I, Thursias, bane of webookers, just wanted to give my final thoughts, prior to the end of the vote:

This is my number 2 pick to be published in this voting cycle.  There are two primary reasons for this:

1) It is beautifully written and requires no further editing as nearly as I can tell.

2) Despite being as far from 'something I would read' as possible, I found myself turning the pages.  This is a great work, far superior than 90% of the rubbish America's publishing industry crams on the shelves each year.

I loved it - i read the first three chapters and it was great - love to see it published

a point of view that should be heard.

This story was wonderful. When I started reading, I couldn't get it of my mind. It really sticks with you. I would love to see it published.

yooooooos. yeah... looks interesting...
 but i voted for like five others before this one....

Yay, I loved this story so much.  It deserves to be published beyond belief.
-fictitious facades (on FP)

Hey, loved on FictionPress.  LOVE it here.  No need to ask of course I vote.  Allison's story totally deserves to be out there!  

GOOD LUCK!!
  (R3L)

Hey! I've posted a few shout outs on message boards I frequent for people to come read Allison and vote if they like it. Hope lots of people do!

Good luck!

This definitely deserves to be published, it's awesome!

this is seriously an amazing story and needs to be published! i would certainly buy it!

Can't wait to one day be reading this from a book! Definately deserves to win, and has the talent to go with it  :]

OMG this has to be published - amazingamazingamazing!!

THIS DESERVES PUBLISHING!

I've already read this story on Fictionpress and I think it's freakin' awesome! I love Allison, she's sweet. I also think Jeremy is hot lol. Anyway, people should read this. There's good angst and romance. Check it out!

Definately the best thing I've read in a while!

Publish! I loved this book so much!

Definately publish this story! I first read it on a site where I completely fell in love with it! If any book should be published, it's this one! If it was published, I'd definately buy it and make all my friends read it!
What makes this book special, I think, is the sad ending. Some people say its a depressing ending, but I get so sick of the cliched everyone lives happily ever after ending that a story like this is so refreshing and I think other people might appreciate it for the same reasons I do.
Publish this story. You won't regret it.

You know I loved the story :) Hope you win!

Some people have the ability to make people happy just from reading their writing.  You have the talent that can take you everywhere.  When you write you can't help but feel what the character feels in the book.  When they're sad, we feel sad.  When they're happy, we're happy.

We can't help it, its a natural reaction.  And that's why your book is leading the votes

LUV YA!

MJ told me to vote for you because you rule.  I do whatever she wants me to do.

Hilarious about the Stewie rug!!! HAAAAA

Diane --

You are obviously a talented writer, with an enormous fan base for your writing.  This story's focus is a bit "young" for me . . . but I expect that I am not in your target audience since my teen years occured "many moons ago."  ;-)

The first thing that I noticed is your use of the passive voice in the first few paragraphs.  That's always a bit of a turn off for me.  Of course, in a Tale of Two Cities, Dickens starts off with:  "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . ." so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.  ;-)

Current:

I was invisible before Jeremy saw me.  More than invisible- I was nothing.  Invisibility invokes the idea of something you can’t see, but it’s still something.

Consider:

Before Jeremy saw me, nobody saw me.  Invisible to the casual observer, I wandered the halls of my high school, a mere nothingness in motion.  Less than invisible, I existed without tasting life at all.

Current:

I was just staring at my sneakers, hands shoved deep into my coat pockets, probably slouching.  Even when I was out in the open, I was still hiding.

Consider:

When Jeremy cornered me with his penetrating glance, he found me staring at my sneakers, hands shoved deep into my coat pockets, slouching against the wall.  Even out in the open, especially out in the open, I hid my essence from view.

Write on!  Good Luck!  nancy

This book was so amazing. It's even better than books already published. And its definitly different then other dramatic books out there which is really good.

Agreed, hope you win! :D

fanastic. good luck!

deff worth in the book biz. great job. :D

this is a really good start.
for allison, its good for her to try new things, and its good for people to experiment with who that are.
i really like this

Very deep. It really makes you question your life and if you're really liveing.

Invisibility invokes the idea of something you can’t see, but it’s still something. 

Wonderful, it's amazing.  got my vote!!!!

i loved it, very beautiful

love it!

wow

This story is so awsome! i cried! >_<
but i loved it! from beginning to end!

You have my vote (Hells Yeah)

It was good

OMFG, i love this.

this story was really good, its a kind of like 'Go Ask Alice' though, but has its own charm, and I would love to get my hands on a copy (if and when it gets published!)

Amazing. Just freaking amazing.

you have my vote

This is amazing! It's made of gold!

except for the whole stoner thing and making out with adopted sister lol. oh well its an awesome story about teen life, i'm still in my teens and this makes so much sense lol

Awesome story, reminds me of me lol

I seriously just spent my entire day reading this.  I couldn't stop.  I loved it.

o my god- i absolutley<3 this story!!! please publish!!!!!!!!!

super good. i first read it on fictionpress and it was amazing. i read it all in one night.

okay, well, now that i've finished your piece...

there were a lot of things that i liked and that i disliked about it...

first, you have some really solid writing skills...i mean, seriously...especially when you're describing allison's internal feelings/thoughts/ideas...a lot of people forget the emotional highs and lows of being a teenager and i think you capture her confusion, skepticism, need to be loved, desire to fit in (etc.) very well...

as for the things that caught my attention (and understand these are not necessarily 'negative' but perhaps portions you should reconsider)

first i think that a ton of extremely heavy things occur in this story...it's almost worthy of being on the hallmark channel in a movie-of-the-week! (lol, j/k)...you cover teenage drug/alcohol abuse, cutting, teenage sex, incest, rape, suicide, murder and a plethora of other, more-subtle topics...the danger of incorporating this number of things is that your work might end up feeling too heavy-handed and thus the sheer emotional impact of all the experiences hurtling at allison can leave the reader feeling almost as numb and disconnected as allison does (which may be your intent, in which case i bow down to you)...while i can conceivably see in her actions an escalating behavior so that she's experiencing ever-greater extremes, at the same time you don't want her to portray a caricature or stereotype of what a teenager will succumb to (i.e., she'll fall in with a bad crowd, then drink and do drugs, then experiment with sex, then get pregnant, etc. etc. etc.)....i personally don't think your story as is now can be minimalized to this simplistic chain of events sequence, but i think there is the potential there for other people to see allison as the aforementioned caricature, rather than a "real" person...(does that make sense? let me know if not)

also, i never came around to actually liking jeremy as a character...i think his character has tremendous potential to be a truly conflicted person...but as it is right now, he still comes off a little-bit two-dimensional...we never really understand the emotional impact of a lot of the things he experiences...and this inability to truly witness his interior struggle makes allison's love for him less than satisfying...i do think he DOES love her, in a way...but you never get a real sense of how much and i think this is something that can be improved...admittedly, you're not using an omniscient narrator, so i don't know if you want to make changes...but his emotional two-dimensionality bugged me a bit...

i flat-out absolutely loved zoey...seriously...she's such a great character and i wish more time could've been devoted to telling her story...

and finally, the story's conclusion...i feel really ambivalent about it...i liked that allison didn't die and that jeremy and zoey did, b/c i felt that was keeping with the story...but the pregnancy angle i'm not so sure about, mostly b/c the idea of allison comforting herself by the thought she's carrying jeremy's baby grates on every 21st-century feminist nerve i have...i also didn't quite buy into the fact her parents seemed to come around to her way of thinking so quickly...that seemed a mite hasty to me...

BUT i enjoyed the story, quibbles and all, and i think you have incredible talent...

thumbs up

Captivating.

this is really good. you pretty much had me with the title.

Definitely catchy, period. Your writing is amazing. You've got my vote, and good luck!

Definitely a catching first chapter.

I voted! Great job.

my first thought went, the next morning??? no!!!!! mostly b/c i was curious about allison's thoughts that night, how she felt about the experience of being w/ jeremy, etc...

this part is great: [like a mess of vowels. Miss Moss Mess.]

ooooh! i love the way ch. 2 ends, when allison "gets" the music and your descriptions of the feel of this setting were really great...

well written, captures the reader from start to finish you got my vote and the best of luck

okay, just as a preface, so we're on the same page (pun intended, lol)...

i will be leaving  my comments as i'm reading the chapter so that you're getting my immediate "in the moment" feedback...that being said, if i comment on something which is later cleared up or more fully explained, i promise i will totally take back my original comments...and please, if i say anything that is unclear, let me know and i'll try to clarify my points...

first off, i really like your opening sentences...i definitely believe in the importance of "the hook" to grab your readers' attention, and you pulled this one off completely, so well done...my curiosity was definitely piqued...

i think this sentence is a teensy bit awkward [The exact moment that nothingness ended, we were standing in front of Colebrook High School waiting for the late bus.]...i really like the sentiment behind it, but i think it needs to be re-worded a bit...

i'm not sure about jeremy's character yet...it seems like he's got a completely internal monologue going on, which allison gets to hear bits and pieces of...but it doesn't feel like he's really seeking to draw her into a conversation, more like he's making statements b/c he's already made up his mind, regardless of what she says/thinks...he's definitely an "onion" character (i.e. he's got multiple layers)...

BUT...i really really like allison so far...her internal questioning, the fact she doesn't know why she's doing things or how she feels about them...i'm really interested to see how things progress with her character in the remainder of the plot...

i'm also totally interested in seeing how zoey develops...i think that so far, out of jeremy and zoey, zoey seems the more mysterious and compelling character, and i'm really looking forward to how she evolves...

Hmm. I read the whole thing, and to be completely honest I was captivated, but I'm not sure how I feel about it, for me at least.
Your writing skills are fantastic, though.

amazing! publish for sure

I first read this on Fictionpress and I thought it was the best I've read so far! Has to be published!

Okay, I finished reading it -I will say that was truly well done! I am glad that I voted yes, and I am glad I finihed reading it. I have a book on here up for vote, but this deserves to be puslished. Hopefully, it will help struggling teenagers and give them some inspiration to push forwrd through the bad times. Best of luck to you!

best of luck, got my vote ;)

I've been reading this and I voted, but I realized that I never commented!

So far, I'm really enjoying your style of writing. At some scenes, I don't know if it's appropriate for young adults. lol. And I can't really relate to Allison, but  you write awesomely! (is that a word?) ANyway, I enjoyed it so far, and some scenes, wow, I never ever thought of that happening. LIke the part where Jeremy and Zoey are making out, totally caught me off guard. My innocent mind!! It's scarred! lol. That scene might capture some readers' interest or lose them, not sure, but it was...interesting.

You've captured a good part of some teenagers' lives, neglection and misunderstanding. :)  Nice.

--Hayley

wow absolutely amazing. You have captured the very essence
of how a teenage life is. You are my idol=)

I actually do make quite a few references to Alice in Wonderland, as well as Dante's Inferno and the Bible... most of them are subtle, though. I do agree that it is annoying that every time I say the novel's name out loud I have to explain it, but it looks good on paper and the title has just kind of stuck.  If anyone has any ideas for anything better, I'll gladly listen to them.

About the title:  The title doesn't have to be a summary of the story... that's what the summary is for.  It's a clever title.  Believe it or not, a lot of people pick up a book to read the summary because of the title (I'm not going to lie; I'm sometimes one of those people).  What should it be named?  Girl Meets Two Teens and Experiments With Drugs?  Clever.
Plus, if you want to get technical, Alice in Wonderland was written on drugs.  There's drugs in Allison Wonderland.  Allison is in a "wonderland" of sorts.  It makes sense.  Really, it does.

Long time fan.  I want to read this curled up in my living room, with the book in my hands.  Fictionpress just isn't going to cut it with this one!

-Love,
 Maddie

I agree with a previous comment about the title.   It can only have been done to attract attention as it has little bearing on the content.   If your work is good enough it will stand on its' own merit, with its' own appropriate title.   If you don't have confidence in it how are others supposed to.  I write poetry and am not qualified to say whether you should be published or not.  However I have given you my vote as although I was bored by the content I felt it was well written and may well appeal to teen-age girls.

lol john

good luck!

And to lightbrite: Thanks for informing everyone on my page about redundant votes from the same IP address.  You'll be happy to know that I have never asked anyone to vote for me on multiple accounts, and I have left a message for my fictionpress readers asking them not to do so.  If someone wants to try to vote more than once for me, I can't control them.  Thank you, though, for your previous positive feedback.

Landfyoung- thank you for your comments and questions. I see Allison in her life before Jeremy as completely numb and ignored, a clean slate, and that's what makes her so vulnerable to him when he comes along and starts to excite her.  She likes the attention and craves it and wants to hold on to it, no matter what she has to do for it.   She hasn't figured out who she is yet, and I think that there is ultimately one thing that she wants: now that she knows how to feel things, she wants happiness- unfortunately she's just looking for it in all the wrong places.  She just doesn't know any better yet because she's so young.  She's a true victim of neglect from her parents, whom normally would teach a child a foundation of good morals and self-worth. If you keep reading, you'll see her start to think more for herself in parts two and three.

In a lot of the reviews and feedback I've received for this novel, readers have said that they see themselves in Allison and they can relate to her.  Some said they made the same mistakes as Allison, and others said that they live vicariously through her.  Since Allison is so relatable,  I feel like the book's final message is a powerful one- but it has to be dark in the beginning in order to fully appreciate the light at the end.

I read chapter two and am not sure about where you are going with this, I will finish reading before I make anymore judgments, but I wish now that I had read more before I voted.  First off,  "eww", even if they are not brother and sister. And second, why is Allison such an easy push over? Some character development would be good. Tell us why her parents let her leave without question, why she has no morals or sense of self. Why does she just do anything? Being a nothing is not enough. It doesn't help the reader understand why she thinks of herself as a nothing.

I've been a fan for a long time, can't wait to have this on my bookshelf!

Awsome story. I have read it multiple times and am touched at the events

I read chapter one, and I like it. It is a good start, but I wonder abour the use of "recitation"? I teach high school and I don't know many high schoolers who use that word. Especially a guy talking to a girl. Still it gets my vote and I will continue to read :)! Wtg

chapter 25 was powerfully awesome. The last two chapters were nice and left me with hope for Allison. Great book. There are a few errors that shouldn't be hard for an editor to find. I should have wrote down the ones I saw while reading.

Melissa just wrote to inform me that webook does use an IP monitor, so redundant IP votes will not count.

I read your story ages ago and told my friends to look you up and read it and our first comments we're that it should be published. But it should defiantly be sold in the UK!! hint hint :P

The sex scene in chapter ten might not fit YA novel standards.

this has won, planned from the beginning

Ok, I like this book, but I have to say this:  I think that the blank profiles on here need to go back and maybe add some details to their profiles.  Something about the appea