Book Info
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Project Leader:
Dark
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Participants:
The WEbook community -
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only -
Category:
Fiction -
Genre:
Romance -
Language:
English
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Nonexistence
Scott Miller, a young and bitterly hopeless teen living in the heat-stricken desert of Arizona, is forced to move away from home. Being one of those straight-A students who puts absolutely no effort into his studies, Scott is quite the little loner.
This past year he decided to delve a little deeper into manic depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and other mental illnesses. Through tireless research he discovers that he suffers from a disease known as Dermatillomania, or Compul ... more »
This past year he decided to delve a little deeper into manic depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and other mental illnesses. Through tireless research he discovers that he suffers from a disease known as Dermatillomania, or Compul ... more »
GIVE FEEDBACK
I like your description. It definitely intrigues the reader. If I may be so bold as to offer suggestions, I would change the following:
When you say "delve a little deeper" that infers that he has delved before and is now going further. Without confirmation of this, the reader is left to wonder if he is researching these diseases or if he has them. I also would start the sentence with "In the past year . . . "
You mention that Scott is numb to the sever pains of this world, yet in the first sentence you tell us he is bitterly hopeless. In order to be bitter about something (or nothing) you would have to be able to feel. These two sentences seem contradictory.
I think everyone can sympathize with his plight and has probably lived in "nonexistence" at some point in their life. The chance to start over in a new place is an interesting opportunity and I think your character could definitely benefit from it.
Have you written any of this yet? I will look forward to reading it when you do.
When you say "delve a little deeper" that infers that he has delved before and is now going further. Without confirmation of this, the reader is left to wonder if he is researching these diseases or if he has them. I also would start the sentence with "In the past year . . . "
You mention that Scott is numb to the sever pains of this world, yet in the first sentence you tell us he is bitterly hopeless. In order to be bitter about something (or nothing) you would have to be able to feel. These two sentences seem contradictory.
I think everyone can sympathize with his plight and has probably lived in "nonexistence" at some point in their life. The chance to start over in a new place is an interesting opportunity and I think your character could definitely benefit from it.
Have you written any of this yet? I will look forward to reading it when you do.
I like the idea so far. Make sure you let the reader know what Scott is thinking and feeling. Detail is everything!
Description is a good start.
With all his disorders, trying to be the person he thinks is inside him may prove to be a bit warped. Given his mental conditions, who knows what his subconscious really believes him to be.
Not an outline yet, but a great set of ideas. Let's see the first chapter.
With all his disorders, trying to be the person he thinks is inside him may prove to be a bit warped. Given his mental conditions, who knows what his subconscious really believes him to be.
Not an outline yet, but a great set of ideas. Let's see the first chapter.
You have a good description... would like to see more! Sounds like it will be disturbingly wonderful!
Very nice description. I find it compelling, but it also invoked my curiousity. If this were on the dust cover I would have already torn into it voraciously by now.
Wow, this 'upcoming' story, already makes me thirst for more... PLEASE, begin writing. You sure have my vote! (:
As a possibly non-existing person, often uncomfortable in my own skin. I am ready to read more of this story.
I saw in the Forums that you want feedback, so I gave this a read.
The idea is loaded with potential, but now you need to apply some real creative writing and editing chops to make it come to life.
First, word choice. Avoid piling on "stock" words like "young, bitterly hopeless teen"..."tireless research"...."frozen over Hell". If you use too many of these, the piece itself will seem "stock", and unoriginal.
The idea is loaded with potential, but now you need to apply some real creative writing and editing chops to make it come to life.
First, word choice. Avoid piling on "stock" words like "young, bitterly hopeless teen"..."tireless research"...."frozen over Hell". If you use too many of these, the piece itself will seem "stock", and unoriginal.
Interesting beginning, I am curious to see how he will slip out of nonexistence. I have to say it grips the reader and gives a clear picture of the main character from the start. While there isn't a lot to give feedback on its a good start and worth checking back on from time to time to see how you've progressed
I'm interested in his Dermatillomania sounds weird did you make that up, if not it's still tight if so even better. Scott sounds more than a little crazy though I imagine him highly damaged and a magnet for women with save the world complexes or possibly dysfunctional gay men looking to take advantage of an idealistic unhappy boy. I'd keep reading if I could. Good deal man. ~V~
I agree your opening sentence is fantatsic and drew me in to want to read the entire story...excellent intro hun...cant wai tot read it all!
Sounds interesting. You grabbed my attention from the first sentence. I want to know what is going to happen. Good writing.
It sounds really interesting! I really like what there is so far...... can't wait to see how you continue with it.
oooo. i'm a psychology major, and find this book very interesting! I am very excited to see how you will develop this story! good luck!
We don't have a lot to go on here, were you looking for critiques on your intro? I misunderstood, sorry about that, so, with that said...
your story line sounds great and I really like the idea that you chose a 'real life' disease to center it around. I enjoy reading when it includes something that I'm not very familiar with, I get to learn about issues that I may have never stumbled upon otherwise. Can't wait to read more.
your story line sounds great and I really like the idea that you chose a 'real life' disease to center it around. I enjoy reading when it includes something that I'm not very familiar with, I get to learn about issues that I may have never stumbled upon otherwise. Can't wait to read more.
Wow.. sounds like a very interesting concept... and actually, I know someone with Dermatillomania, so it kinda interests me even more.
I'd love to read more, especially some detail!
I'd love to read more, especially some detail!
You've already made my skin crawl. Good for you! I'll tune in tomorrow for another installment but you might want to correct the spelling of the title, you hit the nail on the head in the last paragraph. Peace.
I just read the synopsis above and it has great potentials, with a very strong imagery. I humbly suggest that you keep the writing clear and limpid. Avoid complicated and flowery writing.
I love this concept. It took me a minute follow the transition in the description, but I really look forward to reading some inner monologues from this character.
When I read the breif description it was a little hard to follow in some spots, put the plot line is great! It definately shows perspective, keep writing! =]
-Maddie.
-Maddie.
I love the idea of this book. I'm assuming you have some knowledge or have done some research into the disease?
I get the impression the book is going to have quite a dark tone and yet I'm interested in how you've classed it as a romance. I'd love to read more when you've written more!
I get the impression the book is going to have quite a dark tone and yet I'm interested in how you've classed it as a romance. I'd love to read more when you've written more!
This sounds really interesting and kind of deep, the kind of writing that would make you think. I would like to read more as well.
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