Sprayoncrayon's Compliments

Compliments:  296

Last Compliment: 9/26/2017

Helpful (296)

Project Reviews

Submission Reviews

  • The Spoon Prince
    One of the things we writers do on this site, regardless of the contest, is to h ...
  • Firelight and Passion
    If they're asking for a "scene" only, then my submission is also outside of the ...
  • Crystal
    I've read enough of your work, Tony, to know where this was going before it got ...
  • Firelight and Passion
    Because the other version carries more of the lead-up, we understand more of why ...
  • Tasty Morsels
    I think it works, because this keeps the action and description limited to one p ...
  • Tasty Morsels
    I like your new profile picture.  Not sure about the ending.  I think it would h ...
  • Tasty Morsels
    "You've got 1,000 words to tickle our taste buds with. We'll be looking for grea ...
  • Where is HaShem?
    It seems a little incongruous for the narrator to vehemently deny YHWH and then ...
  • If It Takes a Little While
    You taught me a new word, Tony.  I'd never heard or read conurbation before and ...
  • Thinning the Herd
    Also, the mayor was a bit of a caricature, having little personality besides, "f ...
  • Final Descent
    The casual, slow descent into rationalized murder is both creepy and surreal.  I ...
  • Trial by Hak’enra.
    Hi Fiona. Even if you hadn't indicated that this was part of a larger work, it h ...
  • Closure
    Good characters are always about good motives.  We fully appreciate hers - about ...
  • KPriam@Dimension2.com
    I think it would have been more convincing if Kassandra had offered a more plaus ...
  • The Book
    From the moment where the boy started to resemble the woman who had adopted him, ...
  • Imprint
    I think the writing in this one is better than The Jimmys, and with fewer charac ...
  • The Jimmys
    Still a little cross-over in dialogue, but it's easier to picture which James is ...
  • Rewritten Fate
    It's complex, and yet, seems a little cliche.  Maybe it because you're using tro ...
  • Good Evening
    I'm not exactly sure how taking the life would set things right.  It's not expli ...
  • Until the Darkness is Gone
    I like the integration of lyric composition with the event narration, how life i ...
  • The Parore
    What depth, weaving Frank's distant past, failed relationships and present circu ...
  • The Raiders
    Hmm, I didn't have trouble grasping the setting, but I wondered why she was stic ...
  • Playing House
    Chris, I think the issue that people are stumbling over is that you have an unre ...
  • Waiting
    Hi Neil,      An interesting approach to the story, using a previous submission ...
  • Francine
    "'Geezy peazy.' she shrugged." should either be "'Geezy peazy.' She shrugged." o ...
  • Traditions
    It's definitely clearer where the line between alternate reality and fiction exi ...
  • Pirates in New York
    My father loved Stan Rogers, so the whole time I was reading, I had "Barrett's P ...
  • A New Anhai
    An interesting and extremely well-told story.  The only part that was difficult ...
  • The Treaty of Ghent
    As much as we the audience better understand for you giving it, there is no just ...
  • Diana
    Wow, that was not just an alternate ending for Diana, but for Donald as well.  N ...
  • A Damn Mess
    Title suggestion: "Snakeriledge"
  • The Treaty of Ghent
    I think you could sort the first point by amending the line breaks: "Inspector T ...
  • Nothing
    Have you seen Looper?  The story works at first, until you start thinking about ...
  • Halloweens Hole to Hell
    We've seen Colton before, haven't we?  Something about needing a spring for an E ...
  • The Piper
    Damn, a couple hundred more words to cut, but not an inch to spare.  Well writte ...
  • Medieval (revised)
    Unless Sheila is mental as well, I think she should be less concerned with hurti ...
  • MetaWriting
    It's well written, but I'm missing the writing prompt phrase.  Also, there doesn ...
  • Meeting Dylan Thomas
    The best moments in this sub are the memories poking through his consciousness a ...
  • Snow-blind
    It's hard to form an emotional connection to a character that doesn't exhibit an ...
  • Down Texas Way
    Well, it's a story, and it has that authentic flavor to it, but I kind of wonder ...
  • Depths
    Ia! Ia! and all that.  I knew where this one was going pretty much from the outs ...
  • Babysitter Betrayal
    I have to disagree with the others here.  It feels ... artificial. Like you knew ...
  • Disclosure
    I feel like Melody has been mis-characterized. She is thirteen, but uses vocabul ...
  • Forgiveness, Part Two: The Plot
    You know who you need to deal with a box, right?  Pandora.  Of course, she would ...
  • Super Heroes
    Good story, but could use a little cleanup.  Who is Smith and why does she need ...
  • Frankenstein Immortal (fragment)
    It's been awhile since I read Shelley's classic, but I feel like you have captur ...
  • Count to Five
    Just re-read, and you may want to re-word the fight scene, as the word "wire" is ...
  • Alone and free
    May I suggest that you copy your story into an English word processing program a ...
  • A Beautiful Picnic
    I thought it was fairly obvious early on that it was a bee, and so all attempts ...
  • The Vinaigrette Vignette
    What are the odds of finding a salad fetishist to share with.  The protagonist s ...
  • Last Dance
    I think it's the "droplets of liquid land" that is causing me the problem.  "dro ...
  • Last Dance
    Very gritty vignette from you Alec, and white there were some phrases that were ...
  • The Passing Suite
    If you're going to cut, drop the opening, and start with Millie standing.  We le ...
  • The Virgin's Story - Revision 2
    Tony, "As she was driving back to her small apartment, Mapia though about that t ...
  • Chapter 1: Lights Out
         I disagree with Richard.  The prologue can serve a purpose by introducing a ...
  • Knock on Wood
    Somewhat surreal, like a dreamscape that Jeffrey and the tall man are sharing. ...
  • The Curse Weaver
    It has atmosphere ... but the characters (usually your strong suit) are forgetta ...
  • Springtime in Vegas
    Read the story and all the comments.  It seems that there is an expectation that ...
  • Digital Spring
    Revenge of the anti-Luddite.  I think it might be better to have Sydney making h ...
  • Evil Coltneivel
    I see you've cleaned up the speech a little to make it more readable without giv ...
  • She
    I didn't have any trouble following that She had been a human sacrificed for the ...
  • The Seasonal Town
    You had me, up until the story started droning on about birds, and then I got bo ...
  • New Life
    We conjecture the existences of are other universes beyond ours that create the ...
  • Endometriosis
    I would presume that the number one thing any woman suffering this condition wou ...
  • Devolved
    Do all Pathics share one voice?  It becomes difficult to distinguish which one i ...
  • Paint the Tiger Purple
    Clever story, kind of reminds me of that Dr. Who episode, "Fear The Girl" but I ...
  • Sleeping like a baby
    I'm not sure I understand the point of your story.  It seems to be nonsense ramb ...
  • Forsaken State of Unrest
    You have a lot of action going on in this story, but you haven't really establis ...
  • Shortsteam to Vega 3
    Good story, and the lingo makes it real.  Like diving into cyberpunk - you don't ...
  • For the Man Who Has Everything
    Perhaps if Larry shows the device screen to the Genie, who sees "Twitter" and th ...
  • Routine
    Like others, I felt the disconnect between "third time this week" and "previousl ...
  • Chapter 1
    You have the workings of a good story here, both the coping mechanisms developed ...
  • Where the Flames Glow Blue
    There are a few too many nonsense words for such a short story.  Zobby, Boryx, Z ...
  • For the Man Who Has Everything
    Amusing story, and there's no point picking nits.  Comedy is more forgiving than ...
  • Chapter 2-
    It's been awhile since I reviewed your work.  This chapter is all over the place ...
  • One Beyond Doubt
    According to Sue's punctuation rules, your penultimate phrase is also grammatica ...
  • The secret the storm hides
    Really not sure what is going on in your story.  It seems very disjointed, like ...
  • Redux
    Gamble away, LP.  I think, because the professor is bemoaning the fact the time ...
  • The Bartender
    Hi Kristy,      Generally when one is moving from dialogue to the tag that expla ...
  • Epiphany
    The similarity between desert and dessert still doesn't allow for this opening a ...
  • One man's soul
    Sorry Sam, I'm not seeing how the meaning of the sentence changes from the begin ...
  • Evil Bastards
    Just a couple things to help you clean this up:  The sides of my sofa were shrea ...
  • Seriously!
    Agree with Lionel that your punctuation prevents it from being the same sentence ...
  • Stalemate
    Oh, you rule-breaker, you.  I admit, part way in, I got bored and skipped to the ...
  • x
    I keep coming back to this one, not necessarily because you've made changes, or ...
  • Anger Redirected
    I'm not sure I follow what's going on here. You have these vignettes that are su ...
  • Full Circle
    Not entirely sure that the meaning changes between the first and last sentence, ...
  • Palindrome
    I have to press the point, "At that instant he walked through the lobby, time be ...
  • Palindrome
    The execution only needs a few tweaks to make it clear what triggers the reversa ...
  • Oh, Shooter...
    Got to say, two lines in and I knew where this would end. Not that it's a bad ta ...
  • Chapter 1 (revised)
    There is a significant information dump after, "I thought about what led me out ...
  • Confession of a Victim of Rape
    I like the re-write, you have a much more purposeful segment of text - that is, ...
  • Chapter 1
    Hi Sam.  There is a lot here that needs work, and a lot you could learn about wr ...
  • Confession of a Victim of Rape
    I'm not really clear on what triggers this scene.  Is this the first time Kitty ...
  • Case Closed!
    A lot of detail, twists, and turns.  Not sure what to think of the tone of the s ...
  • confession song #2 - I Liked Us Better Then
    True, Tony.  But WeBook is a medium for the written word.
  • The Sins We Carry
    Captivating opening, and the story that follows doesn't disappoint.  Strong char ...
  • Stiff upper lip
    "Sudden screams came from beyond the door Herman had left through."  Ooh, ending ...
  • Stiff upper lip
    "should have been working", Chris.  Should have.  How many times are we going to ...
  • Endurance
    Just a thought, "Please go and look I don’t think he’s very well" needs some kin ...
  • The Truth
    I like that you have avoided the police confession, as that didn't sit very well ...
  • Son
    I think what makes it a challenge for me to understand is the level of awareness ...
  • I'm Not Crazy
    Good sub, and funny.  As was pointed out, the ending was a little predictable, b ...
  • The Oldest Profession 10
    Best way, start a new project page and add all your chapters.  Then troll the fo ...
  • The Oldest Profession 10
    Skipped to the end, just to see if this was still a work in progress.  Since thi ...
  • Monopoly
    That is some story.  Not sure who to trust at first, since Blaire seems so genui ...
  • On Safari
    So here's the thing, Keberly: you have a spate of stories with familiar twists, ...
  • In A Pinch
    Why is it that you never see Asians walking around with English words tattooed o ...
  • Haunted in a Good Way (revised)
    A heartwarming twist.  Well, that was unexpected, with everyone else trying to p ...
  • Soror
    Cool story, Igor, although I found the use of repeated words to be distracting ( ...
  • The Look
    Good twist.  Nothing in the earlier tale even hinted that he could not see, but ...
  • Death's Daughter
    One more thing to consider: why did you switch from first person perspective to ...
  • Death's Daughter
    Amen, sister.   That`s what we`re all working on - just get the words on the pag ...
  • Click! (Reviewed)
    Say, Ronnie, does your "tonic" involve gin as well?  I've heard that works.  Eve ...
  • The Last Deception, Part II, 1968
    I'm not really seeing the action and adrenaline here.  As per the challenge brie ...
  • Never Look Back
    Hi Kristy, this is certainly dark, and a familiar topic from you, but that doesn ...
  • Click! (Reviewed)
    Rereading I noticed, "She must of startled" --> must have.    Also, it's one of ...
  • It's a Sin To Kill
    I, too, was confused by the relationships.  I thought from the way that Atticus ...
  • The Pact
    I understand the story you're telling but am having trouble with the suspension ...
  • Drink with the guys
    All kinds of heresy going on here.  Make sure you remove your lightning-receptiv ...
  • Give a Dog a Bone
    I'm still not sure whether I'm supposed to like George or be waiting on bated br ...
  • I used to love men
    Just read through, and I'm intrigued.  I have some suspicions already about what ...
  • To Have and to Hold
    And here I thought I had a chance of winning this month's challenge, but no.  Yo ...
  • Summit
    Good start, and a lot more gritty than the short this was based on.    Just a th ...
  • Coming Home to Roost
    Did you accidentally change your submission title to a misspelling or was it alw ...
  • Attempting to Rob Taco Bell
    There seems to be some jumble in all the ideas you are trying to get on the page ...
  • Confronting the Empath
    There is this excellent kernel at the heart of the story - anger burns the empat ...
  • Think of the Children
    There is something about the beginning, prior to the flashback, that doesn't qui ...
  • The Honour of Kings
    Having read excerpt (including a previously posted version), I have to say that ...
  • Bang
    You have a good story here, and its only a few quibbles with sentence structure ...
  • The Heart of Time
    This feels like the denouement after an epic.  And that is just fine.  What is i ...
  • Bad News
    Interesting story, but I'm not quite sure about the ending.  For one, I'm not en ...
  • Eternity
    Not seeing the stopped timepiece here but the story told is probably your best w ...
  • Timothy took his time to school
    Or instead, have it a hypothesis rather than a statement:  " ‘Perhaps there’s a ...
  • Timothy took his time to school
    Just throw in words like "gravitational time dilation" and how the Arcadia is th ...
  • Time is Silent
    Brilliant, and typical of your writing, it wraps lovingly around the ordinary to ...
  • I Am A Living Hermit
    Read the earliest post; this one is completely different.  I had trouble underst ...
  • Thana's Plea
    Interesting story, but I'm left wondering if it was necessary to include so much ...
  • Thana's Plea
    Also, I noticed a verb-tense shift in "Acquiring it was difficult and costly, bu ...
  • Hungry
    Not sure what the addiction is, maybe I'm missing the obvious (or the subtle). ...
  • Just One More Time
    Definitely starts with a "vegan vampire" feel - you know the trope, anything to ...
  • Hunting
    Cute little story, but I don't really see the compulsion manifested.  There does ...
  • Chapter 2 (revised)
    I almost think, given the length of the first chapter, and the difference betwee ...
  • Chapter 1 (revised)
    Good writing - you present characters that are believable, with credible actions ...
  • Prologue (revised)
    I found the story interesting, although based on the book summary, I didn't have ...
  • Behaving Badly at Christmas
    Where did all this buying-stuff-for-Christmas nonsense come from anyway?  When d ...
  • Family Times
    This seems to be largely describing a series of events, rather than "a story tha ...
  • Family Christmas?
    The story doesn't seem to have very good flow.  There are a lot of events that b ...
  • Traditions
    Good title; Tevye would be proud
  • Traditions
    Not sure I'm a fan of the title change.  If you were going to amend it, I would ...
  • On the possession and ritual slaughter of hermaphrodite pigs
    So everyone else has nothing but praise, I guess it falls to me to pick nits (le ...
  • Kristday
    Irreverent, imaginative, and a great story too.  Like Ken, I wondered at the sud ...
  • Christmas Spirit
    Interesting reflection, not just looking back at the year that was, but also on ...
  • Gimme Shelter
    Does the brand of the beer make a difference?  Does it mean something to him, or ...
  • Gimme Shelter
    So maybe, "The bottle was upside down spewing suds across the floor" would limit ...
  • Chronicle of Immortality: Matthew
    Maybe I'm missing what AlecS found so enthralling, but I would think when introd ...
  • Drifting
    I don't envy the judges' job this month.  A lot of hard-hitting submissions so f ...
  • Mud
    Or maybe I'm just missing his sense of personal responsibility for the disaster. ...
  • Mud
    If you are intent to retain the suicide at the end, and mark it as a self-indulg ...
  • The Party
    I had the same impression as Alec with the gas truck.  Maybe something about "on ...
  • The Party
    I would think, if this was an excuse to get everyone outdoors, that they would h ...
  • Gimme Shelter
    Some of the power of the original piece is gone after that last edit.  My opinio ...
  • Gimme Shelter
    Wow, what a story.  Everything told like the details of a slow motion film, spin ...
  • Static
    Atmospheric and definitely filled with the terror of the unknown.  Neither the p ...
  • Step by Step
    Read this at first posting, and I see you have replaced the last line with somet ...
  • The Butchers Son
    Strange tale that captures the language and tone of the Grimm tales.  Some of th ...
  • The Tower
    So...if her hair is in the room with her, preventing her from a whole lot of mov ...
  • The Halloween Show
    Something got lost in the rewrite - how the treats the children took influence w ...
  • Goodness is Blind
    Maybe you could contrast the type of good that refuses to accept evil (I'm think ...
  • Hoodie (revised 09/29/14)
    Only you, Tony, would try something like this.  I would highly recommend, though ...
  • Falling Without a Sound
    Of course, if Jared isn't concerned about subtlety, he could always break the wi ...
  • The Pearl
    " 'You don’t have the guts,' he’d boasted… and he’d been wrong." What if you use ...
  • Father Through Son(Mirror)
    Good story, full of trauma, desperation, a huge dose of reality, and hope.  One ...
  • Honorable Men.. revised.
    Diesel oil fired ships and submarines means that this is definitely not steampun ...
  • Collision
    The atmosphere in your story is not an issue; you have what's needed to pull us ...
  • Voyage's End
    You paint an interesting steampunk world, complete with radar and some sort of i ...
  • Freedom
    I'm a fan of twist endings, but sometimes they come across as a sympathy suckerp ...
  • Close your eyes and think of England
    Since you feel you can't change the phraseology, the second option to avoid repe ...
  • Bluster and Bravado
    I don't think that it makes a difference if this is a slice from a larger work b ...
  • The World Without Cats
    I like your story, it is comedy of the absurd - that aliens would want to come t ...
  • Adulthood is Overrated
    I'll be honest, I kind of skimmed the second big paragraph of her speech because ...
  • 31 May, 1962, Ramla, Israel
    As God-fearing people, it is difficult to condemn to die.  The Prophets tell us, ...
  • It's About Remembering What Came Before You...
    "go out there and destory the enemy"  That's right.  We're going to seize their ...
  • Ms. Priggle's Swim
    I have watched a platypus swim and it's quite a lot less graceful than you descr ...
  • Doppler Feelings Log, January 12, 2013(Revised 6/23/14)
    Okay, so you've done away with the explanations that would be redundant to those ...
  • A Passing (Revised)
    That's quite the expansion - you have definitely worked more into it, and althou ...
  • What is Love?
    I'll be honest.  The story didn't work for me.  The language and actions of the ...
  • August 29th, 1916.
    Hi Shai,      You have an interesting piece here, and dying seems to be a common ...
  • Enough to get by
    The submission guidelines read, "This month, we are challenging you to write a s ...
  • Puddle of You
    Post apocalyptic is always a difficult setting, and moreso because you are tryin ...
  • Doppler Feelings Log, January 12, 2013(Revised 6/23/14)
    Interesting story. I like the whole approach to avoiding the science discussion ...
  • A Passing (Revised)
    Naturally, writing at the moment of death requires present tense, and you do a g ...
  • Hay Fever's a Bitch
    Hi Adam,       Cute little story about snotting someone else, and having never h ...
  • Bound
    Dark and disturbing, but well told to eliminate sight and sound.  Somehow, thoug ...
  • Pleasurable Pain (Revision 1)
    50 shades of good writing.  Your descriptions really draw the reader into the mo ...
  • Dark Gift (Revision 1)
    Sometimes the Webook counter is a little bit off.  Sometimes it is way out in le ...
  • His Sensual Touch
    So you have the beginnings of a good love story (or something steamier) but you ...
  • At Sea (Revision #?)
    You still have a few auditory cues, even if there is no described sound.  "my ea ...
  • Taste My Fist, Wizard
    This is a good rewrite, eliminating the visual and auditory descriptions.  One t ...
  • All By Myself
    My only suggestion is to make it clear earlier that it's a brother/sister relati ...
  • Taste My Fist, Wizard
    I'm not sure that every protagonist has to be unable to see, they just need to d ...
  • Coffee (Revised)
    I really like this.  I know I have been critical of the formatting (sentence str ...
  • It's All in the Details
    Interesting story, and while the words are used well, I also experienced a disco ...
  • The Naked Aphrodite
    It's always interesting to read a story told in epistolary form, but I wonder th ...
  • The Wait
    Just spotted: "a little white lie isn’t the end of the word" world?
  • Stanley the Gentleman (Revised)
    You have room to embellish this account and testament to Stanley's life.  You ha ...
  • Love In The Snow
    Don't be sorry. Just read the comments and criticisms, think about them, and the ...
  • Love In The Snow
    Glad to see that you're listening and taking the criticism as advice and not off ...
  • Asha
    One thing I noticed is that you use "Kirra" and "she" exclusively to describe he ...
  • Deadly Angel
    Excellent story of betrayal, revenge, and irrational overreaction.  I got past t ...
  • Asha
    Hi Jesk,       Thanks for sharing this piece.  It is an interesting story that t ...
  • The Hardest Task
    Yup, that takes care of it handily.
  • Secrets
    You've done a good job of keeping the juxtaposition without the judgement.  Kudo ...
  • Aerial Clash
    Good story and well told, lots of action and characterization.  I felt that the ...
  • Grievance
    Brilliant and tragic, rescued at the end from an unhappy conclusion.  I felt tha ...
  • Secrets
    Hi Kristy,      Instead of using the expression, "Unlike most cutters," you coul ...
  • Stanley the Gentleman
    While I take no umbrage at the sappy sentimentality that is in this piece, and i ...
  • It's What's on the Inside That Counts
    Interesting read, and very good, concise story about the man's accomplishment (y ...
  • Angel of Death
    Like last month, you have a strong story that needs a quick revision for grammar ...
  • A Boy, Waiting
    Well written, descriptive, and aptly capturing the struggle of a boy wanting to ...
  • Stranded
    The power of this story is in evoking all that went before.  While there is noth ...
  • Rahab
    Rebirth from a life being indentured to one of the heroes of the Bible.  You hav ...
  • Hushabye Mountain
    I want to leave an encouraging comment, letting you know that this is well writt ...
  • Becoming Myself
    Great story and well told.  The transition between the two is seamless and we ge ...
  • Reborn
    I'll disagree with Ernest_Lee here.  While the comments may be less than laugh-o ...
  • Sister Rivalry
    Good story, well-told.  Just needs a review for spelling and grammar.    She was ...
  • Interstices
    Cindi_Green has it right.  Your sentence should read, "he desired others to see ...
  • Themistocles
    Some of your rhymes seem forced "All the athenian hes / men who consumed es" and ...
  • Mist
    The opening paragraph is great, but you follow with far too much description and ...
  • The Long Yesterday (Revised)
    That's an interesting take on rebirth, and it comes across as poignant and perso ...
  • The Magic Of The Stage
    The only part that really threw me was the narrator relating the story seemed to ...
  • Re-re-rewind
    Somewhere in there is a Kharma Chameleon joke waiting to happen.  Still pretty f ...
  • A writer's rebirth
    The theme of rebirth was definitely captured here, and in a way that almost all ...
  • The Three Musketeers
    Both of the other comments here identify the one drawback of your narrative: thi ...
  • Burn, baby, burn (revised Jan 17)
    Interesting story - you have a particular voice that definitely comes across in ...
  • Call me Rudy
    "In 500-2000 words, create an alternative version of a traditional Christmas sto ...
  • True Love
    Perhaps instead of ladies' hanging, it could be dolls in tutus. Very realistic p ...
  • Chapter One
    A well constructed story with healthy doses of description and characterization. ...
  • Prologue
    Er - Kansas in the summer has a lake that can still freeze over?  You might want ...
  • Hydunkey ride
    Interesting modern take on the story, although with the number of submissions th ...
  • Their Final Christmas
    I seem to be missing the story that you are retelling here.  Among the spelling ...
  • THE STORY OF CHRISTMAS(IN MY OWN WORDS)
    First of all, this month's challenge is meant to be a place for works of fiction ...
  • Joulupukki
    A fascinating story, and while not connected to The traditional Christmas story, ...
  • We Need to Talk About Rudolph
    That's the kind of story I've been waiting for - Rudolph the villain.  Taking a ...
  • Hark now hear the angels sing
    There are many stories about the wise men from the East, but I'd never considere ...
  • A Charming Tale
    An interesting take with a somewhat Dickensian feel to your future.  I found Cha ...
  • And the Angel said... "Hiya!"
    Wow, that's a unique take on the story.  Drawing parallels aplenty, you have dra ...
  • The Great Light
    You seem to have a lot of research into the lives of the people at the time - it ...
  • Shifting Sands
    Having watched The Devil's Double, I could picture the scene, the tension in the ...
  • Stone Blood
    I', having difficulty empathizing and connecting with the character.  You have d ...
  • excerpt book 2, 'Subtleties of the Blood',
    Celtic warrior with a distinctly Eastern name?  Shouldn't it be Gawain, LLewelly ...
  • Zombies in the Mist: Memoirs of a Zombie Nymphomaniac
    You've created a whole new genre here: Horrorotica.  I've PM'd you my seggestion ...
  • Judge Eternity (fragment)
    preferred - proffered?  Interesting premise, the personification of Death instig ...
  • Visiting Lilly
    Good read, enough intrigue to hook the readers, and a few questions begging to b ...
  • The Adventures of Mr. Pibb
    You have certainly captured the voice of the character, especially his one-sided ...
  • Portals of Paradox Chapter One
    While you have done a great job of introducing character and voice, there seems ...
  • Pandora's Damnation
    I also thought this was about Persephone at first, until she started talking abo ...
  • High Moon
    An interesting piece, but there are some elements that keep it from really shini ...
  • Victoria
    I agree with Ernest_Lee - not only does the story build towards a climax that do ...
  • The River
    A novel story, and well told.  I like that the characters leap off the page, wit ...
  • The Gilded Mirror
    You have done a great job of presenting the imagery, especially the scenerey out ...
  • HOWL
    Maybe if Dave was an amateur shutterbug, or nature enthusiast, his first instinc ...
  • 13
    While this is definitely more horror-themed than your previous submission, it st ...
  • Review Others
    Webook also has a section on the Home page that allows you to see top reviewers. ...
  • Brainiacs
    Love the tongue-in-cheek humor, the sharp dialogue and the amusing allusions.  J ...
  • DUDE
    The story seems a little rushed and a lot disjointed.  I understand that prose i ...
  • Witches Brew
    Halloween erotica, without the associated horror.  Well done.  It took me a mome ...
  • Haunted
    Even something as simple as "I had a thing for Ava, even though she already had ...
  • I Heart Physiology
    Very clever, with the subtle transition from squeamish to fascinated.    I think ...
  • The Fix
    Nicely done Finn.  Knew there was a twist, even knew he was going to hide the bl ...
  • Anthropology 101
    Well written, with an excellent demonstration of the character.  I think Alina a ...
  • Elmer
    Cute little story.  There are some punctuation and grammar issues that could be ...
  • Biology
    I like the ending, althought the "first kiss" is somewhat overshadowed by the re ...
  • Dark With Wrath, Full of Rage
    Violent, gruesome and pushing the envelope of decency.   Kind of what we have co ...
  • The embrace.
    I'm a little confused about what is happening.  Apart from the structural and gr ...
  • First Kiss
    Very cute.  Just a couple of typos that would polish this work  reminicnace - re ...
  • First Kiss
    You have it now.  Coy flirting, animal attraction, pushing the bounds of public ...
  • Cool Blue Ion Trails
    Whoa.  Powerful read in such a short span.  Once again, you break the mould.  I' ...
  • x
    While LostViolet seems to be oversimplifying the narrative, it does seem a littl ...
  • First Kiss
    Great read.  You have done an excellent job of taking us inside the protagonist' ...
  • First Kiss?
    You have done a fabulous job, not only of telling a brilliant story in such a sh ...
  • First Kiss
    I like that this story is told in a matter-of-fact manner, because it ties into ...
  • Perfect First Kiss
    Great submission - you have done a really good job of focusing on the emotions, ...
  • Hope
    Thanks for the touching submission, it was a unique interpretation of the idea. ...
  • 25 Year Old Virgin
    You have this story of unfolding sexuality, from seedy high school parties and r ...
  • Dinner in Damascus
    An entertaining read - I had never thought about vampires in modern conflict, an ...
  • Life and Skittles
    You have a good story here - the character's voice really shows through.  The on ...
  • Drinking Games
    While this is a great idea, it is marred by the overabundance of short, choppy p ...
  • Changing Skies and Exploding Amulets
    I'm lost.  While this was an amusing - if disjointed - little tale with quite a ...
  • 1: Jay
    I had forgotten how good this was.  I especially like the difference in the way ...
  • 3. Chapter 2
    Obviously there has been a lot of change since the previous feedback was left. ...
  • Prologue
    Having read the story description before this chapter, I have to agree with Razi ...
  • 1: Blake's POV
    I love the way that you have captured Blake's feeling about the small town and t ...
  • Chapter Three
    Great chapter.  I felt like in this chapter, you knew where you were going, but ...
  • The First Dream
    This chapter was much improved over the first one.  There seemed to be more stru ...