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Poetry -
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English
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Teens and life
This is kind of everything that has happened to me. Reading my poems through I've concluded something.
There are so many sides to life. Happiness, grieve, regret, love, pain. And all those sides are seen, it's just that you don't know which side to expect.
Hope you all enjoy it.
There are so many sides to life. Happiness, grieve, regret, love, pain. And all those sides are seen, it's just that you don't know which side to expect.
Hope you all enjoy it.
GIVE FEEDBACK
8/30/2009 7:52 AM PDT
8/26/2009 7:35 AM PDT
Keep writing kidnice job It gets better
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-vote
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-vote
8/23/2009 9:51 AM PDT
i kind of feel like "moon" could be a metaphor for something or someone else. at least, it could be interpreted that way.
i do think your work could also benefit from some visual points, or imagery. at the moment, we only get a singular image that you push feeling on. imagery itself would evoke feeling and it wouldn't feel so superficial.
good luck!
http://www.webook.com/project/The-Romantic-the-Sucidial-and-the-Tortured-Soul
i do think your work could also benefit from some visual points, or imagery. at the moment, we only get a singular image that you push feeling on. imagery itself would evoke feeling and it wouldn't feel so superficial.
good luck!
http://www.webook.com/project/The-Romantic-the-Sucidial-and-the-Tortured-Soul
8/20/2009 4:51 PM PDT
hey very nice job love the poems. I have always enjoyed your work you know that. you can find mine here as well.
http://www.webook.com/project/poetry-for-voting
http://www.webook.com/project/poetry-for-voting
8/20/2009 3:27 PM PDT
I voted. Great poems! I loved them! Please write poetry more often!
With love and support,
Ally~*
With love and support,
Ally~*
8/19/2009 7:04 AM PDT
Imagery:
I like the way you wrote this poem. It makes me feel as if we are having the same thought and feeling regardless of the time that you wrote this.
I like the way you wrote this poem. It makes me feel as if we are having the same thought and feeling regardless of the time that you wrote this.
8/16/2009 5:49 PM PDT
Ah, reminds me that I do not want to be a teen again. Too many hormones bringing depression.
8/15/2009 9:09 PM PDT
my vote = publish!!
This Feedback was...
8/15/2009 12:54 PM PDT
Very good! your poems are different and unique! beautifully written, a yes vote.
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8/15/2009 4:56 AM PDT
Nice poem.- Very exquisitly written, and unique. I like how you've changed the color on some words.
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8/14/2009 1:42 PM PDT
I recall the intensity of my passion and the depth of my imagination concerning love and she whom I loved. I recall it well. You show this intense and deep expression of and need for love as a teenager. Great job.
You've got my vote.
Stop by and take a look at my entry.
http://www.webook.com/project/penbuddys-best-3-poems
Peace and good luck.
You've got my vote.
Stop by and take a look at my entry.
http://www.webook.com/project/penbuddys-best-3-poems
Peace and good luck.
8/13/2009 11:56 PM PDT
nice poem. I had never thought free verse will be this nice. I've read a lot of poems, yours is very unique.
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8/13/2009 9:40 PM PDT
Ok the first POEM Major winner!!! SPOKE of my whole day,heck my whole life of late, let me tell yu somethin, you couldn't have said it any better, GOOD JOB!! Definatly a publishable one, yup yup and yup again. smiles Nica
This Feedback was...
8/13/2009 11:53 AM PDT
Publish
Found them very unique in stlye and full of great imagery, language and flow
Found them very unique in stlye and full of great imagery, language and flow
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8/13/2009 11:50 AM PDT
General:
The poems are well written and you speak from the sad viewpoint of one that has been hurt and lonely. you write from your heart. You did a good job. I found no typos.You used proper punuation and the grammar was well done too.
Content:
You used free verse in all the poems and they were structured well for the most part.
The content was about lost love and the pain it causes and the use of the moon and the distance as a example of how close you can feel to another person and that is a sad disappointment when you realize you really didn't know the special person at all.
Imagery:
The imagery was good I liked the use of the moon, night and the use of paper hearts of yourself and your boyfriend, how that isn't what true love is all about. It's so much more and so very heartbreaking if that bond is broken.
Tone:
The tone was quite, slow and heavy. I only felt love, loss but no anger. No loud ranting, just thoughtful meditation.You did make a good point throughout all the poems. I think free verse has a place in poetry but I really prefer the rhyme and flow of a good Ballad.
Musicality:
I did not find any of these poems musical but they did flow rather well. Good luck in the contest.
The poems are well written and you speak from the sad viewpoint of one that has been hurt and lonely. you write from your heart. You did a good job. I found no typos.You used proper punuation and the grammar was well done too.
Content:
You used free verse in all the poems and they were structured well for the most part.
The content was about lost love and the pain it causes and the use of the moon and the distance as a example of how close you can feel to another person and that is a sad disappointment when you realize you really didn't know the special person at all.
Imagery:
The imagery was good I liked the use of the moon, night and the use of paper hearts of yourself and your boyfriend, how that isn't what true love is all about. It's so much more and so very heartbreaking if that bond is broken.
Tone:
The tone was quite, slow and heavy. I only felt love, loss but no anger. No loud ranting, just thoughtful meditation.You did make a good point throughout all the poems. I think free verse has a place in poetry but I really prefer the rhyme and flow of a good Ballad.
Musicality:
I did not find any of these poems musical but they did flow rather well. Good luck in the contest.
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8/13/2009 8:50 AM PDT
The Moon was fab! Same comment for Falling Apart apply to this one. MY fav is Rocky. Love the metaphor and it really spoke to me. Perfect grammar and spelling. Well doen, im voting publish definatly. :)
8/13/2009 8:49 AM PDT
Falling Apart:
Lovely layout, free verse suits your poem. Emotional words, and they do make you think. love it :)
Lovely layout, free verse suits your poem. Emotional words, and they do make you think. love it :)
This Feedback was...
8/12/2009 11:50 PM PDT
Brilliant
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8/12/2009 11:42 PM PDT
really good! voted!
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8/12/2009 9:42 PM PDT
Got my vote!
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8/12/2009 8:22 PM PDT
Okay, I agree with several others down here. You have some talent here, but the underlining and italicizing does kind of distract. You could make these into something extraordinary if you expanded your vocabulary a bit and gave everything more a visual feel.
Sorry if that offends you, I always try to give some kind of critical feedback. By no sense of the word are these any less then wonderful. They're all really good, but as it is, I think I'm going to give this a maybe :)
Sorry if that offends you, I always try to give some kind of critical feedback. By no sense of the word are these any less then wonderful. They're all really good, but as it is, I think I'm going to give this a maybe :)
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8/12/2009 8:16 PM PDT
Wow 45 votes (maybe not all "Publish") But even so It means a lot to me, that all you have taken the time to look and give me your views and advice.
Thanks so much.
Love,
Ana
Thanks so much.
Love,
Ana
8/12/2009 8:11 PM PDT
Great job :P
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8/12/2009 7:59 PM PDT
All right you have my vote, publish!
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8/12/2009 7:22 PM PDT
Grammatical error: "It's beauty is..." should be "Its beauty is..."
For an explanation of the difference between its and it's use the link: http://www.webook.com/poetry.aspx?p=865f3e600a9643bfa7c0c58a99430cff&sit=0a32617420744c70bc49f449eca4b87a and read the earlier feedback section.
For an explanation of the difference between its and it's use the link: http://www.webook.com/poetry.aspx?p=865f3e600a9643bfa7c0c58a99430cff&sit=0a32617420744c70bc49f449eca4b87a and read the earlier feedback section.
8/12/2009 7:21 PM PDT
Interesting perspective.
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8/12/2009 6:33 PM PDT
This poetry is really good!!
I pressed yes
I pressed yes
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8/12/2009 3:21 PM PDT
Some very nice work here good luck.
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-competition
I f you have the time.
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-competition
I f you have the time.
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8/12/2009 8:53 AM PDT
I think that you have great potential, and with time, I believe that you will fulfill that potential effortlessly. I actually enjoyed your work. I feel there are some things that you need to brush up on, but nevertheless, I love the artistic quality of your compositions.
All the best,
Crys
All the best,
Crys
This Feedback was...
8/11/2009 9:11 PM PDT
PUBLISH -
NOW I F U CAN PLEASE TAKE TIME TO VISIT MINE THAT IS UP FOR VOTING THANK YOU
NOT MANY KNOW I EXIST
NOW I F U CAN PLEASE TAKE TIME TO VISIT MINE THAT IS UP FOR VOTING THANK YOU
NOT MANY KNOW I EXIST
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8/11/2009 6:19 PM PDT
amazing you have my vote
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8/11/2009 10:45 AM PDT
The comment below is for "The Moon." I believe it's the best in the bunch.
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8/11/2009 10:43 AM PDT
"It's beauty is undeniable" should be (Its beauty is undeniable).
Other than that, this poem is beautiful!
Other than that, this poem is beautiful!
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8/10/2009 9:20 PM PDT
Thumbs up!!!
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8/10/2009 4:41 PM PDT
emotional drawings- has my vote.
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8/10/2009 4:57 AM PDT
you have my vote *recommended poem to read: Falling Apart* my favorite, keep up the good work & keep in touch :)
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8/10/2009 12:20 AM PDT
Rocky-
At first I was thinking she possibly did not put together a poem about Rocky the boxer. Then I read it and I would have to say; that this one is your shining star this one you put every thing in to it; and it’s this one that I really love.
Bravo,
John McKinley Pride Jr (The Bear, The Devil and the Invisible Sun)
At first I was thinking she possibly did not put together a poem about Rocky the boxer. Then I read it and I would have to say; that this one is your shining star this one you put every thing in to it; and it’s this one that I really love.
Bravo,
John McKinley Pride Jr (The Bear, The Devil and the Invisible Sun)
This Feedback was...
8/10/2009 12:14 AM PDT
The Moon-
I really liked this one it seemed you put a lot more thinking in to it. Again I love how you used bold print and different fonts to show infuses on certain words; have never really seen that done by any one else on webook making your work original which is something that many smart poets know how to do.
John McKinley Pride Jr (The Bear,The Devil and the Invisible Sun)
I really liked this one it seemed you put a lot more thinking in to it. Again I love how you used bold print and different fonts to show infuses on certain words; have never really seen that done by any one else on webook making your work original which is something that many smart poets know how to do.
John McKinley Pride Jr (The Bear,The Devil and the Invisible Sun)
This Feedback was...
8/9/2009 8:32 PM PDT
I am simply giving a comment because I was asked to; and I am humbled to do so
Thank you for the invite do so
I am thinking yes very beginners love poem; how ever it is in the same shape as a Chagall poem. Very short but even the shortest poems can get its point across as this one does; I love the bold print on the words that are been pointed out as been important and the way it all slants to the left and right are great. Keep putting your heart in to it.
John McKinley Pride Jr (The Bear, The Devil and The Invisible Sun)
Thank you for the invite do so
I am thinking yes very beginners love poem; how ever it is in the same shape as a Chagall poem. Very short but even the shortest poems can get its point across as this one does; I love the bold print on the words that are been pointed out as been important and the way it all slants to the left and right are great. Keep putting your heart in to it.
John McKinley Pride Jr (The Bear, The Devil and The Invisible Sun)
This Feedback was...
8/9/2009 5:53 PM PDT
got my vote.
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8/9/2009 1:07 PM PDT
You have a gift that needs to be polished. Make sure you revise to seek perfection. You can do it if you put your mind to it, I voted yes but keep working on your submissions until they make you happy. LOL, BDC
This Feedback was...
8/9/2009 12:47 AM PDT
vote publish hope u vote the same for me
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8/8/2009 9:15 AM PDT
The last line is too verbose and doesn't flow right. How about:
Will eventually have a point (and kill the 'has' in previous line)
or
An eventual point to show
or
An up and coming point to show
Keep writing Ana.
Will eventually have a point (and kill the 'has' in previous line)
or
An eventual point to show
or
An up and coming point to show
Keep writing Ana.
This Feedback was...
8/8/2009 9:04 AM PDT
Good beginner's love poem.
I would end with "rain and snow" or "dew." Your choice of "cold and hot" suggests emotion and although if may be a Freudian slip on your part to want to keep the human emotions, it is not in keeping with the rest of the poem.
Please edit your poems carefully. You used were instead of where (4th line from bottom). You used 'Well' instead of 'Will' and did not end the line with a question mark. All these things are minor things that detract unnecessarily from your work.
"For that I can just cut a wound into my finger and feel the pain." Too long.
Use the past tense of "suppose."
I would end with "rain and snow" or "dew." Your choice of "cold and hot" suggests emotion and although if may be a Freudian slip on your part to want to keep the human emotions, it is not in keeping with the rest of the poem.
Please edit your poems carefully. You used were instead of where (4th line from bottom). You used 'Well' instead of 'Will' and did not end the line with a question mark. All these things are minor things that detract unnecessarily from your work.
"For that I can just cut a wound into my finger and feel the pain." Too long.
Use the past tense of "suppose."
This Feedback was...
8/8/2009 8:35 AM PDT
General:
A wonderful metaphor for the unattainable.
I have been tempted to use different fonts for emphasis but I think it only has a role in children's books. To use such emphasis is insulting or distracting to adult readers. IMHO. Your poem says things well enough without the font play.
Well done but be extra careful with spelling or word usage (grieve/grief, allusion/illusion.
Imagery:
You had be there with you looking at the moon.
Musicality:
Phrases like "Just for knowing that. . ." and "But simultaneously brings." are awkward to me.
When you've said what you want to say, go over it and see if you can come up with alternate ways that may flow better.
A wonderful metaphor for the unattainable.
I have been tempted to use different fonts for emphasis but I think it only has a role in children's books. To use such emphasis is insulting or distracting to adult readers. IMHO. Your poem says things well enough without the font play.
Well done but be extra careful with spelling or word usage (grieve/grief, allusion/illusion.
Imagery:
You had be there with you looking at the moon.
Musicality:
Phrases like "Just for knowing that. . ." and "But simultaneously brings." are awkward to me.
When you've said what you want to say, go over it and see if you can come up with alternate ways that may flow better.
This Feedback was...
8/8/2009 5:03 AM PDT
publish
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8/8/2009 5:01 AM PDT
General:
General:
These are all good, they're short, but just long enough to keep the reader interested, and to get your point across.
Content:
Content:
Over all, it's fine, except I noticed one thing in 'The Moon'
"But simultaneously bring you sadness, loneliness, or grieve."
'bring' should be plural, and 'grieve' should be 'grief'
I vote publish.
General:
These are all good, they're short, but just long enough to keep the reader interested, and to get your point across.
Content:
Content:
Over all, it's fine, except I noticed one thing in 'The Moon'
"But simultaneously bring you sadness, loneliness, or grieve."
'bring' should be plural, and 'grieve' should be 'grief'
I vote publish.
This Feedback was...
8/8/2009 12:26 AM PDT
good work, voted:-)
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8/7/2009 10:04 PM PDT
Thanks for all your feedback. It's been really nice to hear what people think. Okay. Just to clear things up i'm not sad or suicidal. I just write what expresses what I feel at that very moment.
So about the whole adding things to the words. Like bold and italics. Well the thing is that when I wrote that, the words that are edited are the ones that to me are the core of the poem. That those are the important words. I'm sorry if that makes it hard for some of you guys, I just thought that make the words I thought were the most important would be cool.
Thanks again. You don't know how much i appreciate this.
So about the whole adding things to the words. Like bold and italics. Well the thing is that when I wrote that, the words that are edited are the ones that to me are the core of the poem. That those are the important words. I'm sorry if that makes it hard for some of you guys, I just thought that make the words I thought were the most important would be cool.
Thanks again. You don't know how much i appreciate this.
8/7/2009 9:12 PM PDT
I love the poem its deep and shows a lot of emotion and the underlining is a little artistic and its different. Keep up the work you have my vote
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8/7/2009 7:21 PM PDT
i find all the bolding, underlining, and so on a little distracting. its almost like you're trying to make your poems stand out more and its not needed because they stand out fine without all that. very nice job. you've got my vote.
This Feedback was...
8/7/2009 6:02 PM PDT
Content:
Ana, I enjoyed reading your poems but I felt your pain in my heart. Please if not for you, for me, please don't cut yourself. You are only causing more pain in your heart and not helping anything. Ask your Guardian Angels to come to and give you peace and help you through your trials. Falling in love will happen many times when you are young. Learn to let go of the pain of losing the one you thought you loved and find real friends to hang out with. Another one will come along that you will feel you love and it will end too. Take them as they come and let them go when they want to end it. One day you will find the love of your life and you will know that he is the one. Your poems are filled with feelings and this will help you through life writing how you feel. Please read my poetry and Vote on Tamara0449
Ana, I enjoyed reading your poems but I felt your pain in my heart. Please if not for you, for me, please don't cut yourself. You are only causing more pain in your heart and not helping anything. Ask your Guardian Angels to come to and give you peace and help you through your trials. Falling in love will happen many times when you are young. Learn to let go of the pain of losing the one you thought you loved and find real friends to hang out with. Another one will come along that you will feel you love and it will end too. Take them as they come and let them go when they want to end it. One day you will find the love of your life and you will know that he is the one. Your poems are filled with feelings and this will help you through life writing how you feel. Please read my poetry and Vote on Tamara0449
This Feedback was...
8/7/2009 4:18 PM PDT
love this line: "And kept you drawing hearts on class papers."
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8/7/2009 4:17 PM PDT
Just wanted to point out - i think you meant "illusion" not "allusion." Nice poem. very creative.
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8/7/2009 3:23 PM PDT
Your poetry is so honest, and I like the way you manage font modifications to make emphasis jojojo @.@ good luck in the voting =D you'll do great =D
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8/7/2009 3:12 PM PDT
Yes From Me
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8/7/2009 2:32 PM PDT
I say YES!!!
you have much potential and much emotion!
good luck.
you have much potential and much emotion!
good luck.
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8/7/2009 1:26 PM PDT
I like them
I really like the tone of them - very sad and sorrowful. Some people say that poetry shouldn't be like that, but I disagree, some of the best poems are depressing.
It's a hard thing to do to write poetry when the content is purposefully un-emotional, and I think you defo have potential.
Voted maybe, good luck!
I really like the tone of them - very sad and sorrowful. Some people say that poetry shouldn't be like that, but I disagree, some of the best poems are depressing.
It's a hard thing to do to write poetry when the content is purposefully un-emotional, and I think you defo have potential.
Voted maybe, good luck!
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8/7/2009 12:52 PM PDT
I think that all of these need more work.
I agree with others below -- all the highlighting and underlining detracts from your work, without enhancing it.
I agree with others below -- all the highlighting and underlining detracts from your work, without enhancing it.
This Feedback was...
8/7/2009 12:49 PM PDT
publish
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8/7/2009 12:31 PM PDT
Moon has some good ideas but the layout, underlining, bold etc annoyed me distracting from the poetry.
Quite liked Rocky, (though I don't agree with some of the line breaks, but that's just me being picky) its sweet as a youthful view on love.
Quite liked Rocky, (though I don't agree with some of the line breaks, but that's just me being picky) its sweet as a youthful view on love.
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8/7/2009 12:29 PM PDT
Excellent pieces. I enjoyed all of them.
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8/7/2009 12:29 PM PDT
Dam this was good. I thnk the same thing sometimes. There's the link to mine, if u can. Ty
http://www.webook.com/project/Visions-Of-Publication
http://www.webook.com/project/Visions-Of-Publication
This Feedback was...
8/7/2009 12:14 PM PDT
There is potential here and most of the appeal is because of your obvious naivity regarding experience of life and in your case love.
It brings out the protective instinct of the parent for the child. Not that there is anything wrong with this in fact it gives your work a certain innocence normally absent from the work of more mature writers.
As for being published although you have undoubted talent you will need to develop your literary skills and something outside your control develop insight into life that usually only comes as you mature.
You will pass through this phase of life and hopefully learn to cope with the emotional ups and downs that we are all vulnerable to. Keep writing and keep learning and always be true to yourself and you won't go far wrong!
Kind Regards John
It brings out the protective instinct of the parent for the child. Not that there is anything wrong with this in fact it gives your work a certain innocence normally absent from the work of more mature writers.
As for being published although you have undoubted talent you will need to develop your literary skills and something outside your control develop insight into life that usually only comes as you mature.
You will pass through this phase of life and hopefully learn to cope with the emotional ups and downs that we are all vulnerable to. Keep writing and keep learning and always be true to yourself and you won't go far wrong!
Kind Regards John
This Feedback was...
8/7/2009 12:06 PM PDT
vote
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8/7/2009 12:02 PM PDT
this is a very creative selection.
you have my vote.
you have my vote.
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8/7/2009 11:57 AM PDT
"The Moon" is my favorite. A beautiful poem. Good luck to you in the voting process!
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8/7/2009 10:33 AM PDT
Has potential, so a yes vote from me...
http://www.webook.com/project/Top-3-Poems-of-Assorted-Interest
http://www.webook.com/project/Top-3-Poems-of-Assorted-Interest
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8/7/2009 1:14 AM PDT
I found the first two arkward to read as the rythem was off sometimes but other than that they were pretty good.
Good luck
Amy
Good luck
Amy
This Feedback was...
8/6/2009 9:12 PM PDT
General:
These were really nice
Tone:
Rocky was the best one in its tone.
Good luck on the vote my friend
~A,J
These were really nice
Tone:
Rocky was the best one in its tone.
Good luck on the vote my friend
~A,J
This Feedback was...
8/5/2009 12:08 PM PDT
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8/3/2009 4:41 PM PDT
Incredible pieces.
http://www.webook.com/project/In-Times-of-Love-There-Were
http://www.webook.com/project/In-Times-of-Love-There-Were
This Feedback was...
8/2/2009 3:14 PM PDT
This Feedback was...
8/2/2009 8:28 AM PDT
Form:
This is pretty nice -- but you've got some spelling errors in this and the poem just previous . . . This one carries some meaningful emotion.
This is pretty nice -- but you've got some spelling errors in this and the poem just previous . . . This one carries some meaningful emotion.
This Feedback was...
8/2/2009 3:52 AM PDT
This Feedback was...
8/1/2009 12:12 AM PDT
General:
I am not a Poet, so I have had to give your three a basic structural review. I apologise if I upset you in any way but I tend to review poetry on the way that it makes me feel and the last poem was the only one to stir anything in me.
Form:
I don't like abstract poetry. Especially when it's been formatted to bring certain words to my attention. I like to make my own decisions.
Content:
The emotion comes through very clearly and very raw. Typically teenage poetry I am afraid.
Imagery:
You have a talent for description and the imagery in all three poems is very clear.
Tone:
The general sad tone is a bit off putting.
Musicality:
I'm sorry but of the three, only "Rocky" could be comsidered a poem from this point of view.
I am not a Poet, so I have had to give your three a basic structural review. I apologise if I upset you in any way but I tend to review poetry on the way that it makes me feel and the last poem was the only one to stir anything in me.
Form:
I don't like abstract poetry. Especially when it's been formatted to bring certain words to my attention. I like to make my own decisions.
Content:
The emotion comes through very clearly and very raw. Typically teenage poetry I am afraid.
Imagery:
You have a talent for description and the imagery in all three poems is very clear.
Tone:
The general sad tone is a bit off putting.
Musicality:
I'm sorry but of the three, only "Rocky" could be comsidered a poem from this point of view.
This Feedback was...
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