Book Info
-
Project Leader:
von1
-
Participants:
The WEbook community -
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only -
Category:
Fiction -
Genre:
Sci Fi/Fantasy
Romance -
Language:
English
book_central
Her Fathers Choice
The princess was of age, and the ambassadors came from far and wide to vie for her hand. Her father picked her a husband, and she wasn't pleased. So she ran away.
She and her maid joined a caravan to the land of her lover, the dark, handsome and rich prince that had woed her himself.
Unfortunately her betrothed husband just happened to be in charge of the guards on the caravan she ran away in. Luckily, he didn't know it was her. Unfortunately, someone else did.
She and her maid joined a caravan to the land of her lover, the dark, handsome and rich prince that had woed her himself.
Unfortunately her betrothed husband just happened to be in charge of the guards on the caravan she ran away in. Luckily, he didn't know it was her. Unfortunately, someone else did.
GIVE FEEDBACK
General:
It reminds me, faintly, of another story I read online once that's called, "Emerald's Rogue" simply because they both have a lot of work to go with the storytelling, but the stories themselves are captivating and move at a wonderful pace. However, if I were you, I would put some of the chapters together--especially those that end or start with the same line...I really enjoyed it however. It was a lot of fun to read.
Plot:
You should slow down the ending. The last chapter has a bunch of stuff shoved into it all in a little bit of space. You should spread it out.
Character Development:
I think you should expand more on the Prince. I don't feel like I know him as well as the luitenent or the Princess.
I enjoyed that not everyone in the story was a sexy beast that was attracting everybody. And that there were no awkward orgies between all of these sexy people.
I'm so serious about that last line.
Tone/Voice:
Not very memorable...However, you should try, when switching storytellers, to put quotations in the right spot, and give us more of a view on what's happening during the storytelling. It's hard to imagine how they are sitting or whose there--because suddenly someone else will jump in and we don't really know WHO it is, just that they are lurking in a corner...
I enjoyed this IMMENSLEY though. I wish you would write another. It's incredibley captivating, and with a little work, could become one of my all-time favorite reads.
It reminds me, faintly, of another story I read online once that's called, "Emerald's Rogue" simply because they both have a lot of work to go with the storytelling, but the stories themselves are captivating and move at a wonderful pace. However, if I were you, I would put some of the chapters together--especially those that end or start with the same line...I really enjoyed it however. It was a lot of fun to read.
Plot:
You should slow down the ending. The last chapter has a bunch of stuff shoved into it all in a little bit of space. You should spread it out.
Character Development:
I think you should expand more on the Prince. I don't feel like I know him as well as the luitenent or the Princess.
I enjoyed that not everyone in the story was a sexy beast that was attracting everybody. And that there were no awkward orgies between all of these sexy people.
I'm so serious about that last line.
Tone/Voice:
Not very memorable...However, you should try, when switching storytellers, to put quotations in the right spot, and give us more of a view on what's happening during the storytelling. It's hard to imagine how they are sitting or whose there--because suddenly someone else will jump in and we don't really know WHO it is, just that they are lurking in a corner...
I enjoyed this IMMENSLEY though. I wish you would write another. It's incredibley captivating, and with a little work, could become one of my all-time favorite reads.
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