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Book Info
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Project Leader:
Scott_White
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Participants:
The WEbook community -
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only -
Category:
Fiction -
Genre:
Literary
Literary -
Language:
English
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Necklace of Papeldon
GIVE FEEDBACK
11/11/2008 10:16 PM PST
Got my vote, go for it!
11/8/2008 11:11 PM PST
Did you change anything from last time? This doesn't seem any different. I suggest taking prior feedback into consideration before submitting for publication again.
7/21/2008 7:12 PM PDT
I'm confused, but not bored. I'll try to get to Chapters 2 and 3 later.
7/20/2008 1:23 PM PDT
You need to give a sense of setting, identify the speakers, identify the characters, have better descriptions, etc. I have no idea who the key players are, what their goals are, where they are, and thus have no reason to care about them. The only action is TOLD, now SHOWN, and via dialogue.
Do you perhaps wish to write this as a screenplay or something?
You said you enjoy C.S. Lewis. Read how he makes his stories alive with characters and magical lands, with drama, action, and suspense, and use what you found worked for him to better your writing.
Do you perhaps wish to write this as a screenplay or something?
You said you enjoy C.S. Lewis. Read how he makes his stories alive with characters and magical lands, with drama, action, and suspense, and use what you found worked for him to better your writing.
7/19/2008 5:38 AM PDT
This is really promising but it does need work. I won't vote for it this time, but once you fix things up (and if you'd like some help I'd be willing to give it) I'll likely change my stance.
7/19/2008 5:27 AM PDT
Scott -- I found the following message that you sent to me to be inappropriate:
Subject: bitch!
shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!
Subject: bitch!
shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!
7/18/2008 3:22 PM PDT
I find this too difficult to read. I would like to see the dialogue in quotes, with the speaker identified, and the narrative filled out a bit more.
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