Well my first name is Sterling and  I'm 19 years old. My writing is usually in poetic form, rarely will I write anything else. Poetry is really my only way of expressing myself and showing emotions. It is nearly impossible for me to verbally describe whats going on emotionally with me This is probably related to my  childhood in one way or another, after years of both physical and emotional abuse towards my mom and I from several separate relationships she got involved in. After a while the only thing that was making the pain inside go away was ( Please do not judge me off of this next sentence) Self-mutilation, also known as cutting. When ever I share that with others they  usually ask the same question, "Why would you cut yourself? How would that help?" Well they always get the same answer, if I hurt myself then no one else will be able to hurt me. Luckily after a while of my cutting phase I realized that there had to be a better way to cope with my issues rather than give myself scars everywhere. My next coping skill to keep the skeletons in my closet buried and quiet was drug use. I figured out that the higher I got the more reality didn't matter anymore. The past for once seemed like it was just an unclear memory of a dream rather than a constant loop of horrible memories which sole purpose in life is to make me give up. There was just one problem, what about when the high came down? My depression went through the floor and about fifteen feet underground, or at least I felt that low. For years the cycle continued with my mom and her abusive boyfriends, as well as my cycle of drug use and self-mutilation.  Before I realized what was happening I was a meth addict. At the age of 15 I was using methamphetamine with neeto dles. This went on for not to much longer before i ended up taking a nice little trip juvenile detention which was followed my four months of inpatient lock down rehabilitation. While in rehab after explaining my emotional communication problems with my caseworker  he suggested I keep a journal and write daily about my feelings. For a while i wrote regular entries into my journal daily. Slowly I began to pick up the concept of writing poetry. Eventually I didn't need a razor blade to cut myself or a dope pipe to get my emotions and thoughts out at all. I love how something as simple as writing poetry has changed my life for the better, it's been several years since my last meth use as well as my last cutting incidient. If you would like to know anymore about me or have any questions please message them to me, it would be greatly appreciated.