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Posted: 1/24/2016 11:45 AM PST
Your story was interesting, but I would like to point out a few things. There are many places where I would suggest adding commas and apostrophes. Most of the grammar was good. I think that one of the words near the end where she covered her hand with her mouth seemed confusing. I couldn't quite tell what she was doing because the word choice seemed questionable. At least, it did to me. There a few parts where I think that you should add a period in between, since it doesn't quite seem right to keep going in one sentence. However, the story seems interesting. There are many cases in which if the story is good, the writing style doesn't have to be amazing, as long as it is acceptable, so I wouldn't worry too much on the language, as long as the description is good. However, you are doing a good job with the writing itself. I would like to see the next part of the story! Hoped this helped a little.
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Posted: 10/23/2015 5:18 AM PDT
   PartI

On my usual Saturday morning the Maryland air was damp and 
wisps of wind hit my car causing pulsations coming from my open windows. The clouds started to get darker and the atmosphere more fierce as i passed the oval moss colored sign that read " Potomac Village". Potomac is on of Maryland's, and the United States most affluent towns filled to the brim with the richest, prestigious figures. My Camry felt out of place driving down the smooth road as i dripped with envy. In the distance I saw The Cambel mansion that carved the sky with its sharpness. I sighed basking in its beauty. It was like an elaborate castle the color of the slate grey sky that had white accents,  black shutters, and a blood red door with pillars guarding it. My Camry slowed as i neared their doughnut shaped driveway that had a patch of lush green in the middle of it crowned with a stone fountain. It spewed water gracefully from the  cherubs horn and fell splashing into the pot of water around it. I parked my car at the front of the house and a man about the age of 25 loomed out of no where nodding at me as i got out, with a look in his eyes that was unidentifiable. Out of my time here he never spoke a word to me. I got my bag from the back and he took my car to their garage separate of the house just a few yards away. I looked up at the sky and a raindrop splashed my nose and starting to become more frequent, rushing me inside. As i got to the doorway the pillars and door made me feel like a fleck of dust in the world that was still so unfamiliar. My knuckles knocked on the glossy red door and quickly a pair of middle aged hands  draped in gold answered 
" Oh dear, you'll have to learn how to use the door knocker. Its proper etiquette." 
I laughed and dismissed her ridiculous remark 
" Hello to you to Mrs. Cambel"
a deep voice erupted from the back of her." hello Caden" 
" Hello Mr. Cambel"
" Now sweetheart, Daniel is upstairs playing his game, but at six he has to take his medicine. We will be out especially late dear, i hope you don't mind. You know where we keep the medicine don't you?" Mrs Cambel said sweetly
flustered i replied " I'm sorry you'll have to remind me "
I had been babysitting the Cambels son, Daniel for about three months now after they found me on this website for people in search of a caretaker or babysitter. But this was something slightly different  like any of my past job experiences. Daniel had cerebral palsy which effected his muscles and posture. He was about as old as i was so he could walk and help himself but they still felt the need for someone to look after him and i hesitantly complied. He was quite shy and insistent of me keeping my distance and would tell me to leave at once whenever i was near him, only giving me the opportunity to see him a handful of times. Sometimes i liked to appreciate that the Cambels found me out of everyone- they were considerate, polite, reserved, and there was a lot of prestige about them. The job was easy despite Daniels disability and meanness. Besides the traits of them they were obviously very financially stable giving me a considerable pay check that i very much desired and needed.
" Upstairs to the right all the way at the end in the closet. He will need two of the pills out of the orange container and 3 out of the white one" Mrs. Cambel said rehearsed.
 And with that they were off and out there door, Mrs. Cambel wrapped in luxurious furs, and Mr. Cambel in his itchy stiff coat the color of charcoal with an umbrella under his arm. As i took off my shoes i admired the architecture of the house especially the rope molding that decorated the walls like frosting and the buttermilk walls that made the atmosphere so warm. The floor was cold though- it being a white  marble with swirls  of Carmel brown in it adding even more elegance. I climbed up the spiral staircase the sounds of breaking blocks and synths filling the air. All i would have to do was follow it and i would find Daniel. Although i have spent 3 months here the mansion proves to be very hard to navigate and memorize. There are about three floors of which hold at least 10 or more doors that lead to all different rooms that Daniel has no preference of. In fact i think more then 3 of them are entertainment rooms. I called out to Daniel seeing a fluorescent light emanating from the third door to the left on the second floor. 
" Daniel" i yelled
There was no answer except for the echoes of my call to him.
" ill be around if you need me" i said expecting no answer. 
  I had never been in the house long enough to give him his medication so i figured i should start to look around to try and find it or else i probably never would. So i set out walking the empty corridor my socks slapping the marble floor. Finally i reached the end of the right hallway and there were about 4 different doors that didn't vary in sizes. I contemplated which one the closet might be, but i didn't remember whether she said on the right or left side. I didn't want to invade their privacy. After staring at the 4 doors I finally decided to just guess. I went to the first one on the right side and with sweaty palms my hand gripped the brass doorknob and i twisted it causing the hinges to wine a soft song. I swung it open quickly, wanting to discover what i was hoping for. Alas, it was an empty bedroom with crisp sheets and void of anything sentimental that would make me opening the door intruding. I breathed out in relief without noticing i was holding my breath before. I sucked in again, knowing i would have to check 3 other doors with god knows what inside if i didn't find the right one. I decided to go to the one across from where i was. i opened it faster then before and something came crashing out from somewhere high causing a sharp pain in chest and a large leap back in reaction. My eyes were as wide as saucers and my body was trembling . I looked and noticed a book with a face as big as mine and thickness of a bible. It landed so its back and front were upwards and its pages bent against the ground. Pictures scattered around it in all different directions from the book collision face up and face down. When i was able to move i slowly walked over and bent down to the mess, picking up one of the pictures that was face down. It was a picture of mr. and mrs.  Cambel with Daniel when he was about one or two. Mr. Cambel was holding him against his hip and they all encased each other in their arms. They were somewhere in a field that was filled with lush green grass and the sky the color of the most brilliant blue, wisps of  white clouds decorated it and their faces were filled with just as much joy as the atmosphere. I gathered the scattered pictures into one place and organized them into a pile so i could them assemble them back into the album hopefully good as new.  I Picked up the book by its binding and i closed it reading the gold letters on its face it  that read:
The Cambel Family:
 1990-2001
I opened the book and two silk bows came fluttering out. One was light blue and the other was a pale pink. Just as i was picking them up Daniels voice appeared booming and angry. I had never herd it so strong and frantic before now
" What are you doing " he yelled upset.
extremely startled all the color in my face faded- i turned as pale as the sky. I didnt speak.
"Give me the book" he said grabbing the heavy object out of my hand 
" Daniel the pictures fell-" i couldn't finish.
He grabbed the pictures out of my hand and shoved the book back into wherever it fit, supporting himself with only one of his crutches and fitting the pictures into a crevice. He slammed the closet 
" The medicine is over there" he muttered avoiding eye contact and pointing to the door directly next to me. 
As his crutches squeaked down the hall i stood there mortified and embarrassed. It was time to find his medicine 

 

         As i drove home in the damp dark and the mansions morphed into small houses with crooked shutters and stone pathways that were almost swallowed up by the dirt. I sighed and turned into my driveway looking up at my plain white house with little decoration or flair. My car slowed to a stop but my thoughts started racing. 
  I know i was invading a little but i didn't know. Why was he so protective over that album? I better call the Cambels tomorrow and apologize. I need to keep that job.
I entered my house and gave my mom a long hug 
" How was your day at the Cambels?" she said sweetly 
I sighed " not very good "
" What happened ?" she said her face twisting into a worried expression 
" Oh nothing, Don't worry its nothing detrimental. You should stop cleaning and get to sleep" 
she sighed " your probably right " and she dropped the towel 
Lately she had been working hard to pick up the slack because my dads job didn't bring in a steady income. She was an art director and her hazel eyes were constantly reviewing artwork so underneath them formed rings of purple. I inherited her eye shape but mine were just more green. She had straw like blonde hair that she wore twisted to the back of her head in a tortoise clip, but mine was black and cascaded in straight waves down my back. We did however have the same olive skin tone and facial features, which i was glad about. She was beautiful, not just on the outside. She was patient and raised me the best she could. My dad and i weren't very close though, he was a bank teller and he seemed to always have something to be doing besides spending time with me. 
Before i went to bed i took the empty change and a gum wrapper out of my left pocket, but when i reached into my right i found a pair of silk bows. My hand threw up to my mouth; i must of in a panic shoved them into my pocket when i picked them up. I was so startled. I needed to return them- certainty the Cambels would notice. I inspected the bows between my index and middle finger and i wondered what they stood for. They certainty couldn't stand for the Cambels children- there was only one kid- Daniel and he was a boy. 


im not quite done yet but thankyou to whoeber is reading 
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