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Please also be advised that i am indeed a newbie writer so i apologize in advance if grammar or punctuation is correct.
If you’re reading this, then you know that i’m prone to crazy dreams, as i am sure we all are from time to time, the majority of these dreams are short and normally terrifying, people attribute this to all sorts, deeper meaning, diet, watching the wrong movies etc.. I personally feel that dreams are certainly influenced by your subconscious, but I try not to look beyond that. Sometimes these little elements can come together to produce a dream that would be an authors fantasy.
So, here’s a dream I had last night, Sat March 20th 2014. I had woken from it at around 5am where i started to jot down bullet points in order for me to remember more details, so here is the dream, its all accurate and not exaggerated, the only thing i have changed in names of people i know, mainly because I don’t want the “hidden meaning” theorists to think i’m dreaming about these people in this role for a reason.
In this dream I was in fact, a writer, and had written half a dozen or so books with semi success, on this day I had to return home to my parents house for two reasons, the first being that my wife had travelled down south with my daughter for the easter break, and the second, i could get peace and quiet to work on my next book.
Arriving at my mum’s house, i was met with a note on the door stating that she will be back later on,
“The key is in the usual spot and there is plenty of food in the fridge”
I had always warned her about leaving a key, and then ofcourse to announce it to the world via means of a note, she never picked up the phone anymore, she never texts, and whenever I would call her she wouldnt answer, but I guess thats old age.I settled into my old room, it had been years since i was there, nothing had changed, it was kept in the exact same order it was when i had left it. There were still some old movie posters on the walls, The Crow, Demolition Man and a sepia toned still image of “Lois and Clark”.
I hadn't bothered to set up my laptop for writing, as there would be no writing tonight. I was invited to a party in the city, an old friend was happy i was back in town and invited me to this shindig, I was certainly apprehensive and slightly nervous about meeting people I didn't know, but that was quickly over-shadowed by my excitement to meet my old friends. Mum was not back yet, and time was ticking on, I was leaving soon for the party and so i decided to leave her a reciprocal note, albeit this time i left it in plain site on the coffee table and not stapled to the front door.
“Party – Dinner – Drinks – back later, i have a key so LOCK THE DOOR”
I arrived on time at the address given for the party, which I had scribbled on what looked like a napkin, sky blue in fact. I wondered why i would do such a thing and not add it into my diary but reasoned that i must have been on the move or in a hurry at the time, none the less, it was legible atleast.
I knew the hostess, it was a new place she had bought since i seen her last, a lovely big condo style apartment set above a shopping centre, she had said that she loved it because after closing time she could make whatever noise she wanted without worrying about her downstairs neighbours and she had easy access to the shops, win win.
The party was the usual, people milling around, asking me about my books, most of them wanting to write a book themselves, a few questions from friends about my wife and daughter and why they are not here, how my mum is etc.. the usual stuff. The conversations that stuck out were one with a girl i can only describe as ‘emo’, she reminded me of Avril Laviegne, always had attitude and felt forever angry with the world, she had wanted to speak to me in private about a matter, strangely many of the guests had insisted that we stay within the main party and not wonder off alone, that little warning itself made me uneasy, why? Is she homicidal? I certainly hope they werent worried about ME doing anything to her? Im married and very loyal to my loving AND gorgeous wife, i had lucked out, i’m not hrowing that away, no sir!
In any case, we opted for a quieter side of the room, in full view of those concerned party goers, but that didnt stop the raven haired badger girl to sidle closer, close enough that her whispers would only be heard by me, she had told me with a shakey voice that she was worried, worried because she wanted to take her own life, she was very unhappy and just wanted to end it all. This confused me greatly, i wasnt a doctor, a psychiatrist or would have ANY insight to this sort of macabre topic. There werent even any suicides in my books, so where she got the idea to tell me this i have no clue, I simply reassured her that life is good and tomorrow is another day blah blah, my real plan was to break free from cruella de-wannabe and blab to her friends that she needs serious help, but i was distracted somewhat, i was intercepted by an old friend, and safe to say over the years my best friend, she had told me that she and a few others had planned a surprise for me, and it would be arriving any second, and with that the doorbell rang. I answered.I was pleased to see it was another old pal that had flew the coupe abroad many years ago, although we had’nt kept in touch as much as the others it was still great to see her, although I had pretended at first i didnt know who she was, as kind of goof you’d say, the kind we used to play on each other years ago. It was great to see her, and an emotional reunion.
My brother and sister had attended which I thought was fairly strange but I guess they were contacted by mates after learning i was returning to the area for a short stay, I should return more often but with work and the baby, mind you, she’s not a baby anymore, but will always be in her daddies eyes.After dinner, and the subsequent drinks, alcohol free for me, havent touched a drop in years, i just dont like the taste, it gives me heartburn,
I had returned back to my old home.The door was unlocked, which was strange as i specifically told my mum to lock it, i entered the lounge and found the note I left and the radio on. When i was a young kid, my mum used to leave the radio on in my room, a strange thing, i guess once i turned it off she knew i was home safe, it was just past 11pm and i knew mum would be in bed so i didnt want to disturb her, i closed off the radio and decided to have a shower, i was up early the next day to start my writing and then my beatiful bride and wee one would be joining me later, i missed them already, although i only said goodbye yesterday.
After the shower I donned my bathrobe and began to brush my teeth, with toothbrush in hand I realised I had left my toothpaste in my case, I wandered into my bedroom to fetch it and was met by two strangers, two middle aged women but they seemed just as surprised to see me as i was to see them, why are they in my room? In my mothers house!?
After quizzing them on this I suddenly realized the truth, there were no posters on the walls, no laptop, i had clearly wandered into the wrong apartment.Apologizing profusely and explaining that im visiting my mother across the hall, they actually seemed light hearted about it all, still clutching my toothbrush i excused myself, when i turned to leave i noticed a large dining room, but i dont recall walking through the dining room to get into the lounge with the women... am i that much of a scatter brain? I turn and apologize once more but ask one of the lady's to point me to the exit, but before she could do so i noticed the time on the TV read 19:53.What's going on? I was so confused, the type of confusion that hits you when you awaken groggy from an afternoon nap on a hot day.
It was fairly light outside, but i had come home after eleven, and only took around 10 minutes in the shower, this made no sense.Panic hit me, I could feel the itch at the back of my knows as my emotions took over and my eyes started to well up, the look on thier faces had changed from amusement to sympathy, the hairs on my neck stood on edge, as i turned once more to head for the exit.This time there wasnt even a dining room, instead it was a much larger room, carpeted with lots of soft furnishings, books and even the odd person or child sitting, sketching or reading.
I noticed two men standing through the door and i recognised one of them as an old friend i hadnt seen in years, he looked upset, i guess he had just finished work because he and his friends were wearing postal uniforms, he was speaking to a lady with a clipboard, who was nodding, he then came towards me, i was right, he had been crying.He gave me a hug, and then began to explain.None of it was real, I was married once, but my wife and daughter passed long ago, my mother also, I had been a resident of this “place” for the past ten years, ten years since my lovely wife and child were taken.
As he explained I cannot describe the over-whelming feeling of pain and sadness i felt, all of it? Really? Nothing is real?I had created a dellusion, a world which i lived in order to deal with the guilt, thats why i dont drink...or drive for that matter.The doctors had thought it would be nice to have my friends come and visit to bring me out of the psychosis, but instead i had invented a party, heck, i even went around telling them of my great life down south, with my own family. My friend arriving from abroad, that was true, the suicidal girl was also true but she lives two rooms along from me!
That explains why i never seen my mother when i returned home, i was never home.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a blank sky blue napkin, I sobbed.
Thanks for reading folks, if you did read this far! Please leave a comment or something to say you have read it. I woke up in tears after this one and felt if i didnt write it down straight away i may forget it.Thanks again.