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Book Info
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Project Leader:
lmarcyz
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Participants:
The WEbook community -
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only -
Category:
Fiction -
Genre:
Short Story
Mystery -
Language:
English
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Timepieces
David Allen wanted to give his wife, Deborah, the only thing she has ever wanted, a baby. After years of trying to conceive; they were having a baby. David's only concern was whether he or Debora would live long enough to hold their new baby.
Dr. Tooshay time was running out, and he was sick of playing by the rules. He didn't care if he keeled over in the delivery room delivering the Allen baby, he was going to let nature take its course. To hell with the hospital protocols and government ... more »
Dr. Tooshay time was running out, and he was sick of playing by the rules. He didn't care if he keeled over in the delivery room delivering the Allen baby, he was going to let nature take its course. To hell with the hospital protocols and government ... more »
GIVE FEEDBACK
11/19/2008 1:38 PM PST
Make sure that your Teaser and your Synopsis are PERFECT. You have a few typos in the Teaser that need to be cleaned up:
How important is your healthcare plan to and your family? -- to you and your family
Debora Allen doesn't know she is about to die, and it's all because her husband chose the wrong health insurannce. -- should be Deborah, and insurance.
You misspelled Deborah again in the synopsis.
Picky . . . but critical changes if you don't want to scare readers away before they even start reading. ;-)
nancy
How important is your healthcare plan to and your family? -- to you and your family
Debora Allen doesn't know she is about to die, and it's all because her husband chose the wrong health insurannce. -- should be Deborah, and insurance.
You misspelled Deborah again in the synopsis.
Picky . . . but critical changes if you don't want to scare readers away before they even start reading. ;-)
nancy
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 4:10 PM PST
thanks Christina. Originally I wrote it only as a short story. I could see this piece growing into a novel, though. I'm hoping it's good enough to publish as a short piece first.
11/12/2008 2:13 PM PST
I hope you make that into a novel, it would be amazing!
How does the girl end up when she is older?
Does she know her parents?
Does this happen often?
I love it!
www.webook.com/projects/freeverse
I hope you check this project out, I think your talents would contribute greatly to it.
How does the girl end up when she is older?
Does she know her parents?
Does this happen often?
I love it!
www.webook.com/projects/freeverse
I hope you check this project out, I think your talents would contribute greatly to it.
10/1/2008 10:07 AM PDT
somebody give me some feedback on this piece. character development, readability, interest, anything please...
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