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Children's Books
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11/13/2008 03:18 AM PT
Every child and Adult can relate to this fantastic story!!!!
11/8/2008 07:14 AM PT
That is quite a nice little story.
11/6/2008 10:04 AM PT
Lovely story. You´ve got my vote. I like the sewing kit in the mouth. Please check out my "Haggis" story if you have time, it´s in the voting cycle too. :)
11/5/2008 06:42 PM PT
This tale has a lot to offer. It's very creative.
11/4/2008 10:36 AM PT
Good luck :)
8/1/2008 12:08 PM PT
I liked how Lucy thought of all the things that happen with the tooth fairy. I thought it was a great idea to do something on the toothfairy. I liked how you siad tooth hurty and i loved how it was wisdom teeth and how the tooth was found in the waffles. You used great words. it was an Awesome story aunt Jayne
8/1/2008 09:01 AM PT
I just finished reading your other two and perhaps their rythmn made it harder for me to read this one than if I had read this one first; but I can't help but wonder if this would be even better in the poetic format of the other two??
I agree with the comment that states some of the play on word and their explainations felt forced. Your other two set a high standard...but I am sure you can get this one there!
I agree with the comment that states some of the play on word and their explainations felt forced. Your other two set a high standard...but I am sure you can get this one there!
7/31/2008 10:58 PM PT
Great story and very cute. I would cut out a few of the questions in the beginning, a little too many. To make the story even better and tighten it up. It is so good and would be gorgeous with illustrations. I don't think it is too short or too long. Perfect the way it is--great job!
Just a few typos and grammatical errors that I found to help you out:
mouth but Mom’s =mouth, but Mom
Apple and =apple and
besides she?=besides her?
first tooth but =first tooth, but
Tooth Fairy’s is spelled two different ways; Tooth Fairies',
also remember not to capitalize the word"The" before the Tooth Fairy. Sometimes you did and sometimes you didn't.
“Have you lost your mind, young lady?” Lucy’s Mom shouted? =
“Have you lost your mind, young lady?” Lucy’s Mom shouted.
“Maybe tonight” Lucy shouted as she turned off the bathroom light and skipped to her bedroom. =“Maybe tonight,” Lucy shouted as she turned off the bathroom light and skipped to her bedroom.
“Maybe tonight” Lucy’s Mom and Dad said =“Maybe tonight,” Lucy’s Mom and Dad said,
“Oh know” Lucy=“Oh no,” Lucy
It was more like a “my tooth is gone” shriek. Lucy actually shrieked. =It was more like a “my tooth is gone.” Lucy actually shrieked.
Mom and Dad =mom and dad==should not be capitalized throughout unless the first word in the sentence.
pillow” her =pillow,” her
tooth but it =tooth, but it
responded “we=responded, “we
“Syrup,” Lucy
tooth but =tooth, but (check there are a few of these)
“Syrup” Lucy =“Syrup,” Lucy
“No, just my tooth” Lucy =“No, just my tooth,” Lucy
“My tooth”=“My tooth,” (2 of these)
“Syrup” =“Syrup,” (2 of these)
“No, just my tooth” Lucy =“No, just my tooth,” Lucy
It was soaked in sticky syrup but =It was soaked in sticky syrup, but
“Quick” said The Blue Tooth Fairy=“Quick,” said the Blue Tooth Fairy
on the foot =at the foot
Just a few typos and grammatical errors that I found to help you out:
mouth but Mom’s =mouth, but Mom
Apple and =apple and
besides she?=besides her?
first tooth but =first tooth, but
Tooth Fairy’s is spelled two different ways; Tooth Fairies',
also remember not to capitalize the word"The" before the Tooth Fairy. Sometimes you did and sometimes you didn't.
“Have you lost your mind, young lady?” Lucy’s Mom shouted? =
“Have you lost your mind, young lady?” Lucy’s Mom shouted.
“Maybe tonight” Lucy shouted as she turned off the bathroom light and skipped to her bedroom. =“Maybe tonight,” Lucy shouted as she turned off the bathroom light and skipped to her bedroom.
“Maybe tonight” Lucy’s Mom and Dad said =“Maybe tonight,” Lucy’s Mom and Dad said,
“Oh know” Lucy=“Oh no,” Lucy
It was more like a “my tooth is gone” shriek. Lucy actually shrieked. =It was more like a “my tooth is gone.” Lucy actually shrieked.
Mom and Dad =mom and dad==should not be capitalized throughout unless the first word in the sentence.
pillow” her =pillow,” her
tooth but it =tooth, but it
responded “we=responded, “we
“Syrup,” Lucy
tooth but =tooth, but (check there are a few of these)
“Syrup” Lucy =“Syrup,” Lucy
“No, just my tooth” Lucy =“No, just my tooth,” Lucy
“My tooth”=“My tooth,” (2 of these)
“Syrup” =“Syrup,” (2 of these)
“No, just my tooth” Lucy =“No, just my tooth,” Lucy
It was soaked in sticky syrup but =It was soaked in sticky syrup, but
“Quick” said The Blue Tooth Fairy=“Quick,” said the Blue Tooth Fairy
on the foot =at the foot
7/31/2008 09:10 PM PT
too long
7/31/2008 07:49 AM PT
The idea is adorable, but I felt some of it was a bit forced. Especially all of the play on words that the author felt needed explaining.
Also, I think it either needs to be a bit longer or a bit shorter to fit a target audience. As it is now, you are kind of in the middle of two age groups.
Also, I think it either needs to be a bit longer or a bit shorter to fit a target audience. As it is now, you are kind of in the middle of two age groups.
7/31/2008 12:07 AM PT
I totally loved the ending!
"And Lucy smiled a toothy grin, minus one!" it sticks in my mind...
"And Lucy smiled a toothy grin, minus one!" it sticks in my mind...
7/30/2008 01:13 PM PT
it's a good story but I think it's a little complex for your target age group
7/30/2008 08:56 AM PT
Its very good. I am writing a novel, but the next will be children's book, actually short-stories. I enjoyed reading yours.
7/25/2008 12:02 PM PT
love the idea
7/24/2008 06:36 PM PT
Clever use of words and common phrases and expressions.
7/24/2008 03:27 PM PT
Awesome!! :)
7/22/2008 09:47 PM PT
I think children will enjoy this story.
7/21/2008 03:50 PM PT
I love the president of my imagination!
7/21/2008 08:53 AM PT
The play are words are a bit stronger than the overall story. Still, it's fun and enjoyable.
7/21/2008 03:04 AM PT
I like to see this LONGER!
7/19/2008 06:32 AM PT
The authors play on words is genius.
7/19/2008 04:02 AM PT
Clever use of language. But, recycled teeth?
7/18/2008 07:33 PM PT
My kids were intrigued.
7/18/2008 07:07 PM PT
This author is quite clever and funny.
7/18/2008 05:58 PM PT
This story was filled with both, wit and wisdom. I loved how creative and sincere this story played out. I can seriously see this story as a short animated film. This one wins an award in my book. That's the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth! :)
7/18/2008 05:51 PM PT
Very Imaginitive! Jayne is President of the Imagine Nation. Loved the ending!
7/18/2008 03:35 PM PT
silly and funny story
7/18/2008 12:59 PM PT
believing is everything!!!
7/18/2008 11:35 AM PT
Nice story -- but I tend to agree with Bobby, it would be nice for the tooth fairy to come up with a more imaginative use for baby teeth.
Couple of typos:
but Mom’s know everything. -- just plural "moms" not possessive
“Oh know” Lucy screamed -- should be "Oh, no!"
Lucy’s Mom shouted? -- no "?"
Couple of typos:
but Mom’s know everything. -- just plural "moms" not possessive
“Oh know” Lucy screamed -- should be "Oh, no!"
Lucy’s Mom shouted? -- no "?"
7/18/2008 09:27 AM PT
Who is this author and why hasn't she been published before. Very imaginitive and creative. An inspiration to all who wish to write and follow their dreams. I loved it.
7/18/2008 08:00 AM PT
Cute. The beginning is beautiful, but the middle section feels a bit forced. I was hoping the tooth fairy would do something beside recycle old teeth like Lucy had imagined. But fun overall.
7/18/2008 07:43 AM PT
where can i sign up to buy the hardback version??
7/18/2008 06:14 AM PT
Very cute.... I enjoyed this story.
7/18/2008 01:18 AM PT
What a riot. Blue Tooth Fairy is the funniest "tooth fairy" story I have ever read. My children loved the humor and suspense. A new way to look at losing teeth! Way to Go!
7/16/2008 04:12 PM PT
I want to be a kid again! Another great read.
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