What is with the links as feedback?

http://atlanta.classexplore.com http://boston.classexplore.com http://chicago.classexplore.com http://dallas.classexplore.com http://houston.classexplore.com http://lasvegas.classexplore.com http://losangeles.classexplore.com http://miami.classexplore.com http://newyork.classexplore.com http://philadelphia.classexplore.com http://phoenix.classexplore.com http://sanantonio.classexplore.com http://sandiego.classexplore.com http://sanfrancisco.classexplore.com http://seattle.classexplore.com http://calgary.classexplore.com http://edmonton.classexplore.com http://montreal.classexplore.com http://ottawa.classexplore.com http://toronto.classexplore.com http://vancouver.classexplore.com http://winnipeg.classexplore.com

http://atlanta.studioexplorer.com http://boston.studioexplorer.com http://chicago.studioexplorer.com http://dallas.studioexplorer.com http://houston.studioexplorer.com http://lasvegas.studioexplorer.com http://losangeles.studioexplorer.com http://miami.studioexplorer.com http://newyork.studioexplorer.com http://philadelphia.studioexplorer.com http://sanantonio.studioexplorer.com http://sandiego.studioexplorer.com http://seattle.studioexplorer.com http://calgary.studioexplorer.com http://ottawa.studioexplorer.com http://toronto.studioexplorer.com http://vancouver.studioexplorer.com

http://toronto.limoexplorer.com http://vancouver.limoexplorer.com http://edmonton.limoexplorer.com http://calgary.limoexplorer.com http://ottawa.limoexplorer.com http://montreal.limoexplorer.com http://winnipeg.limoexplorer.com http://www.filemissile.com

General:
Sometimes there are two+ big words in one sentence which interrupts the flow for the reader. I was a little confused about the world you tried to create as you mentioned a couple random little things. It would be lovely to have at least a general idea of what this world is.

Plot:
No real action, just two kids fighting. (I only read chapter one)

Character Development:
Their names. At the start, it's easier to decipher who's who by having a normal name and a weird one or it gets confusing.

Thanks a TON for all of that feedback!  Point-of-view hasn't ever been a huge priority to me, but I can see how it can be a deal-breaker, and I'm starting to look for it now.  Thanks!

I've begun reading through this, and I must say, it's a world unlike any other!  I'm looking forward to getting myself immersed in this book of yours, and I'll gladly leave some tidbits of suggestions, etc. where I find room.  If you have time, I'd certainly appreciate any additional comments you might have as my own work progresses along.

Thanks again!

I'm reading this :D

Stared reading the prologue and first chapter, will read it later, seems pretty impresives makes me feel inadequate about my stuff :)

I like It keep doing Your stuff! If some people don't like it (comment below) Just ignore them an author has a target audience :) they can't please everyone :) Keep doing it :D

the last sentence of this summary is grammatically incorrect.

Great Storyline and Great Vocab! very interesting. I've never come across anthing like this in webook!

Congratulations!

General:
In General, the storyline is amazing! I can see this would not usually everybody's cup of tea, but the words you use are capturating, and absoloutley fantastic in overall.

Plot:
The plot needs a little more work, but hey, not everyone's perfect. The storyline so far is amazing, but to be honest, a little boring. Spice things up abit!



Character Development:
The way your characters are developed, makes me imagine them as real people. This motivated me into making my characters create such an amazing mind movie, and that is what yours did. I can imagine Neeku and everyone else. Absoloutley exhilirating is the word used to describe your story. Amazing.

Structure:
The structure is very clear to see. Reading all of your chapters make me want to read on and on.The structure is definatley something you DON'T need to work on. The best part of the book i'd say, coming closely to the Character Development. Well done!

Tone/Voice:
The story has Personality, and that's what is important in a book. You are definatley a great author is you can capture the book's personality and depth. The depth is high, and is brilliant!

-All in all, a great book. Please keep on writing.

-Saffronhanax

Buck up, you'll probably just get rejection letters and not make it to the slush pile.  Been there, done that.

Just kidding.  I think the possibility of something different than the usual vampires will have agents drooling.

I'm afraid it's probably crept up from 124K words. I can't find any irrelevant passages to cut - every scene serves multiple purposes, though I've been trying to shorten by simplifying - without making the language too dense. I've been writing it since February. Finished in June, and I've been running drafts since. I think it'll require a couple more before I'll be ready to send it off to rot on someone's slushpile.  :P

woot! sounds like an amazing work! 124k words wow!!!

How long did it take you to get this far? Just curious.

I look forward to reading your work soon. :D

This sounds very interesting! I will definitely read when I get the chance. It is sparkling with originality.

Check out the project I have started: http://www.webook.com/project/Find-a-Co-author

Just a tag for a later reading in case I can't leave a feedback on a chapter right away.

I am ashamed to admit that after all the reading you did on mine, this is the first look I have taken at your work. I should tell you, this not lack of interest or courtesy, but because, from your comments on mine and others work, I thought my commeents would be useless. drivel. I will likely be little help to you, but I shall do my best.

A mushroom city?? Interesting and definately unique. I'd read on for that alone.

Moving on.

awesome! cant wait to read this when it gets published

Bookmarking this. I'll read tomorrow. :)

@Printingpress

- I have 25 chapters explaining who Neeku is. And what you read here is only a summary - it's not a chapter.

And explain what Panus gift is it just hit me i want to know what it is

Explain who Neeku is not just that he is a theif you can do that in the second chpter if you continue to write but make shure you explain the characters along your story but it sounds intresting write more

Generally amazing.

I liked reading it. It seemed really good, and I look forward to seeing the finalized version. The way it was set out made me look forward to reading more of it, like I already said, :)

General:
Generally outstanding!

I enjoyed reading this immensely and look forward to the final version.

Well crafted and a story well told.

Plot:
Nicely done on the plot. Many twists and turns. some things i saw coming some not so much.

In a completely unrelated view I told another elsewhere on webook that their story was predictable and they thought that was a bad thing. It's not. I knew who the Hero was from word go and i was certain he was going to save the day. I was right and that was good an as it should be. The villain however was different. That one I had to work with for a while. Foreshadowing was good (by the way hard to foreshadow and not be a little predictable that's the point afterall). Plenty of surprises. Thoroughly enjoyed.

Character Development:
******Spoiler*******
Read the book before reading this review. IT'S THE LAW
*********************

I am going to have to go back to my earlier comment about Neeku. He seems at times nasty and others impish. I am not sure there is a cure for this. The in this story needs to be likeable so we need to see that from him. And he needs to be deadly hmmmm.

Rajik conniving and scheeming is good.he eventually seems to almost be a raving looney. I think it might be better to show him losing his think-buds a little more gradually. A few more hints before he meets his end that not only is he not a nice person but reason seems not to be visiting him so frequently. Perhaps some doubts about this from his allies or some statement that just seems to be rooted in the fertile soil of lunacy.

The building of desperation in the characters seems excelletly done.

Structure:
No problems here

Tone/Voice:
Here either the tone is consistent throughout as it should be.

Lastly these are my observations. If you find them useful or revealing great! As I said earlier I loved the story.  These were just some things I noted. Not necessarily mistakes just thigns that raise a proverbial eyebrow.

YMMV (your mileage may vary)

Keep it up! I've run out of chapters to read,

General:
I am enjoying this so far. I am at chapter 15. 

Plot:
The story is moving along and keeping me interested some things i see coming but not all of them.

Character Development:
Maybe this falls under tone but the one thing that keeps nagging at me (though only a little) is Neeku. He seems at turns playful and murderous. Only once so far have I seen him truly venomous. Early on I was puzzled by how casual almost flippant he seemed whn stealing the goyans in the opening and then how remorselessly he dispatched the gang members to start the riots. Not sure those two sides of him completely fit together. Then again maybe it's just. me.

...I am not at all sure where to start with this. Haha. All I can say is, wow. Why isn't this published yet? The narrative does tend to be a tad bogged down by so much exposition and backstory occurring at once, so that might be something to consider paring a bit. Other than that, all I can say is that this is terrific. And thank you for your feedback on The God Engine...needless to say I'll be fixing what you pointed out as soon as possible.

I'm certainly willing to trade commentaries. When I have time I'll be more than willing to read this. Judging by the teaser, sounds like it will be a good read. Thanks for your comments on The Winter War too. I hope mine are as helpful as yours have been.