Sprayoncrayon's Compliments

Compliments:  211

Last Compliment: 9/23/2017

Enlightening (211)

Submission Reviews

  • Last Date
    What I'm lacking is the tipping point at which Evelyn decided that Addison was n ...
  • A Poem for the hell of it
    Meter doesn't matter.  That was a hoot, and pretty much what I was expecting fro ...
  • Hmm...
    I feel like using the same metaphor several times is belaboring the point.  Ther ...
  • Anticipation
    Granted, I don't know who these characters are outside of this scene, but I feel ...
  • The Invite
    Hi Ellie,       ShanaPupik already provided some great advice in terms of polish ...
  • Delicious - Revised
    I'll be honest, there didn't seem to be any advantage story-wise with having the ...
  • Murder in the Tower
    Despite the supernatural thriller that you were crafting, at the end, I'm left w ...
  • Delicious - Revised
    To be honest, we knew they were cannibals as soon as they referred to picking up ...
  • A Reality I'd Rather Forget
    You have potential for writing, since there is an interesting germ of a story he ...
  • A Slice of Life
    You set a good scene, but there are some flaws to be overcome.  By having two un ...
  • Group Therapy
    I suspected there was something about the missing bakery girl, but I admit that ...
  • The Rising
    We all love a good story of the arrogant having the tables turned, even if it is ...
  • A Hot Time in The Ole Town, Tonight
    Feels like you are leading the story, rather than telling it.  By that, I mean t ...
  • Zeus' Day
    You seem to have confused Chronos with Cronus, one of who was the father of tita ...
  • I Liked Us Better Then
    A sequel, of sorts, and I really feel the aimlessness of the character as he tri ...
  • Tanganyika
    If you're discussing modern board games, you're missing some of the classics.  S ...
  • Elaborate ruse
    I think, in order to introduce some clarity, you need to give names to the peopl ...
  • The Firm In Seven Days
    This has the feel of something that was not written in English and then run thro ...
  • The Red Line
    That is a great story, where the alternate history is just a background to the r ...
  • Day of Reckoning
    Aside from the Fat Man causing mutations instead of leukemia, I'm not sure what ...
  • Among Gods
    It feels like you're building towards something and then never get there.  There ...

  • Interesting alternate (recent) history, and I could read Mr. Trump's sections in ...
  • Praying hands
    It's an exaggeration of understatement.  The terror that Marie must have been fe ...
  • Juniper - Edited(Final Draft}
    You have come far in your ability to write since you first started in these mont ...
  • Marauding Gangs of Children Doing Bad
    Word is, Quentin Tarantino is preparing an offer to option the movie rights.  Bu ...
  • Marauding Gangs of Children Doing Bad
    "Bing's Three Star Review" sounds like an off-broadway revue, perhaps with some ...
  • The Man in the Monitor
    Nice.  Really appreciated, "boston red sox" as a diminuative slight.  Of course, ...
  • The Relaxation Session
    Interesting.  I was waiting for the meditation session to slowly disintegrate in ...
  • The Medicine Room
    It's so good that none of us have given it stars in case some saboteur comes and ...
  • The Medicine Room
    Wow.  This is powerful.  A lot of emotion packed in, and huge amounts of sensory ...
  • Camelling
    It's very...you, icon. Meandering, and telling a story even in the tangents. Eve ...
  • Viking
    Cold, brutal, and callous.  I don't think the point form loses anything for the ...
  • The Last American Gunslingers
    I agree with Ken, it is too much explaining.  Set the scene where the police ent ...
  • Count to Five
    Daniel seems like kind of a pushover.  Five years to assert his identity?  Seems ...
  • The Hollow Men
    Skipped a bit of the middle, just because it was boring as hell.  Maybe just a l ...
  • Eliza
    I have to admit, I kind of skipped through the blocks of internal monologue, and ...
  • Philos
    You tell the story using very descriptive words and phrases, but at the end, I'm ...
  • Solstice
    I'm not really connecting with this story - partly because of the language (synt ...
  • All That Glitters
    I liked the tale, it was well-written and the protagonist is characterized in a ...
  • The Virgin's Story - Revision 2
    Your story is about Mapia, and not really about Christina, but you kind of lose ...
  • Spring’s Golden Rules
    To be honest, it doesn't make sense for her to talk about sex and include gravit ...
  • Spring’s Golden Rules
    Was the incident with John after she read the rules or before?  I couldn't tell ...
  • Spring Chickens
    Quirky, like a cross between Terry Gilliam and Quentin Tarantino.  Some ideas ne ...
  • Stephanie the New Accountant (Song Link at end of song)
    Better Tony.  Otherwise, relying on an inferred metaphor would be the same as sa ...
  • Spring Sucks, Seriously
    Read this again, Alec, and just realized that there's a whole untapped market fo ...
  • Stephanie the New Accountant (Song Link at end of song)
    Cute song, and perhaps I'm missing the obvious, but where is the Springiness?
  • x
    Sounds like the head shrinkers in your story have the same concept as your fathe ...
  • In the Flames of the Night
    I'm with Alec on this one.  Drop the meta-analysis of the universe and explain h ...
  • For the Man Who Has Everything
    I know I said I wouldn't nit pick, but I was rereading this and I'm not convince ...
  • DEAD CATS
    Raises Hand and Tapping Foot are waiting, Chris.
  • x
    You write the way one of my friends talks - you start to explain something, get ...
  • x
    Generally when I don't say anything, it's because I'm not sure how to respond. ...
  • The Least Fictional Thing
    For me, believability comes down to whether characters follow the characterizati ...
  • The Herald
    Typical of your usual style, there is a lot more story than makes it into the su ...
  • Brown Bread
    Must be a UK thing, cockney rhyming slang, because I'd never heard that associat ...
  • The Chest
    I thought you were going with "The box..." not, "The chest..."  I mean, they bot ...
  • Burden of Truth
    Lionel (aka Ernest_Lee) raises some valid points. He is a Brit and I'm from Cana ...
  • A Paranoid Pair
    Interesting story, with a carefully camouflaged confession. Intriguing, and I wa ...
  • A Yarn of Confessions - Revised Aug 30
    Grammar fixed. Sentence clarity is now at 100%
  • A Yarn of Confessions - Revised Aug 30
    Still not sure what you mean by the phrase, "and prayers were nearly as staying ...
  • Corina
    I too saw Kim's comment and wondered briefly how it felt to see the sky after be ...
  • The Thorn Master
    Guild Master must have been distracted not to have put two and two together give ...
  • Confession of a Teenaged Grog-Slinger
    And here I thought grog was pirate rum.  Must have been too many hours spent pla ...
  • Late Night Revenge
    I will admit, the twist got me.  But I don't really feel like the conversation b ...
  • A Long Drop and a Sudden Stop
    Dialogue tags seem to have worked, as I had no trouble determining who was sayin ...
  • Nuisances
    If the challenge hadn't been to write a twist, then it wouldn't have been so obv ...
  • Keeping Up With the Joneses
    I think that having the possibility of it being a delusion should not be either ...
  • The Cave Doctor
    It is an odd story, for sure, but not what I would consider a twist.  What you s ...
  • Keeping Up With the Joneses
    So the twist is that maybe there is no twist, or maybe it's all in her head?  In ...
  • Last Christmas
    Loads of family violence, and it seems that you keep track of what the character ...
  • All in a Day's Work
    You know that scene in Kingsman, where everyone is beating each other senseless ...
  • Chapter Sixty-Five
    I felt the same confusion at the beginning, trying to determine which 'he' was t ...
  • The Woman in the Black Suit
    Still not quite an action story, as it slows down in the middle to give more dra ...
  • Straight Out of Hell
    I think the problem is that either suspense or tension relies on the reader bein ...
  • White Knight
    An amusing comedy of errors, but you've shoveled it on a little thick.  You can ...
  • Rough Justice
    There is really no surprise to the twist, especially with the repeated use of "p ...
  • A Listless Carol
    I think the word you were searching for, Chris, is 'Bazinga!'  Although I don't ...
  • I Imagine My World
    Don't know if you ever read the books based on the MYST video game, but they had ...
  • The Color of Light
    I'm liking how Jay is on the edge here.  We really want to see him tipped toward ...
  • Drink with the guys
    I was going to add stars, but then I figured God might not have made them yet.
  • Parts of my Necromancer Project
    I have no experience writing out of sequence.  I either plan furiously and then ...
  • The Color of Light
    You've scrapped opening with those other chapters?  I thought it was good to see ...
  • The Color of Light
    Everyone who hasn't read the beginning is missing out on Jay's beautiful soul, b ...
  • Bird Watcher
    Echoes of the Silent Spring crisis.  Makes me think that someday, the only anima ...
  • Nightfall
    ¡No comprendo!
  • Mermaid Wishes
    Much improved - we now have a small bit of action that explains the brevity of t ...
  • The Love of a Mother
    An unusual side of love, and I think we miss understanding the brutality of the ...
  • Coming Home to Roost
    I kept picturing this collision occurring at night and wondered how he could hav ...
  • Victim of Circumstance
    Salvage - the prologue? Got it in my head that Gadd was Irish - something about ...
  • Confronting the Empath
    I think you have a great basis here, and a powerful finish, but it gets a little ...
  • Tick Tock
    Sometimes the most obvious solution is the one we overlook.  Of course, plugging ...
  • Time is Silent
    Actually Chris, the ending -os is not an indicator of gender, it tells the Greek ...
  • Heat
    Clever - of course, developmentally many people, both men and women, confuse the ...
  • Master Perkin's Slave Plantation
    This doesn't really work for me.  Not because I have any doubt that instances li ...
  • Taking After My Old Man (Revised)
    This is what recovery is all about: owning the past, being willing to admit weak ...
  • Quitter
    As soon as it became apparent there was a quitting addiction, there was only one ...
  • Yours Truly, A Rewriter
    Also (for the sake of irony) you mistook except for accept.  And that, unfortuna ...
  • Hungry
    Dr. Gabor Maté writes about this type of thinking in his book, "In the Realm of ...
  • The Right Kind of Whispers
    Of course poetry is less accessible than prose, but that doesn't mean you can't ...
  • Long Winter's Night
    Even heroes need some Christmas cheer.  I think leaving the superpowers in drags ...
  • For the Love of Christmas
    Just remember, Sue, perfect pastry is one part liquid, two parts fat, three part ...
  • Heart of a Hustler
    It starts off as an "Oh poor me" story but then the more subtle aspects of the c ...
  • x
    Well, you tried to create a story using song lyrics, and it is largely successfu ...
  • The Cateyville Baptist Church Brawl
    Oh Phil, you fool.  Not sure who would be daft enough to try to propose without ...
  • Raunchy Night
    A touch of humor in this submission - not something I've really seen from you be ...
  • The Butchers Son
    Way to go Ken.  Well deserved runner-up spot, what with the authentic language a ...
  • If I kiss you where it's sore
    Sorry Jules, the first rule of no-full-stop club is you don't talk about it.
  • Mud
    Dark and grim, although the ending seems such a far cry from the rest of the nar ...
  • Act of Remembrance
    Cute.  You have such a way at capturing the idyllic scenery of rural life.  One ...
  • x
    It seems to me that you have spent too much time trying to develop an intricate ...
  • The Brother and Sister
    Not familiar with the original story, Sue, but I like what you've done here, pre ...
  • Failed Instinct
    The ending seems a little rushed.  You set up the atmosphere of Halloween night, ...
  • The Door Of Possibilities
    One has to wonder what will happen on the wedding night when the prince discover ...
  • Snow White and Dunkel
    Dark, disturbing, and yet capturing both the magical whimsy (why should eating a ...
  • Belle
    Interesting interpretation of the tale, and certainly a switch from the usual na ...
  • Snow White
    No happy endings here (except in the Red Apple Room).  Suitably sick and twisted ...
  • Goodness is Blind
    At first, even knowing how the story ended, I stumbled over the phrase, "always ...
  • Hoodie (revised 09/29/14)
    A couple more suggestions to maintain the clinical, detached observations.  Any ...
  • Goodness is Blind
    A cynical archangel?  Tired of the endless struggle, perhaps.  I wasn't sure tha ...
  • Falling Without a Sound
    Very well written, capturing the pathos of the main character as he struggles to ...
  • Party time
    Interesting interaction with the unnamed third party asking the questions.  I di ...
  • Cupitorverum
    You have an interesting cast of characters, a clever metaplot and some fascinati ...
  • Spanner Jones and the Bolivian Hail Mary
    Interesting story, although there seems to be a lot of leading the reader to a p ...
  • Jessie's Smile
    I liked this story and it really inhabits the steampunk environment.  A lot of p ...
  • I am
    The idea was to present a speech or a story wherein the speech form the central ...
  • Ultimate Freedom (revised 7/29/14)
    It's the self talk in between the speech that really makes this work shine.    J ...
  • x
    * and that the accuser suffered as a result of that failure
  • x
    You use a lot of examples of personal liberties, to the point where it stops bei ...
  • A Dreamer's Summit
    Good story, focused around an inspiring speech on freedom.  I'd say that you met ...
  • Doppler Feelings Log, January 12, 2013(Revised 6/23/14)
    I think, when you revise this story, because this is a mental log on the implant ...
  • At Sea (Revision #?)
    "Not caring if I could hear my voice, I started talking to her" "I let out a sta ...
  • Trapped (Rev 6 - 15 days left)
    Interesting story - deduction through analyzing the experience, and it certainly ...
  • The Pink Ballerina Room (Revised)
    Article link: http://www.bmj.com/content/348/bmj.g366 If you Google, "Mammograph ...
  • Family Breakfast
    Taken to the extreme, this shows the absurdity of inclusivism - that everyone is ...
  • Half-life of the Heart
    pastery - patisserie or pastry?  Interesting story, although I don't know that w ...
  • A thoroughly nice chap
    Good set up, and from the start I was wondering where the story would go.  You h ...
  • Hope
    You have an interesting story, but it's like two different submissions.  I think ...
  • I got twenty-eight problems but a... Oh, never mind...
    I'm confused. Is he supposed to squeeze the turtle or the aquarium to clean it, ...
  • An Unsuprisingly Suprising Change to Life
    Aside from being quite hilarious, you do have to be careful about derivations of ...
  • Huck and Lolita
    Returning to your comedic roots, I see.  Just a couple things that threw me. "as ...
  • The Super-Secret Misadventures of Agent Dareo Hithun
    Interesting submission, but you lost me at the dialogue.  It feels awkward and s ...
  • Only One Way to Go
    I was concerned as soon as the viewpoint switched that it would pull me out of t ...
  • Eloise
    So, what happend to Bob that leaves Dave manning the helm?  I think he'd have so ...
  • Twenty-eight
    This is a beautiful an amazing story, full of excellent description and characte ...
  • Mr. Brightside
    The opening paragraph made it seem that this was coming from the perspective of ...
  • Burn, baby, burn (revised Jan 17)
    Your story has more humanity now, but the backstory and science explanations fee ...
  • Soldier
    There comes a point where the need to describe every action or motion with simil ...
  • Mother (Revised)
    I think there is a little too much monologue at the beginning before we get into ...
  • Lucky Man
    Clever humor juxtaposing the inner monologue with the spoken comments.  His snar ...
  • Dog-like
    If Alina missed the joke, then it will probably go over most people's heads (she ...
  • A Modern Day Christmas Carol
    Let's be honest, it'll taker a lot more than three spectres to make a miserly ol ...
  • The Legend of Lizzie Dearheart
    While the story itself is gripping and the character of Lizzie is well-presented ...
  • The Christmas Sting
    From the title, I expected something like this, but it was well told nonetheless ...
  • The Christmas Deal
    I'll be honest, I thought that the story was going to be a Christmas version of ...
  • A Gift Unto The World
    A riveting read that (apart from some formatting issues) seemed relatively free ...
  • Tiny Tim's Covenant
    The reader can easily guess the moment Bob Cratchit steps inside the house that ...
  • One born every minute
    Very funny, irreverent, and something I would hold in the same genre as The Life ...
  • Ex Maria Virgine
    That is quite the retelling.  Real characters, real emotions.  A little confusin ...
  • A Silent Night
    Interesting story, although the pantomime dragged on a little long.  Joseph may ...
  • A Town of a Thousand Names
    Fascinating, full of depth and character, but without any real connection to the ...
  • Throne
    Like sigmundsquirrel, I was also confused by the words you chose to show the wom ...
  • Angels in the Crosshairs
    You have a good opening, with enough character and setting to make me want to ke ...
  • Bizarre
    The problem I have with this is that there are two obvious sexual sadists gettin ...
  • The Problem with Survival
    Glass half empty and glass half full meet over a desolate wasteland.  Enough ten ...
  • Myth: A Heroes Awakening
    Starting the story with such an idyllic scene really robs your story of interest ...
  • Memoir of an Urban Addict on the Road Again  (Book 2 On RVing Time Series)
    While you have done a great job of setting the scene and intorducing characters ...
  • Cassia
    What the hell?  Where did those extra words come from?  I swear they weren't the ...
  • The Mortecarni
    Gripping start to a familiar tale. While a little predictable, it is difficult t ...
  • The Goddess of Miami chapter one
    Rich in visual description, but lacking in other sensation.  With a cigar-smokin ...
  • Revel
    Other than changing the victim's name halfway through the narrative, this was ee ...
  • Pandora's Damnation
    See Alec, the Pythons have given a plethora of great insults.  Anyone who disagr ...
  • The angels have left.
    Strange that in such a terribly dark way, the narrator captures the true meaning ...
  • Bleeding Souls
    Before I go on to praise the rest of your work, that line from Hamlet is not its ...
  • Unmoored
    Those of us who have read your previous submission have come to expect compellin ...
  • The Sapling
    Interesting story, I've always beleived that if there's intelligent life out the ...
  • The Beginning
    One little nit: "The keypad chimed its familiar darkly tune" I believe it should ...
  • 13
    I think it was Orson Scott Card that said horror is the awful thing that happens ...
  • Rite of Passage
    It's almost like you have too much going on in this sub.  While it's amusing tha ...
  • HOWL
    An interesting story, going full throttle to fear.  I have some incredulity over ...
  • Edit Please.
    One suggestion that I have employed is to start at the last sentence and work ba ...
  • Lupe Lumina
    The first part was very reminiscent of far too many sci-fi stories, and I was th ...
  • * Poveglia Island *
    As always, I choose to disagree on ING and LY words.  LY typically signifies an ...
  • Luna's Reaper
    I've read this through a half-dozen times trying to decide what I think of it. ...
  • Bad Blood
    Still a great story, although there's one line missing that I thought was really ...
  • An Ancient Evil
    Only you would have the audacity to turn a horror show into a love story (you an ...
  • As If
    You do a good job of presenting the people in the classroom.  So well, in fact, ...
  • Illusions
    The best thing that this story has is the empathy your protagonist has for her e ...
  • My First Love
    Ahh boys and their love of hot rods.  There will always be some sort of pissing ...
  • x
    The ending is not quite there.  You have followed Tom on his journey and suddenl ...
  • Standing Up
    One way that I learned to parse grammar and spelling was to start at the back an ...
  • Recognition
    Did she lose her two marks for not including a comma to separate subjunctive cla ...
  • May I...
    There is a good story here, it just needs a little polish to shine.  You have ca ...
  • 10 Pin
    I'm sorry to say this but your spelling and grammar made the story very difficul ...
  • Chapter 1-
         I like where the story is going but it gets bogged down by the language.  S ...
  • The End
    Short, sweet and to the point.  There is still room to add a little more.  "I st ...
  • x
    Much better.  The story is more believable, allowing Tom to display his charm an ...
  • Beside The Tree
    I agree with William_Stone - this is a good starting point but needs revision to ...
  • FIRST KISS
    Score one for high school romance beating the odds and surviving - although as a ...
  • April is the Cruelest Month (A song)
    This was different.  I had to read a few times and wait while it sunk in before ...
  • First Kiss
    Wow, what a brilliant and enchanting tale.  The voice and the mythos make the se ...
  • Love Changes Everything
    Well, at least I can hope for runner-up.  Next month, I'm writing something sent ...
  • The Worst 48 Hours
    Cute.  Up until the last paragraph, I wasn't sure where the story was going.  Th ...
  • The Love that Kills
    Action-packed and full of tension.  The whole story seems to be going somewhere ...
  • Flea Market Treasures
    Interesting story, and I like how it builds to the climax with the series of bad ...
  • Skittles
    I think it was better without the introduction.  I liked that it launched into t ...
  • Skittles
    Cute.  A little confusing, but I loved the jumble of pop culture.
  • Arnie Plumpton and the Vending Machine Bandit
    Brilliant and enjoyable.  Quite a laugh - of course, the 'stooped figure' in the ...
  • Chapter 1
    Okay, so I would really like ot get into this story because I think it has poten ...
  • Chapter One
    I like where the story is going.  Reminds me of Sylar from Heroes.  I just hope ...
  • The Long Black Train
    While I can understand your desire to move us from the present world until the m ...
  • 2. Chapter 1
    Despite the fact that you have clearly cut down this chapter from the last feedb ...