I guess if you are going to understand me you might just have to embrace every contradiction that you have been forced to let go in order to maintain your sanity.  I’ve been raised to be a passive tolerant buffoon whose exigent mannerisms have left nothing but an empty shell of mixed goals and endeavors.  I was made the perfect pushover, very suitable for a whipped husband and a gay ne’r do well.  There’s a lot of people out there that are lucky I’m not a first class psychopath.  But I guess what I’m carrying is going to make some good writing material if I can focus my misguided energies.