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Project Leader:
nrhatch
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Participants:
The WEbook community -
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only -
Category:
Fiction -
Genre:
Children's -
Language:
English
book_central
Too Much Stuff
Our nation's youth face many challenges in their daily lives. This story is written with several goals: (1) to encourage problem solving by today's youth; (2) to promote the concepts of personal responsibility and dedication to their goals; (3) to share the insight that sometimes "less is more"; (4) to remind parents that positive reinforcement and good listening skills can promote positive behaviors in children; and (5) to entertain young readers and foster in them an appreciation for books.
GIVE FEEDBACK
4/20/2009 10:56 PM PDT
hhhmm
This Feedback was...
4/20/2009 9:06 PM PDT
different.
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4/20/2009 4:05 PM PDT
I think this is a real contender-well done.
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4/20/2009 1:02 PM PDT
Great storytelling. I like books that involve children by making them think without it feeling like they're in a classroom. Good luck for publishing.
This Feedback was...
4/20/2009 9:49 AM PDT
publish. this is very good and I wish you luck. Please check out my combined childrens' poem book in the children's section of the vote as well
This Feedback was...
4/20/2009 7:42 AM PDT
Hi Nancy good job and best of luck with your book!
Your friend,
Kathy
Your friend,
Kathy
This Feedback was...
4/18/2009 7:42 AM PDT
Thanks All!
What's Ziggy doing? Yes, that's right.
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) in case you want to see Ziggy in living color:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
What's Ziggy doing? Yes, that's right.
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) in case you want to see Ziggy in living color:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
4/17/2009 4:54 PM PDT
I love this!
This Feedback was...
4/16/2009 3:20 PM PDT
A good lesson but not preachy. It gets my vote.
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4/16/2009 6:26 AM PDT
You know I'm a fan, you've got my vote. Good luck!
This Feedback was...
4/16/2009 5:40 AM PDT
Such a gem. Good Luck!
This Feedback was...
4/15/2009 6:53 PM PDT
you got my vote
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4/15/2009 9:30 AM PDT
Nancy how come you didn’t tell me about this little gem? Or have I just been too busy and let it slip past me? And it seems to have a lot of support as well, and mine, good luck, it’s a Yes.
Oh dear,I hope you don’t beat me by one vote?
Oh dear,I hope you don’t beat me by one vote?
This Feedback was...
4/14/2009 9:08 PM PDT
I say..........YES! let it be published :D
This Feedback was...
4/14/2009 6:34 PM PDT
Great! Fun and a great story!
This Feedback was...
4/14/2009 10:32 AM PDT
Very nice a delightful story....
This Feedback was...
4/14/2009 10:08 AM PDT
I like this..
witty and cute...
you got my vote...
witty and cute...
you got my vote...
This Feedback was...
4/14/2009 4:03 AM PDT
like it! could be toned down a little though
This Feedback was...
4/13/2009 7:49 PM PDT
Like the story a lot, vocab a little strong? But all in all a very good job!
This Feedback was...
4/13/2009 6:52 AM PDT
Thanks All! Ziggy is one happy zebra!
What's Ziggy doing? Yes, that's right.
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) in case you want to see Ziggy in living color:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
What's Ziggy doing? Yes, that's right.
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) in case you want to see Ziggy in living color:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
4/13/2009 5:40 AM PDT
I have TRIED to vote numerous different times yet I can't get my vote to go through.
This Feedback was...
4/12/2009 9:10 PM PDT
BTW, I want Ziggy at my garage sale!!!
This Feedback was...
4/12/2009 9:08 PM PDT
A very enjoyable tale. The only drawbacks I can see is that (a) it does your thinking for you and (b) I've always had a personal problem of cracking the fourth wall i.e. letting the reader in on the fact that it's a story. Those are personal issues of mine, not yours, however. It is a unique approach. I say 'go for it!'.
This Feedback was...
4/12/2009 11:04 AM PDT
A joy to read for all ages - can't wait to see it in print.
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4/12/2009 10:19 AM PDT
publish!
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4/12/2009 3:05 AM PDT
goodluck then!
This Feedback was...
4/11/2009 5:03 PM PDT
I recon this is a wonderful book and you should definatly publish it. Honestly if their were more books like this on this website my ten year old sister would certainly love to join. Welldone.
This Feedback was...
4/11/2009 4:50 PM PDT
Thanks All! Ziggy is one happy zebra!
Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) in case you want to see a wonderful Zebra smile:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) in case you want to see a wonderful Zebra smile:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
4/11/2009 1:30 PM PDT
very good
This Feedback was...
4/11/2009 12:56 PM PDT
and it was thumbs up- very cute
This Feedback was...
4/11/2009 12:55 PM PDT
i voted
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4/11/2009 9:20 AM PDT
My vote is in and it's a YES!
This Feedback was...
4/11/2009 8:04 AM PDT
Great lesson for kids told in an entertaining way. "Ziggy zig-zagged..." - love it! Thumbs up!
This Feedback was...
4/11/2009 7:26 AM PDT
good luck!!
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4/11/2009 5:29 AM PDT
Here's my vote
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4/11/2009 5:14 AM PDT
this book is interesting to reed and it might inspire people
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4/11/2009 3:49 AM PDT
I think this is really good
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4/11/2009 3:36 AM PDT
Awwww... this is sweet. A really nice story. Hope it gets published - you have my vote :-D
This Feedback was...
4/11/2009 2:14 AM PDT
Definetly has my vote
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4/11/2009 1:26 AM PDT
You've got my vote :) Good luck.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 10:41 PM PDT
Thumbs up from me :)
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4/10/2009 10:38 PM PDT
Got my vote.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 9:48 PM PDT
I love it. Such a good message. Good luck.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 9:10 PM PDT
Dear Nancy,
I agree with your goals and I think you have developed a really good way to reach those goals.. but in this story I too think the language ought to be simpler...the concept of the yard sale to clear extra stuff is good but should be presented without using complex words. Do try again...I am certain re writing will bring out the sparkle that lies hidden in this clever story idea.Good luck :)
I agree with your goals and I think you have developed a really good way to reach those goals.. but in this story I too think the language ought to be simpler...the concept of the yard sale to clear extra stuff is good but should be presented without using complex words. Do try again...I am certain re writing will bring out the sparkle that lies hidden in this clever story idea.Good luck :)
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 6:32 PM PDT
my vote is cast
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4/10/2009 5:15 PM PDT
I cast my vote.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 5:12 PM PDT
Dear writer,
I think you have the capability of writing better.Try to be as simple as possible.like children.Their world is very simple.They are not after complicated concepts.You need to give it another try .A different look.I suggest you to put a few pictures of children in front of you when you are writing.And after finishing a line look at those pictures.Then think and put yourself in thier shoes.Or it is a good idea to go to a park and sit near children's play ground.Then write.Believe me you can write better.Good luck
I think you have the capability of writing better.Try to be as simple as possible.like children.Their world is very simple.They are not after complicated concepts.You need to give it another try .A different look.I suggest you to put a few pictures of children in front of you when you are writing.And after finishing a line look at those pictures.Then think and put yourself in thier shoes.Or it is a good idea to go to a park and sit near children's play ground.Then write.Believe me you can write better.Good luck
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 4:30 PM PDT
Yes!
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 4:22 PM PDT
You have my vote.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 3:52 PM PDT
Good stuff, best of luck with it.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 3:41 PM PDT
You got my vote. Best wishes
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 3:41 PM PDT
Great story. Love it.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 2:47 PM PDT
This first story is a great pre teen book, for sure. This is definitely a project that I recommend.
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4/10/2009 2:42 PM PDT
It is a refrshing change. Many of today's media productions encourage cruelty or narcissism. Remins me of a thinking man's Aesop but individually great and original.
Well done.
Well done.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 2:09 PM PDT
Delightful story. My vote has been cast. Best of luck to you!!
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 1:41 PM PDT
You got my vote nrhatch
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4/10/2009 1:14 PM PDT
It's a pretty good story, but you use words that little children might now understand such as pondered and the like and using the term "sometimes less is more" might be confusing for some children. Otherwise I think it's good.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 1:00 PM PDT
vote!
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4/10/2009 12:50 PM PDT
Fun and entertaining, well done!
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4/10/2009 11:43 AM PDT
I voted for you
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4/10/2009 11:15 AM PDT
Great Work: Publish!
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 10:40 AM PDT
Have you seen the books by Sally FeatherStone and Sarah FeatherStone for age group of 3 AND 4 year olds it's an impressive list.......The little book of math activities is one of them....along with The little book of outdoor play...The little book of investigations....The little book of Mark making....The little book of Sand and Water...The little book of Messy play...
I think what i'm trying to say....is were do you see your book fitting in the market for 3 TO 4 year olds, because i remember a story of a zoo keeper who managed to train a lion to live in the same cage as a zebra and when he was asked how he did it, he replied, it wasn't easy, on most mornings we did have to buy a new zebra.....joking to side, i'm just letting you know which i'm sure you do.....you have to look what's out there already and come up with some thing that's not derivative or imitative..... by the way have you thought of talking to a childrens librarian, they are experts in currant tastes and visit childrens book shops, both in the high street and on-line. Anyway i wish you all the luck in the ze world....because i always remember what my dad said to me....i married your mother because i wanted children-imagine my dissapointment when you came along.....by the i voted for publish...but i'm a sucker for kids stories...ta..ta for now.
I think what i'm trying to say....is were do you see your book fitting in the market for 3 TO 4 year olds, because i remember a story of a zoo keeper who managed to train a lion to live in the same cage as a zebra and when he was asked how he did it, he replied, it wasn't easy, on most mornings we did have to buy a new zebra.....joking to side, i'm just letting you know which i'm sure you do.....you have to look what's out there already and come up with some thing that's not derivative or imitative..... by the way have you thought of talking to a childrens librarian, they are experts in currant tastes and visit childrens book shops, both in the high street and on-line. Anyway i wish you all the luck in the ze world....because i always remember what my dad said to me....i married your mother because i wanted children-imagine my dissapointment when you came along.....by the i voted for publish...but i'm a sucker for kids stories...ta..ta for now.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 10:07 AM PDT
Love this book! good luck !
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 9:54 AM PDT
I love Ziggy you gat my vote PUBLISH!
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 9:41 AM PDT
Great S-T-U-F-F! Ziggy is one cool zebra! Good Luck!
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 8:57 AM PDT
here's my vote!
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 8:38 AM PDT
Good Luck !
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 8:35 AM PDT
Good luck!
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 7:39 AM PDT
Hope Ziggy will find its way to the print shop.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 6:57 AM PDT
You have my vote.
This Feedback was...
4/10/2009 4:53 AM PDT
Gets better and better every time I read it! GO Ziggy!
I want a stuffed Ziggy Toy... wah!
I want a stuffed Ziggy Toy... wah!
This Feedback was...
4/9/2009 3:13 PM PDT
its even better the third and fourth time I read it!!!! well done!
This Feedback was...
4/9/2009 2:33 AM PDT
it seems like a childs but, but better lol! hope it gets published
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 9:10 PM PDT
great work!
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 5:13 PM PDT
Please publish this now!
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 1:14 PM PDT
great
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 11:48 AM PDT
I still think the future needs Ziggy ....Russ
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 11:10 AM PDT
Nancy,
I'd give up all my stuff for Ziggy...
A zebra after my own stripes ;-)
From the very first time I laid eyes on his story,
it was love at first sight...!
WRITE ON...!
I'd give up all my stuff for Ziggy...
A zebra after my own stripes ;-)
From the very first time I laid eyes on his story,
it was love at first sight...!
WRITE ON...!
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 10:46 AM PDT
This is a wonderful idea for a book and I know it will be very useful to parents and children both. You have my vote. Good Luck. I hope everything goes as you hope.
Liz
Liz
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 10:00 AM PDT
vote to publish
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 8:56 AM PDT
A really cute story! You have my vote !
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 8:41 AM PDT
you got my vote
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 8:24 AM PDT
Vote!
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 8:13 AM PDT
Great idea and excellently written
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 8:11 AM PDT
I love this story!
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 8:08 AM PDT
Go ziggy go great ideas for book mike
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 8:07 AM PDT
Looks great good book In hope it publish god bless
mike
mike
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 8:07 AM PDT
Done deal. Best of luck, nancy!
This Feedback was...
4/8/2009 6:14 AM PDT
Thanks, Guys!
Pegasee -- Jan's illustration can be seen here:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
Pegasee -- Jan's illustration can be seen here:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
4/7/2009 11:03 PM PDT
Nancy,
Your book is absolutely gorgeous. What happened to the illustrations you had for it?
I remembered the one of the zebra and all of that stuff, too much stuff.
Another great reading for the inner child.
Best wishes in having your book published
Your book is absolutely gorgeous. What happened to the illustrations you had for it?
I remembered the one of the zebra and all of that stuff, too much stuff.
Another great reading for the inner child.
Best wishes in having your book published
This Feedback was...
4/6/2009 5:23 PM PDT
You are a very good writer I love your style. I voted for you please vote for my book "King Loverr: Diary of a Philosophical Loner.
This Feedback was...
4/6/2009 2:21 PM PDT
It should have been picked last time around. Wonderful story.
This Feedback was...
4/6/2009 2:07 PM PDT
Hello again, Nancy. I'm back again, sticking my two cents worth in for good measure.
Better luck this time around.
Better luck this time around.
This Feedback was...
4/6/2009 6:16 AM PDT
oh man.......a topic after my own heart. Great story with such significant values--for kids and adults. M.
This Feedback was...
4/6/2009 4:58 AM PDT
I enjoyed this book before the vote and now its back up for the vote again means it's an automatic thumbs up from me for this delightful kids tale.
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 8:37 PM PST
This is a different kind of story but it is good. You should not capitalize the word Stuff in the story though. Try using spell check as you are writing it. Good luck with your story I hope that it gets published.
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 7:15 PM PST
looks good good on you mate.
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 7:04 PM PST
different
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 5:10 PM PST
Very good
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 4:44 PM PST
Good!
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 3:47 PM PST
you got my vote
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 2:02 PM PST
Cool story!!!
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 1:52 PM PST
I like it, I think it's a great idea to push these concepts, they simply aren't pushed enough. I like how you keep it simple too. I would definitely buy something like this for my kids to help promote these ideals. Good stuff...
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 1:22 PM PST
Very good , i will definaltly buy fro my gran kids
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 1:01 PM PST
Good luck with your project and the voting.
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 1:00 PM PST
I would definitely buy this for my nephews!
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 12:48 PM PST
Thanks for the great feedback.
Ziggy and I will have to put our thinking caps on after the vote. ;-)
Ziggy and I will have to put our thinking caps on after the vote. ;-)
11/18/2008 12:36 PM PST
I think the concept is great! However, I hate to be the critical one but, I think the tone of the story is for small children and I think that at times it gets a little heady. I think it could do without the explanation of "less is more" that whole section seems a little to heady for the age group that this type of story would be for. Kids are smart, they don't need to be spoonfed concepts. Give them a story, let them relate to ziggy and they'll figure it out. I think the story stands on its own, without the explanation. Otherwise great stuff.
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 12:13 PM PST
I can see what you're trying to do; anything that helps to stimulate the young mind can't be a bad thing.
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 11:49 AM PST
"Too Much Stuff," is a good read with plenty of melody. Ziggy learns how to appreciate less to get organized and on top of it all; he makes a profit. Overall, a cute children's story that teaches a learning experience.
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 11:12 AM PST
Nice job! As a mom, we love an educational book for kids.
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 11:06 AM PST
i love the work that you are doing,keep it up!
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 10:01 AM PST
Jan's illustration can be seen here:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/18/2008 9:54 AM PST
What's Ziggy doing? Yes, that's right.
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
@ frikkinspillane -- the Study Guide is written for readers (and listeners) from age 3 to age 9.
Thanks!
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
@ frikkinspillane -- the Study Guide is written for readers (and listeners) from age 3 to age 9.
Thanks!
11/18/2008 9:35 AM PST
Interesting work. What age group is this for?
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 8:38 AM PST
Jan's stepdad.
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11/18/2008 8:32 AM PST
I'm a grandmother as well so I can relate to this story. This is a fantastic book for children. Great Job
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 8:23 AM PST
You have my vote.
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11/18/2008 7:42 AM PST
I loved the topic of your book, it a very touching subject.
I looked forward to your book being published.
Please check out my project Intoxication and vote for it.
Thanks
I looked forward to your book being published.
Please check out my project Intoxication and vote for it.
Thanks
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 7:31 AM PST
Great job and I love the fact that you offer a study guide for different ages. Wonderful!
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 7:16 AM PST
This is a really good story- with a valuable lesson, well done
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 7:06 AM PST
I like the parts I have read. I would buy this for my grandson if it gets published. What a clever idea for a book. This is so true today. Children have so much they do not realize there are many children who have nothing at all. Thank you for drawing me to your book.
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 1:59 AM PST
This is a great book for kids! This should definately get published! Good work!
This Feedback was...
11/18/2008 12:17 AM PST
please publish its a book the society needs today
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 11:12 PM PST
great job!!!
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 7:30 PM PST
Thanks All! Ziggy is one happy zebra!
Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) in case you want to see a wonderful Zebra smile:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) in case you want to see a wonderful Zebra smile:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/17/2008 7:12 PM PST
Ziggy is doing a happy dance tonight
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
Thanks!
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
Thanks!
11/17/2008 6:42 PM PST
Great job, Good for adults too. We both loved it.
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 6:04 PM PST
Very impressive, nrhatch. Best of luck.
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 3:28 PM PST
good job well done
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 3:04 PM PST
from Jan's hubby
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 2:43 PM PST
yes liked it, well composed you should keep writing then get published,you are as good as anybody else.
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 2:26 PM PST
Thanks All! Ziggy is one happy zebra!
Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) in case you want to see a wonderful Zebra smile:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) in case you want to see a wonderful Zebra smile:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/17/2008 2:20 PM PST
Colin and Gaia --
Thanks for reading and providing such detailed feedback. I appreciate your thoughts on the dialogue and will take them into consideration, along with all the other great feedback we've received.
nancy
Thanks for reading and providing such detailed feedback. I appreciate your thoughts on the dialogue and will take them into consideration, along with all the other great feedback we've received.
nancy
11/17/2008 2:19 PM PST
Thanks, Steelygrape -- that's good to know. ;-)
11/17/2008 1:18 PM PST
MJ told me to vote for you because you rule. I do whatever she wants me to do.
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 12:57 PM PST
definately a cute Idea and I agree with ColinDavies that that line does sound patronizing. His phrase is positive without implying anything patronizing.
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 12:54 PM PST
This is one I need my daughter to read! :)
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 11:54 AM PST
Great idea for an illustrated children's book. I little patronizing, I would suggest looking at the encouraging statements and see if you can reword them in such a way that they sound more "Go for it" than pat on the head good little boy.
Instead of:
"That sounds like an excellent solution to your problem, Ziggy. And you thought of it all by yourself. Good for you."
Try:
"A yard sale? You know, I think you've come up with the perfect solution."
Instead of:
"That sounds like an excellent solution to your problem, Ziggy. And you thought of it all by yourself. Good for you."
Try:
"A yard sale? You know, I think you've come up with the perfect solution."
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 11:43 AM PST
I am still hanging in here for you, Nancy!!! Still caring what happens to Ziggy! Course either way, Ziggy is gonna ZURVIVE!!!
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 11:42 AM PST
Good concept. Nice to have reader dealing with real world situations. Be sure to keep the content and vocabulary age/grade level appropriate.
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11/17/2008 10:58 AM PST
Bruce --
Thanks for reading and providing such detailed feedback! I appreciate your thoughts and will take them into consideration, along with all the other great feedback we've received.
nancy
Thanks for reading and providing such detailed feedback! I appreciate your thoughts and will take them into consideration, along with all the other great feedback we've received.
nancy
11/17/2008 9:48 AM PST
It's good and I'm throwing you my support but you way want to take into consideration a few of the things that have been said in the comments. The Goodwill stuff is a bit overbearing and you have it in here at the expense of your story. I think most of it could stay but Ziggy should not ask what training they offer, that sounds like you cribbed directly from a Goodwill infomercial. Also the transcript from the receipt needs to go. You have a good consistent voice throughout the book, you could easily have said Ziggy read the receipt and found out the Goodwill also helps people who don't have home and yada yada yada, and told his mom all about it.
I like that you aren't condescending to kids. You don’t' speak down to them and if there is something they don't understand it's a great thing to discuss with their parents. Your pace is very good once you get started but you do spend maybe a little too much time revving your engine in Chapt 1. I also didn't care for the fourth wall break in chapter one. Speaking directly to your readers only serves to cram the moral down their throat which no one really appreciates and you've done such a good job of getting that message through in the rest of the piece that it's entirely unnecessary. Also it diminishes the fourth wall break in the last chapter which I think would come as a very pleasant surprise to the readers otherwise. Sort of like Romper Room's Magic Mirror.
As I said I will be voting for you, but I wouldn't want you to publish and have this lovely tale be known only as, "Oh the Goodwill book," because it's so much more.
I like that you aren't condescending to kids. You don’t' speak down to them and if there is something they don't understand it's a great thing to discuss with their parents. Your pace is very good once you get started but you do spend maybe a little too much time revving your engine in Chapt 1. I also didn't care for the fourth wall break in chapter one. Speaking directly to your readers only serves to cram the moral down their throat which no one really appreciates and you've done such a good job of getting that message through in the rest of the piece that it's entirely unnecessary. Also it diminishes the fourth wall break in the last chapter which I think would come as a very pleasant surprise to the readers otherwise. Sort of like Romper Room's Magic Mirror.
As I said I will be voting for you, but I wouldn't want you to publish and have this lovely tale be known only as, "Oh the Goodwill book," because it's so much more.
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11/17/2008 9:23 AM PST
EXCELLENT ! Down to earth and realistic, well written,
It's a keeper ! You have my vote, keep writing!!
Tanu_love
It's a keeper ! You have my vote, keep writing!!
Tanu_love
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 8:58 AM PST
What's Ziggy doing? Yes, that's right.
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
11/17/2008 5:58 AM PST
this is a great story. the "less is more" lesson, the math, and even a few words that could enhance a child's vocabulary. A that and it's still a great read. the illustration is perfect to.
You've got my vote and i'll try to reccomend this to as myany as i can before the cycle as over. if published, this will do really well.
Great job
You've got my vote and i'll try to reccomend this to as myany as i can before the cycle as over. if published, this will do really well.
Great job
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 5:53 AM PST
Thanks, guys and gals! Ziggy is one happy zebra! Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan), who put a mile on his face for all to see:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/17/2008 4:18 AM PST
Great job, well written. I loved it.
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 3:51 AM PST
Very well written and the illustrations are great. Good job!
This Feedback was...
11/17/2008 2:53 AM PST
I read the first three, it's not bad. here's my vote.
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11/16/2008 9:02 PM PST
i have no time to read it all, but i recon it goods because of the past feedback .. [= anyways; hope for the best [=
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11/16/2008 8:02 PM PST
Love it.
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11/16/2008 7:14 PM PST
Absolutely wonderful!
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11/16/2008 3:51 PM PST
Thanks for the wonderful feedback -- I couldn't agree more.
Once television started broadcasting into living rooms every where . . . children got hooked on having the "next best toy" instead of using their own imaginations to create opportunities to learn and having fun.
And the cover illustration by Jan is terrific! She's a talented writer and a phenomenal artist. Ziggy loves how she chose to portray him. I look forward to collaborating with Jan on the rest of the illustrations.
Thanks! nancy
Once television started broadcasting into living rooms every where . . . children got hooked on having the "next best toy" instead of using their own imaginations to create opportunities to learn and having fun.
And the cover illustration by Jan is terrific! She's a talented writer and a phenomenal artist. Ziggy loves how she chose to portray him. I look forward to collaborating with Jan on the rest of the illustrations.
Thanks! nancy
11/16/2008 3:46 PM PST
cute! i like the text mainly because of its "less is more" message that is truly missing in u.s. society. kids are targeted by advertisers now more than ever so this sort of book is sorely needed, in my opinion.
i also like the cover art a lot - mainly because the look on ziggy's faces seems to convey the overwhelmed feeling that he feels in the beginning of the story. very cute!
all the best!
i also like the cover art a lot - mainly because the look on ziggy's faces seems to convey the overwhelmed feeling that he feels in the beginning of the story. very cute!
all the best!
This Feedback was...
11/16/2008 2:55 PM PST
Very cute and it's aimd well at children. But I agree with Karmavon and Barbra_Terry. Other then that I wish you the the best of luck and hope you publish it soon.
This Feedback was...
11/16/2008 2:54 PM PST
Thanks for your feedback on Too Much Stuff. I appreciate your thoughts and will take them into consideration, along with all the other great feedback we've received.
nancy
nancy
11/16/2008 2:45 PM PST
cute! yes
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11/16/2008 2:25 PM PST
I agree with Karmavon that the ending here is more than just a casual mention of Goodwill Industires of which I have a lot of respect for. This chapter needs quite a bit of editing, because Goodwill Industries should not be a main focus here, but the focus whoould be on Ziggy, who is the protagonist in this story. I have voted that maybe this should be published.
The first chapter ended abruptly, and there wasn't a whole lot there. The second chapter was great, and the third chapter does help with grade school arithmetic. But the 4th chapter needs a lot of editing, and please remove the detailed description of Goodwill Industries.
What I would have written was more of handing the note to mother and had her look at it, when we got home. Then have the mother tell Ziggy he did a good job, because he had helped those less fortunate than himself.
This book is short, and seemed to be written in a hurry. Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Barbara
The first chapter ended abruptly, and there wasn't a whole lot there. The second chapter was great, and the third chapter does help with grade school arithmetic. But the 4th chapter needs a lot of editing, and please remove the detailed description of Goodwill Industries.
What I would have written was more of handing the note to mother and had her look at it, when we got home. Then have the mother tell Ziggy he did a good job, because he had helped those less fortunate than himself.
This book is short, and seemed to be written in a hurry. Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Barbara
This Feedback was...
11/16/2008 2:15 PM PST
This 3rd chapter is very good, and helps the children learn addition and multiplication.
Hugs,
Barbara
Hugs,
Barbara
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11/16/2008 2:10 PM PST
This is a lot better than the first chapter. Poor Ziggy was tired out after all the work he done. You did well with this chapter.
Hugs,
Barbara
Hugs,
Barbara
This Feedback was...
11/16/2008 2:07 PM PST
Here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) -- he's adorable!
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/16/2008 2:06 PM PST
Another WEbooker, also from England, had the same concern about Goodwill when she first read the story. After I revised the story to describe Goodwill's Mission in greater detail, she liked it better.
Maybe I need to consider selecting a non-profit that is more International in scope. Hmm . . .
Thanks for the feedback!
Maybe I need to consider selecting a non-profit that is more International in scope. Hmm . . .
Thanks for the feedback!
11/16/2008 2:03 PM PST
This part is good so far. But it could be a lot better. Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Barbara
Hugs,
Barbara
This Feedback was...
11/16/2008 1:45 PM PST
Really good story with a great message.
The only thing i had a problem with is all the 'Goodwill Industries' stuff in chapter 4. If it's an existing organisation, as a Brit I don't know of it. It just felt like a bit of a blatent plug, which isn't a bad thing i suppose, but for me was the least enjoyable part of the story.
Good luck with it.
The only thing i had a problem with is all the 'Goodwill Industries' stuff in chapter 4. If it's an existing organisation, as a Brit I don't know of it. It just felt like a bit of a blatent plug, which isn't a bad thing i suppose, but for me was the least enjoyable part of the story.
Good luck with it.
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11/16/2008 12:59 PM PST
good luck!
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11/16/2008 10:26 AM PST
I love it!! I would buy it today---my kids have too much stuff!
This Feedback was...
11/16/2008 10:23 AM PST
Here's a link to Ziggy's cover illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) -- he's adorable!
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/16/2008 10:23 AM PST
@ anitalite -- thanks for the ovation. Ziggy is actually blushing!
11/16/2008 10:20 AM PST
Fantastic! I agree with everything mindscape said, with the paragraph about math problems removed. I don't think it would be a hinderance to children to pick this book up and the idea that you're teaching them that math is a subject studied in school for a good reason -- that we do use it in our everyday lives.
As a kid I always wondered why schools made us take so much math. Today I say, "Thank goodness they did!"
If this book were on the shelves when my kids were young I definitely would have purchased it for them!
The best of luck to you, my friend, this book needs to be published and I am saying a prayer that it will be. =)
Most Excellent Work!!
(standing ovation!) <--- you get to take a bow here!
anitalite :-)_
As a kid I always wondered why schools made us take so much math. Today I say, "Thank goodness they did!"
If this book were on the shelves when my kids were young I definitely would have purchased it for them!
The best of luck to you, my friend, this book needs to be published and I am saying a prayer that it will be. =)
Most Excellent Work!!
(standing ovation!) <--- you get to take a bow here!
anitalite :-)_
This Feedback was...
11/16/2008 9:46 AM PST
@ Mindscape -- Your feedback on Too Much Stuff is thorough, honest, and thought-provoking. Thanks so much. The math is included more as a reminder to children that math has its uses in the real world, rather than as a way to actually learn math, but I shall consider your suggestions.
Jan, the illustrator, is tied up with NaNoWriMo this month -- writing a 60,000 word novel in a month. I encouraged her to stop with one illustration. We will put our heads together later about which illustrations will bring the story to life. I agree that putting the math problems in an illustration instead of in the text might work.
Thanks again! nancy
Jan, the illustrator, is tied up with NaNoWriMo this month -- writing a 60,000 word novel in a month. I encouraged her to stop with one illustration. We will put our heads together later about which illustrations will bring the story to life. I agree that putting the math problems in an illustration instead of in the text might work.
Thanks again! nancy
11/16/2008 8:14 AM PST
A nice story. Good Luck!
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11/16/2008 7:49 AM PST
This was an absolutely great story!! I loved the loose easy writing style that made me feel like I was young again and reading it through a child's eyes! :) Ziggy's energy and excitement are conveyed very well and give the story an added level of enthusiasm that will hold young reader's attention quite nicely.
Now, there were a couple areas that I felt were a little less than perfect.
First and very minor, the math problems in chapter three and at the end are great for education but for a child flipping through this book at the book store, could be the reason it gets put back on the shelf instead of taken home.
My suggestion would be to represent these with pictures instead of as a numerical problem, possibly just show the bills and coins. Also give the answer after the problem is shown.
Another possibility would be not to use the actual calculations and resulting answer in the body of the story but to pose the question and give the calculations and answers in the study guide allowing the children to try to figure it out for themselves.
The second thing I noticed was the obvious plug for Goodwill Industries in chapter 4. This is a great lesson to teach to children and I see nothing wrong with promoting Goodwill directly since they are a very worth while organization, but the method is to stark.
I think it would help to simplify the wording and have Zelda tell Ziggy what Goodwill does in response to him asking about it. Everything she tells him should be in simple terms instead of sounding like she is reading the receipt Ziggy received as he does in the story. I would also mention that there are many other such organizations.
Maybe you could add a page at the back of the book with more detailed information about Goodwill.
I love the illustration you posted! If you illustrate the entire book like that you will have a very attractive book that will catch any child's attention.
I voted for this because these areas are easily edited, if you would choose to, and I see nothing wrong with trying to get it published. It is a great story and I think kids will love it and learn from it.
Great Work!!
Good Luck!!
Now, there were a couple areas that I felt were a little less than perfect.
First and very minor, the math problems in chapter three and at the end are great for education but for a child flipping through this book at the book store, could be the reason it gets put back on the shelf instead of taken home.
My suggestion would be to represent these with pictures instead of as a numerical problem, possibly just show the bills and coins. Also give the answer after the problem is shown.
Another possibility would be not to use the actual calculations and resulting answer in the body of the story but to pose the question and give the calculations and answers in the study guide allowing the children to try to figure it out for themselves.
The second thing I noticed was the obvious plug for Goodwill Industries in chapter 4. This is a great lesson to teach to children and I see nothing wrong with promoting Goodwill directly since they are a very worth while organization, but the method is to stark.
I think it would help to simplify the wording and have Zelda tell Ziggy what Goodwill does in response to him asking about it. Everything she tells him should be in simple terms instead of sounding like she is reading the receipt Ziggy received as he does in the story. I would also mention that there are many other such organizations.
Maybe you could add a page at the back of the book with more detailed information about Goodwill.
I love the illustration you posted! If you illustrate the entire book like that you will have a very attractive book that will catch any child's attention.
I voted for this because these areas are easily edited, if you would choose to, and I see nothing wrong with trying to get it published. It is a great story and I think kids will love it and learn from it.
Great Work!!
Good Luck!!
This Feedback was...
11/16/2008 5:57 AM PST
Here's Ziggy's first illustration:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/16/2008 5:54 AM PST
@ Wynter, Monica, and T --Thanks for your wonderful feedback. And for bringing three different perspectives to the story!
To me, Ziggy's comment that he believes that "less is more" does demonstratte objective #3 -- because my goal was merely to share the insight that sometimes less is more. The book was never intended to prove the thesis that "less is more." Instead, my goal is directed at getting some of the people some of the time to think about ways to improve their own situation with respect to materialistic clutter. ;-)
To demonstrate an insight, such as less is more, all that really matters is that Ziggy is persuaded at the end of the story that "less is more," not that every reader is persuaded. Clearly he is satisfied with his mother's wisdom because (1) he has r-o-o-m in his room, (2) he was able to give stuff that he didn't need to Goodwill to help others, (3) he was able to make his friends happy, again by paring down unused possessions, and (4) he has a bit more spending money should he need it.
Great feedback. Thanks for reading!
To me, Ziggy's comment that he believes that "less is more" does demonstratte objective #3 -- because my goal was merely to share the insight that sometimes less is more. The book was never intended to prove the thesis that "less is more." Instead, my goal is directed at getting some of the people some of the time to think about ways to improve their own situation with respect to materialistic clutter. ;-)
To demonstrate an insight, such as less is more, all that really matters is that Ziggy is persuaded at the end of the story that "less is more," not that every reader is persuaded. Clearly he is satisfied with his mother's wisdom because (1) he has r-o-o-m in his room, (2) he was able to give stuff that he didn't need to Goodwill to help others, (3) he was able to make his friends happy, again by paring down unused possessions, and (4) he has a bit more spending money should he need it.
Great feedback. Thanks for reading!
11/15/2008 8:52 PM PST
Firstly you have three opinions being placed here. Mine(Wynter), My friend (Monica) and my husband (T).
-----------------------------------------------------------
My opinion (Wynter) is you achieved most of your objectives except for #3. The story does not have a conclusion showing definitively that less is actually more. This is a very difficult lesson to teach to even some adults.
Also, in the beginning of the story, there is a portion where you step out of the story and actually attempt to coach the children. Don't. This took away greatly from the story telling.
I am sure you were planning this already but consider illistrations. I saw the art for the cover I believe, very good. Flashy, colorful....very eye catching.
Also, if you could clarify for me, what is your target age group? I recommend 6-9.
I rated this a "maybe" because in my opinion it needs some minor refining.
Overall it was an adorable and quick read.
-------------------------------------------
Wynter and I feel the same but I have more commentary for the art. I really like it and I feel it's perfect. I look forward to seeing how the illustrator portrays Ziggy's dilemmas.
----------------------------------
T-Okay. So in my humble opinion, this is a great story but it needs to be lengthened. I would say add a part about him actually selling his stuff and going to to buy something new. Then show how much fun he has in a less cramped room. This would make the lesson much more tangible.
As for my wife's comment about the story breaking away from the action. I think that is a key part of the story but might need some reworking. perhaps have Zelda explain that portion to Ziggy instead of an out of book narrator telling the children. This would keep the action moving while still allowing that "discussion time" feel.
Great book. With the right pictures and a little bit of editting it will be awesome. Good luck getting published!
---------------------------------
I hope you found our opinions constructive.
-Wynter
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 7:27 PM PST
Thanks, guys and girls!
Ziggy is doing a happy dance tonight
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
And here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) -- he's adorable!
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
Ziggy is doing a happy dance tonight
He's kicking up his heels in delight
He's glad you liked Too Much Stuff
And that you decided to vote for us!
And here's a link to Ziggy's illustration by GranisGrazin (Jan) -- he's adorable!
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/15/2008 7:09 PM PST
Educational!
Kids will love this! Really, truly, I promise! I really hope it gets published. (This is the last comment from me!)
:)
Kids will love this! Really, truly, I promise! I really hope it gets published. (This is the last comment from me!)
:)
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 7:08 PM PST
An even better second chapter! The third chapter in the Vote Zone will be the best.
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 7:07 PM PST
Mad first chapter!
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 6:47 PM PST
Now this is a story, good work!
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11/15/2008 5:50 PM PST
The rhetorical question,'Can you guess what she made?' is also good as it will get the children frantic with curiosity! Just thought I might add that in lmao
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11/15/2008 5:45 PM PST
To be truthful I actually saw the picture given by Jan before I read this and I didn't really get it. But now that I have read this I say publish it, its seriously hilarious and children will respond with a positive attitude towards it. Great idea, mothers and fathers would assuredly thank you for producing this book as the children are 'tricked' into wanting, 'less is more'. Lol good work
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 4:23 PM PST
I loved this idea added to the book for young readers and making them think back to the story. Teachers will love adding this book to they're collection for class reading and questions afterwards. BIG, BIG THUMBS UP!!!!
Rebecca
Rebecca
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 4:21 PM PST
Oh My Goodness I LOVED your story and such a great message for kids. Your books will win for sure!!!!!! Thanks for sharing with me!
Rebecca
Rebecca
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 4:01 PM PST
Brilliant work - only read two chapters - Have no hesitation whatsoever in voting for this to be published. Of everything I have read so far this stands in a class of its' own as deserving to be published. Good luck but you shouldn't need it !
lol john
lol john
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 3:26 PM PST
Thumbs up!
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11/15/2008 3:22 PM PST
Nice work nrhatch!
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11/15/2008 2:33 PM PST
thumbs up
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11/15/2008 2:19 PM PST
My Kids and I love it you get a big thumbs up on this one it really should be published Well Good luck to you and all your writing endeavors. Author JD Couch One Dark Night 1-4137-2336-5
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 2:12 PM PST
You have my vote. Good luck!
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11/15/2008 2:10 PM PST
Good luck!!! Thanks for the proposal!!!
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11/15/2008 1:20 PM PST
Best wishes to you and Ziggy!
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11/15/2008 1:05 PM PST
cool idea, loved it
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11/15/2008 12:40 PM PST
great Idea mike
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11/15/2008 12:24 PM PST
Thanks, guys and gals! Ziggy is one happy zebra! Here's a link to see him smile:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/15/2008 12:24 PM PST
Yes it deserves to be read by the future public
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11/15/2008 12:21 PM PST
Good luck with this vote. Excellent story. I hope it publishes. I'll run and buy it.
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 11:49 AM PST
very good story for young people. good luck.
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11/15/2008 11:24 AM PST
cute story
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11/15/2008 10:49 AM PST
Thanks! Jan's wonderful illustration of Ziggy can be seen at:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/15/2008 10:35 AM PST
Must be Yard Sale time! I've got too much stuff also!
Enjoyed the story. Hope you win!
Enjoyed the story. Hope you win!
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 9:43 AM PST
First of all, I have to admit that I identified with Ziggy - I really do have too much stuff (don't we all?). And coincidentally I'm having a yard sale today...
But getting back to your story - it is absolutely charming. I was immediately drawn into the story by the first sentence - very clever. You've chosen a very common fact of modern life and simplified it without sounding condescending or infantile. I also liked that Ziggy was "driving" the storyline and provided the resolution. I loved this story!
Some of the language might be too difficult for young children to understand though, so I made a few edits/suggestions. Is there somewhere I can upload a Word document?
But getting back to your story - it is absolutely charming. I was immediately drawn into the story by the first sentence - very clever. You've chosen a very common fact of modern life and simplified it without sounding condescending or infantile. I also liked that Ziggy was "driving" the storyline and provided the resolution. I loved this story!
Some of the language might be too difficult for young children to understand though, so I made a few edits/suggestions. Is there somewhere I can upload a Word document?
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 9:23 AM PST
Ziggy is just what children need today....I'm a teacher and I would tell my parents to buy this book...Good Luck!!
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11/15/2008 9:21 AM PST
i like it...
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11/15/2008 9:14 AM PST
A great childrens tale with a message without being too "preachy".
Hope it goes well for you.
Hope it goes well for you.
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 9:12 AM PST
Thanks -- Ziggy appreciates your support!
The first very cool illustration, done by GranisGrazin (Jan) can be viewed at: http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
The first very cool illustration, done by GranisGrazin (Jan) can be viewed at: http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/15/2008 9:05 AM PST
It seems very fun and I'm sure other children will love it as well! By the way, the illustrations are adorable!
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 9:03 AM PST
Good Luck!
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 8:41 AM PST
I love it, its wonderful I think it should be published!
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 8:37 AM PST
11/15/2008 8:00 AM PST
Thanks for your feedback! nancy
11/15/2008 7:54 AM PST
This in many respects chimes with my own experience of parenting but I would suggest that the language used in the stories would not be as easily understood by the target age-group as other more commercial books for children. It is worth remembering that young children do not have as much of a vocabulary as adults and the opening line of 'Ziggy's Problem - Too Much Stuff' might need some explaining. By remembering that young children have a very limited vocabulary you might find simpler words to use so that the story is self-explanatory to the target age-group.
This Feedback was...
11/15/2008 6:05 AM PST
Here's the link to the large Ziggy illustration:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0&sit=6584efec607249a986a3240f26b1a20e
11/15/2008 5:00 AM PST
Jan's first illustration is ready for your viewing pleasure.
For a quick glimpse at Ziggy, here's the link:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0
For a quick glimpse at Ziggy, here's the link:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0
11/14/2008 7:01 PM PST
Does any child want to be preached at? Take away the narrators voice and inject some humor into your work.
This Feedback was...
11/14/2008 12:33 PM PST
Jan has completed her first illustration. If you want a quick glimpse at Ziggy:
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0
http://www.webook.com/shortstory.aspx?p=6320922d6a714a15826eb05ded6a83f0
11/14/2008 10:26 AM PST
Ziggy is one happy Zebra this morning -- he's delighted with all your kind words and support!
Thanks, guys and gals!
Thanks, guys and gals!
11/14/2008 9:34 AM PST
They are great
Christy
Christy
This Feedback was...
11/14/2008 7:36 AM PST
Great story, Nancy! I give it a thumbs up and wish you the best! Robin
This Feedback was...
11/14/2008 2:27 AM PST
Ah. I thought I'd voted, but for some random reason I'd not commented.
I could learn a few lessons from Ziggy myself, I've just moved house.
Good luck Nancy, this is fun stuff.
I could learn a few lessons from Ziggy myself, I've just moved house.
Good luck Nancy, this is fun stuff.
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 6:51 PM PST
Very well written.
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 6:47 PM PST
I love it Aunt Nancy! I really hope that it gets published! :)
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 6:38 PM PST
Ug, too much MATH! (Hah, Hah). I like it Aunt Nancy! Kelli
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 6:32 PM PST
zebra-tastic (c) story
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 6:07 PM PST
I love ziggy
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 4:44 PM PST
By all means publish
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 4:43 PM PST
Publish, by all means
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 1:18 PM PST
good job nancy! you have found your niche!
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 12:16 PM PST
There's something here for children of all ages, Nancy.
I enjoyed what I read and wish you well for the remaining few days of the vote.
I enjoyed what I read and wish you well for the remaining few days of the vote.
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 10:38 AM PST
This is a wonderful way to teach children important concepts. I even learned a few myself!
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 6:15 AM PST
What a great way to teach kids, its fun but not an effort to learn, why even I can do a little mathmatics now
This Feedback was...
11/13/2008 5:47 AM PST
Ziggy is one happy Zebra this morning -- he's delighted with all your kind words and support!
Thanks, guys and gals!
Thanks, guys and gals!
11/12/2008 10:11 PM PST
Love it. This is the heavyweight of children's books. It's trend-setting, clever (in ways that make an adult think, too), and interactive. Would love to see it illustrated, published, the works.
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 9:32 PM PST
Awwwwwwwwww, I wuv this! If it gets published, I will get copies for my 4 nephews! They will love it!.
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 7:53 PM PST
Good job!
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 7:39 PM PST
I really hope you get this published, because that would be awesome :)
-nathan
-nathan
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 7:12 PM PST
This is something I know my granddaughter would like.
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 6:01 PM PST
hi there,
this is charming,
I would buy it for my nieces and nephews.
thumbs up,
mel
this is charming,
I would buy it for my nieces and nephews.
thumbs up,
mel
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 5:34 PM PST
Ziggy is so psyched that you like his story. He is one happy Zebra right now! ;-)
Thanks for the support and words of encouragement!
Thanks for the support and words of encouragement!
11/12/2008 4:57 PM PST
Wonderful lesson for kids of all ages! Positive, uplifting and fun to read! Great job!
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 4:37 PM PST
You have my vote! You know this story could apply to adult as well as children! Too much stuff!! I love it you have my vote.....
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 4:25 PM PST
This is a great lesson for adults, too!
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 4:25 PM PST
Sarah --
Thanks for reading Too Much Stuff about my favorite Zebra! Once I get some illustrations for it, I'll let you know.
See if you can get Nathan, Emily and Kelli to take a look at it before the vote closes on Tuesday.
BTW: You are my favorite funkywhitegirl!
Thanks!
nancy
Thanks for reading Too Much Stuff about my favorite Zebra! Once I get some illustrations for it, I'll let you know.
See if you can get Nathan, Emily and Kelli to take a look at it before the vote closes on Tuesday.
BTW: You are my favorite funkywhitegirl!
Thanks!
nancy
11/12/2008 3:43 PM PST
wowww,
iloveit!
iloveit!
iloveit!
i like everything about it;
be sure to get a good artist to draw ziggy(:
-sarah, your niece.
iloveit!
iloveit!
iloveit!
i like everything about it;
be sure to get a good artist to draw ziggy(:
-sarah, your niece.
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 3:39 PM PST
This is a really fun story! Good luck to you!
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 3:37 PM PST
This is adorable. I especially love the questions at the end. It really shows you spent time thinking about this. Thumbs up!
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 3:25 PM PST
Nancy, I've always loved this work of yours - it's a great story and should soar. This was one of the first projects I voted for. all the best!
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 3:02 PM PST
Do you know what nancy, maybe you could of called him Ziggy the spotted Zebra....only kidding........but did you know in English zoos they have an information board outside each enclosure telling you about the animals inside.....and did you know they do the same in Ethopian zoos....but they also include a recipe...just pulling your leg.......you got my vote and God bless you
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 1:25 PM PST
Great stuff Nancy!
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 12:52 PM PST
This is a wonderful book! As a grandmother of 5 grand children I would love for each of them to have their own copy and one for myself! I personally got a warm fuzzy from reading it and would love to see it in print!
Thank you !
Thank you !
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 10:44 AM PST
This style is very different. It reads almost like an article, with informative narration speaking to the audience. I do like it and this would be good to read to classes. Thinking about publishing it in a creative activities school textbook. Anyway I love it and it's a great idea to reach out creativly to young people. Keep it up.
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 10:23 AM PST
Dang it. "favorite"
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 10:22 AM PST
Great story. It is informative, educational, and fun. And your message of "less is more" is expertly realized. Many of us adults could learn from this right along with the kids. Plus, you used my favortie animal to tell it all.
'r-o-o-m in my room"--love that.
'r-o-o-m in my room"--love that.
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 10:13 AM PST
Love it -- wish it had been around when my kids were little!
This Feedback was...
11/12/2008 7:32 AM PST
I love the alliteration-ZZ :)
This Feedback was...
11/11/2008 8:25 PM PST
S.I.S. stuff is stuff..
Old chinese saying, "The more you have,
the more you have to steal."
Thumbs Up!
Old chinese saying, "The more you have,
the more you have to steal."
Thumbs Up!
This Feedback was...
11/11/2008 8:13 PM PST
Thanks guys!
Ziggy may have too much stuff . . . but he can never have too many friends!
Ziggy may have too much stuff . . . but he can never have too many friends!
11/11/2008 6:59 PM PST
love it and all good wishes! Anjali
This Feedback was...
11/11/2008 1:58 PM PST
Good story. Good subject for kids. It is easy to visualize Ziggy's room, even without illustrations, but kids will love being able to see Ziggy and his mess.
This Feedback was...
11/11/2008 1:52 PM PST
Who is going to draw Ziggy? Good job!
This Feedback was...
11/11/2008 1:50 PM PST
Sounds like a good reason to declutter
This Feedback was...
11/11/2008 11:50 AM PST
Vote early - vote often.....
This Feedback was...
11/11/2008 9:06 AM PST
Of all the children's books I've reviewed so far, this is my favorite. Of course, I'm partial to Zebras!
Good Luck! You've got my vote!
Good Luck! You've got my vote!
This Feedback was...
11/11/2008 8:22 AM PST
Thanks, Tom and BigDaddy. I appreciate your support, and your kind words.
11/11/2008 7:27 AM PST
Solid moral tome with a wonderful air of fun. I could be a child again with this time...
Bigdaddy
Bigdaddy
This Feedback was...
11/10/2008 4:46 PM PST
Great job Nancy! your work will entertain while teaching children important lessons. You have my vote! : >D
This Feedback was...
11/10/2008 9:57 AM PST
Thanks! I'm working on getting some illustrations for it.
I appreciate your kind words! nancy
I appreciate your kind words! nancy
11/10/2008 9:08 AM PST
Excellent project Nancy!
This Feedback was...
11/10/2008 8:32 AM PST
I think you have the makings of a very good children's book. You are probably already aware of this but the illustrations are key to making this story appealing: colorful and showing activity. The challenge in writing children's literature is to convey ideas through action. I think you do that well but you can do it even more. The story has a great message in that it connects a larger political message in a very real way that any parent can relate to. Good job.
This Feedback was...
11/10/2008 8:32 AM PST
I love it!
This Feedback was...
11/10/2008 7:57 AM PST
Im not sure which age you're aiming for. I think the message is a very good one, but this section may need some editing for younger children. Love the message though.
This Feedback was...
11/10/2008 6:14 AM PST
Love it! Very positive messages that today's youth are just not gettting.
This Feedback was...
11/10/2008 5:15 AM PST
Loved the story, but think the first chapter could do with a re-work, as I didn't feel it grabbed the attention enough, and the phraseology was confusing for younger children.
This Feedback was...
11/9/2008 9:28 PM PST
Thanks so much Dixie! What great feedback with some solid suggestions. I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
I'm torn about the vocabulary. I always enjoy reading books to my nieces and nephews which are a bit ABOVE their current level because it encourages us to talk about new words, and unfamiliar ideas. On the other hand, it can't be so far above that they lose complete interest.
I am working on getting some cool illustrations done by a talented writer on WEbook who is an artist, as well as an extraordinarily good writer.
nancy
I'm torn about the vocabulary. I always enjoy reading books to my nieces and nephews which are a bit ABOVE their current level because it encourages us to talk about new words, and unfamiliar ideas. On the other hand, it can't be so far above that they lose complete interest.
I am working on getting some cool illustrations done by a talented writer on WEbook who is an artist, as well as an extraordinarily good writer.
nancy
11/9/2008 9:17 PM PST
This story has the right idea, and great characters. The idea of providing math problems for the students to solve with Ziggy, is great. I think the structure needs to be adjusted for the age level of the reader. It is one thing for a teacher to read the story to the students, but the students need to be able to read the story on their own, as well. So, I feel you need to make sure your wording is geared to the eight year old vocabulary. The advertisement for Goodwill Ind. comes from a generous heart, but kids need only learn that there are places that take free things and do good things for others with those things. (kids need the info in little steps) Give this work some cool artwork, and it is a great little book. I give it my vote because I am sure if it is chosen, an editor will help you make these adjustments, and the meat of the story is good.
This Feedback was...
11/9/2008 6:03 PM PST
This has been along time comming Great Job!!
This Feedback was...
11/9/2008 3:27 PM PST
Without reading all the chapters, let me ask, are you writing for youngsters under ten years of age, or for tweens? If for young people under ten, you need to reduce your verbage and have the sentences say what you mean in several. Good writing and I want to see you improve with ages who'd read this.
This Feedback was...
11/9/2008 3:22 PM PST
Got my vote!
This Feedback was...
11/9/2008 11:32 AM PST
Thanks, guys.
And thanks for the Spotlight, WEbook! nancy
And thanks for the Spotlight, WEbook! nancy
11/9/2008 10:17 AM PST
As a mom, with four kids, ages from 16 to 5, I liked the book, I do not agree that the word transform needs to be changed. My five year old would know what it means, but I do think that the job parts might be confusing to some but not all. And I like the questions at the end.
This Feedback was...
11/9/2008 9:25 AM PST
Cute story and one that we all can learn from.
Good luck with the illustrations!
Good luck with the illustrations!
This Feedback was...
11/7/2008 3:40 PM PST
Thanks for your support and comments.
While I don't have any plans at this point to earmark royalties from this specific book to Goodwill, I do donate to Goodwill on a regular basis. That might be an effective marketing tool to consider. Thanks.
While I don't have any plans at this point to earmark royalties from this specific book to Goodwill, I do donate to Goodwill on a regular basis. That might be an effective marketing tool to consider. Thanks.
11/7/2008 12:34 PM PST
I love the idea and the characters are so endearing...all in all a really cute and educational little book for kids.
I just have one concern that some of the words may be a little above the reading and understanding level of it's target age group. For example, maybe 'change' would be better instead of 'transform' and the sentence 'One of its programs focuses on training people to be more competitive in the job market' could be something like 'One of the things they do is to help people who are finding it difficult to get a job to learn skills that would give them a better chance.'
...just something to think about although I might be misjudging the kids. Maybe it would be worth actually approaching a school and asking if they would try your book out on a class of your target age and see what feedback you get...?
I also agree that it needs pictures.
I do love it though and really hope you get it published.
Are you thinking of giving some of the royalties to a goodwill project as well as teaching kids about their work?
I just have one concern that some of the words may be a little above the reading and understanding level of it's target age group. For example, maybe 'change' would be better instead of 'transform' and the sentence 'One of its programs focuses on training people to be more competitive in the job market' could be something like 'One of the things they do is to help people who are finding it difficult to get a job to learn skills that would give them a better chance.'
...just something to think about although I might be misjudging the kids. Maybe it would be worth actually approaching a school and asking if they would try your book out on a class of your target age and see what feedback you get...?
I also agree that it needs pictures.
I do love it though and really hope you get it published.
Are you thinking of giving some of the royalties to a goodwill project as well as teaching kids about their work?
This Feedback was...
11/5/2008 8:23 PM PST
Good job, my fine talented friend! And best wishes...I hope it is published!
This Feedback was...
11/5/2008 9:26 AM PST
I like this. some images would have been good with this.
though i could probably say the same about mine.
though i could probably say the same about mine.
This Feedback was...
11/5/2008 5:32 AM PST
If you have children, perhaps you could get them to illustrate it.
This Feedback was...
11/5/2008 5:29 AM PST
I agree -- it needs an illustrator. I'll find one. ;-)
Thanks for your support! nancy
Thanks for your support! nancy
11/5/2008 5:25 AM PST
i do wish you had some pictures though. pictures would be great.
This Feedback was...
11/5/2008 5:24 AM PST
the "too much stuff" lesson is one i wish my own kids would learn. and i like how you teach math in this story.
This Feedback was...
11/4/2008 8:31 PM PST
Really appreciate the message of this story. Nice work.
This Feedback was...
11/4/2008 8:13 PM PST
Thumbs up Nancy! It is great!
This Feedback was...
11/4/2008 6:43 PM PST
Thanks, guys!
I appreciate your support! nancy
I appreciate your support! nancy
11/4/2008 5:57 PM PST
great book..very engaging with geat lessons.....will buy it for my nieces once published!!! Best of luck......M.
This Feedback was...
11/4/2008 5:46 PM PST
Nice. This is something I would have read to my kids when they were preschool.
This Feedback was...
11/4/2008 4:15 PM PST
I voted yes to publish
This Feedback was...
11/4/2008 2:58 PM PST
Thanks, guys!
11/4/2008 2:54 PM PST
All you need is some great illustrations. Very cute, nancy.
Good luck!
Good luck!
This Feedback was...
11/4/2008 1:11 PM PST
cute and very well written, a must read children's book. thumbs up
This Feedback was...
11/4/2008 10:54 AM PST
Go nancy! I voted early this morning and forgot to leave feedback. This is too cute and too competent! But of course, it's yours.
Good luck! Hope to see you at the finish line!
Good luck! Hope to see you at the finish line!
This Feedback was...
11/4/2008 10:02 AM PST
Thanks, Kaoru!
11/4/2008 9:05 AM PST
Thumbs up my dear. Love it!
This Feedback was...
11/4/2008 7:56 AM PST
Thanks, MM and TP.
@ TP -- I envision illustrations of Ziggy's messy room, the yard sale, his friends, and his room with R-O-O-M after the sale, but I don't have an illustrator lined up yet.
nancy
@ TP -- I envision illustrations of Ziggy's messy room, the yard sale, his friends, and his room with R-O-O-M after the sale, but I don't have an illustrator lined up yet.
nancy
11/4/2008 5:50 AM PST
Have you got someone to draw the illustrations - this is crying out for pictures! I can see it being read out on Jackanory Junior already!
This Feedback was...
11/4/2008 5:46 AM PST
Cute idea for a story and excellent job in telling it!
This Feedback was...
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