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Posted: 3/13/2017 11:54 AM PST
Andy, the strength of your writing lies in the sense of immediacy portrayed by quick and sudden action which is suitable for such kinds of narratives about war and soldiers. However, do put more time into your word choice. spend some time improving your diction, a thesaurus is a good tool to use.
Also, Andy, why is this piece one single paragraph? when you quote characters, set different characters' quotations on different paragraphs.
Another thing you can do is placing your speech tags in the middle of a quotations instead of having them always at  the end. For example: "alright boys," said Brian, "good job today. Our next training..." doing this gives the reader a  better idea of who is speaking.
Your grammar is sound for the most part, but do try to fix some mistakes.
I hope my feedback is of use to you and i encourage you to write more because your passion does show through. 
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Posted: 2/23/2017 6:41 PM PST
Hello! I been writing this story, drama, which I can't agreed with the beginning. I have changed it three times, but hopefully I'll keep this one. I just want your help, your feedback and some critics because I feel that there might be missing parts, or parts that don't fit. I am not a professional in writing, which means that you might see bad grammar. I just want to develop the story and once I finish I will take the time to fix the grammar, etc. Also, it would be nice if you give me an idea for the title. I have one called, "The New Future", but I just don't know if it sounds good. Please feel free to correct any part.

About the story: Apocalypse, the country is at war and every state is being targeted. No one knows what's the problem and why is it happening, but they believe is WW IV. This takes place in 2023.

    “Alright boys, good job today. Our next training section starts tomorrow Friday at 5:00 am,” Brian said. As everyone began to exit the training room, Brian stopped one of the youngest novice.    “James, look, this is though work for anyone. You are doing great, so don’t push yourself too hard”. The young novice thanked Brian for his advice, suddenly a massive blast can be heard from the far distance. Everyone froze for a moment, silent, confused as to what caused that. The alarm began flashing and someone started talking through a speaker.    “The country is under attack. I repeat, the country is under attack”.    Everyone in the building began to panic. Most of them never been in this type of situation. A few of them went outside and drove off with the jeeps. Just as Brian left the training room, he saw someone running outside before catching up to him. Another blast is heard closer than before. Everything began to shake.    “Tony, wait! We got to go know!”    “What the hell is going on, Brian? Was that some nuclear bomb?!” Tony began to shake, taking a deep breath. Brian took Tony by his arm and took him outside. Brian looked at the garage where one vehicle was left. They both got into the keep and drove off.     Along the way they saw everyone panicking outside, screaming. Brian couldn’t even drive because of the huge crowd in the middle of the road.     “I got an idea, but only if I can get pass all of these people before the traffic gets worse,” Brian said frustrated and desperate.     “What’s your idea and where are we even going with that traffic ahead of us?” Once Brian managed to get pass the crowd they arrived in the fire department. Most of the firefighter were gone. There was two fire trucks ready to leave just before Brian got in front of one of them.     “Hey, stop! I need your truck right now!” Brian opened his arms wide across while standing in the front of the truck. The firefighter began to scream at Brian telling him to get out of the way. They warm him that he will get hit with the water cannon. Without any hesitation Brian proceed to pull the driver out of the truck and told the others to get off of it.     “Tony! Come on, get on the truck now!” Tony got out of the jeep confused, not knowing why Brian did that.  As he entered the truck Brian turned the siren on and rode off to the highway.    Tony disturbed looked at Brian, “Was this your idea?! Steal a fire truck, really?”    “Yes, Tony! This is the only way for us to get pass this traffic”, Brian replied, yelling to move out of the way. He kept honking to make everyone leave a path, but the traffic ahead was really big. Just a few seconds a huge explosion hit near them. In the distance you could see the blast destroying everything upon it. Pushing everything out of its way.    “Tony, get down!” As the blast rushed through them, exploding the windows and throwing many vehicles to their side. Noise is the only thing you kept hearing. The blast opened a path when it pushed many of the vehicles away, so Brian took the chance and drove as fast as he could.       “What the fuck, man! That shit almost killed us,” Tony screamed afraid. There were people getting out of their vehicles, injured, and crying. Most of them couldn’t continue because the vehicles were destroyed from the blast. Tony gestured to Brian to stop and help those injured, but he refused to.     “Look, there is no point on helping these people. I wish I could but we are in a war and that will not make any difference. Understand that! I been through these many times and it does not make any difference,” Brian said, hitting the gas and driving as fast as he can.
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