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Posted: 10/3/2017 4:31 PM PDT
This isn't a detailed feedback, just some general things:

Don't use exclamation marks no matter how tempting. they do nothing to convey urgency or danger and are a newbie's mistake. Try to not use words ending in "-ing". For example, your first sentence should be and is better read as:
>> Fumes began to engulf my lungs
You can also write, "start" instead of "began". 
Or you can even write, "Fumes engulfed my lungs"

This is a scene with high emotions. Be careful when writing such a scene. If crafted well, can lead to an emotional scene where the reader is crying, or laughing or whatever they're supposed to be feeling. But if not crafted well, can sound melodramatic. 
That's all for now. If you want more feedback, be sure to message me with a link to your project. 

Please don't be discouraged by my feedback. Yes, this story needs a lot of work but with some fine tuning, I'm sure you can create a heartfelt piece of work. 



Cheers,
Chica
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Posted: 9/27/2017 7:13 PM PDT
This is my updated piece

Fumes started engulfing my lungs. I tried to breath but I couldn't, it hurt, it hurt so damn much! The front of the car was collapsing on me, it felt like a thousand men were pushing on my chest, their hands sinking, penetrating my skin and forcing all their strength upon my lungs. I tried to get them off, but something was stopping my arms, I pounded my fists, but they weren’t moving.... Why aren't they moving!?
The men were pushing harder now, my lungs slowly collapsing under the pressure, my breaths short now. I heard a cry… a baby… my baby! She was at home and for that one moment I was pain free, at peace knowing she was safe. I started to feel disorientated but I didn't fight it, instead I embraced it and relaxed, nothing mattered, everything was perfect and I didn’t need to be on this earth anymore, it was my time to slip away. A loud noise jerked me awake, my baby wailing for her mummy. Tears escaped my eyes and ran down my cheeks, I wanted to hold my little bundle of joy close, I wanted to never let her go... I had to survive not just for me, but for her. Blood started to trickle into my mouth, distracting me from my thoughts. I wouldn’t die, not today! My confidence was suddenly overpowered, I was helpless, so very helpless, death is inevitable.
A sudden surge of sound tore through me and pierced my brain. Perhaps sirens? I didn’t care, it’s gave me hope! Hope to see my baby girl, hope to live! The sound paralysed me and turned into white noise. Everything glazed over, excruciating pain ruptured from every inch of my body, I cried out.
I gasped and sat bolt upright. I was drenched in sweat. It took me a moment to escape my confusion and realise where I was. My black labrador looked up at me with loving eye and greeted me with a big wet kiss. I could move, I could breath, I was free. Four years ago I was in a car crash, four years ago I had to learn to walk, four years ago I escaped death.

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Posted: 9/27/2017 6:46 PM PDT
Not sure how this really works but can someone give me feedback on this piece of writing which is meant to be crafted and controlled.

Fumes started engulfing my lungs. I tried to breath but I couldn't, it hurt, it hurt so damn much! The front of the car was collapsing on me, it felt like a thousand men were pushing on my chest, their hands sinking, penetrating my skin and forcing all their strength upon my lungs. I tried to get them off, but something was stopping my arms, I pounded my fists, but they weren’t moving.... Why aren't they moving!?
The men were pushing harder now, my lungs slowly collapsing under the pressure, my breaths short now. I heard a cry… a baby… my baby! I knew she was at home, safe and sound but I could hear her wailing for her mummy. Tears ran down my cheeks, i wanted to hold my little bundle of joy close, I wanted to never let her go... I had to survive not just for me, but for her. Blood started to trickle into my mouth, distracting me from my thoughts. I wanted to stop the tears, the blood, the lingering thought of death, but I couldn't! I pleaded my hands to work but they weren't listening. I was helpless, so very helpless.

A sudden surge of sound tore through me. Perhaps sirens? It pierced my brain. The image of my baby girl drifted away from me, I wanted to reach out but the sound paralysed me. Everything glazed over, the sound now white nose, excruciating pain ruptured from every inch of my body, I cried out.
I gasped and sat bolt upright. I was drenched in sweat. It took me a moment to escape my confusion and realise where I was. My black labrador looked up at me with loving eye and greeted me with a big wet kiss. I could move, I could breath, I was free. Four years ago I was in a car crash, four years ago I had to learn to walk, four years ago I escaped death.

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