Book Info
-
Project Leader:
SilentDaVinci
-
Participants:
The WEbook community -
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only -
Category:
Fiction -
Genre:
Sci Fi/Fantasy
Romance -
Language:
English
book_central
The Continent (ROUGH DRAFT)
Parker is just your ordinary girl next door. If your ordinary girl next door could start a campfire from over thirty feet away or send books flying off shelves with the flick of a wrist. Parker is just one of many "campers" at Camp Greenwall. One of many who everyday come another step closer to death.
In a make-shift castle, just a stones throw from the Queens true home, Castle Tear, a man sits and waits. Lord Leir has been waiting his entire life for what he hoped would only take place in a ... more »
In a make-shift castle, just a stones throw from the Queens true home, Castle Tear, a man sits and waits. Lord Leir has been waiting his entire life for what he hoped would only take place in a ... more »
GIVE FEEDBACK
Sounds so great, I really need to read this one. Exactly what I was looking to read. Excellent.
This Feedback was...
General:
I like the adventure and suspense...good book!
Plot:
Very good setting. Interesting. Really grabs the reader.
Structure:
I liked it, but my structure can sometimes be wrong too. I'm not an expert on structure, but good job in my eyes!
I like the adventure and suspense...good book!
Plot:
Very good setting. Interesting. Really grabs the reader.
Structure:
I liked it, but my structure can sometimes be wrong too. I'm not an expert on structure, but good job in my eyes!
This Feedback was...
Awesome work! Check my project please "Rising of the Titans".
This Feedback was...
This sounds like a fun adventure. Yay for strong young women who have no idea what's going on until they are in too deep!
Keep working on it and I will be sure to return and read this when I magically find time to. Until then, Happy Writing/Editing,
~Kazume~
Keep working on it and I will be sure to return and read this when I magically find time to. Until then, Happy Writing/Editing,
~Kazume~
This Feedback was...
Woow, this was great. I like science fiction novels, and when I read this one it seemed straight out of a novel already =) Great job. The cover of the book is really nice as well, did you make it?
I love the plot. In the begining it sounded a little like the tv show, avatar aang, or something, but it turned out it's not like it at all. I really think you should continue writing.
One piece of critique, its not big, just a small grammar error. When you wrote: To say it was grand, was an understatement leave the comman from in between, then it'll be even better, in my opinion.
Great use of adjectives, the sentence flow is great.
Please critique my novel too, I'd appreciate it. You can just read it, but I welcome help. =)
http://www.webook.com/project/Willow-To-be-determined
I love the plot. In the begining it sounded a little like the tv show, avatar aang, or something, but it turned out it's not like it at all. I really think you should continue writing.
One piece of critique, its not big, just a small grammar error. When you wrote: To say it was grand, was an understatement leave the comman from in between, then it'll be even better, in my opinion.
Great use of adjectives, the sentence flow is great.
Please critique my novel too, I'd appreciate it. You can just read it, but I welcome help. =)
http://www.webook.com/project/Willow-To-be-determined
This Feedback was...
hey! i think that sounds great!! Im new to this site but i already can guess that a lot of these stories WILL get published!! And i bet yours is one of them!!!!! your writing is strong and your words really come together so that anyone can understand them. Im starting a projct called the 'the glamourus gift' and your heading gave me some great ideas!!
-gabs
-gabs
This Feedback was...
Ooooooooooh! This sounds AWSOME!
i have searched throughout WEbook to find a book that would satisfy my fantasy thirst and so far your novel has ended that agonizing lol. it is unique and original and I LOVE YOU for writing such brilliant fantasy...hope to read more novels from you....THANK YOU!!! lol
MoOse_inK ^-^
i have searched throughout WEbook to find a book that would satisfy my fantasy thirst and so far your novel has ended that agonizing lol. it is unique and original and I LOVE YOU for writing such brilliant fantasy...hope to read more novels from you....THANK YOU!!! lol
MoOse_inK ^-^
This Feedback was...
I definitelly will read this. I'll come back in about a month to see what you've written. Good so far! ;)
This Feedback was...
Sounds like an interesting idea for a story. I did notice a couple grammatical errors.
Camp fire should be one word: campfire
"He wasn't ready to be a ruler. Wasn't ready to make the choices the kingdom would require of him." No period in the middle, a semi-colon would work better.
"Though he didn't expect Leir would give him the chance." Although he didn't...
The last paragraph is a little choppy. I might take out 'until'. As well as "no secret could touch her", should her be it?
I understand that this is just an outline for the story. It is well written from a descriptive stand point. You lay it out very well. I will definitely keep reading. One thing I might suggest is that at some later point you condense this slightly. It could almost be a chapter on its own...or even a prologue.
The hook of the 'secret' was perfect for drawing the reader in.
Camp fire should be one word: campfire
"He wasn't ready to be a ruler. Wasn't ready to make the choices the kingdom would require of him." No period in the middle, a semi-colon would work better.
"Though he didn't expect Leir would give him the chance." Although he didn't...
The last paragraph is a little choppy. I might take out 'until'. As well as "no secret could touch her", should her be it?
I understand that this is just an outline for the story. It is well written from a descriptive stand point. You lay it out very well. I will definitely keep reading. One thing I might suggest is that at some later point you condense this slightly. It could almost be a chapter on its own...or even a prologue.
The hook of the 'secret' was perfect for drawing the reader in.
This Feedback was...
this sounds very intriguing....i will try to get back to it when i get some time!
This Feedback was...
I'm just commenting so I can find this later. This sounds very interesting, so I'll comment later. =D
This Feedback was...
I'm a grammar freak...some of this needs work...
He wasn't ready to be a ruler; wasn't ready to make the choices the kingdom would require of him.
The only hope for the kingdom, was for him to leave and allow the Magistrate to rule.
She didn't do a thing without their approval.
Or well, she hadn't since she fell ill and they'd be lying if they said they had nothing to do with that.....this is awful. Cut it out!
It would be too late anyway.
She'll hold on until Julian is ready; until she can gather her last bit of strength and tell him the truth. She has a secret born eighteen years before and hidden away in a city where no evil can reach. She has a secret and if she times it correctly, it could kill.
Otherwise, not bad.
He wasn't ready to be a ruler; wasn't ready to make the choices the kingdom would require of him.
The only hope for the kingdom, was for him to leave and allow the Magistrate to rule.
She didn't do a thing without their approval.
Or well, she hadn't since she fell ill and they'd be lying if they said they had nothing to do with that.....this is awful. Cut it out!
It would be too late anyway.
She'll hold on until Julian is ready; until she can gather her last bit of strength and tell him the truth. She has a secret born eighteen years before and hidden away in a city where no evil can reach. She has a secret and if she times it correctly, it could kill.
Otherwise, not bad.
This Feedback was...
this is amazing. a gripping beginning love it. reminds me of the night world series. it is riviting and holds my interest from the start to the end.
will read more
will read more
This Feedback was...
5star =
The writing piece outlined the story very well - and enticed me to read more.
Liked the characters, Liked the setting
Liked the language and word choice
Liked the structure and pace
Liked the story/plot
Friend: Remember, if Praise is silver, Feedback is gold.
Would definitely find/make time to read your writings
Be Well
Dollys
The writing piece outlined the story very well - and enticed me to read more.
Liked the characters, Liked the setting
Liked the language and word choice
Liked the structure and pace
Liked the story/plot
Friend: Remember, if Praise is silver, Feedback is gold.
Would definitely find/make time to read your writings
Be Well
Dollys
This Feedback was...
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