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Project Leader:
omanh
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Who Can Write:
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Category:
Fiction -
Genre:
Novella -
Language:
English
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The character of this story decides to pursue a life long interest in learning the Trucking Profession and enrolls in Diesel Driving School which is beginning in late November. The weather is crisp and cold and he finds himself outside for half of his day waiting his turn to back a trailer through a lne of cones for practice. The other men are mostly in their 20's and 30's and their are a few older, but likely none as old as he. He was fired from his last job unexpectedly and the scar still b
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GIVE FEEDBACK
1/12/2012 8:38 AM PST
1/12/2012 L I M B O
Today I washed my dishes. I won't say how long it has been since I did this task because it may seem to gross for others to want to read more. I should say they weren't 'stinkin' yet. But, I had been using the same cups over and over for coffee and some of them have stains in them that won't come out now. I'll have to do some research on Martha's website, but she probably never let things get that bad.
Depression is often about rebellion. "God if you won't answer my prayers, I'll stop asking, I'll stop believing, and taking care of the things you have provided for me to get even with you." Kind of like that type of rebellion. This has been smoldering in me know since I left Diesel Truck Driving School on 12/23/11 with a disgraceful result on my road test which I still feel was totally inaccurate and uncalled for. The examiner even laughed about it and that was when I got in his face over it. Not in a violent way, but in a way that made him realize exactly what my feelings were. Funny, how in that instant of being confronted by someone's true feelings over some wrong, or hurt, you have contributed to in their lives brings such a sobering response.
I have another road test set up in a few days. A new examiner. A different rig. A new set of streets and highways I have never driven before. But, I do have hope. I also have a trucking company that has been calling me every week and offering me a chance to drive for them once I get my CDL license. And, in that I find not just hope but confidence. and I carry on and continue to reach out to my elusive goal.
Today I washed my dishes. I won't say how long it has been since I did this task because it may seem to gross for others to want to read more. I should say they weren't 'stinkin' yet. But, I had been using the same cups over and over for coffee and some of them have stains in them that won't come out now. I'll have to do some research on Martha's website, but she probably never let things get that bad.
Depression is often about rebellion. "God if you won't answer my prayers, I'll stop asking, I'll stop believing, and taking care of the things you have provided for me to get even with you." Kind of like that type of rebellion. This has been smoldering in me know since I left Diesel Truck Driving School on 12/23/11 with a disgraceful result on my road test which I still feel was totally inaccurate and uncalled for. The examiner even laughed about it and that was when I got in his face over it. Not in a violent way, but in a way that made him realize exactly what my feelings were. Funny, how in that instant of being confronted by someone's true feelings over some wrong, or hurt, you have contributed to in their lives brings such a sobering response.
I have another road test set up in a few days. A new examiner. A different rig. A new set of streets and highways I have never driven before. But, I do have hope. I also have a trucking company that has been calling me every week and offering me a chance to drive for them once I get my CDL license. And, in that I find not just hope but confidence. and I carry on and continue to reach out to my elusive goal.
12/30/2011 8:32 AM PST
12/30/11
At this point I am consoling myself with the thoughts that having to work extra hard for something means that it will have more value once you have achieved your goal. I hope this will apply in reality to me once I reach my goals.
I have a new test set up in one week. I have a trucking company waiting to hear from me once I have my CDL. This process is complicated. It doesn't make for much interesting to tell about other than what I have said, in my opinion. I just want to get it down here.
Leaving today for a road trip from Milwaukee to Lawrence, KS. Looking forward to visiting my loved ones there, mostly my daughter and grandaughter. More to write later. Happy New Year's to anyone reading this...
At this point I am consoling myself with the thoughts that having to work extra hard for something means that it will have more value once you have achieved your goal. I hope this will apply in reality to me once I reach my goals.
I have a new test set up in one week. I have a trucking company waiting to hear from me once I have my CDL. This process is complicated. It doesn't make for much interesting to tell about other than what I have said, in my opinion. I just want to get it down here.
Leaving today for a road trip from Milwaukee to Lawrence, KS. Looking forward to visiting my loved ones there, mostly my daughter and grandaughter. More to write later. Happy New Year's to anyone reading this...
12/28/2011 5:04 AM PST
Chapter Two
12/28/2011
Christmas has come and gone. One down, New Year's to go. I have waited for holidays to get over with for probably as many years as I have been divorced.
I failed my second road test according to the state examiner who is dishonest. Maybe even corrupt but I can only speculate. And, I don't want to anymore. All I can say is that when it was over I had eliminated the errors from my driving that he failed me for in the first place. Then gave me even a lower score than the first time. This happened on December 23rd. That same day my wallet went missing. I backtracked to every place I had been to at the school to look and, 'no dice'. I went home seething.
Having said all that, every Christmas has it's own special event that brings one back to the happiness and peace that we experienced in our younger years. Mine was surfing YouTube and find some renditions of Vince Garraldi's 'Christmas Time is Here'. Part of the score he wrote for the Peanuts cartoons. It has become a Christmas Carol favorite for me. It is a beautiful song and covered by many artists. I thank them all because I listened to a bunch of them.
Two days after Christmas I was able to spend time with my daughter Kim and I had some Christmas items for her and we had lunch. She is real sweet!
I have a call from a trucking company and plan to return it today. I still have my permit and a lot more confidence driving after 100 plus hours on the road during my training. It felt better to consider pursuing my new career choice regardless of my present CDL status. We'll see....
12/28/2011
Christmas has come and gone. One down, New Year's to go. I have waited for holidays to get over with for probably as many years as I have been divorced.
I failed my second road test according to the state examiner who is dishonest. Maybe even corrupt but I can only speculate. And, I don't want to anymore. All I can say is that when it was over I had eliminated the errors from my driving that he failed me for in the first place. Then gave me even a lower score than the first time. This happened on December 23rd. That same day my wallet went missing. I backtracked to every place I had been to at the school to look and, 'no dice'. I went home seething.
Having said all that, every Christmas has it's own special event that brings one back to the happiness and peace that we experienced in our younger years. Mine was surfing YouTube and find some renditions of Vince Garraldi's 'Christmas Time is Here'. Part of the score he wrote for the Peanuts cartoons. It has become a Christmas Carol favorite for me. It is a beautiful song and covered by many artists. I thank them all because I listened to a bunch of them.
Two days after Christmas I was able to spend time with my daughter Kim and I had some Christmas items for her and we had lunch. She is real sweet!
I have a call from a trucking company and plan to return it today. I still have my permit and a lot more confidence driving after 100 plus hours on the road during my training. It felt better to consider pursuing my new career choice regardless of my present CDL status. We'll see....
12/15/2011 7:05 AM PST
Chapter One
12/3/2011
It is the smell of diesel fuel exhaust that permeates the air in the large parcel of land that the senior trainer calls the yard, or sometime the hump, and also, the prairie. Basically we go there to practice backing a tractor-trailer through a lane created by two lines of orange cones with four very large, blocks of concrete toward the back of the lane. The object being to back the trailer straight enough through the cones to get it all the way back and be considered centered in the lane. In the beginning everyone is meeting the task with limited succcess
12/11/2011
There is a song written by John Denver titled; "Follow Me" and it has been covered by many a recording artist. The first lyrics of the tune speak, "It is the hardest thing I have ever known, to be so in love with you and so alone." And, so it spoke to me deeply today as I spend a Sunday alone listening to some music by Innocence Mission on YouTube. It is soothing. For contemporary music such a contrast to the harsh and abrasive rages that so many young artists have turned to. I think of folk artists now 40 years past and how much of that music could sooth me when I was in need of some soothing. So, Innocence Mission it is for today.
I failed my first road test in the truck. I think I can drive well enough to pass but I got nervous which I can easily blame on the examiner but I've decided I need to 'step up' and go back in a week. Practice again and probably have the same examiner for my test but I am not going to back down and ask for another one. Sometimes what you ask for turns out to be worse than what you had to begin with, and I feel inside me the need to confront my fear not only of the test but also of the examiner who I do know is not out to get me.
But those lyrics from the song, the part about being so alone and feeling so much love inside to share, yes, it speaks to me because I will be alone this week before returning to the smells and sounds of diesel and the yard full of students practicing their trailer backing. The trips on the road and the learning and improvement of my driving skills in a tractor-trailer rig. I love so many people and right now I can't share it which must sound awful to anyone who reads this, but I have talked to a few people and got some real encouragement. Well, one at least. I may be falling in love with her but I am not sure yet.
What I am sure of is I want to be a semi-truck driver as a profession and travel and wander the land for some time. Something I have needed to get to sooner or later in my life. I think I will love it but I know not always.
My cat Sonny is being fed well this week with me at home and he climbed up on the foot of my bed last night and slept there all night. I am spoiling him with what's left of my rotisserie chicken and wondering what I can do with him once I hit the road. It is a challenge and kind of sad.
12/13/2011
It is only Teusday of my week at home before returning to Truck Driving School. There is a real comfort in just having time off. I had been getting up at 4:30 a.m. and going until 4:30 p.m. while in school. And, the process of learning to drive a tractor trailer combination rig is stressful.
There are times this week that I am tempted to take an easy way out and tighten my belt money wise for the next 4 months and get unemployment and early Social Security. Bask in retirement at an early age. Get a membership at the health club and spend my days there staying in shape. Trying to preserve my life for as long as I possible can.
But I know in the long run that I would get bored with it soon. I feel much to capable of starting something new in my life and if I can really fall in love with it and handle tha challenge I know the stimulation of the experience will mean much more to me. I have tried a semi-retirement and found it to be quite empty. I often filled the emptiness with activities that were not healthy.
It is hard to get by for me on the small budget I have on my pensions. If I can work at a decent paying job for a few more years it will help a great deal if I decide to retire with full benefits in 5 years.
But, truth be told, I still seek new experiences in life. The adventure and challenge of trucking and travelling as much as I will is pulling me in that direction more than anything else
12/14/2011
It is 6:00 a.m. Wednesday morning of my week before the exam. I still wake up with the prospect of the outcome looming in my mind. I feel intimidated by the examiner and it is a problem with me and not him. Even if he is intimidating, it is I am certain less of a challenge for me to take another road test with him than some of what I encounter while actually working as a trucker.
Sonny, my cat has been sleeping away from me. I think he is protesting his food. I spoiled him with roasted chicken when I first came home. Now, cat food is not good enough for him and he thinks I am a tyrant. Sooner or later he gets hungry and eats what is left out for him. It just makes me ponder whether being real nice to creatures of any kind is really a way to show love.
Well, I have a fresh newspaper just off a rain soaked sidewalk. In a plastic bag, thank you, Mr. Paper Man. I think I will attend to that now as it is calling to me.
12/3/2011
It is the smell of diesel fuel exhaust that permeates the air in the large parcel of land that the senior trainer calls the yard, or sometime the hump, and also, the prairie. Basically we go there to practice backing a tractor-trailer through a lane created by two lines of orange cones with four very large, blocks of concrete toward the back of the lane. The object being to back the trailer straight enough through the cones to get it all the way back and be considered centered in the lane. In the beginning everyone is meeting the task with limited succcess
12/11/2011
There is a song written by John Denver titled; "Follow Me" and it has been covered by many a recording artist. The first lyrics of the tune speak, "It is the hardest thing I have ever known, to be so in love with you and so alone." And, so it spoke to me deeply today as I spend a Sunday alone listening to some music by Innocence Mission on YouTube. It is soothing. For contemporary music such a contrast to the harsh and abrasive rages that so many young artists have turned to. I think of folk artists now 40 years past and how much of that music could sooth me when I was in need of some soothing. So, Innocence Mission it is for today.
I failed my first road test in the truck. I think I can drive well enough to pass but I got nervous which I can easily blame on the examiner but I've decided I need to 'step up' and go back in a week. Practice again and probably have the same examiner for my test but I am not going to back down and ask for another one. Sometimes what you ask for turns out to be worse than what you had to begin with, and I feel inside me the need to confront my fear not only of the test but also of the examiner who I do know is not out to get me.
But those lyrics from the song, the part about being so alone and feeling so much love inside to share, yes, it speaks to me because I will be alone this week before returning to the smells and sounds of diesel and the yard full of students practicing their trailer backing. The trips on the road and the learning and improvement of my driving skills in a tractor-trailer rig. I love so many people and right now I can't share it which must sound awful to anyone who reads this, but I have talked to a few people and got some real encouragement. Well, one at least. I may be falling in love with her but I am not sure yet.
What I am sure of is I want to be a semi-truck driver as a profession and travel and wander the land for some time. Something I have needed to get to sooner or later in my life. I think I will love it but I know not always.
My cat Sonny is being fed well this week with me at home and he climbed up on the foot of my bed last night and slept there all night. I am spoiling him with what's left of my rotisserie chicken and wondering what I can do with him once I hit the road. It is a challenge and kind of sad.
12/13/2011
It is only Teusday of my week at home before returning to Truck Driving School. There is a real comfort in just having time off. I had been getting up at 4:30 a.m. and going until 4:30 p.m. while in school. And, the process of learning to drive a tractor trailer combination rig is stressful.
There are times this week that I am tempted to take an easy way out and tighten my belt money wise for the next 4 months and get unemployment and early Social Security. Bask in retirement at an early age. Get a membership at the health club and spend my days there staying in shape. Trying to preserve my life for as long as I possible can.
But I know in the long run that I would get bored with it soon. I feel much to capable of starting something new in my life and if I can really fall in love with it and handle tha challenge I know the stimulation of the experience will mean much more to me. I have tried a semi-retirement and found it to be quite empty. I often filled the emptiness with activities that were not healthy.
It is hard to get by for me on the small budget I have on my pensions. If I can work at a decent paying job for a few more years it will help a great deal if I decide to retire with full benefits in 5 years.
But, truth be told, I still seek new experiences in life. The adventure and challenge of trucking and travelling as much as I will is pulling me in that direction more than anything else
12/14/2011
It is 6:00 a.m. Wednesday morning of my week before the exam. I still wake up with the prospect of the outcome looming in my mind. I feel intimidated by the examiner and it is a problem with me and not him. Even if he is intimidating, it is I am certain less of a challenge for me to take another road test with him than some of what I encounter while actually working as a trucker.
Sonny, my cat has been sleeping away from me. I think he is protesting his food. I spoiled him with roasted chicken when I first came home. Now, cat food is not good enough for him and he thinks I am a tyrant. Sooner or later he gets hungry and eats what is left out for him. It just makes me ponder whether being real nice to creatures of any kind is really a way to show love.
Well, I have a fresh newspaper just off a rain soaked sidewalk. In a plastic bag, thank you, Mr. Paper Man. I think I will attend to that now as it is calling to me.
12/14/2011 4:35 AM PST
It is 6:00 a.m. Wednesday morning of my week before the exam. I still wake up with the prospect of the outcome looming in my mind. I feel intimidated by the examiner and it is a problem with me and not him. Even if he is intimidating, it is I am certain less of a challenge for me to take another road test with him than some of what I encounter while actually working as a trucker.
Sonny, my cat has been sleeping away from me. I think he is protesting his food. I spoiled him with roasted chicken when I first came home. Now, cat food is not good enough for him and he thinks I am a tyrant. Sooner or later he gets hungry and eats what is left out for him. It just makes me ponder whether being real nice to creatures of any kind is really a way to show love.
Well, I have a fresh newspaper just off a rain soaked sidewalk. In a plastic bag, thank you, Mr. Paper Man. I think I will attend to that now as it is calling to me.
Sonny, my cat has been sleeping away from me. I think he is protesting his food. I spoiled him with roasted chicken when I first came home. Now, cat food is not good enough for him and he thinks I am a tyrant. Sooner or later he gets hungry and eats what is left out for him. It just makes me ponder whether being real nice to creatures of any kind is really a way to show love.
Well, I have a fresh newspaper just off a rain soaked sidewalk. In a plastic bag, thank you, Mr. Paper Man. I think I will attend to that now as it is calling to me.
12/13/2011 9:13 PM PST
It is only Teusday of my week at home before returning to Truck Driving School. There is a real comfort in just having time off. I had been getting up at 4:30 a.m. and going until 4:30 p.m. while in school. And, the process of learning to drive a tractor trailer combination rig is stressful.
There are times this week that I am tempted to take an easy way out and tighten my belt money wise for the next 4 months and get unemployment and early Social Security. Bask in retirement at an early age. Get a membership at the health club and spend my days there staying in shape. Trying to preserve my life for as long as I possible can.
But I know in the long run that I would get bored with it soon. I feel much to capable of starting something new in my life and if I can really fall in love with it and handle tha challenge I know the stimulation of the experience will mean much more to me. I have tried a semi-retirement and found it to be quite empty. I often filled the emptiness with activities that were not healthy.
It is hard to get by for me on the small budget I have on my pensions. If I can work at a decent paying job for a few more years it will help a great deal if I decide to retire with full benefits in 5 years.
But, truth be told, I still seek new experiences in life. The adventure and challenge of trucking and travelling as much as I will is pulling me in that direction more than anything else!
There are times this week that I am tempted to take an easy way out and tighten my belt money wise for the next 4 months and get unemployment and early Social Security. Bask in retirement at an early age. Get a membership at the health club and spend my days there staying in shape. Trying to preserve my life for as long as I possible can.
But I know in the long run that I would get bored with it soon. I feel much to capable of starting something new in my life and if I can really fall in love with it and handle tha challenge I know the stimulation of the experience will mean much more to me. I have tried a semi-retirement and found it to be quite empty. I often filled the emptiness with activities that were not healthy.
It is hard to get by for me on the small budget I have on my pensions. If I can work at a decent paying job for a few more years it will help a great deal if I decide to retire with full benefits in 5 years.
But, truth be told, I still seek new experiences in life. The adventure and challenge of trucking and travelling as much as I will is pulling me in that direction more than anything else!
12/11/2011 11:29 AM PST
There is a song written by John Denver titled; "Follow Me" and it has been covered by many a recording artist. The first lyrics of the tune speak, "It is the hardest thing I have ever known, to be so in love with you and so alone." And, so it spoke to me deeply today as I spend a Sunday alone listening to some music by Innocence Mission on YouTube. It is soothing. For contemporary music such a contrast to the harsh and abrasive rages that so many young artists have turned to. I think of folk artists now 40 years past and how much of that music could sooth me when I was in need of some soothing. So, Innocence Mission it is for today.
I failed my first road test in the truck. I think I can drive well enough to pass but I got nervous which I can easily blame on the examiner but I've decided I need to 'step up' and go back in a week. Practice again and probably have the same examiner for my test but I am not going to back down and ask for another one. Sometimes what you ask for turns out to be worse than what you had to begin with, and I feel inside me the need to confront my fear not only of the test but also of the examiner who I do know is not out to get me.
But those lyrics from the song, the part about being so alone and feeling so much love inside to share, yes, it speaks to me because I will be alone this week before returning to the smells and sounds of diesel and the yard full of students practicing their trailer backing. The trips on the road and the learning and improvement of my driving skills in a tractor-trailer rig. I love so many people and right now I can't share it which must sound awful to anyone who reads this, but I have talked to a few people and got some real encouragement. Well, one at least. I may be falling in love with her but I am not sure yet.
What I am sure of is I want to be a semi-truck driver as a profession and travel and wander the land for some time. Something I have needed to get to sooner or later in my life. I think I will love it but I know not always.
My cat Sonny is being fed well this week with me at home and he climbed up on the foot of my bed last night and slept there all night. I am spoiling him with what's left of my rotisserie chicken and wondering what I can do with him once I hit the road. It is a challenge and kind of sad.
I failed my first road test in the truck. I think I can drive well enough to pass but I got nervous which I can easily blame on the examiner but I've decided I need to 'step up' and go back in a week. Practice again and probably have the same examiner for my test but I am not going to back down and ask for another one. Sometimes what you ask for turns out to be worse than what you had to begin with, and I feel inside me the need to confront my fear not only of the test but also of the examiner who I do know is not out to get me.
But those lyrics from the song, the part about being so alone and feeling so much love inside to share, yes, it speaks to me because I will be alone this week before returning to the smells and sounds of diesel and the yard full of students practicing their trailer backing. The trips on the road and the learning and improvement of my driving skills in a tractor-trailer rig. I love so many people and right now I can't share it which must sound awful to anyone who reads this, but I have talked to a few people and got some real encouragement. Well, one at least. I may be falling in love with her but I am not sure yet.
What I am sure of is I want to be a semi-truck driver as a profession and travel and wander the land for some time. Something I have needed to get to sooner or later in my life. I think I will love it but I know not always.
My cat Sonny is being fed well this week with me at home and he climbed up on the foot of my bed last night and slept there all night. I am spoiling him with what's left of my rotisserie chicken and wondering what I can do with him once I hit the road. It is a challenge and kind of sad.
12/3/2011 8:03 PM PST
It is the smell of diesel fuel exhaust that permeates the air in the large parcel of land that the senior trainer calls the yard, or sometime the hump, and also, the prairie. Basically we go there to practice backing a tractor-trailer through a lane created by two lines of orange cones with four very large, blocks of concrete toward the back of the lane. The object being to back the trailer straight enough through the cones to get it all the way back and be considered centered in the lane. In the beginning everyone is meeting the task with limited succcess.
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