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Project Leader:
Petrin
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Poetry -
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My 3 Emotive Entries For The Poetry Competition.
GIVE FEEDBACK
8/31/2009 7:40 AM PDT
Thumbs up!!!
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8/30/2009 7:42 PM PDT
beautiful writing! i voted =) x
This Feedback was...
8/30/2009 7:30 PM PDT
I voted for you as well. Very thought provoking words and heartfelt diction throughout!
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8/30/2009 1:00 PM PDT
Wonderful work here you bared your soul and I greatly admire that You most definately got my vote and the best of luck to you
if you get a chance before the 31st please read mine and thank you
if you get a chance before the 31st please read mine and thank you
This Feedback was...
8/30/2009 7:38 AM PDT
Deep and beautiful. I think 'Just looking' is my favorite.
Your a lovely writer.
Thank you for your feedback on my submission also. I am very flattered! Much appreciated.
Good luck.
xx
Your a lovely writer.
Thank you for your feedback on my submission also. I am very flattered! Much appreciated.
Good luck.
xx
This Feedback was...
8/28/2009 3:42 PM PDT
Your poetry in the first two is almost a short story. I mean that in a good way. Perhaps you might consider writing the first as a short story. Add more of the moment and why it occured . There is alot of guilt and pain seen in all three. Your words touch a part of me. As I am sure it does many others. I voted yes. Wish you much luck
Niyahlove
http://www.webook.com/project/Pain-of-another
Niyahlove
http://www.webook.com/project/Pain-of-another
This Feedback was...
8/27/2009 1:11 PM PDT
"just Looking" was my favorite!
You rhyme wonderfully and your subject matter is very real to life; inspiring to the reader that they are not alone in the pain dealt by life's decisions. Very good work!
You rhyme wonderfully and your subject matter is very real to life; inspiring to the reader that they are not alone in the pain dealt by life's decisions. Very good work!
This Feedback was...
8/27/2009 12:55 PM PDT
All three poems are so very true to life. Deep and thought provoking. I enjoyed your writing very much.
http://www.webook.com/project/Blackened-Rose
http://www.webook.com/project/Blackened-Rose
This Feedback was...
8/27/2009 6:14 AM PDT
An excellent, heartbreaking set of poems. "Despair" and "Just Looking" in particular caught my attention. "Consequences" needs a little cleaning up to be ready for publication (in particular, "install" should be "in store.")
Best wishes with the vote!
Traci
http://www.webook.com/project/Communion
Best wishes with the vote!
Traci
http://www.webook.com/project/Communion
This Feedback was...
8/27/2009 2:07 AM PDT
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8/26/2009 2:02 PM PDT
I liked them all, but think consequences could have a couple little tweaks.
What could you offer? You are a child still.
clears it up a bit.
It is at times like these when you feel most alone,
As you sit and cry and wonder how it’s all gone.
I'm not sure as to how you would fix this one, but it is a forces rhyme. Other than that some lines seem a bit different and the rythm is thrown. Not to the point of completely changing it, but a syllable here n there. Maybe a few re-reads may improve it a bit. ----just a suggestion----
Good job and good luck.
What could you offer? You are a child still.
clears it up a bit.
It is at times like these when you feel most alone,
As you sit and cry and wonder how it’s all gone.
I'm not sure as to how you would fix this one, but it is a forces rhyme. Other than that some lines seem a bit different and the rythm is thrown. Not to the point of completely changing it, but a syllable here n there. Maybe a few re-reads may improve it a bit. ----just a suggestion----
Good job and good luck.
This Feedback was...
8/26/2009 10:40 AM PDT
Very nice! I liked Just looking, very nice stuff.
This Feedback was...
8/26/2009 9:29 AM PDT
Your work is well written and a pleasure to read....
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8/26/2009 5:12 AM PDT
You're quite a gifted storyteller, very nice stories behind your poems. The best of luck.
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8/25/2009 7:18 PM PDT
Consequences was like a sad tale, I enjoyed the devil's advocate sense of a tone until the end of the poem where you finished cleverly.
Despair was a fairly depressing poem, although it had a nice tone and flow to it. It also reminded me of the Snow Patrol song Run. Nice job.
I really enjoyed Just Looking, and the ending I thought was very well thought of.
Great job you have my vote.
Despair was a fairly depressing poem, although it had a nice tone and flow to it. It also reminded me of the Snow Patrol song Run. Nice job.
I really enjoyed Just Looking, and the ending I thought was very well thought of.
Great job you have my vote.
This Feedback was...
8/25/2009 9:50 AM PDT
Consequences was amazing! What a complete story you tell! Very emotional and very well done. Loved despair and Just Looking also. Good luck!
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8/25/2009 9:19 AM PDT
despair was my fav, I like what you write about and just looking is so well written. They ae emotive entries and I like them lots
All the best, Sunyata
All the best, Sunyata
This Feedback was...
8/25/2009 3:44 AM PDT
voted! Awesome!
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8/24/2009 9:30 AM PDT
loved Consequences. Youhave my vote
This Feedback was...
8/24/2009 8:29 AM PDT
General:
you definitely have a fantastic start here.
Content:
I thought the last line of "Looking" was fantastic. It really brought the poem together.
Imagery:
You are really more abstract and interrogative so your poems would benefit from some imagery.
With "Looking" perhaps you could give us a peek at the face that bears all this hardship. Crows feet? Wrinkles? Gray hair?
With "Despair" it might be good just to include an image from a memory of the speaker or a glance at where he/she is now.
Adding images will solidifying the feelings you are trying to convey.
good luck!
you definitely have a fantastic start here.
Content:
I thought the last line of "Looking" was fantastic. It really brought the poem together.
Imagery:
You are really more abstract and interrogative so your poems would benefit from some imagery.
With "Looking" perhaps you could give us a peek at the face that bears all this hardship. Crows feet? Wrinkles? Gray hair?
With "Despair" it might be good just to include an image from a memory of the speaker or a glance at where he/she is now.
Adding images will solidifying the feelings you are trying to convey.
good luck!
This Feedback was...
8/24/2009 8:07 AM PDT
Well done... Voted.
If you've time...http://www.webook.com/project/My-Best-Three-Poems-WEBook-2009
;-) X
If you've time...http://www.webook.com/project/My-Best-Three-Poems-WEBook-2009
;-) X
This Feedback was...
8/24/2009 8:05 AM PDT
great poetry! very well-written! i hope to see your poetry published!!!
thank you taking the time to look at my poetry, it was much appreciated!!
thank you taking the time to look at my poetry, it was much appreciated!!
This Feedback was...
8/24/2009 7:49 AM PDT
Good enough to be published. Voted.
And if you have the time, check out mine...
http://www.webook.com/project/Animal-Cruelty
And if you have the time, check out mine...
http://www.webook.com/project/Animal-Cruelty
This Feedback was...
8/23/2009 11:36 PM PDT
This Feedback was...
8/8/2009 1:40 PM PDT
This Feedback was...
8/8/2009 11:12 AM PDT
Consequences and Dispair take a realistic look at life. You have a way of taking the inner feelings and making them so vivid to the reader.
This Feedback was...
8/8/2009 10:00 AM PDT
I am interested in what is shared in these poems, but I found your phrasing awkward to my ear when I read the words aloud. The narrative piece, "Consequences" could benefit from some indication that time is advancing (perhaps by separating verses?). It was my favorite. I found "Just Looking" thought- provoking and simply stated.
This Feedback was...
8/7/2009 12:02 PM PDT
This is very good poetry.
Good Luck.
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-competition
If you get the time.
Good Luck.
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-competition
If you get the time.
This Feedback was...
8/5/2009 5:55 PM PDT
lovely poetry! i'm so glad you submitted it for the vote! i hope you get them published!!!
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-Poems-From-My-Freshman-Year-In-High-School
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-Poems-From-My-Freshman-Year-In-High-School
This Feedback was...
8/5/2009 5:58 AM PDT
absolutely, yes!
I love the emotions running free...
If you want to find mine:
http://www.webook.com/project/Voodoo-Hearts-My-3-Poems-for-entry-Webook-2009poetryVOTE
I love the emotions running free...
If you want to find mine:
http://www.webook.com/project/Voodoo-Hearts-My-3-Poems-for-entry-Webook-2009poetryVOTE
This Feedback was...
8/5/2009 5:34 AM PDT
This Feedback was...
8/4/2009 4:32 PM PDT
This Feedback was...
8/3/2009 8:29 AM PDT
i vote publish.
This Feedback was...
8/2/2009 2:26 AM PDT
3 good works. I wish you luck in the vote
This Feedback was...
8/1/2009 5:35 AM PDT
http://www.webook.com/project/Visions-Of-Publication
Great pieces, you got my vote
Return the favor plz.
Great pieces, you got my vote
Return the favor plz.
This Feedback was...
7/22/2009 10:02 PM PDT
I find your poems very relevant to anyone's life, and it seems you have extracted the essence from either your personal experiences or from what you have learned from others. You don't attempt to make the poetry very complex, and thus make it available to a very large audience. They are peaceful and speak beautifully of human regret, loss, and indifference, while offering a glimmer of hope.
This Feedback was...
6/20/2009 10:49 AM PDT
This is a remarkable poem. I'm sure anyone who reads it will relate, as I do. It's a beautifully-written story that stirs up past memories. Very well done. Your poetry reminds me of the wonderful Irish poet Seamus Heaney who won the Nobel Prize in literature in 1995. Definitely a contender.
This Feedback was...
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