Hassard Zone

Suspense, Danger, Drugs, Sex and War all play apart in this psychological thriller.

Two Marine vets returned home from their hell in Nam and found a new and equally dangerous hell. Robert assists Sam in an effort to quell the drugs being fed to Sam's wife from an unexpected source. In their effort to find and expose the source, they journey into dark places within corrupt government, their past and even within their relationship. Like pulling a dangling thread, the story unravels new and more intriguing events that exposes a dark and hidden demon within one of these heroes. ... more »

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Earlier Feedback

Beruthiel

4/25/2010 3:19 PM PDT

Yeah - the new version is a lot more powerful. And I'm glad you are going down the psychological thriller route, it definitely sounds the more interesting choice.

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penbuddy

4/25/2010 9:49 AM PDT

Genre and Summary have been updated.

penbuddy

4/25/2010 9:12 AM PDT

Beruthiel,

Thanks for your honest and helpful feedback.

My initial intent was to make the story line (action and adventure) the main emphasis; but, the more I think about this, I am leaning to making the "heroes" the emphasis, focusing on the affect of the events upon the lives of the two vets. Mystery, action and adventure then finds itself as the vehicle that develops the characters, the heroes, and reveals the hidden demon within the one.

I apologize for the confusion that is caused my the reality that this is still fermenting within my soul. <grin>

The "cop shop" being the source of the drugs is only that "Irish Pendant" that when pulled it unravels a much deeper problem. It is my springboard, not the core of the storyline. As you put it, "...focus is on the effect of the discovery on your protagonist..."

Did you see my summary of this story in the current challenge? http://www.webook.com/project/The-Short-Summary-Challenge

Thanks again for your feedback, it is greatly appreciated. This story has been peculating for some time now. It is just recently beginning to take form in my mind.

Beruthiel

4/24/2010 1:53 PM PDT

General:
Your synopsis is leaving me rather confused: am I in for an action adventure or a psychological study?

I happen to read both genres, but a lot of people would read only one. Being unclear over this may lead prospective readers to dismiss your book as not to their taste, when they would actually enjoy your writing!

Plot:
I'm afraid that the drug supplier = cops' evidence room is not a new idea. That doesn't mean you can't use it, of course. If your focus is on the effect of the discovery on your protagonist, then it doesn't matter at all.

It depends whether your focus is on the mystery - as your genre label suggests, or on your hero - as suggested by this synopsis.

Tone/Voice:
My advice would be: don't tell the reader what they are supposed to feel. Just give them the facts; leave it to them whether they find it surprising or not.

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