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Project Leader:
thedainmaster
Participants:
The WEbook community
Who Can Write:
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Category:
Fiction
Genre:
Short Story
Children's
Language:
English

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The A Gang Chronicles

Three ordinary boys plunged headfirst into one extraordinary situation...

Alex, James and Dan lead a perfectly ordinary life. They're as happy as any seven year olds could be- until a mysterious pencil attacks them, sending their ordinary life swirling out of control. But it isn't over- just as they are recovering from this experience another strange rival is sent to kill them- but why? They have no idea.
However, when soon one of the gang is killed in cold blood the reality of the situation hits hard, eventually leading to a battle worthy of only the most epic ... more »

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Earlier Feedback

cisco17

7/16/2009 5:30 PM PDT

Hey this is a great story, I can vividly imagine a pencil come to life to attack little children. I especially love the way you went from the mysterious pencil fighting the children which look and sounded fun and exciting to the somber moment when one of the gang members was killed that just changed the feeling of the entire story. Very nice job and I wish you the best of luck.

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wenniepoo

4/20/2009 8:36 PM PDT

Publish~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please!

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Fanchon

4/20/2009 3:27 PM PDT

Voted. :)

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RussWalker

4/20/2009 7:26 AM PDT

I like it. It's almost Danger Mouse humour and that was ace!

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reamofpaper

4/20/2009 6:22 AM PDT

Funny thing is: I have a pencil just like that!

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writer122

4/16/2009 5:46 AM PDT

good luck!

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Capulet

4/15/2009 7:47 PM PDT

good luck [=

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LODY

4/15/2009 6:38 PM PDT

got my vote

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ForeverAlone

4/15/2009 2:13 PM PDT

you got my vote :)

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RenesmeBBF

4/14/2009 8:38 PM PDT

I really want this to be published its soo great
:) my vote is in for you

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jimmybonez

4/14/2009 6:49 PM PDT

great read for children...
you got my vote....

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Maryjones

4/14/2009 3:04 PM PDT

verygood, i read them all to my son he is only 5, he loved them and, doesnt go to sleep with out having one read, i have read him them all loads of times now, thank you, he loves them,good luck for writing more. x Mary x

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evstarkey

4/14/2009 12:29 PM PDT

thanks for voting on my 'Crazy For Salt' picture book. I've voted for you too!
Comments: i like the absurd side of your writing. could you take it even further, eg have the pencil write threatening notes in the air before getting physical, you know, bring the pencil more to life (does it include an eraser - what could you do with that?). is your two alex's for an amusing confusion, if so, why not make it more confusing or at least have Dan confused, otherwise its a gimmick rather than a feature of the story. i think you've got a good imagination so i want to see MORE wild stuff, let it out!!

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Gimlicheese

4/13/2009 1:02 PM PDT

Good book here...

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zygoncurry

4/12/2009 11:54 AM PDT

insane great stuff lurks in here, great laughs and deserving of publication

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glenda82

4/11/2009 5:18 AM PDT

This is unreal :-0 here's my vote

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thedainmaster

4/11/2009 5:10 AM PDT

lol! Well, hopefully survive... I can beat off the killer myself *chuffed expression*
Thanks for voting anyway ha!

Tigerprincess

4/11/2009 3:04 AM PDT

The Dainmaster rises again -hmm, I may have to work you into my horror movie script. Do you want to survive or be killed in as interesting a way as I can manage?

Anyway - good luck my friend - thumbs up for a brilliant kids book!

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Jaro

4/11/2009 2:37 AM PDT

This is fantastic, good to follow

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butchoy

4/10/2009 8:58 PM PDT

it was a nice read...

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McZero

4/10/2009 7:07 PM PDT

Nice job.

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WelshPoet

4/10/2009 6:56 PM PDT

Voting for this to be published

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cindi_greene

4/10/2009 3:53 PM PDT

This has a lot of promise to it. I can see this as a children's book but even in the first chapter it comes across as a little confusing. But I do like the idea and the concept. It's very different. I say yes.

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thedainmaster

4/10/2009 2:59 PM PDT

*ATTENTION* If you noticed, at the end of chapter 1 it calls 'Alex J' 'Alex 2'. This is simply a mistake from a previous draft... ignore it. Thanks!

nrhatch

4/10/2009 7:56 AM PDT

My niece would love this . . . especially the Alex1 and Alex2 snafu.

Good Luck! nancy

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Seshata

4/10/2009 7:53 AM PDT

this was really good.. Your writing style is very unique also. Keep up the good work!

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Tigerprincess

4/10/2009 4:17 AM PDT

I have read and loved - please publish!

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Dimension

4/9/2009 12:53 PM PDT

Publish. Sorry for being late...but publish. (Wide-eyed with anticipation) PUBLISH!

By the way, I suggest to have "Alex J" throughout when indicating him because at the end of ch. 1, you call him Alex 2...

Well, still publish!

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moiiii

4/9/2009 12:31 PM PDT

LUUUUVVVVVVVV ITTTTTTTT DEFFF SSHHOOULLLDDD BE PUBLISHED. me being a expert in the Area i think your writing skills are very good. :) Well Done Carry On The Good Work M8. :)

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Lele95

4/9/2009 11:15 AM PDT

Very interesting. From what I've read, it's really good.

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Kikidou

4/9/2009 10:38 AM PDT

interesting little concept you've got there
I like it

you're writing style is unique I love how it's like
you're idk... telling the story to the reader
I don't know how to explain it but it's good stuff

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elsewhere

4/9/2009 7:48 AM PDT

I like the idea very much and enjoyed what I read. Needs some work though. Please go on writing!

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naiveandwitty

4/9/2009 7:25 AM PDT

good work.

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Kirby_Jane_Ross

4/9/2009 1:18 AM PDT

Very Good

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joanne_of_frank

4/8/2009 10:55 PM PDT

You have the makings of a magical story weaver...
Sharpen that pencil of yours and WRITE ON...!

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CA_Little

4/8/2009 9:59 PM PDT

I like the casual writing style and the use of a narrator. I would suggest using the paranthesis only for narration though if that's how your going to do it. Otherwise it gets confusing. I like the idea, and (like I said) your writing style. I marked a few other things bellow for your consideration.

They all gathered around and to Dan’s surprise, he was poked in the eye, the strange incident rubbing out a glass lens
--Are they being poked with the tip or the eraser?

The pencil moved away from Alex J, and instead turned on the other Alex, who by now was getting pretty creeped out. And then it sped straight towards him.
--You intimated that the pencil was already heading towards Alex in the first sentence. If it paused in the air before attacking him that needs to be said, otherwise the second sentence is repetitive.

Alex 2 walked back towards him again
--Alex 2 or Alex J, you need to pick one and stick with it in order to not confuse us readers.

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Yorick

4/8/2009 5:36 PM PDT

Wow... My last thing had And as a first word... I feel horrible...

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Yorick

4/8/2009 5:36 PM PDT

OH YEAH... And I noticed on part one... This really struck a part of me... Mostly because I got marked down on an assignment for starting a sentence with 'And'.... Well its sort of a grammatical Error. Your not really supposed to start it with 'And'
First part.... don't mean to be a bother just... stating a thing I caught... All you would have to do is take out and and turn 'then' into the beginning word...

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Yorick

4/8/2009 5:32 PM PDT

I really don't know how to explain my feelings for this book. I don't hate it.... But I don't exactly love it like it is Jesus Christ. Its a good book, and I enjoyed reading what I could. Though, I really guess I just am not into this sort of thing. Seems like you are like ... like... Judy Blume! Thats the name.... If you were like any author it would have to be Judy Blume. Thats the perfect author to describe your writing style. I voted it for publication. I wish you success and happiness.

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naiveandwitty

4/8/2009 4:39 PM PDT

i wish you success.

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Kirby_Jane_Ross

4/8/2009 2:34 PM PDT

This is Fantastic

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LuckyDuckling37

4/8/2009 1:58 PM PDT

best of luck ;D

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mumdrivenmad

4/8/2009 1:44 PM PDT

I love the explaining bits in the story, it's so funny.

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irishmaiden

4/8/2009 1:18 PM PDT

I look forward to reading the next part. Great stuff.

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BlaqkShadow

4/8/2009 1:12 PM PDT

Publiissh!!
XxXx.

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irishmaiden

4/8/2009 1:09 PM PDT

The more i read this, the more intrigued i get.

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irishmaiden

4/8/2009 1:03 PM PDT

This piece would make a good book for teenagers, or maybe younger. The comedy in it makes me laugh.

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IvyReed

4/8/2009 11:55 AM PDT

It looks like a good story for teens.
You got my vote.
Good Luck.
Liz

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DelilahTomson

4/8/2009 9:46 AM PDT

Great little story. Go for it! You got my vote.

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jjbellinski

4/8/2009 9:39 AM PDT

Good one, publish.

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Kala

4/8/2009 9:03 AM PDT

You have my vote ! Good Luck !

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thedainmaster

4/8/2009 8:53 AM PDT

Yes it should be chances... just a typo sorry.
Yes he accidentally wrote evil pencil as the answer to a math sum.

Vada

4/8/2009 8:30 AM PDT

Part 2, par 5, last sentence: math's sum?

This is interesting.

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Vada

4/8/2009 8:25 AM PDT

First paragraph, last sentence- you have the word chanced, but in the context I would see it as need to be chances.

You have my interest, so onward I go to part 2.

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joanne09

4/8/2009 7:15 AM PDT

You have my vote. Good Luck!!!

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thedainmaster

4/8/2009 5:43 AM PDT

Thanks I will take that into consideration!

Angel24

4/8/2009 5:23 AM PDT

This is a cool story - I havent read it all of course. Just one thing that jarred for me a little.

'dear readers'

If you telling this story directly to the reader as you have above, then you really need to make it apparent from the first paragraph with a greeting or something. Good start, I voted for you!

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thedainmaster

4/8/2009 5:21 AM PDT

Thanks everyone! If I were to get published (or close anyway :P) I would like to thank all of you people for making it happen!!

writer122

4/8/2009 5:02 AM PDT

Publish!

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TrentRedfern

4/8/2009 3:50 AM PDT

that's "funky" as in awesome, groovy, etc.

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TrentRedfern

4/8/2009 3:49 AM PDT

oooh...funky.

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beerman

4/8/2009 2:35 AM PDT

Thumbs up good luck

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Nicko7

4/8/2009 2:09 AM PDT

yeah this is cool nicely written easy to read

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OoHalfPintoO

4/8/2009 2:01 AM PDT

Pretty good so far as just reading the vote zone. I could see young teenagers enjoying a tale like this.

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emmalea_21

4/8/2009 1:42 AM PDT

This is really good :) You have my vote. A couple of spelling and grammar errors, but we all have those :P Good luck.

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michael7

4/7/2009 10:30 PM PDT

Good Luck! I read the first couple of chapters and you are quite good. I will read more soon. Till then...

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Amber_Hearn

4/7/2009 8:44 PM PDT

Sorry, I can't give this a thumbs up. I must vote thumbs down. I can overlook the poor grammar, punctuation and even the story line that is impossible to follow. I can't overlook the violence. This is supposed to be a child's book. It is not a place for blood, guns and violent death scenes.

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Velen

4/7/2009 8:37 PM PDT

Oh wow, This is spectacular. You have mine :D

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CallumC

4/7/2009 7:45 PM PDT

Cream floats to the top, I can see I might have some competition here, good luck you have my vote. I only hope you don’t beat me by one vote?

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sixteenpages

4/7/2009 6:46 PM PDT

Very clever. You got my vote.

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CCCWriter

4/7/2009 4:59 PM PDT

This would be a great read for some young people that I know. I notice one spelling error 'chanced'...shouldn't that be chances or chance? I can just see these kids just hanging out.

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JDonovanSteele

4/7/2009 4:10 PM PDT

lol. lol. cool man. got my vote!

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alienscribe

4/7/2009 3:43 PM PDT

Got my vote - keep up the good work!

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Mistical_Nia

4/7/2009 3:32 PM PDT

Cute story. You got my vote!

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gonzodave

4/7/2009 12:33 PM PDT

~dain - an entertaining read for sure. My vote is cast to pub this one.

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S_WilsonDisher

4/6/2009 8:01 PM PDT

I've read some more and I still say 'publish'. I have several classes of students who would love this! Besides 'Alex' is my favourite boys'name - wrote a story in 'KIU' about a smallish boy called Alex!!!

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S_WilsonDisher

4/6/2009 7:57 PM PDT

So far very funny - next.........

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Sarah_Enticing

4/6/2009 6:45 PM PDT

Great you have my vote!

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KINGLOVERR

4/6/2009 5:37 PM PDT

You are a very good writer I love your style. I voted for you please vote for my book "King Loverr: Diary of a Philosophical Loner.

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D_R_Williams

4/6/2009 5:11 PM PDT

U have a unique style of writing and it's good. I personally don't think u have to adress the reader so much like u do in parentheses. U can just normally explain it. Nut otherwise good story :)

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TomMcGee

4/6/2009 3:06 PM PDT

Good Luck. You have my vote. ; > D

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pattimari

4/6/2009 2:32 PM PDT

publish

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MOshell

4/6/2009 2:12 PM PDT

Dainmaster.........I do appreciate the revisions and clean up you've made here and I do think it now reads much smoother. But as I've stated prev, I am just not of the age group to totally get into this story and seem to lack the imagination skills to do so. I have voted maybe for this reason.....you may need to work the under 30 crowd, somehow many of us lose the youthful appreciation we once had as we age. Best of luck, M.

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Wade

4/6/2009 2:01 PM PDT

Good Luck.

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thevoice

4/6/2009 1:38 PM PDT

I read this its great unique work great job love the penciul work god bless mike

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MatthewDavid

4/6/2009 11:53 AM PDT

Very intersting point of of view. I think it's funny how you communicate with the reader outside of the characters. A very imaginative start. I will have to read more.

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McCuen

4/6/2009 10:43 AM PDT

PUBLISH!! SATISFIES THE APPETTITE FOR SURE!!
CHILDENA ND ADULTS WLL LOVE IT TOO!

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thedainmaster

3/25/2009 9:24 AM PDT

thedainmaster

3/25/2009 9:24 AM PDT

I've edited it up a bit now... okay, into the vote it goes!

WILD

2/26/2009 11:45 AM PST

grate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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thedainmaster

2/10/2009 12:04 AM PST

I have been thinking of rewriting it for a while, but I am caught up on editing the last book in the series right now, so it will have to wait!!

Kayzzaman

2/9/2009 8:55 PM PST

I'll love it if you rewrite it, will you?
Write more and more and excel. Cheers!

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Reagsie

11/18/2008 8:55 PM PST

This reads like it was written by a kid. If it was, then take a little more time to edit your work. Try harder not to use the same words or try and make some kind of flowing image instead of this almost-what's the word I'm looking for-stop and start kind of rhythm. it's really not smooth. If this is an adult, I'm really sorry. I realize that it's meant for kids, but "meant for kids" shouldn't mean "sounds like kids" it should mean something that elevates kids to a greater level. It's a "no" for me

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GreenCyanBreeze

11/18/2008 3:23 AM PST

I am utterly confused. Is this intened to be the first chapter? Jumping right into a story is a good technique but needs to be done carefully. There was little to establish who these characters were here. Also, for the action in genereal I had little idea what was going on. In fact the whole thing was very confusing. Why was any of it happening? What was going on here? In contradiction to what one of the other commentators said, I like the fact that you have an Alex and an Alex 2, it's a great way to establish that this is not a story that is too serious. Please keep that detail. On the whole I got the feeling that this is underconstruction and isn't completed yet, and a lot of the thoughts weren't complete yet either. Keep working at it, it's got potential, it's a fun story and those are good, I liked the concept of this intro chapter, but its not done yet.

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Kennedy_29

11/17/2008 1:28 PM PST

O.K. That's enough this story is downright STUPID!!

Kennedy_29

11/17/2008 1:20 PM PST

This is a weird story... I'm not quite sure about it but mostly I think its sorta stupid...no offense though.

Tanu_love

11/16/2008 10:52 AM PST

Enjoyed !! You have my vote !! Good Luck !! Tanu_love

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broken_legs

11/15/2008 7:55 AM PST

PUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISH

thedainmaster

11/14/2008 11:49 AM PST

to danielway: there's also no need to have an apostrophe in boys ;)

taistealai

11/14/2008 7:40 AM PST

good luck!

darkened_jade

11/14/2008 12:46 AM PST

Its light and interesting but I think that it needs a little work to clarify certain parts. The idea behind the writing is good and you have a genuine flair with telling an amusing tale.

danielway

11/13/2008 7:07 PM PST

Much of this story makes no sense. And surely there is no need to have two boy's called Alex!
"that's enough author" just confuses things further.

Sava1239

11/13/2008 1:18 PM PST

cool..

thedainmaster

11/13/2008 8:14 AM PST

brekkie? it is breakfast lol. a lot of children use it, so i think it would relate to them well. thanks for all the good comments everyone!
and ps- who is the 'mankie man'?!

littlejumboman

11/13/2008 8:13 AM PST

wrong account WAHHHHHHHHHH woops

littlejumboman

11/13/2008 8:13 AM PST

Mankie man here. i have read it again and have found a few errors, what is brekky and how do you use it. the other issue is........ there is none

dantesfire

11/13/2008 6:21 AM PST

great stuff, thumbs up here

MsEatsaLot

11/12/2008 9:38 PM PST

I enjoyed it! I remember when I was six I wrote about a talking pencil. I should've thought of a magic pencil instead. lol. NICE JOB!!!!

nrhatch

11/12/2008 9:19 PM PST

Like Zygon, I vote "maybe." The story is lively, and imaginative, which should appeal to young readers . . . but the presentation needs a bit of "clean up."

For example, in Part 4, you write:

After a quick brekky, and one or two handy excuses on why they were going outside without Alex, most of them involving gummy bears, Alex 2 and Dan were out searching.

-- Maybe it's my age, and I'm just out of the loop, but what is a "brekky"?

30 seconds later… Just as they were about to give up, they heard a loud squeal and several evil mumblings coming from a run down warehouse they’d never noticed before.

-- I suggest typing "30" out, especially since it's the beginning of a sentence and a paragraph.

It's details like this that need to be sorted out before I can give you a resounding, "Publish."

Shardae

11/12/2008 6:34 PM PST

Exciting and very interesting!

IanKinshaw

11/10/2008 5:24 AM PST

Interesting!

charleypen

11/9/2008 11:27 AM PST

I voted maybe because it was for me a little hard to get into the story in the sense of being interested enough to read it. This probably has to do with it being a childrens book.
I think that the evil clown worked well as a villian in my opinion better than the frog. For me it seemed like the end of the story was really where the story got interesting.

Darkangel83

11/7/2008 1:49 PM PST

very interesting type of writing.

Smelliie

11/7/2008 11:17 AM PST

alexxx

wooo.
win hobbit!

MankieMan

11/7/2008 8:40 AM PST

i have read the book, and thought i usually slag people off, i have to say i rather enjoyed this book. good luck on the votes. i will tell all to vote. no really it was great.

zygoncurry

11/7/2008 4:31 AM PST

A " Maybe " from me. I like the story but the format and punctuation need work.

darkbrite

11/7/2008 1:20 AM PST

Maybe

WelshPoet

11/7/2008 12:35 AM PST

I see Light Brite is here too lol....you got a thumbs up from the Welsh Poet

lightbrite

11/6/2008 9:18 PM PST

into which they are unwillingly flung....dropping prepositions bugs me...argh

Morgan_East

11/6/2008 12:51 PM PST

anice story
Good luck

thedainmaster

11/6/2008 12:43 PM PST

hmm... thanks everyone! I hav officially hot 120!! Woo!

Lilly_Archie

11/6/2008 12:39 PM PST

wiked book we both like it xx

ilovebooks

11/6/2008 11:57 AM PST

u should deff publish young kids will love it!!!

zozo66

11/6/2008 11:55 AM PST

i love it keep writing xx

hiitme

11/6/2008 9:58 AM PST

good luck and i will c u in skool:p

gigglesSA1

11/6/2008 5:28 AM PST

voted good luck

K_B_Watts

11/5/2008 7:39 PM PST

Good luck!

pattimari

11/5/2008 2:10 PM PST

Good luck with my vote

Mulbry

11/5/2008 1:24 PM PST

This is great . This gets my vote.

RenesmeBBF

11/5/2008 11:59 AM PST

:) Definetly going thumbs up for this
hope it gets picked

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swakgel

11/5/2008 8:49 AM PST

interesting...voted..

DeviledCherries

11/5/2008 8:28 AM PST

Good luck!

kiejayson

11/5/2008 4:06 AM PST

Best of luck to you dainster...you can count my vote in:)

glehnmarc

11/4/2008 11:30 PM PST

This is ah...yeah...certainly interesting. There were time when I laughed out loud, so that is a very good sign!

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McCuen

11/4/2008 10:14 PM PST

What an imaginative creation-takes you into another world!!

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Shep

11/4/2008 4:09 PM PST

awsome and wow

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littlejumboman

11/4/2008 11:10 AM PST

cool

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JaymzC_Draws

11/4/2008 8:59 AM PST

best book in da world

Blake_Madison

11/4/2008 8:43 AM PST

Very good. I have a childrens book called The Sturtles up for vote also.

ChubbyMan

11/4/2008 5:18 AM PST

wow! brill! publish!

lusterman

11/4/2008 5:17 AM PST

best book eva
you need to publish this!

Tigerprincess

11/4/2008 5:02 AM PST

Loved this - as does my 7 year old son. Can't get a better recommendation than that!

deano

11/2/2008 11:08 AM PST

very random! I am within the age range you said, and i love this! Please read my project, thank you. Keep wrighting, and good luck!

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thedainmaster

10/21/2008 8:57 AM PDT

lol thanks!

michaeldeshazer

10/18/2008 11:46 PM PDT

Love the trailer on youtube!!

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McCuen

8/21/2008 12:11 PM PDT

Attack of the Pencils-revenge of The Pencils-Attack of The Google part 1 & 2 and Death' Shadow!1 Cool! Lokking forward to the Read!!! Thank you!!

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littlejumboman

8/19/2008 6:41 AM PDT

Cool

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more » Chapters

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Part 1: The First Attack

Author: thedainmaster

Comments: 14

Part 2: The Second Strike

Author: thedainmaster

Comments: 11

Part 3: The Revenge of The Pencils

Author: thedainmaster

Comments: 8

Part 4: The Attack of The Google

Author: thedainmaster

Comments: 6

Part 4: The Attack of The Google part 2

Author: thedainmaster

Comments: 3

Part 5: Death's Shadow

Author: thedainmaster

Comments: 8

Part 6: The End?

Author: thedainmaster

Comments: 8

more » Chapters

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The A Gang Chronicles

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The A Gang Chronicles

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