Community picked writing
- Not a member? Join here
- Login
- Help
- Follow WEbook:
Book Info
-
Project Leader:
Kayzzaman
-
Participants:
The WEbook community -
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only -
Category:
Poetry -
Genre:
General -
Language:
English
book_central
3-Poetry Voting Competion
It is a troika of Love, War, and Nothingness - a surrealist cathartic to re-creating reality. As I see it Love diminishes in War, and War is pre-disposed in Nothingness in nihilist fashion of everything incongruous. So, have a look at the supra-reality, ask and get asked...
GIVE FEEDBACK
11/8/2010 5:22 PM PST
congradulations.keep up the good work.sincerely,king barry c.thomas
1/13/2010 12:58 PM PST
this is great!
1/12/2010 7:01 PM PST
gratz dude in winning the contest... i voted for ya... thanks btw for the feedback on my poems. they helped out alot... hope you can read my new ones. later bro
11/2/2009 12:33 PM PST
great work. keep it up man
10/27/2009 3:42 PM PDT
Nice work you great
10/6/2009 12:37 AM PDT
Congrats! awesome work! wish u all d best for a Bright future! Good job pal!
9/29/2009 6:00 PM PDT
Wow i'm so late. lol haven't been on in a while, but your poetry is amazing! Wish I caught it on time for voting. But, CONGRATS!
8/29/2009 2:54 PM PDT
I could read and reread this a thousand times and it reach a new part of my soul.....it's so beautiful....very well done
8/29/2009 9:32 AM PDT
This was so wonderful, I mean, it makes you read carefully to get the full meaning. It takes real talent. Positive vote here. I don't know how anyone couldn't vote yes!
8/29/2009 9:27 AM PDT
8/28/2009 9:28 AM PDT
All three are very nice submissions for this. Your words show amazing imagery. Truly- best of luck. You have my support.
8/27/2009 2:05 PM PDT
I voted for you. Love your work; the weave, the vocab, the thought patterns that take us on a ride into our own pasts and lost loves. Thank you for sharing this.
And thank you for reading mine and caring enough to place a vote.
And thank you for reading mine and caring enough to place a vote.
8/26/2009 1:26 PM PDT
I loved it =D you have my vote and good luck :D
8/26/2009 11:48 AM PDT
Playful with words, so light and yet often quite deep. Thrilling words.
Well done!
Well done!
8/26/2009 11:43 AM PDT
General:
c
Imagery:
keep up the amazing work, it was like watching a movie in my mind...
c
Imagery:
keep up the amazing work, it was like watching a movie in my mind...
8/26/2009 9:21 AM PDT
Lovely imagery. My favorite: tequila eyes. Not sure why, I just enjoyed that juxtaposition.
Write on!
Write on!
8/25/2009 3:47 PM PDT
i love this its reali can tell that youput alot of work into this ithink you should really go ahead and publish it i love it its awesomness thats my favorite word so dont be offended
8/25/2009 8:41 AM PDT
very beautiful! Ilove the way it flows into the imagery of the words that you paint into the imagination.
8/25/2009 5:27 AM PDT
The poems were very elegant and flowing. Being able penetrating the hardest shell, with its deep and rhythmic words. You have my vote good luck!
~Radd~
~Radd~
8/25/2009 3:41 AM PDT
Good luck oh yeh nice poems
8/24/2009 8:05 AM PDT
I remember this and it is definately on of my favorites !!
8/24/2009 6:51 AM PDT
All three are good and unique. Publish!
http://www.webook.com/project/Top-3-Poems-of-Assorted-Interest
http://www.webook.com/project/Top-3-Poems-of-Assorted-Interest
8/23/2009 5:29 PM PDT
beautifully woven ... publish!
8/21/2009 12:53 PM PDT
Very Deep and Beautiful you have my vote indeed Best of luck here
8/21/2009 12:50 PM PDT
Well done I love you poetry
8/21/2009 11:56 AM PDT
Talented you are!
8/20/2009 10:35 PM PDT
A snake charmer to the webook viper's nest.
8/20/2009 6:11 PM PDT
keep it up!
8/20/2009 9:08 AM PDT
It's good, but a lot of it is confusing.
8/20/2009 3:15 AM PDT
Its really good
8/19/2009 8:47 PM PDT
Aww..this is great!
8/19/2009 2:37 PM PDT
I really liked this poem. It was sad and mysterious and very profound!
8/19/2009 12:29 PM PDT
Beautiful.
8/19/2009 8:52 AM PDT
All three poems work on several different planes which vary from complicated to simplistic to emotional to a rigid account of history. I'm sure that if I read these a hundred more times, there would still be infinitely more details about the poem I missed out on, so all I can really say is good job and that these poems are really amazing.
Good luck!
Good luck!
8/19/2009 8:05 AM PDT
When I read these I think, "This author is formally trained; he knows what he's doing!" I always enjoy the ride.
8/19/2009 5:53 AM PDT
This is the easiest to read of the three poem, even a beginner will find no problems with this one. Here you are more passion-involved.
The language here is dramatic rather than flowery as in love poetry. I admire your choice of words throughout the poem and the message your tell
It`s been my pleasure to have read and reviewed this piece.
Good luck with all your writings
The language here is dramatic rather than flowery as in love poetry. I admire your choice of words throughout the poem and the message your tell
It`s been my pleasure to have read and reviewed this piece.
Good luck with all your writings
8/19/2009 5:42 AM PDT
I did not like so much hypertext to come before of " of godly sins, being so many other good words that could convey the message better.
Your poem, they make me think, are not reading for beginers, Your language is not poetic in the sense of being flowery, but it has a comcrete seriousness to it.
I think you put a good effort here
Your poem, they make me think, are not reading for beginers, Your language is not poetic in the sense of being flowery, but it has a comcrete seriousness to it.
I think you put a good effort here
8/19/2009 5:32 AM PDT
Not an easy poem to read for one who is not familiar with reading poetry. The language here is not commomplace, but is not so romantic either; it is a stern language all the way through.
I sort of like this pieace, the only thing I would have liked is more details what she became an elegy; what happened to her.
I sort of like this pieace, the only thing I would have liked is more details what she became an elegy; what happened to her.
8/18/2009 4:38 PM PDT
the words tend to have a free flow to them... they make you see what you are saying. if you could possibly get more rythem to them it would help you out extreemly. the poems were good to the extent that they have a good base to them... i can tell that you wrote this from your heart and you really wanted it to suceed. but just remember that if you try to hard you will have a problem with your poetry. they will lose their feel to them. they will become dead and not what you really are. when you just go with it you will be sure that you will have a good poem. you could try using a little more complex vocabulary so it enlivens your poetry. use words that mean more than one thing so the reader can use their imagination. your poems didnt have much of a tone to it... they didnt make you "hear" what you were saying. try to use more demonstrative words next time. when you can do that then you will have a truly beautifull poem... write from experience, write about things that have happened to you or to someone close to you. try to make it seen that the reader is living your words. make them feel that they have been drawn into your world. that they are having the experience as if they have lived it. the trick is to have the right balance of rythem, construction, tone, and imagination. having all of those things in unison will make your writings a work of art instead of just another thing to read... as you write your poems try to make it seem that you are giving your heart and soul to what it is your writing. make people want to read it. i will make my leave now... if you have any questions about this then feel free to write me... but remember... when you write make sure it comes from your heart and not from your mind... good luck with the contest ^.^
8/18/2009 1:05 PM PDT
I love the images you paint with your words. Good luck in this.
8/18/2009 9:49 AM PDT
Just like a bunch of cattle.
8/18/2009 8:36 AM PDT
it is a great poem i really love it keep up the good work!
8/18/2009 8:28 AM PDT
Boy, your poems are really great, I will surely vote for you.
8/17/2009 10:01 PM PDT
I really like how ths looks, you have a great style about your work. And I love the titles you gave to them, so unique, not general like my own XD. Good luck, I voted thumbs up!
8/17/2009 2:12 PM PDT
the face stoic in etching blues . . . I love this line! If nothing else, that line has to be published so that everyone can read it and read it and seen the face stoic in etching blues . . .
8/17/2009 2:10 PM PDT
I think this is my favorite of all your poems, great job!
8/17/2009 1:39 PM PDT
Dear Kayzzaman, I've been on travels and not been able to check my e-mail or WeBook. For that I'm truly sorry. As of the poems, I liked them a lot, specially the depth of your meanings and word choosing. Although, I feel that complimenting you will do no good in your writing career. So I feel that you're writing needs to be connected to a greater (general) idea, so the readers who are not as deep as you or me, can still relate to your poems. It could be better in the sense of writing a poem which is friendly to almost all readers. If not it would be poems of cult. I know it's hard, but always try to make your poems better for yourself and others. Maybe I'm sounding hypocritical, for my own poems and pieces have been a TOTAL contradiction to this feedback I'm giving you. But regardless, I myself have changed, I've applied and have been accepted to AP English, which has helped me in trying to make my writing more concrete and less bullshit. But hey, that's me, you have lesser problems to worry about. As I said, keep writing, because each ay you will know that you're far from perfection but closer than everybody else. Have a nice time...
8/17/2009 12:16 PM PDT
Very nice. I enjoyed your work.
8/17/2009 10:35 AM PDT
you have my vote.
8/17/2009 6:49 AM PDT
Your poems are amazing in their use of imagery and philosophical musings. I definitely vote yes to publish.
Traci
http://www.webook.com/project/Communion
Traci
http://www.webook.com/project/Communion
8/17/2009 6:05 AM PDT
Thank you Kayzzaman for asking me to check out your entry. I am voting a definite Yes. Publish.
Your use of metaphor and the philosophical terminology in your poetry is a pleasure to read. I appreciated your depth, and enjoyed your poetry tremendously.
At last I am shown something worthwhile to chew.
LaGoya
P.S. See you at my site.
Your use of metaphor and the philosophical terminology in your poetry is a pleasure to read. I appreciated your depth, and enjoyed your poetry tremendously.
At last I am shown something worthwhile to chew.
LaGoya
P.S. See you at my site.
8/17/2009 5:58 AM PDT
IMMENSE...
8/16/2009 11:41 PM PDT
You are Brilliant. Its that simple.
Amazing. <3
JordanRae
Amazing. <3
JordanRae
8/16/2009 11:24 PM PDT
Like nothing I've ever read before, literally, very unique -which gives them all an edge and stands them out above the rest.
Voted publish.
Voted publish.
8/16/2009 6:46 PM PDT
Great work! I've added another vote to your collection.
http://www.webook.com/project/In-Times-Of-Love-There-Were
http://www.webook.com/project/In-Times-Of-Love-There-Were
8/15/2009 2:11 PM PDT
well done kayzz,loved them all.
8/15/2009 9:23 AM PDT
Wow Kayzz! this is amazing. I loved your flow of words and the language you used was superb! Keep it up girly!
8/15/2009 8:34 AM PDT
I can tell the language you use was selected carefully, and used eloquently. I was impressed by its range.
8/14/2009 10:19 PM PDT
it has deep thought
8/14/2009 7:34 PM PDT
The poem has a very intense meaning and I think that there is a lot of good feelings in it.
8/14/2009 7:26 PM PDT
I like this poem very much for the simple fact tha I am able to envision what this poem is about as I am reading it. I thnk that this is one of my favorrites.
8/14/2009 7:23 PM PDT
I think that this poem was very informative. I like that it is a different form of a poem from what I am use to reading.
8/14/2009 3:22 PM PDT
Thanks for your positive feedback. I said publish!
8/14/2009 2:43 PM PDT
I say Publish!! Good Job
8/14/2009 10:32 AM PDT
I found these poems very deep and meaningful. Straight from the heart. Yes you have my vote.
8/14/2009 9:26 AM PDT
wonderfully done! you have recieved my vote!
8/14/2009 5:29 AM PDT
I have spent some time trying to gain an understanding of the 3 works here, I have made my conclusions and entered them into the current forum thread, I would like very much if anyone else found these poems spoke to them to discuss the stirrings too, after taking my time to break them down I feel that a positive vote here is probably the most genuine thought through and confident yes I have made so far, that is not to say the other projects were not given time and attention, just that this one took more than most ;) well done and I hope you have success - Dante
8/13/2009 10:09 PM PDT
Very very nice, you have my vote. =)
8/13/2009 9:12 PM PDT
Can you stop soliciting me for votes?
It's unprofessional and rude.
It's unprofessional and rude.
8/13/2009 7:38 PM PDT
You have my vote!
8/13/2009 1:28 PM PDT
-seven colours
Of her smiles dissolve
In dreams and shadows of wisdom
this is wonderful symbolic imagery...I am thrilled with how you phrase the many moods of the rainbow, or chakras...how they alter with lessons, experiences, observations...I think Mona Lisa's Smile is my favorite so far...
Of her smiles dissolve
In dreams and shadows of wisdom
this is wonderful symbolic imagery...I am thrilled with how you phrase the many moods of the rainbow, or chakras...how they alter with lessons, experiences, observations...I think Mona Lisa's Smile is my favorite so far...
8/13/2009 7:06 AM PDT
This is my favorite of the three.
8/13/2009 7:05 AM PDT
Well written and evocative, my vote is yours!
8/13/2009 6:12 AM PDT
General:
Beautiful
Imagery:
I see her becoming she. Which is a beatiful thing.
Tone:
Smooth and soft spoken
Beautiful
Imagery:
I see her becoming she. Which is a beatiful thing.
Tone:
Smooth and soft spoken
8/13/2009 2:22 AM PDT
You know how much I admire you're work... You've got my vote!
8/12/2009 2:18 PM PDT
this is pants, not the poem, i read the first and thought it was ok, this 1 is fantastic.
am new to all this just used to write for sanity, but i have got so much from reading others work, mine is based on things i know, i havn't let my imagination run free yet but after reading more work feel its a neccessity. wonderful words.
am new to all this just used to write for sanity, but i have got so much from reading others work, mine is based on things i know, i havn't let my imagination run free yet but after reading more work feel its a neccessity. wonderful words.
8/12/2009 2:17 PM PDT
You have a magnificent and inspiring gift of word art. Reading your work is truly moving and I find it to be some of the most stunning and beautiful eloquence that I have read in a long time. I voted for you and I pray that you get published. You are incredibly gifted and blessed...keep on writing, my friend.
8/12/2009 8:47 AM PDT
You have such powerful work, but this is nothing new. Greatness is to be expected from you. You have my vote as you always have and you always will. Be blessed,
Crys
Crys
8/12/2009 8:09 AM PDT
Understanding surrrealism has never been a strength of mine--which is probably because as a writer I am much more direct and concise. A lot of the wordplay is difficult, though I can imagine it must be even harder to write than to read. On that note, I fully support your work being published.
8/11/2009 9:07 PM PDT
PUBLISH
8/11/2009 10:08 AM PDT
some of the most unique and brillient poems I have read up for vote. pleas PUBLISH!
8/11/2009 8:45 AM PDT
PUBLISH!PUBLISH! I voted for you!
8/11/2009 6:47 AM PDT
Kayzz I had already voted just forgot to comment. Love your work.....
8/10/2009 10:47 PM PDT
You are a master of the written word, publish YES!!! thumbs up, I love your work, so original in every way, love Wennie xxxhugs
8/10/2009 5:48 PM PDT
overall i love this. very good imagery. definitely something you read and feel.
8/10/2009 4:53 PM PDT
Basketful for the gods! Has my vote!
8/10/2009 4:04 PM PDT
As I read, I surmised that someone is looking at a female and thinking of someone else. As with a man who's thinking another woman when he's with his girlfriend or his wife. That was how I translated it. This is what I've heard in coffee houses and although I'm not the best critic of this type of poetry, I'll vote to publish.
8/10/2009 8:24 AM PDT
I voted for you
8/10/2009 4:55 AM PDT
hey long time, hope you are doing great, i've been away for awhile now, hope to catch up with you sometime, *Reacommended poem to read: Love War & Freedom In La La Land *
8/10/2009 2:45 AM PDT
i loved all of you poems :)
8/9/2009 8:16 PM PDT
General:
OK - the first one I dont' get. That is a statement about ME, not you. Always rememeber that the value of your work is inherent. It isn't dependent on the reader - can't be, because everyone will like something different and dislike something different - its value exists because it has immediacy and truth for YOU.
Imagery:
Kazz - gotta tell you what stuck with me:
"Does love procreate
The genetic sons
Of war" - brilliant question! This is what poetry is meant for. Addressing things in a way we haven't thought of before.
Also, "Who smiles in the jungle?" - Just enough of a twinge of drama, fear - love the way this line made me wince!
OK - the first one I dont' get. That is a statement about ME, not you. Always rememeber that the value of your work is inherent. It isn't dependent on the reader - can't be, because everyone will like something different and dislike something different - its value exists because it has immediacy and truth for YOU.
Imagery:
Kazz - gotta tell you what stuck with me:
"Does love procreate
The genetic sons
Of war" - brilliant question! This is what poetry is meant for. Addressing things in a way we haven't thought of before.
Also, "Who smiles in the jungle?" - Just enough of a twinge of drama, fear - love the way this line made me wince!
8/9/2009 5:49 PM PDT
Vivid and expressive With Great flow
8/9/2009 4:33 PM PDT
I fully got it from line one. It must be the torn and destroyed sense of being I feel right now.
8/9/2009 1:57 PM PDT
i have to say that I too have some trouble understanding the ideas and meanings behind these 3 pieces of work..but even when i read them and had no idea what they were about i loved the flow, the energy and the emotion that they brought..very well done!
8/9/2009 1:54 PM PDT
As I finish these poems, I confess to feeling more than a little torn. On the one hand, I am sworn to my duty to be truthful as a critic. One gains nothing from being a sophist and flatterer in matters like this. On the other hand, I also have your feelings to consider. Poetry is, for most people (myself included), a frightfully, frightfully hard thing to write. You're trying to convey emotions that nearly transcend the words that you're using. That, more than anything, is why I have not responded. So please keep that in mind when I say what I'm going to.
Honestly, none of the poems really work for me. Surrealism has its place in the arts (I have a couple of Dali prints in my apartment), but it is a concept that I have never really connected to in literature. Mind you, your poems reads like the inside of someone's head in the middle of a dream (I'd be curious to know if dreams were the inspiration behind these), but whatever idea or motif is behind the poems gets loss in the word play. It is far too disjointed for me, I'm afraid.
I nevertheless am voting yes for this. My reason is that I can still see the quality of the work. This is one of the handful things I've read over the years that does not ring my bells, but I recognize as ringing someone else's. So...it deserves to get out there. YES.
Honestly, none of the poems really work for me. Surrealism has its place in the arts (I have a couple of Dali prints in my apartment), but it is a concept that I have never really connected to in literature. Mind you, your poems reads like the inside of someone's head in the middle of a dream (I'd be curious to know if dreams were the inspiration behind these), but whatever idea or motif is behind the poems gets loss in the word play. It is far too disjointed for me, I'm afraid.
I nevertheless am voting yes for this. My reason is that I can still see the quality of the work. This is one of the handful things I've read over the years that does not ring my bells, but I recognize as ringing someone else's. So...it deserves to get out there. YES.
8/9/2009 6:58 AM PDT
amazing ,a yes from me,goodluck
8/9/2009 6:01 AM PDT
I confess - I'm not smart enough to understand surrealism - - So I vote yes on strictly your skill of putting beautiful words together.
8/9/2009 12:01 AM PDT
I have to admit, a little hard to understand in places (particularly An Elegy of Yesterday) but the other two did carry something I was vaguely able to pick up. Love, War and Freedom was my favourite, because I'm always a sucker for love poems, and it has the element of war too.
I give this a maybe as I'm not certain it's everyone's ideal, though the complex mix of words does harbour a deep understanding....if you know how to read it.
Morbid
(forever fascinated)
I give this a maybe as I'm not certain it's everyone's ideal, though the complex mix of words does harbour a deep understanding....if you know how to read it.
Morbid
(forever fascinated)
8/8/2009 10:43 PM PDT
A yes based on Mona Lisa's Smile, which I think represents your style best. The surrealism is imbued with powerful, abstract imagery. The poem flows freely like a master brush on canvas, creating color. The elements come alive in their juxtaposition with other contrasting, or seemingly unrelated parts of the poem. The other two poems I think were not my favorite choices of your work, but they do shine in their uniqueness.
8/8/2009 9:12 PM PDT
WOW. Amazing
8/8/2009 8:34 PM PDT
I had to read it a few times to get into it. But each time I read it I DID get more into it. I found it hard to begin with, to understand, to get into it. But that's no bad thing. It doesn't mean that the writer has to hone their work. I like to think that it is the reader who has to get in the writers mind.
Good work, Kaz.
Good work, Kaz.
8/8/2009 7:52 PM PDT
good im feelin this work
8/8/2009 6:11 PM PDT
wow, this is truely amazing
8/8/2009 6:03 PM PDT
i really hope this gets published
8/8/2009 3:46 PM PDT
General:
OK IM USING ALL CAPS FOR THIS 1 OK
BASICLY THESE ARE THE 3 BEST DAM POEMS I HAVE READ ON WEBOOK AND I READ ALOT OF THE POETRY ON HERE
EMOTION IS MOVING THESE POEM A LONG MY FAVORITE KIND OF POETRY EVERYBODY ON WEBOOK VOTE PUBLISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Form:
NICE DELIVERY
Content:
PURE
Imagery:
IM GOIN NEED A PHOTO TO GO WITH
Tone:
ASK THE POET
Musicality:
BLUES AND JAZZ MIX WITH SOUL
OK IM USING ALL CAPS FOR THIS 1 OK
BASICLY THESE ARE THE 3 BEST DAM POEMS I HAVE READ ON WEBOOK AND I READ ALOT OF THE POETRY ON HERE
EMOTION IS MOVING THESE POEM A LONG MY FAVORITE KIND OF POETRY EVERYBODY ON WEBOOK VOTE PUBLISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Form:
NICE DELIVERY
Content:
PURE
Imagery:
IM GOIN NEED A PHOTO TO GO WITH
Tone:
ASK THE POET
Musicality:
BLUES AND JAZZ MIX WITH SOUL
8/8/2009 2:04 PM PDT
Great musicality, it was beautiful. However, I couldn't entirely understand it all the time, and still am at a loss to what the message was. they were the sort of poems where you let the rhythm wash over you and pay less attention to the words... all in all, a nice job.
8/8/2009 1:19 PM PDT
Love it; voted to publish...good luck...
8/8/2009 12:16 PM PDT
Yes you are a quality poet.
Reminds me I dare say of the
Vedic tradition while mastering
the English tongue in a way
few honestly can seem to.
Reminds me I dare say of the
Vedic tradition while mastering
the English tongue in a way
few honestly can seem to.
8/8/2009 10:58 AM PDT
I loved these poems your definitely getting my vote
8/8/2009 10:49 AM PDT
I love your poems very greatly writen you got my attentionn and kept it the whole way threw
8/8/2009 10:27 AM PDT
Amazing!
Publish!
Publish!
8/8/2009 10:11 AM PDT
My favorite one :)
8/8/2009 8:57 AM PDT
Wondefully written, publish.
8/8/2009 8:45 AM PDT
YOur work certainly held my attention. I know I would have to read it many times to get the full impact. To me your thoughts rise and fall like a hot summer rain.
8/8/2009 8:07 AM PDT
General:
Overall, I'm impressed with your poetry because it really is so different.
Form:
The form is unique but also familiar, so it's very comfortable. The poetry is long, but it needs to be.
Content:
I felt that the content was extremely deep. I like how you branched various topics that some are afraid to talk about singularly.
Overall, I'm impressed with your poetry because it really is so different.
Form:
The form is unique but also familiar, so it's very comfortable. The poetry is long, but it needs to be.
Content:
I felt that the content was extremely deep. I like how you branched various topics that some are afraid to talk about singularly.
8/8/2009 6:19 AM PDT
Your tone and style is very different but it's good. You have very clever metaphors and deep phrases.
I voted for you!
I voted for you!
8/8/2009 5:17 AM PDT
The philosophical tone and demeanor of the poem "Mona Lisa" lends an interesting reflection to the poem.
8/8/2009 5:13 AM PDT
Very Interesting Style. Voted. I like the Slam Poet type flow.
8/8/2009 5:11 AM PDT
General:
voted for this one.
Form:
personally, i almost long for condensing the phrases into longer lines with a lot more spaces in between...visually representing the nothingness.
Content:
this is my favorite line: "does love procreate/ the genetics sons/ of wars, of thundering guns". there are some really clever metaphors and connections like that here. the theme of regeneration vs nothingness is potent.
Imagery:
"holding my hands/ in human chains/ lengthening in armlets" is a powerful visual.
Tone:
a possible revision to maintain the tone: i wonder if the gravitas of the poem might be a little stronger if you used another label instead of "la la land"-its seems too slangy or informal. changing la la land might then require some revision for new alliteration and rhyme in those places, but i almost want you to create a new word for this place of nothingness, or to use something quasi-religious to complement the idea of "divine guns".
voted for this one.
Form:
personally, i almost long for condensing the phrases into longer lines with a lot more spaces in between...visually representing the nothingness.
Content:
this is my favorite line: "does love procreate/ the genetics sons/ of wars, of thundering guns". there are some really clever metaphors and connections like that here. the theme of regeneration vs nothingness is potent.
Imagery:
"holding my hands/ in human chains/ lengthening in armlets" is a powerful visual.
Tone:
a possible revision to maintain the tone: i wonder if the gravitas of the poem might be a little stronger if you used another label instead of "la la land"-its seems too slangy or informal. changing la la land might then require some revision for new alliteration and rhyme in those places, but i almost want you to create a new word for this place of nothingness, or to use something quasi-religious to complement the idea of "divine guns".
8/8/2009 3:57 AM PDT
I love your way of writing. Very honest and true. Great grammar and spelling. I like your use of language. Free verse and imagery, brilliant. Its a yes form me, well done :)
8/8/2009 2:28 AM PDT
well done you have my vote. i love the way you write and translate what you want said and how you make people believe what you have written well done
8/8/2009 2:19 AM PDT
lovely work, you have my vote
8/8/2009 1:37 AM PDT
Oh forgot to tell you, I voted for ya!
8/8/2009 1:36 AM PDT
Wow intense, I like the word choice in your writing, It could be me, but I felt somewhat like I had to study this to figure out the message,
8/8/2009 1:32 AM PDT
Like I already said (see my earlier feedback), an interesting surrealistic approach to reality.
http://www.webook.com/project/Carpe-Diem-A-Shakespearean-Sonnet
http://www.webook.com/project/Carpe-Diem-A-Shakespearean-Sonnet
8/7/2009 11:28 PM PDT
Very Very interesting choices, well you have my vote on all of them. GOODLUCK!
8/7/2009 11:24 PM PDT
Full of emotion and imagery. Well written. Its sort of hard to understand, but that may just be me :) Even so, I like the flow, and good word choices!
=) lucy
=) lucy
8/7/2009 11:10 PM PDT
Nice work. A little hard to follow, but very eloquent and good use of imagery.
8/7/2009 9:28 PM PDT
good job you have my vote
8/7/2009 9:07 PM PDT
very original, sharp stuff...i voted!
8/7/2009 7:27 PM PDT
You've got my vote ! Genius *
8/7/2009 7:17 PM PDT
Truly charming.
8/7/2009 4:47 PM PDT
Not sure about the format of it all. (It) Seems a little choppy in places and lacking in the real "meat" needed. You may want to reread and revise some of it. I am not feeling the natural flow of it all but still, the thought in itself and feeling of emotion is easily understood. :D
8/7/2009 4:38 PM PDT
you were very vague with me
but since this is very important to u i say yes!
but since this is very important to u i say yes!
8/7/2009 2:26 PM PDT
Beautiful! Absolutely wonderful!
8/7/2009 1:28 PM PDT
Voted, sorry meant to do it earlier
8/7/2009 11:04 AM PDT
This is so sweet throughout the 3 poems. It's a yes.
8/7/2009 9:59 AM PDT
got my vote. ;-) keep up the good work!
8/7/2009 9:34 AM PDT
Great! I loved the poems. Definitely publish. *#*
8/7/2009 9:13 AM PDT
*Over all nice poems*
Sorry. I had to correct my previous statement.
Sorry. I had to correct my previous statement.
8/7/2009 9:09 AM PDT
Overall I feel like this is well written. At the same time though, I feel like parts of it are a little wordy, like perhaps if different words had been used I would more clearly grasp the meaning. It is a good read, but perhaps more for the people who can more clearly identify the meanings of all the words.
Overall a nice poem, great job =]
Overall a nice poem, great job =]
8/7/2009 7:34 AM PDT
I'm not the brightest spark around and did have trouble reading some of the lines, but in the main I found them quite enlightening. After I re-read them when I understood the meaning more, they made more sense and that made them what I think you had planned.
The thought & work behind these must have been hugh, but in my humble opinion, something a little easier to read, maybe only looking at the dictionary twice, might have been better.
I will vote yes because I bothered to look things up & re-read them. Good Luck :)
The thought & work behind these must have been hugh, but in my humble opinion, something a little easier to read, maybe only looking at the dictionary twice, might have been better.
I will vote yes because I bothered to look things up & re-read them. Good Luck :)
8/7/2009 6:39 AM PDT
i really love the last one! the way you write your poems is so lol i dnt knw a word 4 it ... AWSOME!! lol better than awsome :P there all excellent and keep writing gurl!!
8/7/2009 6:15 AM PDT
I enjoyed the first poem, the subtle changes in the way you address "her", tell the entire story, and do it in such a way that it is very unique and enlightening.
8/7/2009 5:55 AM PDT
I liked the second one quite a bit. The first was interesting and I didn't care for the third. I felt like you were throwing all these words out there and somehow, I wasn't resonating with them. Having said that, I vote yes based on the first two poems.
8/7/2009 5:18 AM PDT
voted. shah. x
8/7/2009 4:42 AM PDT
omg! that was sooooo good
8/7/2009 4:21 AM PDT
Another wonderful peom , you are very gifted, you have my vote xxx
8/7/2009 4:19 AM PDT
this is wonderfully moving , it keeps you interested right from beginning to end , fantastic peice of writing !
xxx
xxx
8/7/2009 3:43 AM PDT
Brilliantly written poetry. Publish!
8/7/2009 3:18 AM PDT
Yes.
8/7/2009 1:20 AM PDT
I like your style of writting poety :) Good luck my friend!
8/7/2009 12:46 AM PDT
You have my vote! Amazing!
8/6/2009 8:36 PM PDT
I really think you chose some of your best work here. Good luck in the vote.
8/6/2009 7:20 PM PDT
General:
wow that us amazing absolutely remarkable u have my vote all the way if this doesn't become published I don't know what will. Definitely a five out of five, two thumbs up, an applause meant for someone that has a true talent to make simple words into a poem like this
Form:
The form of this poem reminds me of a book I used to read when i was a freshman called burned its like a story with in the story and it looks just like this of course not with the words or the title or the image that you have drawn in this poem this is completely something different.
Imagery:
It is as if you bring me to as if you were in love with her or liked her alot and then all of a sudden it ended in a way or in such a way that all the fun that you had of it suddenly ceased and it just became a faded vision.
Tone:
The tone for me here is kind of well its a little hard for me to explain its like you feel angry yet relaxed, upset yet calm it is indeed a very complexed feeling that i have seen in this complexed piece of work absolutely something i haven't seen in a while.
wow that us amazing absolutely remarkable u have my vote all the way if this doesn't become published I don't know what will. Definitely a five out of five, two thumbs up, an applause meant for someone that has a true talent to make simple words into a poem like this
Form:
The form of this poem reminds me of a book I used to read when i was a freshman called burned its like a story with in the story and it looks just like this of course not with the words or the title or the image that you have drawn in this poem this is completely something different.
Imagery:
It is as if you bring me to as if you were in love with her or liked her alot and then all of a sudden it ended in a way or in such a way that all the fun that you had of it suddenly ceased and it just became a faded vision.
Tone:
The tone for me here is kind of well its a little hard for me to explain its like you feel angry yet relaxed, upset yet calm it is indeed a very complexed feeling that i have seen in this complexed piece of work absolutely something i haven't seen in a while.
8/6/2009 4:32 PM PDT
Got my vote! Well done.
8/6/2009 4:24 PM PDT
This is awesome ! Yes!
8/6/2009 3:37 PM PDT
8/6/2009 3:37 PM PDT
Got my vote
8/6/2009 3:37 PM PDT
Excellent pieces. Voted
8/6/2009 3:11 PM PDT
La La land- I agree that you use a lot of esoteric language, and you do provide a lot of sensual imagery. I am unsure of the message, however. And sometimes I get the feeling you pull things out of the air to satisfy a need to mystify "To close the seventh seal", for example.
I am trying to decide if you feel that there is hope or despair in your poem. We all know of where you speak, but I wonder if the message might not fit in many more places. I guess I only wish to defend that which is 'mine'.
La La Land is interesting. It has feeling and good imagery. I think it is good enough to publish. But I reserve my accolades for something else.
I am trying to decide if you feel that there is hope or despair in your poem. We all know of where you speak, but I wonder if the message might not fit in many more places. I guess I only wish to defend that which is 'mine'.
La La Land is interesting. It has feeling and good imagery. I think it is good enough to publish. But I reserve my accolades for something else.
8/6/2009 3:06 PM PDT
You got my vote!
8/6/2009 2:32 PM PDT
A Yes From Me
8/6/2009 2:05 PM PDT
Someone mentioned the word exotic, I would say so, but with a lot of descriptive emotions; very deep. yes vote.
8/6/2009 1:46 PM PDT
You got my vote :)
8/6/2009 1:07 PM PDT
Excelelent!
8/6/2009 11:23 AM PDT
I do not feel qualified to judge poetry as it is such a deeply personal and sometimes private medium for me. Because of that, I find it difficult to read and understand the poetics of others.
8/6/2009 11:00 AM PDT
It was very entertaining, and had great vocabulary! I give it a 10/10 for greatness! Hope you get published!
K
K
8/6/2009 10:42 AM PDT
nice work :)
8/6/2009 10:23 AM PDT
you have definitely got my vote PUBLISH!!!
8/6/2009 10:23 AM PDT
amazing
8/6/2009 8:53 AM PDT
very deep...very pretty...very confusing! I voted for you, though!
8/6/2009 8:25 AM PDT
very deep and abstract. I wish you the best
8/6/2009 8:05 AM PDT
I voted for you!
8/6/2009 7:04 AM PDT
I voted for you!
8/6/2009 7:03 AM PDT
I agree with the no voters that your poetry does not send a clear message to the masses. But that is just what I happen to like about it. The vivid imagery is artfully patterned and musically written. Your word choice sent me to the dictionary several times, but how is learning a new word a bad thing? Poetry can be mindless entertainment or it can be a challenging and rewarding journey. The effort I put into the puzzle of your words was well rewarded, so I vote yes.
8/6/2009 6:58 AM PDT
I like this poem very much it was really deep. keep it up
8/6/2009 6:38 AM PDT
I loved it, it held me captive, and beyond being captivating it was endearing and moving! Keep it up!
8/6/2009 6:17 AM PDT
great
8/6/2009 5:51 AM PDT
General:
All are magnificent and well told. Readers could comprehend easily the content and learn the beauty of poem.
Content:
Unique, comprehensive, emotions are well expressed and not too exagerating. Enjoyable to read. Every poem explains a unique/sad story.
All are magnificent and well told. Readers could comprehend easily the content and learn the beauty of poem.
Content:
Unique, comprehensive, emotions are well expressed and not too exagerating. Enjoyable to read. Every poem explains a unique/sad story.
8/6/2009 5:22 AM PDT
I started to get a little visual in my head as I read your poem. Good job.
8/6/2009 5:20 AM PDT
I voted for these. Good luck.
S_W_Toliver
S_W_Toliver
8/6/2009 5:03 AM PDT
Content:
Gripping!
Gripping!
8/6/2009 4:13 AM PDT
voted
8/6/2009 3:56 AM PDT
A nice job. I like them. Publish.
8/6/2009 2:52 AM PDT
You have my vote best of luck!
B-zy
B-zy
8/6/2009 2:27 AM PDT
I think your poems are very in depth and meaningful and the words you have used are very strong and touching. I have voted for you as I thought these poems were fantastically written! Good job :)
8/5/2009 11:57 PM PDT
Love, war, and freedom moves me like none of your other works. Fantastically written sir. You have my vote.
8/5/2009 10:16 PM PDT
I love your poetry. It gets a yes vote :D
8/5/2009 9:18 PM PDT
PUBLISH!!!
very original and fascinating ...
good luck
very original and fascinating ...
good luck
8/5/2009 7:49 PM PDT
This one got my vote.
8/5/2009 7:31 PM PDT
I love it,I voted!
8/5/2009 7:25 PM PDT
Wonderful!
8/5/2009 7:23 PM PDT
Thank you for bringing me back to your writing. I have read your work for the competition many times and I must say that I find all the writings to be deep and profound. I am moved.
8/5/2009 7:01 PM PDT
All your 3 poems are written in great depth, with deep profound thoughts. Short and interesting lines. I vote!
8/5/2009 5:50 PM PDT
I have voted :) great work that should definitely be published. I love the depth to your poetry.And yes I have also submitted my three poems to the vote if you want to check them out.
8/5/2009 4:35 PM PDT
Have already told you what I think of them my friend. Publish!
8/5/2009 3:50 PM PDT
i am aghast at the depth of the poem....the last stanza sealed the deal..."...and everything goes in soil and slumber mystified and troubled"....too true
great poems altogether...but i like this one the best....good luck
latta
web
great poems altogether...but i like this one the best....good luck
latta
web
8/5/2009 3:24 PM PDT
These are good, I voted yes.
8/5/2009 2:39 PM PDT
you are a great exotic poet with great touch care emotion have good luck my frined you are a true poet I will read all viote for all my frined good luck god speed my friend always your friend mike
8/5/2009 2:32 PM PDT
I love your themes, your vocabulary (if a bit advanced for me) creates beautiful images; I always feel your poems are more a journey than a piece of writing.
All the best for the competition, looks like you have many fans
Sunyata
All the best for the competition, looks like you have many fans
Sunyata
8/5/2009 2:08 PM PDT
You have my vote - such deeply felt and expressive work deserves publication! ALL THE VERY BEST!
8/5/2009 1:43 PM PDT
You have my vote ,
8/5/2009 1:29 PM PDT
this is complicated yet it keeps the interest throughout, i can tell a lot of work has been put into it, you have my vote well done indeed
http://www.webook.com/project/My-Poetic-Thoughts-and-Rambles
http://www.webook.com/project/My-Poetic-Thoughts-and-Rambles
8/5/2009 12:50 PM PDT
I am entirely loving it.
8/5/2009 12:49 PM PDT
amazing poems! i hope you can get it published!!
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-Poems-From-My-Freshman-Year-In-High-School
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-Poems-From-My-Freshman-Year-In-High-School
8/5/2009 12:31 PM PDT
yup, excellent work, strong imagery indeed, and some very interesting thoughts
8/5/2009 12:01 PM PDT
I voted for you. Definately at some points i got really strong imagery :)
8/5/2009 11:13 AM PDT
This is full of gorgeous and lush imagery.
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for sharing!
8/5/2009 10:50 AM PDT
I have voted to publish. I love these pieces of work.
Well, I love all of your work. I am glad I have started using this web site once again.
Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
P.S. ignore all of the above after the comment. I just got bored =D
Well, I love all of your work. I am glad I have started using this web site once again.
Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth - Beth
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
P.S. ignore all of the above after the comment. I just got bored =D
8/5/2009 9:52 AM PDT
Wonderfully written though i tend to prefer a more modern take on poetry your is very skillful and deeply complex. The use of the words in the correct context only add more wonder and intellegence to your poems.
8/5/2009 7:36 AM PDT
This collection deserves your vote!
I voted!!
I voted!!
8/5/2009 7:21 AM PDT
Very nice selection of three poems. Good luck in the contest.
8/5/2009 6:32 AM PDT
vote
8/5/2009 6:31 AM PDT
You try so hard to get it all out and you are a very deep mindful writer. But I must agree with Lody. Your wording leaves my head spinning. I lose focus and have to look words up in the dictionary. The more simple, down to earth words makes a poem interesting to me and I want to come bak and read it again. I don't mean to be harsh, don't want to hurt your feelings, but I must be honest. Good luck in the contest and with your writing.
8/5/2009 5:49 AM PDT
beautiful xxxx
8/5/2009 5:21 AM PDT
excellent has always you need to be published, everone should read your work
8/5/2009 5:05 AM PDT
You r really gd you should be published
8/5/2009 4:39 AM PDT
Publish
8/5/2009 12:13 AM PDT
Publish.
8/5/2009 12:08 AM PDT
Tone:
A building climax. Your literary expressions break barriors of understanding. Your work is very great this is the best of the 3.
A building climax. Your literary expressions break barriors of understanding. Your work is very great this is the best of the 3.
8/4/2009 10:37 PM PDT
I really hope you win! Your poetry speaks louder than any voice could!!!
8/4/2009 10:13 PM PDT
These are three excellent choices to represent the body of your work. Your word selection is astounding, and your poems are mesmerizing and very thought-provoking. My favorite of these three is La La Land, but it is a difficult choice. I hope at least one of yours is selected for publication!
8/4/2009 9:20 PM PDT
As always, your writing is vivid and rich and not for the faint of heart, or feeble of mind! Good luck, my friend!
8/4/2009 9:18 PM PDT
A deep thought provoking set....you are a wonderful writer my friend....yes you have my vote.
8/4/2009 6:52 PM PDT
As always, my friend, I think you are extremely publish-worthy!
8/4/2009 6:00 PM PDT
Wonderful collection!
8/4/2009 5:30 PM PDT
You have my vote NOW!!!!! (Good job)
8/4/2009 4:56 PM PDT
Your poetry is so mistic and has an epic touch in it; I admire your language enlarges every line; thanks a lot for the experience, good luck! and thanks for the voting =D you'll do great!
8/4/2009 4:38 PM PDT
Anyone who votes against "Mephistopheles miniatures" doesn't understand... well... anything. Good luck, my friend.
8/4/2009 4:14 PM PDT
good luck with this
8/4/2009 12:23 PM PDT
Good luck.
8/4/2009 11:49 AM PDT
Who are We kidding Here????
PUBLISH!!!!!!!!!!
Good Luck
Jabre`
PUBLISH!!!!!!!!!!
Good Luck
Jabre`
8/4/2009 11:15 AM PDT
again, floored. I'm always taken away by the unfolding imagery, and everytime I see things in what some might say is too vague, but I feel is quite vivid...
8/4/2009 10:58 AM PDT
Wonderfully confusing. Had to read them few times to figure them out. Very creative.
8/4/2009 10:46 AM PDT
Good work:-)
8/4/2009 9:55 AM PDT
Hiya got my vote. Good luck
sarah
sarah
8/4/2009 9:51 AM PDT
publish!!!!
8/4/2009 8:56 AM PDT
Wow this sounds really cool!
8/4/2009 8:30 AM PDT
Yes, I'd have to be crazy to say no.
8/4/2009 8:06 AM PDT
Excellent piece of work. I'm all for it.
8/4/2009 6:44 AM PDT
An expressing description of words. Some are lost, some are found.
8/4/2009 6:00 AM PDT
Brilliant, got my vote!
8/4/2009 5:37 AM PDT
i must agree with a couple of the previous voters. it seems to be writings that were just thrown together from a thesaurus. don't get me wrong they are well written, but readers don't want to have to read a dictionary to understand what they just read. the best of luck to you.
8/4/2009 4:47 AM PDT
Deeply deep indeed
8/4/2009 2:34 AM PDT
Publish!
8/4/2009 1:18 AM PDT
Of course, publish.
8/4/2009 12:49 AM PDT
Beautiful imagery. Well done
8/3/2009 11:07 PM PDT
Publish !!!! :)
8/3/2009 11:00 PM PDT
Voted :)
8/3/2009 10:47 PM PDT
You got my vote!
8/3/2009 10:15 PM PDT
"a breastful of women/deeply deep" (I've heard of a pride of lions and a murder of crows, but I think a would much prefer to be surrounded by a breastful of women deeply deep!)
8/3/2009 8:33 PM PDT
Very good, very elequent in its lines, I love it. smiles Nica
8/3/2009 7:14 PM PDT
Good Luck. I loved Mona Lisa's Smile. CF
8/3/2009 5:42 PM PDT
Love your poems, their great.
8/3/2009 3:22 PM PDT
Content:
Your poetry is always very deep and makes you read it a couple of times to understand as you enjoy rereading it. You express yourself well.
Thank you,
Tamara0449
Your poetry is always very deep and makes you read it a couple of times to understand as you enjoy rereading it. You express yourself well.
Thank you,
Tamara0449
8/3/2009 2:51 PM PDT
My favorite was, "Love, War, And Freedom In la la Land."
Publish!
Publish!
8/3/2009 10:12 AM PDT
Content:
you are a deep mind and an excellent composer.
i vote publish.
you are a deep mind and an excellent composer.
i vote publish.
8/3/2009 10:09 AM PDT
I vote for publish!
8/3/2009 10:09 AM PDT
Wow
I'm not very good at poetry but you have a definate talent! Well done. I've read all three of them and I love them. You have my vote!
I'm not very good at poetry but you have a definate talent! Well done. I've read all three of them and I love them. You have my vote!
8/3/2009 9:59 AM PDT
Of course you have my vote. You are a wonderful wordsmith
8/3/2009 9:53 AM PDT
I have to just vote maybe. You write very well but I have great difficulty understanding what you're trying to say, even though all three are well written.
8/3/2009 7:49 AM PDT
the power of these words is the way in which they are used to create a surrealistic aura which begs the interpretor to continuously question their interpretation - leading to a magical word play - a play on words!
8/3/2009 6:49 AM PDT
You write with great length and description but I do tend to agree with Johntucker. I feel that you wrap your poems up completely with imagery and unique vocabulary which makes it quite difficult to understand exactly what you are writing about.
I do agree that you have a great deal of talent but I feel that your work might go over the heads of some people as it is not as accessable as other writer's work.
I do agree that you have a great deal of talent but I feel that your work might go over the heads of some people as it is not as accessable as other writer's work.
8/3/2009 6:20 AM PDT
Kayzzaman, you're one of the most talented poets on here that I know... You write beautifully, you most definitely have my vote.
Good Luck
Good Luck
8/3/2009 2:25 AM PDT
Love them :)
Amber :)
Amber :)
8/2/2009 11:29 PM PDT
Thanks so much for the review of my poetry. Hope you will find time to vote for it, if you think it is worthy.
Your words form a cloak and dagger in my mind. Very poignant yet very deeply sad and soulful.
All three poems are well written
Niyah
You have my vote!
Your words form a cloak and dagger in my mind. Very poignant yet very deeply sad and soulful.
All three poems are well written
Niyah
You have my vote!
8/2/2009 6:09 PM PDT
a Vote yes!
It's very deep... with meaning.
Good luck :)
It's very deep... with meaning.
Good luck :)
8/2/2009 4:52 PM PDT
I had a hard time getting a starting point , a mental first image directed by the writer .
the savior of these is the great writing , word candie
the savior of these is the great writing , word candie
8/2/2009 2:53 PM PDT
Publish!
8/2/2009 11:18 AM PDT
I must admit I'm not a huge fan of this sort of poetry, but I know most people are judging by poetry competition winners, so you have my vote. Good luck
8/2/2009 10:52 AM PDT
very nice poetry
chord0
chord0
8/2/2009 7:35 AM PDT
General:
I think I kind of understand what johntucker was saying, I read through them and I'm a little confused.
Content:
I'm not really sure what to put here, The one with the Mona Lisa I think was the easiest to understand, so I thought that, that was the best one of the three
Imagery:
Brilliant imagry, everything is moving and rushing colors even if we don't know exactly what those colors represent
I think I kind of understand what johntucker was saying, I read through them and I'm a little confused.
Content:
I'm not really sure what to put here, The one with the Mona Lisa I think was the easiest to understand, so I thought that, that was the best one of the three
Imagery:
Brilliant imagry, everything is moving and rushing colors even if we don't know exactly what those colors represent
8/2/2009 5:23 AM PDT
Um, I think I was dazzled. These are so wonderful, I....Uh, I don't think I can make out wordsto describe.
I say publish.
The best of luck!
:)saphira
I say publish.
The best of luck!
:)saphira
8/2/2009 4:44 AM PDT
voted love your stuff very deep
8/2/2009 4:09 AM PDT
General:
I wonder if anyone, even you truly knows what you have written about?
Form:
The form is fine and the rhythm and flow are really good.
Content:
This is the area where I have to say in my opinion poetry is a form of communication and if people cannot make sense of what you are trying to say then in my book you have failed and it doesn't matter what you wrote it is pointless.
Imagery:
Without understanding there is very little imagery - just words.
Tone:
The tone of your writing is fine communicating your message seems to be the main issue that I feel needs attention. I suspect many of those who wrote such positive comments haven't a clue what you have written about, or why and what the message is in any of these poems.
Musicality:
Summing up - you have a nice way with words and a sense of rhythm your problem lies in communicating with your reader!
I wonder if anyone, even you truly knows what you have written about?
Form:
The form is fine and the rhythm and flow are really good.
Content:
This is the area where I have to say in my opinion poetry is a form of communication and if people cannot make sense of what you are trying to say then in my book you have failed and it doesn't matter what you wrote it is pointless.
Imagery:
Without understanding there is very little imagery - just words.
Tone:
The tone of your writing is fine communicating your message seems to be the main issue that I feel needs attention. I suspect many of those who wrote such positive comments haven't a clue what you have written about, or why and what the message is in any of these poems.
Musicality:
Summing up - you have a nice way with words and a sense of rhythm your problem lies in communicating with your reader!
8/2/2009 2:25 AM PDT
Ohhh yeh!, PUBLISH!!!!
8/2/2009 1:01 AM PDT
A yes vote.
8/2/2009 12:17 AM PDT
my vote is in let's see how it all goes
8/1/2009 9:40 PM PDT
beautiful work. you have my vote.
8/1/2009 8:42 PM PDT
Voting for the right reasons : not just to have the favor returned.
8/1/2009 8:38 PM PDT
voted......?
8/1/2009 8:04 PM PDT
I read your poetry, it is very deep and has real meaning that sometimes takes a little time to sort out. All in all, you do write wonderful poetry. Thank you for inviting me to read it and vote on it.
Sincerely,
Tamara Lesley
Sincerely,
Tamara Lesley
8/1/2009 7:20 PM PDT
None of these make sense at all, you've eaten a dictionary for dinner and used words innappropriately all over the place; Nothing flows, and nothing makes sense. To me this is a classic case of I'll look at yours if you look at mine. I don't know what language you are using at all, but it certainly isn't one that even a poet can understand (I really can't work out what that is ... I can only assume that English is not your first language).
I really am sorry but these are terrible. Not even the Mona Lisa one makes sense to me and I really don't see why all these people here are raving about it ... perhaps its because those are the only two words they understand about it. Good luck though and I hope that while they have written these comments they didn't press the anonymous 'I don't think so button'. I did.
I really am sorry but these are terrible. Not even the Mona Lisa one makes sense to me and I really don't see why all these people here are raving about it ... perhaps its because those are the only two words they understand about it. Good luck though and I hope that while they have written these comments they didn't press the anonymous 'I don't think so button'. I did.
8/1/2009 6:32 PM PDT
nice flow of language and images - complex complicated meaning not clear re the mystery of soul
8/1/2009 6:32 PM PDT
I voted for you.
Great, interesting work.
Good Luck.
Great, interesting work.
Good Luck.
8/1/2009 1:34 PM PDT
General:
Not sure yet. I need to read yet again before I cast my vote.
Form:
I love the flow and the use of the words. Few people would consider using the dialect you scribe within the context that you define within each poem.
Content:
And the content surely does grab the individual.
Imagery:
Visions of both the grotesque parody of human individuality and the weakness of the beliefs that we have, or have once, held.
Tone:
Yet still the brightness of all shines through. Within all the pain there is yet a glimmer of hope.
We are as one ... yet we are ourselves.
Musicality:
Love them all ... but ( just a small but ) I feel that sometimes you may be going slightly overboard with the 'Kayzzasaurus'.
Language translates wonderfully ... look at Houellebecq and Murakami ... but can it be taken to far?
Surrealism to the extreme?
Extremities becoming surreal?
But, as I say this, I still love them all.
They flow as the river.
In one moment tranquil and peaceful, the next raging and full of life.
No criticism here ... just one boy's view!
Will read again before deciding on where my vote goes.
Not sure yet. I need to read yet again before I cast my vote.
Form:
I love the flow and the use of the words. Few people would consider using the dialect you scribe within the context that you define within each poem.
Content:
And the content surely does grab the individual.
Imagery:
Visions of both the grotesque parody of human individuality and the weakness of the beliefs that we have, or have once, held.
Tone:
Yet still the brightness of all shines through. Within all the pain there is yet a glimmer of hope.
We are as one ... yet we are ourselves.
Musicality:
Love them all ... but ( just a small but ) I feel that sometimes you may be going slightly overboard with the 'Kayzzasaurus'.
Language translates wonderfully ... look at Houellebecq and Murakami ... but can it be taken to far?
Surrealism to the extreme?
Extremities becoming surreal?
But, as I say this, I still love them all.
They flow as the river.
In one moment tranquil and peaceful, the next raging and full of life.
No criticism here ... just one boy's view!
Will read again before deciding on where my vote goes.
8/1/2009 12:54 PM PDT
Good luck.
8/1/2009 12:13 PM PDT
You know you got my vote!
8/1/2009 12:06 PM PDT
love the mona lisa's smile, and also this one, great poems, high quality, all three are good
8/1/2009 11:30 AM PDT
I voted for you poems! I think they are great. If you want can you vote for mine ?
8/1/2009 11:23 AM PDT
hey i gave my vote nice poems can u return the favor
8/1/2009 11:19 AM PDT
I gave you my vote.
Interesting poetry.
Interesting poetry.
8/1/2009 8:01 AM PDT
you have a unique style of painting truth on the canvas of our minds. great submissions. Good luck.
8/1/2009 5:51 AM PDT
http://www.webook.com/project/Visions-Of-Publication
Great pieces, you got my vote
Return the favor plz.
Great pieces, you got my vote
Return the favor plz.
8/1/2009 5:42 AM PDT
voted...
8/1/2009 4:59 AM PDT
DONE! good luck!
8/1/2009 2:56 AM PDT
voted
8/1/2009 2:53 AM PDT
Voted
8/1/2009 2:36 AM PDT
These poems reach very deep and touch the basest of human emotions. You have my vote. Good luck, fellow writer.
Keep up the awesomeness, indeed.
Keep up the awesomeness, indeed.
7/26/2009 5:11 AM PDT
I found these poems very deep and thought provoking! Good luck in the contest!
Hazel x
Hazel x
7/22/2009 8:04 PM PDT
Both intelligent and intuitive. I like the concept of the Nothingness and think it would be interesting to explore the Nothingness that is void of Love. Good job!!
7/20/2009 9:22 PM PDT
I like what you wrote and that they are really good works something new for people to think about and read in the poetry world
7/17/2009 8:19 PM PDT
The first one was definently my fovorite out of the three. Good job!
7/14/2009 11:56 AM PDT
So I read all three of your poems and they were great! I would never ever claim that I am a poetry guru or something like that, but I know what I like. I loved them. If you wish to publish them than go ahead. As far as I'm concerned it's all lights green and the gates are open all you have to do is hit the gas! Good LUCK! Hope you win!
7/13/2009 5:47 PM PDT
I really did enjoy your poems. You are very good writer and I hope you get published. It would be a shame if you didn't.
7/13/2009 3:56 PM PDT
that was real thought provoking, everything seemed to flow. my only advice is to try using more simple words that most people can just read and enjoy without using a dictionary. other than that you definately have talent and you got my vote.
Thanks for sharing,
Joey Mac
Thanks for sharing,
Joey Mac
7/8/2009 12:42 PM PDT
Hi,
Great work. I will vote for you my new friend. I look dorward to reading more from you.
Fantabulous
Great work. I will vote for you my new friend. I look dorward to reading more from you.
Fantabulous
7/8/2009 4:52 AM PDT
great pomes, in good depth and lovley to read. keep up the good work. you have my vote
7/7/2009 5:50 PM PDT
you get my vote :) Good luck
7/7/2009 6:28 AM PDT
you got my vote my friend,
hugs
hugs
7/5/2009 10:56 AM PDT
very good my poet friend all the best and 1 was masterfull so keep it up
7/4/2009 7:11 PM PDT
Will be voting,
They are good poems
Lahlia
They are good poems
Lahlia
7/4/2009 11:33 AM PDT
this sounds good i'll vote for you just remind me too lol i miht forget
7/4/2009 5:58 AM PDT
Absolutely fantastic. This gets my vote for sure.
7/3/2009 12:58 PM PDT
interesting
7/3/2009 11:00 AM PDT
You have my vote Kay, more great work that I love to read. Your poetry should be up there with many of the greats; very far from been about nothing if anything it’s about so much more. A passion true to form that can only be caught by the words of a true poet as you. India should be proud to have such a great talent as your self and I think you could be a legend in the eyes of other poets.
all my Best,
John
all my Best,
John
6/26/2009 10:59 AM PDT
I'll definitely vote for this one.
6/26/2009 5:43 AM PDT
I found this to be an interesting read and tend to (respectfully) disagree with SFG. The most perfiec things in the universe are the circle and the symbol for infinity. The circle brings things to closure with no beginning and no ending. Infinity brings two circles together joining in the middle. It matters not if you win or loose in the voting cycle. Poetry is an end in and of itself.
Start Reading
more » Poems
top
jump
more » Poems
bottom
jump
Become a fan
Follow us
Become a fan