General:
It reminds me, faintly, of another story I read online once that's called, "Emerald's Rogue" simply because they both have a lot of work to go with the storytelling, but the stories themselves are captivating and move at a wonderful pace. However, if I were you, I would put some of the chapters together--especially those that end or start with the same line...I really enjoyed it however. It was a lot of fun to read.

Plot:
You should slow down the ending. The last chapter has a bunch of stuff shoved into it all in a little bit of space. You should spread it out.

Character Development:
I think you should expand more on the Prince. I don't feel like I know him as well as the luitenent or the Princess.

I enjoyed that not everyone in the story was a sexy beast that was attracting everybody. And that there were no awkward orgies between all of these sexy people.
I'm so serious about that last line.

Tone/Voice:
Not very memorable...However, you should try, when switching storytellers, to put quotations in the right spot, and give us more of a view on what's happening during the storytelling. It's hard to imagine how they are sitting or whose there--because suddenly someone else will jump in and we don't really know WHO it is, just that they are lurking in a corner...


I enjoyed this IMMENSLEY though. I wish you would write another. It's incredibley captivating, and with a little work, could become one of my all-time favorite reads.

seems quite interesting...

ooOOooh! Very interesting.... I cant wait to read this!

This look interesting. I'm sitting here wondering, Who knew it was her?

IT KINDA STARTS OFF ON A CLIFF

this looks really interesting :)