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Project Leader:
dnaleristap
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The WEbook community
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Category:
Poetry
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General
Language:
English

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READ THESE ..Please

Submitted for a contest

How I hear life

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Earlier Feedback

hidee

1/15/2012 5:59 PM PST

jcywrong

1/15/2012 5:50 PM PST

grant123

1/15/2012 5:40 PM PST

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Georgehoward

7/19/2010 2:12 PM PDT

'Tis all CRAP!!!
Creative
'Ritin'
Invoking
Publishing

Keep it up Pat
H

ELouisa

8/31/2009 7:05 PM PDT

Enjoyed all three, but for me the Bubble has the best images.
Louise

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Kate_Avino

8/31/2009 5:59 PM PDT

Great job. I loved "The Bubble"

You have my vote and support.

~Kate

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sanctuaryrose

8/31/2009 12:34 PM PDT

Witty and interesting. I like it.

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Vada

8/31/2009 5:25 AM PDT

I think my favorite is A Day In Heaven.

All of your poems are nicely constructed- nice choices for the submissions.

Thank you for your support of my project. You, also, have my support and vote. Good luck!

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moxhp

8/29/2009 11:50 PM PDT

Interesting….a yes vote from me!

http://www.webook.com/project/Top-3-Poems-of-Assorted-Interest

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thevoice

8/29/2009 1:35 PM PDT

you have many emotions in the poem this makes readers feel all you write
good luck god bless mike

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Niyah_Love

8/28/2009 3:22 PM PDT

Poetry to dwell upon. I enjoy that type. I voted yes. Good luck to you.

Niyah Love
http://www.webook.com/project/Pain-of-another

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pastelspring

8/28/2009 9:29 AM PDT

vote!

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Jenny_Moxham

8/27/2009 6:39 PM PDT

Good quality. A Vote from me.

http://www.webook.com/project/Animal-Cruelty

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AshkaH

8/27/2009 12:40 PM PDT

I love the use of imagination.
Good luck!

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nrhatch

8/26/2009 9:42 AM PDT

Isn't that true . . . a day will do, any day will do.

Write on!

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santackas

8/26/2009 9:19 AM PDT

Good luck to you....and thanks....

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MaHoney

8/26/2009 8:49 AM PDT

A day in heaven is my favourite! :)

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Night_rose

8/26/2009 7:28 AM PDT

wow unique is one word to describe these poems :D hehe well done x You have my vote x

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johntucker

8/25/2009 4:22 PM PDT

Interesting poetry unique in many ways. But more care needed to produce a more professional, polished end product. Still refreshingly different in many respects.
Wish you good luck with your writing the most important thing is to enjoy it.

Kind Regards John

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LODY

8/25/2009 4:06 PM PDT

way to get the message across with capitalizing the important words. A bit lengthy in the middle though

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Sabrabean

8/25/2009 6:53 AM PDT

I like the imagery in your poems, it suggests that you are a attuned to your emotions with respect to your environment. You try to create a universe that all your readers can relate to. I like it, good luck and thanks for your vote!! :)

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ScottD15

8/24/2009 7:20 PM PDT

The Bubble had a very cool idea to it, and I feel it was well written. It kinda makes you question our existence in this world, and universe ;). The only thing I found a little distracting was the flow in certain parts of it but it was fairly minor in any case. Great Job.

Why Can't You be Here When I'm Dreaming was very sweet, and nice. I also enjoyed the flow and the need that you display for the narrator.

A day in Heaven was also very sweet =)

All of your poems are very emotional in their own way, so well done and you have my vote.

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penbuddy

8/24/2009 2:18 PM PDT

I enjoyed your "A Day in Heaven" This is a great expression of the complex emotion of love reduced to the simply spoken breath of hope--short, simple, blissful moments remembered and wished to revisit.

You have my vote and my best wishes.

(PS thanks for stopping by http://www.webook.com/project/penbuddys-best-3-poems)

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SPMount

8/24/2009 2:08 PM PDT

Heartfelt all three. I too used to point out certain words but with the use of italics, a number of people said it was distracting and felt as if their hands were being held, I came to see that point, and now I don't do that. I think hold off on the caps, and in future remember your other sail! Nothing a little editing can't put right, otherwise nice job!

http://www.webook.com/project/Quirked

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lainy

8/24/2009 1:31 PM PDT

Good stuff you got my vote :)

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ellenc

8/24/2009 12:31 PM PDT

I love your perspective in Bubble . . . great notion! You could have maybe condensed it a little and let the reader continue musing -- but I always like brevity in poetry and leaving a few things unsaid. Still, great stuff. Thanks for writing!

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weepingwillow

8/24/2009 11:43 AM PDT

Okay, so I am an image pusher...

Right now, you have brilliant ideas and emotions just waiting to jump off the page, but they are limited because we cannot see them within the poem.

For instance, in "Dreaming" - what would the speaker do if the dreams contained both people. Give a snippet of what would happen. How do they connect with each other in the dream. Visuals.

I feel the same way about "Bubble." You name things in the sea or on the land, but how do they interact with their environment? Show us, don't just tell us.

You do have lovely framework, I just think you could expand it more.

Best of luck!

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CorsetedDreams

8/24/2009 11:33 AM PDT

All of your poems are beautiful- the second two are two of the sweetest poems I have read, I hope the person they are intended for has read them.

naiveandwitty

8/24/2009 10:23 AM PDT

You have my vote.

Great Entries.

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Petrin

8/24/2009 7:43 AM PDT

I have no idea how I missed this before but am very very glad I have found it now.

Simply superb!!!

Will look forward to reading more of your works in the future.

The very best of luck with the vote!!!

http://www.webook.com/project/My-3-Emotive-Entries

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shahw

8/23/2009 10:27 AM PDT

Voted....

Good luck, Shah. X

http://www.webook.com/project/My-Best-Three-Poems-WEBook-2009

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michele15

8/23/2009 4:41 AM PDT

Three interesting poems. Particularly liked 'The Bubble'. Had never thought of the sea and sky like that before. You have my vote. Good luck.

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EmilyC_16

8/22/2009 10:48 AM PDT

really good work!

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Typical_Bastard

8/21/2009 8:08 AM PDT

nice

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jezabel

8/20/2009 11:35 PM PDT

A day in heaven was my favourite, yes vote

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SKYeater

8/20/2009 4:14 PM PDT

I like your message with this poem but i think making those words all caps is distracting and for lack of a better word gimmicky, sorry. Also using diff. was distracting. It changes the tone of the poem rather quickly. Overall well done. Those things are just preference.

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wayahowl

8/20/2009 3:27 PM PDT

my favorite is A DAY IN HEAVEN
i vote publish this one especially

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limegreenrunner

8/20/2009 11:29 AM PDT

great poetry! keep up the magnificent writing!
I hope to see your work published!!!!

http://www.webook.com/project/Three-Poems-From-My-Freshman-Year-In-High-School

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FullMoonGoddess

8/19/2009 9:16 AM PDT

This is beautiful...yes to you :)

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GaelNiamh

8/18/2009 4:59 AM PDT

I loved all three. I vote, publish!!!!

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SethGreenwood

8/17/2009 3:43 AM PDT

I read, The Bubble and loved it. It never lost my attention. I like your philosophies. Because of this one poem I am quite sure you need to be published, but I am going to read the rest also. But I know they will be extraordinaire also.

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Destini

8/15/2009 4:56 PM PDT

Enjoyed reading your poems. Sweet. Check for mispellings such as "Skies" and "too" and a few other grammar problems. But overall, nice work.

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ritatan

8/15/2009 6:38 AM PDT

I think your poems touch on subjects that many of us take for granted because we were ....born to have them. A child asked me what it is beyond the clouds, and what the sky is; I just could not explain. "Skys" should be "Skies". I like all 3 poems. You have my vote.

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JessicaSherlock

8/14/2009 5:32 AM PDT

Loved the comparison in The Bubble. Perfect grammar and spelling. I agree with warriorwitch's comment. I vote yes though, well done.

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mattj

8/13/2009 6:38 PM PDT

nice work publish!

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MsWrite

8/13/2009 1:39 PM PDT

These poems are wonderful. You have a great way of looking at things. Publish! By the way, thanks for looking at my poem "What Is Love". If you haven't already, please check out my contest submissions! Thanks!

http://www.webook.com/project/Heart-Whispers

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irena_pasvin

8/13/2009 1:08 PM PDT

I loved all the 3 poems. Loved the idea of the bubble, the comparison between the sea and the air, the originality of the idea. There are some annoying typos that has already been mentioned but enjoyed the poem a lot nevertheless.
I also loved the idea of "Why can't you be here when I'm dreaming".
And I think "A Day in Heaven" is also very good, the form is simple but the emotion is pure and strong and it really works very well together.

http://www.webook.com/project/My-Poems-For-a-Poetry-Contest

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warriorwitch

8/13/2009 1:08 PM PDT

This would be a truly "stunning" poem if you could break it into stanzas and lose the caps. I too used to emphasize with caps not knowing any better. But as I was advised by a very kind "professional" writer : "You have to trust the reader to understand the meaning". The use of too many caps jars the eye and disruputs the flow of your poem. But the content is great and you definiately have a good solid grasp on the rhyme. (I am A rhyme "snob" LOL) The only way it sould be written I think! With just a litte polish, if you will, this will be a stellar work! VOTED

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tattyhead

8/13/2009 7:07 AM PDT

I liked all three of your poems.
Good Luck.

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TraciB

8/13/2009 6:34 AM PDT

I enjoyed all three of these so much! When I read "Dreaming" and "A Day in Heaven", all I could think is that I hope to find that in my life. Well done!

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nrhatch

8/8/2009 11:02 AM PDT

In The Bubble, you should definitely "sail on" (as you note below) rather than having a "sale" . . .

Good Catch.

I tend to agree with Calypson, that all three could benefit from a bit more trimming of the sails, but I enjoyed the sentiment behind each.

Good luck.

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dnaleristap

8/8/2009 8:23 AM PDT

I mean to say sail NOT sale what a goofus. For shtose of you who like this and asked me to correct it thanks. I missed that after many reading. Damn. LOL

jimmybonez

8/6/2009 2:55 PM PDT

General:
vote submitted...

Content:
My favorite is " Why Can't You Be Here When I'm Dreaming "

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AkeemH

8/6/2009 11:50 AM PDT

General:
An interesting idea in 'The Bubble' and strong emotion conveyed in the last two. You have my vote. 'Why Can't You Be Here When I'm Dreaming' is my favourite out of the three.
http://www.webook.com/project/My-Top-Three

Form:
The boldening of those key words in 'The Bubble' add some effect to the feel of the piece although after some time it feels a bit trying on the reader, in my case anyway. Did you mean to put in sale the majority of the piece?

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MarkBrad

8/6/2009 10:33 AM PDT

i like these a lot bubble is great, well done

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Calypso

8/4/2009 8:45 PM PDT

I have to say that 'Bubble" is your strongest. It is very unique and in a different style! I love that. I feel there are a lot of unneeded words in the poem, so a few more revisions are in order. This is a great poem!

Keep writing!

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SmartTruth

8/4/2009 9:48 AM PDT

i LOVE your poetry so you already know that my vote is YESSSSS

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metric1

8/3/2009 11:40 AM PDT

Interesting style I vote yes

http://www.webook.com/project/3-4-poetry-contest

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jjbellinski

8/2/2009 1:53 PM PDT

You have my vote.

http://www.webook.com/project/My-Poetic-Trilogy

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mikemurphy

8/2/2009 3:02 AM PDT

A yes vote.

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LB1968

8/1/2009 7:39 AM PDT

I thought The Bubble poses some very original ideas, but it needs some editing and spelling corrections before it is ready for publication. The other two poems are romantic and sentimental pieces, quite pleasing to read.

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dnaleristap

8/1/2009 7:19 AM PDT

I like my stuff