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Book Info
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Project Leader:
Kalli
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Participants:
The WEbook community -
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only -
Category:
Fiction -
Genre:
Religious/Inspirational -
Language:
English
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The Calling
Julie May, a 25 year old girl from a rural town in Missouri, has big dreams but not much else. She needs a job but can't find the work, it isn't like she tried. She struggles, fights her own demons, her past, and tragic events, that reveals her true self and her calling in the least likely of places-a murder.
When the death of a local townsman is made public everyone on edge. Especially the religious community, and why no one is willing to tell.
In the heart of the heartland one woman ... more »
When the death of a local townsman is made public everyone on edge. Especially the religious community, and why no one is willing to tell.
In the heart of the heartland one woman ... more »
GIVE FEEDBACK
10/28/2010 5:40 PM PDT
Commenting so that way I can remember to read this!!!
3/10/2009 9:43 AM PDT
Hi, good stuff so far. Would you be willing to help me out on a book I'm writing about different Christian groups?
This Feedback was...
7/1/2008 12:42 AM PDT
Kalli,
You're out of the starter's gate and writing. Awesome! Part of the writing process it to do just that --- write. Write without self-editing then go back and edit and revise. A friend once shared that writing is more about revising. True! As I've shared before, I believe we are all here to hone our craft and do so by receiving honest critiques. I realize this is your first draft and hope my tips help. You can utilize the tips or not; the choice is yours. Remember this is just my opinion. To get a complete view of your work have about 4-6 people seriously critique it and then look for consistencies between each person's critique then make your revisions if you desire.
What I like about your story is that Julie obviously has an internal struggle with the way she's perceived by others and the way she perceives herself; insecure, being judged for not finishing her education, and not quite sure of God's calling on her life.
I like the description "crispness of her shirt". However, try working on your sentences with a deep point of view. Show don't tell the reader what is happening. Instead, work your sentences with clear, concise actions. See this link for tips on Deep POV:
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_content?page=1800108&sp=72136&event=72136|1968050|72136
For example, show us the crispness of Julie's shirt. Julie's clammy hands tug at her pristine oxford shirt. Her ears perk at the crackle from over starching.
I don't know if that was a good example but you get the point. Rework sentences to be clear and concise with with a pace of short and long sentences combined.
A few other things:
---Do argyle socks make one quirky or mannerisms? Argyles remind me of a proper, preppy.
---Second paragraph gives your reader a lot of back story.
See link for back story:
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_content?page=1659034&sp=72136
---Watch out for redundancies: First and third paragraphs pretty much say the same thing of how Julie dresses, as well as, overuse of how professional and perfect things are around her. I get the sense that Julie feels a bit insecure but 'show' instead of telling.
---"Ms. Perfect" sounds condescending.
---Have confidence in your reader and trust their intelligence. Hold back on giving too much information too soon. For example, "I really liked studying but I felt like it wasn't leading me anywhere, and I. . ." and "So you're telling me a bachelor's degree is worthless Ms. May". If she gives up on herself quickly then why shouldn't we? Let's see her tussle and struggle with internal issues and dealing with her insecurities.
Well, I'm sure that's more than enough to share. These are all tips I've gleaned from other author's sharing their advice in books or articles. It would be a huge disservice to both of us if I just gave you swift kudos and went along my merry way. Would you agree?
Keep writing and way to go on your first chapter! The Lord wants to use you to tell a story. Go for it and do not grow weary! We are His vessels.
Jen
You're out of the starter's gate and writing. Awesome! Part of the writing process it to do just that --- write. Write without self-editing then go back and edit and revise. A friend once shared that writing is more about revising. True! As I've shared before, I believe we are all here to hone our craft and do so by receiving honest critiques. I realize this is your first draft and hope my tips help. You can utilize the tips or not; the choice is yours. Remember this is just my opinion. To get a complete view of your work have about 4-6 people seriously critique it and then look for consistencies between each person's critique then make your revisions if you desire.
What I like about your story is that Julie obviously has an internal struggle with the way she's perceived by others and the way she perceives herself; insecure, being judged for not finishing her education, and not quite sure of God's calling on her life.
I like the description "crispness of her shirt". However, try working on your sentences with a deep point of view. Show don't tell the reader what is happening. Instead, work your sentences with clear, concise actions. See this link for tips on Deep POV:
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_content?page=1800108&sp=72136&event=72136|1968050|72136
For example, show us the crispness of Julie's shirt. Julie's clammy hands tug at her pristine oxford shirt. Her ears perk at the crackle from over starching.
I don't know if that was a good example but you get the point. Rework sentences to be clear and concise with with a pace of short and long sentences combined.
A few other things:
---Do argyle socks make one quirky or mannerisms? Argyles remind me of a proper, preppy.
---Second paragraph gives your reader a lot of back story.
See link for back story:
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_content?page=1659034&sp=72136
---Watch out for redundancies: First and third paragraphs pretty much say the same thing of how Julie dresses, as well as, overuse of how professional and perfect things are around her. I get the sense that Julie feels a bit insecure but 'show' instead of telling.
---"Ms. Perfect" sounds condescending.
---Have confidence in your reader and trust their intelligence. Hold back on giving too much information too soon. For example, "I really liked studying but I felt like it wasn't leading me anywhere, and I. . ." and "So you're telling me a bachelor's degree is worthless Ms. May". If she gives up on herself quickly then why shouldn't we? Let's see her tussle and struggle with internal issues and dealing with her insecurities.
Well, I'm sure that's more than enough to share. These are all tips I've gleaned from other author's sharing their advice in books or articles. It would be a huge disservice to both of us if I just gave you swift kudos and went along my merry way. Would you agree?
Keep writing and way to go on your first chapter! The Lord wants to use you to tell a story. Go for it and do not grow weary! We are His vessels.
Jen
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