Book Info
Participants:
The WEbook community
The WEbook community
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only
Project Leader Only
Format:
Continuous/Novel
Continuous/Novel
Type:
Fiction
Fiction
Genre:
Children's Books
Children's Books
Language:
English
English
book_central
GIVE FEEDBACK
8/1/2008 02:49 PM PT
Yaaay! You have definitely won a publication of your story! I am so happy for you. I have 94 Votes so hopefully will at least come in on the top 10% to be published. I have enjoyed this journey and I must say that your book far exceeds all of the rest. Congratulations. You tell a wonderful story for children to read or to be read to. I was honored to read it. Sincerely, Tamara0449
8/1/2008 11:55 AM PT
Your story actually made me reflect back to my childhood and the love of Dr. Seuss. That is what this story reminds me of. And I am a huge Dr. Seuss fan. I am truly honored to read such a delightful writing.
8/1/2008 06:52 AM PT
grate.
8/1/2008 06:51 AM PT
grat
7/31/2008 10:57 AM PT
Have to agree that this is very cute and well written. It is also, however, a bit long for the age of audience at which it seems to be directed in my opinion. My kids are 10,8 and 4 - while they all enjoyed it, the four year old had wandered off before the story was half over. Interesting illustrations may help to prevent that, but if your intended audience is the preschool crowd - that is the audience which was lost while reading this to my own kids.
My eight year old daughter thought it was adorable and wanted to draw the pictures herself :)
My eight year old daughter thought it was adorable and wanted to draw the pictures herself :)
7/31/2008 09:57 AM PT
You know I love your stuff KB :) Keep on writing!!
7/31/2008 08:55 AM PT
I read this and agree with others about the longer words.
Or terms used by therapists like "Delusions" You don't want
some small child asking mom or dad what delusions are.
This sounds like it is for pretty small children. Kindergarten
or first grade. Something you might read at story time or
bed time.
I would condense this as the length might make kids lose
interest. Their attention span isn't very long. Long, adult
terms don't help. Kids might not notice anyway or there
might be one who asks too many questions.
I would recommend that you tweak this a bit.
Or terms used by therapists like "Delusions" You don't want
some small child asking mom or dad what delusions are.
This sounds like it is for pretty small children. Kindergarten
or first grade. Something you might read at story time or
bed time.
I would condense this as the length might make kids lose
interest. Their attention span isn't very long. Long, adult
terms don't help. Kids might not notice anyway or there
might be one who asks too many questions.
I would recommend that you tweak this a bit.
7/31/2008 04:36 AM PT
I loved it
7/30/2008 12:50 PM PT
It was so cute. I loved books like this when i was younger. These are the kinds of things that made me love reading so much after I got older.
7/30/2008 09:17 AM PT
It's a lovely book, honestly. I think it'll be great with some illustrations. I do think it is a little long though. The rhyming did catch my eye though, very cool. And the title is cute.
7/30/2008 07:56 AM PT
It is a little long for children. Other than that, the story is great and full of sweetness and love. That's what children need. Good luck.
7/30/2008 06:37 AM PT
Nice and airy-a fun book to share with your children!!
Robin
(Donna's cousin)
Robin
(Donna's cousin)
7/29/2008 08:57 PM PT
a bit too long for some kids to enjoy...
7/29/2008 08:48 PM PT
Your story is quite intriguing. I feel like if i had to babysit some kids this would be a story to bring along as not only the kids would be impressed, i would be entertained.
7/29/2008 08:09 PM PT
This woman is a great writer I know I'm only 15 but a story like this is great for little ones PERFECTO lolz I hope you get published one day
7/29/2008 07:29 PM PT
Great story! I think your right that the rhyming will attract the little ones. By the way, I realized that in the title Nelly is spelled
N-E-L-L-Y and in the story it is spelled N-E-L-L-I-E.
N-E-L-L-Y and in the story it is spelled N-E-L-L-I-E.
7/29/2008 06:34 PM PT
great!!
7/29/2008 06:23 PM PT
Nice story. I think the rhymes will amuse the little ones.
7/29/2008 05:27 PM PT
A delightful story. The rhythm, rhyme and repetition will delight a young child as well! Like many others, I wonder about the length. And I wonder if a child of your target audience is ready for a story that takes several sittings, rather than one. The best thing is the TEST...and it sounds like parents on here have tested it with their young ones and it worked! The vocabulary does not bother me...children learn vocabulary from context, and giving them a book "on their level" vocabulary wise does nothing to increase their vocabulary, so I say good for you on that score!
7/29/2008 04:06 PM PT
I think the story is great. Lot`s of tounge twister names kids like to hear. Good luck hope you have much success.
7/29/2008 01:40 PM PT
I think children will love this. I would love to see parents try and read this without getting their tongues twisted. I can picture inmy mind these animals speaking and what they will look like. That's what I think a great author should be able to do. Good luck
7/29/2008 01:32 PM PT
Even though the story is long, considering the attention span of children, the rhyming and rhythmic tone of the story will really keep their interest. I am a bit concern of some of the words used. Overall, it is a very good book. Hope to see it published.
7/29/2008 12:20 PM PT
Sorry, I read my review and I think I may have given you the wrong impression. I meant a couple of my comments to be funny, not serious - I did love Nervous Nelly Nanny Goat. I loved all the animal names and I smiled when I tried to picture parents getting their tongues around the words when reading them out loud. That wasn't a criticism even if it came out like one.
And I love that you're teaching children about all the emotions they may feel and how those emotions are nothing to be afraid of. Children often think that they should always be happy, and can worry to an alarming extent when they perceive something 'wrong' about themselves. More so that teenagers sometimes.
I think this would be great with illustrations. It's a shame that WeBook doesn't have a facility to include illustrations, it would be nice to see how the words and the pictures in this fit together.
Anyway, I liked this a lot,
Fi
And I love that you're teaching children about all the emotions they may feel and how those emotions are nothing to be afraid of. Children often think that they should always be happy, and can worry to an alarming extent when they perceive something 'wrong' about themselves. More so that teenagers sometimes.
I think this would be great with illustrations. It's a shame that WeBook doesn't have a facility to include illustrations, it would be nice to see how the words and the pictures in this fit together.
Anyway, I liked this a lot,
Fi
7/29/2008 12:10 PM PT
Hi Kathy,
I just finished reading this. I enjoyed this story and I think the imagery is really great. I don't know what it is about animals, but the children I teach prefer talking animals to talking people, no matter what the speech actually is.
I did think while reading though that I felt a bit sorry for the parents who have to read this out loud each night - Crotchety Crandall Crocodile, Lady Leona Leopard, and some of the others.
I did find it a little long as well, but since of you've stated that you intend for it to be read over several evenings rather than one, I think it's actually a good idea. So many books only last one or two nights, but of course parents need books every nights. Today's favourites might not be tomorrows.
I found a couple of mistakes while I was reading - at least, I think they're mistakes:
Now Bonnie Be Bop Blue Bird has all the B’s you’ve every heard! - 'ever'.
She yelled real loud, “The Leopard’s spots are finer then mine I’ve found!” - 'than'.
He barked out, “I’m sad because I’m old, he said soulfully!” - speechmarks after 'old'?
I hope this is helpful,
Fiona
I just finished reading this. I enjoyed this story and I think the imagery is really great. I don't know what it is about animals, but the children I teach prefer talking animals to talking people, no matter what the speech actually is.
I did think while reading though that I felt a bit sorry for the parents who have to read this out loud each night - Crotchety Crandall Crocodile, Lady Leona Leopard, and some of the others.
I did find it a little long as well, but since of you've stated that you intend for it to be read over several evenings rather than one, I think it's actually a good idea. So many books only last one or two nights, but of course parents need books every nights. Today's favourites might not be tomorrows.
I found a couple of mistakes while I was reading - at least, I think they're mistakes:
Now Bonnie Be Bop Blue Bird has all the B’s you’ve every heard! - 'ever'.
She yelled real loud, “The Leopard’s spots are finer then mine I’ve found!” - 'than'.
He barked out, “I’m sad because I’m old, he said soulfully!” - speechmarks after 'old'?
I hope this is helpful,
Fiona
7/29/2008 09:34 AM PT
Dropped by to vote. I'm a dummy. I replied, but failed to vote because I didn't know how,
7/28/2008 11:19 PM PT
wow!..that was good ^_^
I think my nephew would like it
I think my nephew would like it
7/28/2008 10:21 PM PT
very good
7/28/2008 10:16 PM PT
me thinks kids would like to read this. quite fun! kudos!
7/28/2008 08:49 PM PT
Not the sort of stuff I usually read, but you have a definite way with words. Very good. I wish I could write as easily as you seem to.
7/28/2008 07:02 PM PT
I like the alliterative names--Nervous Nelly Nanny Goat is just fun to say--and I think the message is a good one. However, some of the words, like meander and burdensome and contusions, are beyond the vocabulary of your target audience. Also, the rhythm is "off" in some of the stanzas. The lines don't always flow smoothly from one to the next.
7/28/2008 06:05 PM PT
i think your story is adorable, and it would definately be a book that i would love to read to my 7 yr old daughter! she would like it as well!
7/28/2008 05:25 PM PT
that was really cute.
7/28/2008 04:53 PM PT
I love this story, I could picture myself reading it aloud with some thoroughly engrossed child by my side. I would love to see it illustrated.
7/28/2008 04:22 PM PT
its lovely!!! i think kids would lve it!!!
7/28/2008 03:26 PM PT
You bring a vocabulary to the table that most children's authors wouldn't dream of. It kind of threw me at first, but all in all I kind of liked it. More importantly, I think this is a nice story that kids and their parents can read together. I only wish I could have seen it with the pictures, too.
7/28/2008 02:51 PM PT
good
7/28/2008 01:46 PM PT
I really enjoyed it..I think that it would be perfect for kids and it reminded me of the stories that I used to read and I'm glad that you brought that style back..very good!!
7/28/2008 01:34 PM PT
I just read it to my five yr old boy. He LOVED it.
It opened the door for a vocabulary discussion while I explained the words he didn't know.
Thanks for sharing.
It opened the door for a vocabulary discussion while I explained the words he didn't know.
Thanks for sharing.
7/28/2008 01:05 PM PT
Think this would be a great kids story.
7/28/2008 12:49 PM PT
i loved actually. i agree though that maybe some of the words are a bit too big for some kids.
7/28/2008 11:49 AM PT
very cute - it has lots of opportunities for adorable illustrations!
7/28/2008 10:38 AM PT
I think it was cute
7/28/2008 10:27 AM PT
Very well done, children will enjoy this!
7/28/2008 07:20 AM PT
Wonderful, but I do agree that the words may be a bit difficult for younger ages. It would still be a good vocabulary exercise though. Very well done.
7/28/2008 06:47 AM PT
i liked it as well, but some of the words seemd like they might be a little too big or hard to understand for kids under a certain age..
it rhymed really well though and read just like a story more so than as poetry which was nice..
good job!
it rhymed really well though and read just like a story more so than as poetry which was nice..
good job!
7/28/2008 04:48 AM PT
Adorable concept and good execution!
7/28/2008 01:41 AM PT
This story is well written!! Two Thums Up!!
7/27/2008 10:23 PM PT
gee I wish I could add something that others have not but all their words are correct this will keep them yelling for more
please dont stop writing these they are fantastic I wish I could give you more than just four but if that is all they alllow i see
Good luck and my the Great Spirit soar with his hand upon your shoulder
please dont stop writing these they are fantastic I wish I could give you more than just four but if that is all they alllow i see
Good luck and my the Great Spirit soar with his hand upon your shoulder
7/27/2008 09:10 PM PT
I loved it that was imagination at it's best, that will keep children's imaginations busy with good things
7/27/2008 09:08 PM PT
I don't know what I rated this story at. Sorry, if I hit a low vote. I mean for it to be a high vote.
I did enjoy reading it. I was really enjoying the story, it is so delightful. I am sure children will love this piece, no doubt.
I was having so much fun reading it, that I was disappointed
it had to end. Any chance for part II. LOL I loved it. I am looking forward to reading more of your work.
I did enjoy reading it. I was really enjoying the story, it is so delightful. I am sure children will love this piece, no doubt.
I was having so much fun reading it, that I was disappointed
it had to end. Any chance for part II. LOL I loved it. I am looking forward to reading more of your work.
7/27/2008 08:11 PM PT
A very nice piece for children. A nice message, a nice, fun rhyme scheme, and some fun imagery and interaction.
Very good example of a story in verse, and something I could totally see myself reading to my summer reading program students.
I will say, though, that reading it aloud to yourself is a good idea for editing. Find a few places (which it seems as though there are a few) where there's a small hitch in the rhythm. If it's intentional, then keep it-- if not, then it definitely needs to go.
Also, at the end, you use "to each and every friend" and "end". I question this, as those two together <i>once</i> is usually enough to be considered a forced rhyme, but it's awfully redundant to have them twice together.
Just a thought.
Otherwise, a very nice piece!
Very good example of a story in verse, and something I could totally see myself reading to my summer reading program students.
I will say, though, that reading it aloud to yourself is a good idea for editing. Find a few places (which it seems as though there are a few) where there's a small hitch in the rhythm. If it's intentional, then keep it-- if not, then it definitely needs to go.
Also, at the end, you use "to each and every friend" and "end". I question this, as those two together <i>once</i> is usually enough to be considered a forced rhyme, but it's awfully redundant to have them twice together.
Just a thought.
Otherwise, a very nice piece!
7/27/2008 06:37 PM PT
Your rhyming scheme sounds forced at times, and the flow is occasionally interrupted. Read your poem aloud, going through each stanza a few times, and try to develop a steady, natural beat. Don't think you have to stick to the same rhythm all the time, though. You can go change from say a 4/4 beat to a 2/4, or even 5/4, to name a few; as long as you make sure sounds natural when you read it out loud.
Length is a double-edged sword in this case. Each encounter is short. They're quick messages said in a cute way, so kids don't get hung up on them.
But you have too many encounters. 7049 words for a children's book? I can see this lengthened into a series of books, where Nervous Nelle Nanny Goat travels around to different areas. Maybe she's exploring her neighborhood in the first book, and then heads off to various all places in the proceeding ones (all up to you, of course).
Overall it was a nice story.
Length is a double-edged sword in this case. Each encounter is short. They're quick messages said in a cute way, so kids don't get hung up on them.
But you have too many encounters. 7049 words for a children's book? I can see this lengthened into a series of books, where Nervous Nelle Nanny Goat travels around to different areas. Maybe she's exploring her neighborhood in the first book, and then heads off to various all places in the proceeding ones (all up to you, of course).
Overall it was a nice story.
7/27/2008 06:34 PM PT
oh, lovely!
7/27/2008 04:36 PM PT
Oh ...this is stunning!
It held my attention all the way through,
i think a child would delight in this.
The characters ,
the rhythm....
the message....
Your talent and imagination really come through on thios very first piece i read of yours.
Sheer delight.
LOWELL
It held my attention all the way through,
i think a child would delight in this.
The characters ,
the rhythm....
the message....
Your talent and imagination really come through on thios very first piece i read of yours.
Sheer delight.
LOWELL
7/27/2008 04:35 PM PT
Wow! I know that any child would love that!
7/27/2008 03:41 PM PT
I Love it.. great work and Style
7/27/2008 03:09 PM PT
It's very good and I am sure that the children will love it, especially when the pictures are added. You may want to make it a little shorter as children have a short attention span and may not be able to sit through the whole story.
7/27/2008 03:05 PM PT
I read this to my youngest daughter and she enjoyed it as much as I did - the only negative I saw was that it was a bit long.
7/27/2008 02:24 PM PT
its a little long and it needs editing and to be simplified a tad. great story though.
7/27/2008 01:51 PM PT
Wonderfully surprising. It wowed me. I'm sure any kid and adult will love it.
Hope to see it in an anthology.
Hope to see it in an anthology.
7/27/2008 01:30 PM PT
A sweet sentiment, although some of the rhythms were off.
7/27/2008 12:27 PM PT
That was a great poem and children of all ages can get something from it... Keep Writing!!1
7/27/2008 11:58 AM PT
Wow that was really good and with the illustrations, it would be such a cool childrens book.
7/27/2008 11:57 AM PT
Hi K. B.
I think your Nanny Goat...poem is refreshing in the way you have explored human emotions through the curious mind of Nanny Goat.
I like that! Keep up the good work.
I think your Nanny Goat...poem is refreshing in the way you have explored human emotions through the curious mind of Nanny Goat.
I like that! Keep up the good work.
7/27/2008 11:32 AM PT
What a wonderful imaginary story. You are definitely very gifted.
This isn't just a children's story. There is a story here for everyone hidden within a children's story.
This would be great to use helping children get in touch with their emotions (feelings) and those of others.
I am 56 years old and it lifted my spirits.
This isn't just a children's story. There is a story here for everyone hidden within a children's story.
This would be great to use helping children get in touch with their emotions (feelings) and those of others.
I am 56 years old and it lifted my spirits.
7/27/2008 11:31 AM PT
It absolutely has the makings of a great book. It does need editing. A child might be able to understand four or five different nuances behind crying, and will probably pay attention for no more than 10 minutes, so I would pick four or five characters that really stand out, and focus on them.
Also I found the beginning unclear. What exactly was she setting out do do? Be selfless? Quiz the children who are having the story read to them?
Last, though she is painted to be selfless, she does come off as a bit of a buttinsky, wandering around town asking everyone their business, just to move on to the next, then the next... and finally congratulate herself. I would be nervous teaching that lesson to my kids! Consider an ending where she herself gets teary, perhaps tears of empathy (not a bad lesson for kids), and is comforted in return. That's a lesson that a lot of parents would want to teach their children.
Again overall I think you are really, truly on to something, just needs an editing eye cast upon it now.
Also I found the beginning unclear. What exactly was she setting out do do? Be selfless? Quiz the children who are having the story read to them?
Last, though she is painted to be selfless, she does come off as a bit of a buttinsky, wandering around town asking everyone their business, just to move on to the next, then the next... and finally congratulate herself. I would be nervous teaching that lesson to my kids! Consider an ending where she herself gets teary, perhaps tears of empathy (not a bad lesson for kids), and is comforted in return. That's a lesson that a lot of parents would want to teach their children.
Again overall I think you are really, truly on to something, just needs an editing eye cast upon it now.
7/27/2008 10:27 AM PT
This would make a great children's book. Good work
7/27/2008 09:49 AM PT
Very cute for children! Great work!
-Shalyni
-Shalyni
7/27/2008 09:18 AM PT
Awesome! I'll show this to my little brother. 5/5
7/27/2008 09:14 AM PT
I loved it! I read it to my 3 year old grandson and now he's talking about Nervous Nellie Nanny Goat.
By the way thanks for your feedback.
I look forward to reading more from you.
By the way thanks for your feedback.
I look forward to reading more from you.
7/27/2008 07:30 AM PT
I really, really like this!
7/27/2008 12:09 AM PT
This could use quite a bit of tightening. I would suggest thinking carefully about how it reads aloud (some lines seem squeezed in, others sound contrived to fit). One thing that will help with this is more careful punctuation.
The story is long and I agree with Xtom that some of the language could be taken as condescending. So, more editing! It has the makings of a delightful story!
The story is long and I agree with Xtom that some of the language could be taken as condescending. So, more editing! It has the makings of a delightful story!
7/26/2008 10:19 PM PT
Um, also, but It's in "But best of all it's what she wrote" is a bit ambiguous, especially to a child. I'm not sure if you're refering to the rest of the story as what Nervous Nellie Nanny Goat wrote, or if she wrote about the first three lines.
7/26/2008 10:16 PM PT
For a children's book it is alright, though "Before I’m through - the answer comes to me not you!" sounds a bit condescending even to a child, I'd suggest dropping the "not you!" from it.
7/26/2008 08:46 PM PT
I absolutely love the story. Keep it up!
~Miki
~Miki
7/26/2008 12:17 PM PT
This is a lovely story, and although it is long, it can be read in parts to keep the child's interest and anticipation.
7/26/2008 10:31 AM PT
That was reall good. It would be a great story to read to your children during bedtime!
7/26/2008 09:35 AM PT
I think this is a wonderful childrens story.
7/26/2008 08:09 AM PT
I liked it, but I have to admit that it is rather long. I think all of us who have small children know that their attention span is very short at times. But I do like the way you approached your subject and the format makes it very catchy whic makes you want to finishh reading it. I gave you four stars. Very well done.
7/26/2008 06:42 AM PT
this is great and doesn't need to be shorter or have any of the more complex words changed ...its superb. One point the word randy means sexy in australian and Im only thinking of your international readership! cheers
7/26/2008 05:30 AM PT
This is rele cute and a lovely childrens poem :)
7/25/2008 06:49 PM PT
I enjoyed it. It would be something I would read to my kids ( If I had any lol) I hope it's on the book shelf when I do have them. Kepp it up.
7/25/2008 06:38 PM PT
Way too long for a children's book. Needs to be pared down considerably.
7/25/2008 02:03 PM PT
This tale has great potential. With some careful editing to make it more concise, resolve the cadence issues, plus artwork, it will be very fun to read to my two girls (ages 3 and 1.5 years).
I would keep the length down by limiting the number of characters to 4 or 5. Perhaps you could split it into two shorter books, a series?
The complex words are not a problem, in my opinion. Parents would normally be reading a story like this to their kids. I think thetarget audience is the under-four set.
I would keep the length down by limiting the number of characters to 4 or 5. Perhaps you could split it into two shorter books, a series?
The complex words are not a problem, in my opinion. Parents would normally be reading a story like this to their kids. I think thetarget audience is the under-four set.
7/25/2008 01:50 PM PT
I enjonyed this childrens story. Great storyline.
7/25/2008 10:49 AM PT
enjoyed it immensely!! entertaining and educational at the same time... Loved it because its enjoyable, easy to understand and its like a nursery rhyme... and its great for a child.. Hope tht it'll inspire them to read and maybe write their own little poems!!Great job!
7/25/2008 05:23 AM PT
this was done very well!
7/24/2008 08:21 PM PT
This isn't my genre, yet I appreciate the creativity and message it brings. I do agree that perhaps there are a few complex words that may need to be simplified and the cadence being off in spots. I really is very cute and a great message about feelings for kiddos. Great job and good luck on the contest!
7/24/2008 07:19 PM PT
I have a very old book. It was my mothers growing up and it had been passed on to me. The cover is orange is made of some sort of cloth almost, and I know for sure it was one book out of a series of a collection. In that book is old childrens poems. Classics. As I was reading this, I was reminded of that book. Your story, poemwould fit perfectly with the other classic storys in my book. Fantastic really.
7/24/2008 07:09 PM PT
I found this to be very creative writing, and so perfect for a child.
and this gives a lesson also of being kind and sensitive to others' feelings. keep up the good work!
and this gives a lesson also of being kind and sensitive to others' feelings. keep up the good work!
7/24/2008 06:47 PM PT
I like it a lot. It is super cute and has a good message.
There are a few spelling errors and a few words that are big but other than that I love it. Very nice.
There are a few spelling errors and a few words that are big but other than that I love it. Very nice.
7/24/2008 05:03 PM PT
I think that the biggish words isn't much of a problem. I also understand what others are saying about the cadence being off in places, but I think that would be fixed by putting the line breaks in the right places, and treating it like a story with lots of rhymes in it, rather than a poem with a rigid rhyme scheme.
7/24/2008 04:28 PM PT
Well done you. I have to say I never read anything quite like it. On a different topic, I'm a huge fan of Roberts' JD Robb "In Death' sequence. I'd love a movie version.
7/24/2008 02:51 PM PT
I like the overall moral of the story. and the character names are very catchy!
but some words are incomprehensible to the targeted age group. (meandered, antics, delusions)
obviously, illustrations are a significant part of children's books. So once the pictures are put up, the story will tie together.
but some words are incomprehensible to the targeted age group. (meandered, antics, delusions)
obviously, illustrations are a significant part of children's books. So once the pictures are put up, the story will tie together.
7/24/2008 11:49 AM PT
Very good. While the text be a little long.
