Book Info
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Project Leader:
moxhp
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The WEbook community -
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only -
Category:
Poetry -
Genre:
General -
Language:
English
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Top 3 Poems of Assorted Interest
These poems came from the heart and express the emotions I felt while I was in High School. Two concern the plight of animals while the first one, I Wish, expresses the dreams I had during my school days.
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These are good!
I really liked the second poem. It's very true, unfortunately. I have three cats and I can't imagine putting them outside, especially in the winter.
I really liked the second poem. It's very true, unfortunately. I have three cats and I can't imagine putting them outside, especially in the winter.
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ANOTHER one about the selfishness of humans. Makes me wanna get to my story even more! The second one painted that idea inside me really well...
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nice work, if you believe in reincarnation yopu can be all those things you list in I wish, yes even the bird, the bat, and the dolphin, maybe the strawberry, I have doubts about the whip and the car, on a cold nght you should bring your animals in the house, maybe not the cows, I guess it's really not nice being caged like the bird in the last one good writing, I voted YES
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I liked your poems. The first one, "I Wish," has a juvenile tone to it, and is very lighthearted...which is truly awesome! You have my vote, and I wish you the best of luck with your further writings.
~Kate
~Kate
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very well written poetry! i like the last one the best! publish! =) thanks for voting for me btw! xox
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I really like "I Wish", because I wish a lot. Have since I was a kid. All 3 were light & easy to read. A yes vote!
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I love the way your poems flow and are light and fun. They are very good and have a vote from me!
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Sweet and light. I really enjoyed your poems.
Yes from me.
Good luck.
And thank you for your vote also.
x
Yes from me.
Good luck.
And thank you for your vote also.
x
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I will write some comments after the vote. These are rather sweet in their innocence.
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my favorite is the first "I Wish" but all three are great...Yes publish!
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I can understand why you wrote these poems and I do see the potential in them, but they feel a little unpolished. With a bit more work I think they'd be prime for publishing, they just don't feel quite ready yet.
The first poem 'I wish', I would benefit from another verse to close with. At the moment it doesn't feel like it end and it comes across as random thoughts that don't really connect outside of the rhyming structure. They are lovely ideas and the poem does work, but it feels like it doesn't reach where it's going. One more verse could change that.
Sorry if this comes across as all negative. Like I said, I do think there's a lot of potential here. Good luck with your future writing.
The first poem 'I wish', I would benefit from another verse to close with. At the moment it doesn't feel like it end and it comes across as random thoughts that don't really connect outside of the rhyming structure. They are lovely ideas and the poem does work, but it feels like it doesn't reach where it's going. One more verse could change that.
Sorry if this comes across as all negative. Like I said, I do think there's a lot of potential here. Good luck with your future writing.
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I liked the first one especially. Goodjob with all of them.
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Your second submission is my favorite. Nice work, and good luck. You have my support.
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Hi , I am going to share with you something a "professional" told me and that is :" In a "quatrrain" format (which this is) you don't capitalize each and evry line. since they essentially are whole sentanxcces broken into "poetic" lines. I'll do the first two stanzas for you as an example :
The cows in the meadows
are standing in snow,
nowhere to hide
from the icy flow.
The farmers in their houses ...
they haven't a thought what's outside ...
not even a speck of snow ,
do they feel all warm inside.
But of course it is merely a suggestion. nice work
The cows in the meadows
are standing in snow,
nowhere to hide
from the icy flow.
The farmers in their houses ...
they haven't a thought what's outside ...
not even a speck of snow ,
do they feel all warm inside.
But of course it is merely a suggestion. nice work
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General:
Considering these were written during high school, they aren't bad. I think they fully express what you might have felt then, however, as you age, you might have reconsidered revising at least the last two poems (I wouldn't want anything taken away from Wish).
Form:
Mostly rhyme (first 2 poems).
Content:
You have valid points here, especially concerning the treatment of animals. Don't ever shy away from the hard topics. It was a good idea.
Also, high school dreams are a good topic as well, considering that we all had some. I think by not putting lofty, crazy things in there, you show the immaturity of a high school student and the simple things that they long for.
Imagery:
Somewhat lacking in Bird and Night. You have a couple images you repeat over and over, but nothing substantial or original.
Consider what the bird would do if he were free. Develop a specific image like skimming over pond water and nabbing a fish (an eagle might do this).
Consider what the animals look like. What do their surroundings look like? How does the snow fall on things around them?
Tone:
Decent, I think more imagery will give the tone more depth and emotion.
Musicality:
One slight alteration I would recommend if nothing else:
In Bird, leave out "It's" in front of the line "It's nothing like a tree." By doing this, it breaks up some of that repetition and allows the line to flow better with the rest of the stanza.
Best of luck!
Considering these were written during high school, they aren't bad. I think they fully express what you might have felt then, however, as you age, you might have reconsidered revising at least the last two poems (I wouldn't want anything taken away from Wish).
Form:
Mostly rhyme (first 2 poems).
Content:
You have valid points here, especially concerning the treatment of animals. Don't ever shy away from the hard topics. It was a good idea.
Also, high school dreams are a good topic as well, considering that we all had some. I think by not putting lofty, crazy things in there, you show the immaturity of a high school student and the simple things that they long for.
Imagery:
Somewhat lacking in Bird and Night. You have a couple images you repeat over and over, but nothing substantial or original.
Consider what the bird would do if he were free. Develop a specific image like skimming over pond water and nabbing a fish (an eagle might do this).
Consider what the animals look like. What do their surroundings look like? How does the snow fall on things around them?
Tone:
Decent, I think more imagery will give the tone more depth and emotion.
Musicality:
One slight alteration I would recommend if nothing else:
In Bird, leave out "It's" in front of the line "It's nothing like a tree." By doing this, it breaks up some of that repetition and allows the line to flow better with the rest of the stanza.
Best of luck!
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You do have a unique style, and a very clever way with words, I like the rhyming in cadence; lol.
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I do believe you that these nice and sweet poems came from the heart.
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You have a really nice style of writing and express yourself clearly. I think you should persevere as you have the potential to become an excellent poet and even story writer. I enjoyed your poems but I feel they are not quite polished enough to be selected for publishing but wish you well with the vote and of course this is just my honest opinion.
Kind Regards John
Kind Regards John
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Very nice reminds me of things I read when I was younger.
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These were sweet and powerful at the same time. Great read.
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On A Cold Winter's Night is my favorite, although the playfulness of I Wish is very appealing. But this description really tells a story and builds compassion without being preachy. The rhythm could be improved in a couple points, but those are the only edits I would make!
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loved I wish the others tell a great story
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-vote
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-vote
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Brings back good memories of being young, when things were just so much simpler.
A most refreshing change. Good works, and the best of luck for the vote.
http://www.webook.com/project/My-3-Emotive-Entries
A most refreshing change. Good works, and the best of luck for the vote.
http://www.webook.com/project/My-3-Emotive-Entries
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These are very nice, pure. Remind me of childhood... I like them :)
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these poems are pure.
I imagine when being high school age my mind was of a different set as well, more simple, i can relate in those poems to younger me.Good luck.
http://www.webook.com/project/Blackened-Rose
I imagine when being high school age my mind was of a different set as well, more simple, i can relate in those poems to younger me.Good luck.
http://www.webook.com/project/Blackened-Rose
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The first poem reads like a children's book. Interesting.
All of these have a pure and fresh sense about them. I've voted for these. Good luck to you.
Thanks for stopping by and voting on my offering at
http://www.webook.com/project/penbuddys-best-3-poems
peace...
All of these have a pure and fresh sense about them. I've voted for these. Good luck to you.
Thanks for stopping by and voting on my offering at
http://www.webook.com/project/penbuddys-best-3-poems
peace...
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These are nice i like how they tell a kind of story.
goodluck.
goodluck.
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You will be FREE as soon as you realize you already are
-- you hold the keys, just unlock the door.
Namaste.
nancy
-- you hold the keys, just unlock the door.
Namaste.
nancy
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brilliant poetry! i hope your work gets published!!!
keep writing, best wishes!
keep writing, best wishes!
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General:
Vite submitted...
Content:
My favorite is " On A Cold Winters Night "
Vite submitted...
Content:
My favorite is " On A Cold Winters Night "
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"As free as A Bird" is a song we are all familiar too. It's a poem that reminds us of our teen years. When everything seem to be against our will sometimes.
Its a great poem all 3 were good.
My vote is yes
Love,
Ana
Its a great poem all 3 were good.
My vote is yes
Love,
Ana
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A Yes vote!!!
good luck.
you have many interesting ideas and your imagery is there. You do show much potential as a young poet, writing these in high school.
good job.
good luck.
you have many interesting ideas and your imagery is there. You do show much potential as a young poet, writing these in high school.
good job.
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I wish would be the one that I choose. Good Luck.
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-competition
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-competition
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First poem - lots of good wishes to come true. I wish you the best of luck.
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The feedback below is meant for your 2nd poem, but I wonder why it appears over here.
3rd poem - good rhyme and rhythm. All nature exists in freedom.
My vote for you!
3rd poem - good rhyme and rhythm. All nature exists in freedom.
My vote for you!
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