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Posted: 5/24/2015 5:07 PM PDT
I think you're way of introducing the main character is a bit awkward. You can delete the sentence "Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Samantha Cobb. I’m fifteen years old and I live in the Village in New York." Since her name is mentioned else where, you don't need to introduce her that way. Instead, let the readers figure it out themselves. 
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Posted: 5/18/2015 11:26 AM PDT
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I know there are some grammar mistakes and I do intend to fix them. Here is the first chapter. I'm still thinking of a good name for the story.

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It was around 6:00 P.M. when I returned home from school today. I was out eating dinner with my friend, Chloe Cunningham.

Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Samantha Cobb. I’m fifteen years old and I live in the Village in New York.

I walk up the porch steps of my house, open up my backpack and took the keys out of it. My parents and I live in this old house.

The beige paint on the house is already starting to chip off and the doorknob is all rusted, which makes it hard to budge open.

After struggling to get the door opened, I walk inside. The door closes behind me with a loud creek as I dump my backpack by the door.

“Samantha, is that you?” My dad says while walking out of the living room.

I smile and said to him, “Yeah, daddy. I’m home!” I walked up to him and gave him a hug.

He lets go of me and says, “I’m so glad you’re home safe. You know you’re very important to me. I don’t want strange men in the streets to take advantage of you- which reminds me! No dating until you are eighteen years-“–I cut him off.

“–Okay! Okay dad! I get it! No dating until I am eighteen years old!”

He ruffles my hair and says to me, “That’s my girl! Love you.” He walks past me and goes upstairs.

My dad had always been over-protective of me. It could be because of the fact that I’m his only child but I guess it’s better to have an over-protective father than to not have one at all.

I follow my dad and I head up the stairs. My bedroom is all the way at the end of the hall on the left side. I walk inside my room and I shut the door.

It has been a very tough week for me. The school exams are coming up and everyone is going crazy about it. I plop down on my bed and I felt something fluffy underneath me.

Well that fluffy this is none other than my huskie, Jam.

“Jam! What are you doing on my bed again? Why don’t you go on mom and dad’s bed for a change?!” I asked my dog. Well… Just as I expected. Dogs can’t talk. Jam just gawked at me while I reprimanded him.

Jam jumps out of the bed and heads over to my bathroom… He’s always had a habit of doing that.

I finally drop down on my bed and I close my eyes for a bit. After a while, my phone starts to ring and vibrate in my pocket. It seems like luck isn’t on my side today.

I stare at my phone before picking it up. Chloe Cunningham. I forgot to tell you about her. Chloe has been my friend since 2 grade. Let me tell you one important thing about her… She is VERY annoying, she is very cocky and she’s very sarcastic. I don’t think I’ll be able to live with her for a whole week if she was my roommate. One time, when we were younger, Chloe and I had a sleepover on March 31… Five words: Worst. Night. Of. My. Life.

Anyways, I’m not a rude person so, I picked up my phone.

“What is it now, Chloe?” I asked her.

“Aw! You don’t sound very happy to hear from me, Sammy-Sam!” She says.

You see? This is exactly what I mean!

“Chloe, just cut to the chase, will ya?” I said.

“Geez, seems like you’re in no mood to take a joke.”–She says. “Well, I’ll just tell you now to get it over with. On the TV they’re playing a, “Nail Polish Today!” episode.”

I pause. Nail Polish Today… At night… Right now… I’m watching!

“W-wait, wait! They only play “Nail Polish Today!” on Saturdays and Sundays! Chloe, if this is a joke, I swear I will– “ Chloe cuts me off.

“–No! It’s not! They’re doing a marathon of it!–“

That’s all it took for me to hang up the phone on her.

I swing the door wide open as it hits the wall behind it. The episode of, “Nail Polish Today!” on the TV is probably one that I already saw a few weeks back. But, I don’t really mind. It’s awesome how the nail designers paint those cool designs on the nails of those girls.

While running down the stairs, I skip the last few steps by jumping over them. I landed with a loud, “Thump!” But other than that, I was safe. I continued running into the living room and slammed myself down on the couch whiling turning the TV on with the remote control. I watched a few episodes for several hours until my mom came back from watching a double feature with her friends.

“Sam, I’m back!” I heard her say while the door closed behind her with that familiar creek.

She came into the living room and I turned down the TV’s volume.

“Hey mom! How was the double feature?” I asked her while giving her a quick hug.

I can always rely on my mom when I need to talk with her or just ask her about something.

My mom lets go of me and starts to walk towards the kitchen.

“The double feature was good! I really enjoyed it!” She says.

I follow my mom into the kitchen and then she says, “Enough about me! How was your dinner with Chloe?”

I cross my arms and said, “How do you think it went?”

She started to laugh. “Let me guess… was it crazy?” She asked.

I smiled. She hit it spot on. “Yeah, you’re right! Chloe pulled the most classic prank on me. You know what she did?” I said.


Mom started to hold back another laugh, and asked, “What did she do?”

This has to be the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever said in my life.

“She played the “Whoopee Cushion,” prank on me.”

She didn’t even try to hold back her laughter this time. We talked for a few minutes before heading up the stairs to call it a night.

While I was walking down the hall, I heard my mom open up her bedroom door. I turn around and I wave my hand at her while saying, “Goodnight mom! Tell dad that I said goodnight!”

She waves back at me, smiles and says while entering her room, “Okay, sweetie, have a goodnig-“She stops herself.

I raise an eyebrow and I turn around to face her. “Is something wrong, mom?” I asked her.

She looks at me, than back at her room before looking back at me. I give her another confusing face. Then she finally decides to speak up.

“Where’s your father?” She asked me.

My heart starts to race as I power walk over to my mom while saying, “What are you talking about? I saw him enter his room a few hours back.”

She slowly starts to walk in her room and says, “Well, obviously, he left during the time you were watching that TV show-”

“-But I would’ve heard him!” I quickly retorted.

Mom looks at me and gives me a quick smile. “Don’t worry sweetie, maybe he left because a client called out for him or maybe he took the kitchen door to leave through the backyard.” Mom said.

Maybe I am over-thinking this. My dad always had a habit of leaving right away when his clients call… but he always tells us whenever he’s going out. Wait... maybe his phone died out! Yes, that could be it! I don’t have to worry so much! I start to head back into my room after I said goodnight to my mom.

Once I head inside my bathroom, I start to change into my pajamas which are on the floor. Yes, I am a messy person… don’t ask.

I brush my teeth and I leaped right into my bed. Right when I turn the lamp off and shut my eyes, my phone vibrates under my pillow. Chloe just always chooses the wrong time to call or text me. I still pick up my phone.

“Chloe… please just look at your clock every now-and-then!” I exclaimed.

She starts to laugh but, I can clearly hear her muffling it with her hands. I groan. 

“I’m hanging up!” I said with my finger on the, “End Call,” option.


WAIT!” Chloe screams right in her phone.

I officially hate this girl.

“What??” I asked while rubbing my face.

I hear her pause for a moment before she speaks up and says, “I can’t fall asleep.”

Yep, it’s gonna be one of these nights again. Let me explain, Chloe always calls me once or twice a month telling me that she can’t fall asleep. Of course, I always question it because she said that she loves to talk to me even when we are just watching TV together saying absolutely nothing.

“Well, I won’t be able to sleep if you keep me up like this.” I said.

I know she won’t give up that quickly. Chloe always puts up a fight before hanging up the phone… at least not today.

“Alright fine… I’ll let you sleep. Bye.” She said to me.

“Bye.” I reply back.

“Bye.” She says again.

“Bye.” I say back at her.

Then she says, “This is gonna go on forever, you know?”

I nod my head even though she can’t see it. I just hang up the phone on her and turn it off. I close my eyes once again and I finally get some sleep. The next morning comes sooner than I expected and I go about my morning routine. I eventually make it to my school. I open up my locker which is covered in pink. Yeah. Don’t judge.

While rummaging through my locker, I see Chloe walking up to me from my left. I give her a smile and I wave at her. She waves back and opens up her locker which is right behind mine.

“So, had a good night sleep?” She asks me.

I laugh seeing the reference she made.

“Yeah, more or less.” I reply back.

Chloe closes her locker and so do I. I turn around to walk towards her until I notice someone speeding right to my left. Before I even have time to react, I fall face first to the ground. Everything was in a blur until I hear Chloe yelling and screaming at this person who shoved me to the ground.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going, jerk! Don’t just go shoving people down in the halls!” Chloe screams at the person.

I look up to see a tall guy turning around, flinching from the noise Chloe was causing. The guy has glowing cerulean eyes which searches the whole area. First from me, to Chloe, then back at me. Why haven’t I noticed this guy before? This mystery person stares at me for a few seconds before he breaks down into a sprint, following his friends. I picked myself off the floor and stare into the direction the guy was running in with a perplexed look on my face.

“You okay, Sam?” Chloe asked me.

I look at her and put a lighthearted grin on my face.

I then decided to ask her, “Yeah, I’m fine. Who was that person?”

She stares at me in utter shock.

“What? You mean you haven’t heard about Logan Decker? Everybody talks about him in school!”

I shrug and simply said, “Well, I guess I’m not up to date with what people talk about. Tell me more about this, ‘Logan Decker’. ”

Chloe starts to laugh. “Why do you want to know so much about Logan Decker? You interested in him?” She asks me.

My face starts to heat up and I end up blushing. “N-no way, Chloe! Why can’t I be curious about a person I’ve never even met before in my entire life?!” I said.

Yeah, this isn’t helping. Chloe starts to laugh, and then she nudges me on the arm with her elbow.

“Don’t worry Sammy, I understand! Your secret is safe with me!” She jokingly says.

I give her a death glare and she just laughs it off. The bell for class soon rings and we both went into our separate class. Right when I walk through the doors of my class room, I notice something from the corner of my eyes. Logan Decker. I just figured out the reason why I never noticed him… he sits at the back of the class room. He looks away from his friends whom he’s talking with and stares at me for a brief second. I quickly look away and walk up to my seat to sit down. Right in the middle of class, a person behind me tosses a crumbled up piece of paper on my desk. I was a bit shocked since I’ve never received a note before during class. I opened up the paper and I read it.

“Sorry about knocking you down a little earlier, there. Lol. –Logan”


I pick up my pencil and I start writing a reply back to him.

Nah, don’t worry about it. I’m sorry about my friend’s annoying behavior. ~.~ -Samantha ”


After finishing up my letter, I close it up and I give it to the person behind me, whispering to give it to Logan Decker. Class soon ends and I never get a reply back from Logan. Well, at least he was gentlemanly enough to send me an apology note. I got up from my seat and started to make my way out of the class room while I turned on my phone. I look at a text message that I received from my mom. It simply said,

“Call me.”    

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That's it for chapter 1. Tell me what you think.

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