that makes werewolves ...
  • Plastic
    Brilliantly told, the careful ambiguity of his perceptions.  Either he needs Doc ...
  • The Witnesses
    The sotry idea itself is interesting, but the telling of it needs some work. ...
  • Folklore, Maybe
    Are there two ministers here?  At the beginning of the story, you have a preache ...
  • A.I.
    Clever.  You did an excellent job capturing the mood, building the suspense, and ...
  • Fragile Sanity
    Great story, well told.  Certainly a different kind of villain.  No supernatural ...
  • Trust Me
    Great story - really creepy interaction between father and son.  Just a couple o ...
  • N/A
    Without losing the syntax and language of your former submission, you have provi ...
  • Scorched Earth
    Normally I am a fan of your work. Last month's submission was an exercise in min ...
  • Brainiacs
    That's a bit of a tall order, Alec.  You don't think you're asking for too much? ...
  • John Turns Potty in Fifty Shades of Twilight
    One of these times, you'll surprise us all with a submission where it turns out ...
  • * Poveglia Island *
    Great story with a slow building towards horror.  That is the essence of terror ...
  • The Walk
    Good story, and well-told.  Love the vengeful haunting of the dearly departed. ...
  • The American Zombies
    If there's anything we've come to expect from the American media it's a culture ...
  • The Deal
    "Respects my entegrity" integrity  "That I'm distant and unvailable" unavailable ...
  • Lily
    Such a well-told story that I could picture the scene, Lily's fear, her wraith-t ...
  • Through the Lych Gate
    My mother was fond of saying that all teenage boys share one brain.  I think you ...
  • Chapter 3 - Lottie
    Much better paced segue to the next part of the story.  You have taken your time ...
  • Brainiacs
    I don't rightly know. When I read it lopped, I thought it was defined as to trun ...
  • Its Just the beginning
    More speeders need to have the riot act read to them.  Everytime someone goes wh ...
  • Haunted
    I followed the story well enough.  I must admit that as soon as I read, "he cove ...
  • The "Calm" Before the Storm
    I like the rapport the narrator establishes with the reader, like a story told a ...
  • Trick or Treat
    β€œI think we should make love. We must make love. Now”   She looked at him, a ran ...
  • The Holy Cemetery (Written for The October Challenge)
    This is an interesting story, and I really enjoyed it, but missed the connection ...
  • Candleburn
    Great story, very engaging.  You drag the reader into Daniel's helplessness, wan ...
  • Another Lost Soul, Another Lost Sale
    Clever twist.  I really enjoyed the humor more than the composition, so a few pu ...
  • Stupid Monkey  -  Revised
    Good revision, you have captured the same voice as the original and the sensatio ...
  • An Eye for a Gangster
    It takes a lot of courage to post in a second language among native English spea ...
  • The Oldest Kid on the Block
    A well-crafted piece that captures the emotion and sensation at that particular ...
  • Romeo
    Those who understood Shakespeare in high school never got chances like that.  Th ...
  • Stupid Monkey 2.0
    You really capture the sense of being the girl, the language, the expressions sh ...
  • Survival 101
    I am reminded of the opening of Ender's Game, where Andrew learns that the only ...
  • Standing Up
    Memorable and touching.  While some of us chose to ignore the qualifications of ...
  • The Best Days
    (Done sulking)  This is a fantastic piece, full of vivid imagery, believable cha ...
  • The Assembly Hall
    Really not sure what to make of this,  It's a genuine slice of life, with the sc ...
  • Confidence is thinking you’ll wake up tomorrow
    Note to self: don't piss of the psycho-bitch.  So, uh, how many stars do you wan ...
  • Detention
    I thought my record was supposed to be sealed.  Your story need a disclaimer: Th ...
  • On the Other Side of the Mountain
    I get the feeling that this is related to last month's submission because the fe ...
  • First Kiss
    Humbug on everyon who doesn't like the ending.  We're all dying anyways, just so ...
  • Love Changes Everything
    I keep coming back to this one, just to appreciate the sentimentality of it.  Fa ...
  • First Kiss
    Nice job on the rewrite - you kept all the imagery while clarifying the story. ...
  • A Heartmost Kiss
    Interesting voice.  I assume that the broken English is intentional to convey th ...
  • First Kiss
    Awesome twisted tale.  Poor soul, but I'm sure she was helpless against his prac ...
  • Ladybird
    As soon as you said Bankok, I thought I knew where this submission was going.  I ...
  • First and Last
    Had to read this as soon as I saw you had a submission because they are always a ...
  • First Kiss
    That rotter!  I like how the opening, which I took figuratively, turned out to b ...
  • First Kiss
    Great setting - I can picture the scene without difficulty.  The character's voi ...
  • The Gypsy's Touch
    Love it, especially "Wine lingered fresh in her mouth, like the taste of life fu ...
  • Tea for Two?
    In this instance, the only place where Alec has the right to call you on the car ...
  • Skittle to Seattle
    Wow.  That was amazing.  I thought that out of all the last line options, this w ...
  • Optimistic Americans
    Very amusing, even the third time through brought out a smile.    Kinda wonder ...
  • Tea for Two?
    Brilliantly sad, yet capturing the sex addict's insanity.  I love that, although ...
  • Forever Mine
    Brilliant.  A work of poetry disguised a prose.  I love the imagery, the juxtapo ...
  • A Small Gesture
    Okay, so I'm not quite clear on what the change in perspective accomplishes for ...
  • Tha Angel of Retribution
    Interesting story - I think you may have either posted in in the wrong space or ...
  • Silver Squares
    Great short - I enjoyed not only the resolution but also the telling of the stor ...
  • Prologue
    I like the twist on this story, that it is essentially told from the perspective ...
  • Prologue (1st Draft)
    It seems that enough people have picked over the grammar and excesses of unusual ...
  • 2: Jess's POV
    Another good chapter (albeit with very short paragraphs).  The portrayal of Jess ...
  • 1. Prologue
         This is a great way to introduce the world building of your narrative witho ...
  • 1. Prologue
    You have created an excellent setting in which the story can take place, but the ...