This is fantastic. I was only planning on reading the first five chapters or so, but it was just so interesting - so different - that I couldn't stop until I reached chapter seveteen! I will definitely be reading more of it later when I get some of my own writing done. I think the way you formatted it is very unique and almost makes it seem like one large poem. The idea is so original and the emotions and situations are so real and sober. Somehow, the story just really gets to you. I applaude you in this writing and hope that this gets turned into a novel someday! A New York Times bestselling novel, might I add. Although I am just another teenage girl living in the twenty-first century, and although I do not go through the same things that the main character does, I can relate to her. She is very real and emotional and true. In most stories, the characters will seem fake and flimsy and bendable, like paper dolls. But your character is magnificent. I can already tell by reading the first seventeen chapters that this character is going to make an impression on me by the end of the story. The plot is well developed and brilliant. I am very much looking forward to seeing how it plays out. Because they're on the Titanic, I can see a tearful ending in the future, but I still want to keep reading. I want to know these people. They may be poor and dirty, but they seem so real. And the voice is superb. You have an impressive talent in voice, because I honestly feel like an eight year old girl is telling me her story. This is an amazing piece of work and I wish you and the story the best!

I only got through 8 chapters, but I liked it! (I had to stop and work on my own books! Sorry) You explained everything really well! I felt like I was actually part of their family! I really like the format t00! It gives it a nice interesting twist too it!

I think that it is very sentimental and deep and understandable. I say that because of my multiple siblings. you truly understand what you are saying and I do as well. I think you have an extremely good sense of aloneness and. . . WOW!!! Deep

While I understand the desire to be unique, the style/structure  of this entry is quite difficult to read.  Also, Devin is more of a contemporary name than one from 100 years ago. I agree with other reviewers that, since the piece is called "fractured" that the layout should match it--however, I would suggest that the story start out whole and, as the ship fractures, so does the prose.

Plot:
It has an interesting plot, with great opportunities to insert historical tidbits, which I think are wonderful.  It could be a tad more compelling at times as a few areas seemed a little dry and the format made it a little difficult to read.  However, as I understand the metaphorical meaning of the format it makes sense.  I just think it might make people miss key points of information or think of books like Dr. Seuss and other children's books that have text which jumps around.  What is important about the lay out is how you feel though, so if you feel that is necessary to present your overall idea, I think you should keep it.

I agree!

I was going to put that in the overveiw, but it's being stupid right now...

I like the format. It's creative and truly depicts how that experience would be, fractured. yes its a little confusing and hard to read but its metaphorical. people on the titanic were running around in chaos, confused. I think it's deep. Just remember to write this based on facts, not the movie. keep going and remember, this is YOURS. you don't have to listen to what anyone else says. if you like the format, keep it. (i think people don't like the format because they are just lazy and don't want to have any little trouble reading. ;)

Structure:
I don't like the format ..Sorry. Keep going though !

Structure:
I don't like the format...Sorry!
Keep going though, you'll get there !

You know, Tressa, I just discovered something rather interesting. I Googled meaning of Devin 'cause I was bored and I found that Devin as a girl's name means "poet." I thought that that was interesting, considering the poetic style of Fractured.

And aside from what everyone else is saying, I like the format. It's nice to read something different and sometimes very much liked that the chapters are only about 100 words each -- quick and easy.

People may say that the format's a little wierd but I personally love it and the story's really good so far. I wanna know what happens next.

This is intresting like the others the format does confuse me and I agree with what jonilee73 posted u need to give more info about Devin.

I'm not digging the format, but I like where you are going!
The Titanic is rich stompings grounds to hollow out an exceptional
tale of the little boy named Devin. I want to know more about him and what it's like to travel in steerage. I want to know if he finds his sinificance and does he get his chance to shine? But most of all I want to know what becomes of him. You have me hooked!

I am fascinated right away because I love the Titanic! My only issue is the format. I am unsure of whether this is a poem or if it is prose. The only reason I say this is that I used to write poetry and I had a few with a format similar to this.  But getting passed the format, I am incredibly intrigued. The use of the word Mama and Papa instead of father and mother are wonderful. They definately work with the Third Class description and the description of being the youngest in the family. I am curious about Devin as well. Is Devin a boy or a girl? How old is Devin? What does Devin look like? I am definately excited to read more.

General:
I'm guessing that this topic is of interest to you. This is a good beginning. Continue to do research on the titanic and the early 1900s to give this historic interest. You never know what interesting information will fit perfectly. =]

Plot:
Instantly, I'm intrigued. Does Devin die or live? I'm guessing he/she either dies heroically or lives. This is based on the last line. This is great for drawing the reader in! Don't give too much away in the coming pages. I want to keep guessing.

Character Development:
Based on the last sentence, I'm picking up that the character is self-conscious or down-to-earth and a bit jaded. If that's not what's intended then it would be good to explain more why that question is so important that it comes up right away. It appears to be a fundamental aspect of the character because it is the first thought stated after a rely of facts.

Also, I do not know whether Devin is a girl or a boy. Unless this is purposefully ambiguous, it may be good to let us indirectly know very soon. Also, is Devin a name common to that era and where the character is emigrating from?

Structure:
One of the "I"s are capitalized and the other is not. Either way is fine stylistically as long as you stick to one or the other.

Tone/Voice:
I love the idea of making this "verse." Experiment with the line breaks, though. As they are right now it is pleasing to glance at, but a bit distracting when read. When the rhythm is this repetitive it sounds like someone is reading aloud who does not know how to read: the same cadence is used to each sentence. 

Saying "The name's Devin" may not fit with the time period. Could your character simply say, "My name is Devin?" Also, "My Papa's a writer, and is a cook" is a bit awkward. Consider rewording along the lines of "My Papa is a writer, and a cook as well" or "My Papa is both a writer and a cook" or simply omit "is."

It seems like a great start to a story, but the format is kind of distracting.

It sounds like a good story but the format might not please everyone.
Don't get me wrong, everyone has their own writing styles and I'm not trying to rag on you.
I'm only expressing my opinion.
Keep writing
Good luck!

what's with the format?
if ur trying to symbolize something then I'm really not getting it
sorry if I sound harsh, the idea seems good so far :)

this doesnt make any sense soz

lol wow, the Titanic! Sounds great!

Ooh! Ellen Hopkins-y! Interesting! Lol :)