Book Info

Project Leader:
amanirenas
Participants:
The WEbook community
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only
Category:
Fiction
Genre:
Action/Adventure
Fairytales, Folklore & Mythology
Language:
English

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Climbing Out of the Pit

This is a novel based off of true events during my high school's drumline season, though a stranger to the group would not be able to tell. While they are blown very far out of proportion, people in this book are based off of real people.

A young vigilante by the name of Small One lurks around the corner. A politician hungry for revenge waits in a small office a block away. Many miles from both of them, a nobody by the name of Byron watches his parent's funeral and wonders about a sister left behind. Up in the capital of Pittopia, Dawn, the dictator Jack finds that a hero can come in the form of a villain. Respect and peace hide elusively in the shadows of a fallen country.

Pittopia died ten years ago. When Lyssa, their q ... more »

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Earlier Feedback

BenjaminWebster

3/6/2010 8:45 PM PST

"What happens in pit, stays in pit." lolol.

aussierick36

2/26/2010 6:15 PM PST

General:
Grammar and sentence structure badly needs attention.
The initial L.P.T. need to be spelled out the first time they are used for readers unfamiliar with their use. Using words like "off of " should not be used. Instead, write " based on true events..."
Is not "Pittopia" the capital ? You say in the next paragraph "'Pittopia'" died ten years ago." The term "two years ago" has been repeated - it is better to use the word "previously" the second time.

Plot:
The plot needs a great deal more development to make it interesting.

Character Development:
The characters also need developing. Too many characters are introduced too soon without individual development. The individual characters are presented without an interesting introduction.

Structure:
The story which could be quite interesting needs to be built up a little more. Try and avoid terms like the politician Kaz losing his wife "from nutrient deficiency."

Tone/Voice:
The story is lacking in personality and appears "bland." More attention to the introduction would possibly "grab" the reader's attention. But if the first time you don't succeed, try, try again!