Book Info
-
Project Leader:
Maleficient
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Participants:
The WEbook community -
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only -
Category:
Fiction -
Genre:
Sci Fi/Fantasy
Young Adult/Juvenile -
Language:
English
book_central
Waterchild-A Mermaid's Journey
Opal is a hybrid mermaid, born of a royal Aquadian mother and the son of a servant in the service of the King of Oceanica. When her mother leaves her at birth, she is raised by her father and his parents in Oceanica, but due to her iridescent skin, she grows up knowing she is different. When she reaches the age of 16, she leaves her home and embarks on a dangerous journey to seek out her birth mother and find out where she truly belongs.
*************I have edited and changed what was pre ... more »
*************I have edited and changed what was pre ... more »
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and maybe you should change the genre from Children's to Teen or Young Adult.
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ps could you plz read my story? it doesn't have a title yet and I'm kind of stuck, but I think I have a good start.
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Hi, I came here on the suggestion of a friend (Ravenclark) since I love YA. This sounds really interesting. I think I'll "Dive" right in and see what's what. Good job on your hooks. It sounds very interesting.
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PS: Darn it you, you took my spot! I was no. 1 before! LOL.
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That is a really great synopsis. It's symple and easy to follow (not to mention short). This sounds like a great story. I will definately give it my eye when I have time. I love stories about self discovery!
On a sidenote, this story (love the name Waterchild btw) sounds slightly like mine. The Shadowsword Saga is about a race of people who are half dragon, half human, and there is also a half-breed who is a major character. Mine is also partially a story about self discovery, as well as racial tolerance. Waterchild sounds as if those are it's major points, and those are always sure-wins! Great work so far.
On a sidenote, this story (love the name Waterchild btw) sounds slightly like mine. The Shadowsword Saga is about a race of people who are half dragon, half human, and there is also a half-breed who is a major character. Mine is also partially a story about self discovery, as well as racial tolerance. Waterchild sounds as if those are it's major points, and those are always sure-wins! Great work so far.
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I have edited the book so far and lengthened the chapters as some have suggested. I also changed Chapter 1 to Prologue as that was it's intention. I hope you'll all continue to read and give me the feedback I need to make this a really great book.
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for reading!
Awesome story, I've read about all of it, and its simply...Awesome, for lack of a better word.
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This looks interesting, maybe I'll stop and read it sometime :)
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I just read all of your chapters. Let me first say that you do have talent. But you definitely have many things you need to work on. I'm going to critique your story, so don't take it personally. You really do have talent. It just needs to grow, and I'm sure it will.
For one, try using better vocabulary. Using words like "explore" constantly is an immature way of writing. Use different words, like "investigate" or "delve into". The variation makes the story more interesting to read. Just make sure not to make it too wordy. That's a rookie mistake as well. Another thing that makes your story seem childish is when you write things like "like she was diseased or something." There's no need to add "or something". Keep it as "as if she was diseased." A strong point you do have is description and imagery. You do that beautifully, really going into the appearance of the atmosphere. Some advice would be to use more metaphors to describe things. Like "her hair were grains of sand cast upon a graying cloud." This depicts her hair as dirty blond with a gray tint. Because imagery is your strong point, I believe you focus on it too much. Like everything, it needs improvement, but sometimes you should go more into what's happening. The conflicts within the characters, the interactions, the witnessed events. This would really make your story better. And this is a fictional story about mermaids and underwater creatures. Don't just throw out words and names of things and expect the reader to understand. You do delve into the history and explain what they are, but I think you should do that a little bit more.
That's my critique for you. :) You really are good, you just need to practice some more, and you'll get better. One thing I can definitely tell you is that your story is captivating and your plot original (even though certain things in it aren't. But that's totally normal.) I didn't get bored for a second. And that's a very important attribute as a writer, keeping the reader interested. Keep it up!!
For one, try using better vocabulary. Using words like "explore" constantly is an immature way of writing. Use different words, like "investigate" or "delve into". The variation makes the story more interesting to read. Just make sure not to make it too wordy. That's a rookie mistake as well. Another thing that makes your story seem childish is when you write things like "like she was diseased or something." There's no need to add "or something". Keep it as "as if she was diseased." A strong point you do have is description and imagery. You do that beautifully, really going into the appearance of the atmosphere. Some advice would be to use more metaphors to describe things. Like "her hair were grains of sand cast upon a graying cloud." This depicts her hair as dirty blond with a gray tint. Because imagery is your strong point, I believe you focus on it too much. Like everything, it needs improvement, but sometimes you should go more into what's happening. The conflicts within the characters, the interactions, the witnessed events. This would really make your story better. And this is a fictional story about mermaids and underwater creatures. Don't just throw out words and names of things and expect the reader to understand. You do delve into the history and explain what they are, but I think you should do that a little bit more.
That's my critique for you. :) You really are good, you just need to practice some more, and you'll get better. One thing I can definitely tell you is that your story is captivating and your plot original (even though certain things in it aren't. But that's totally normal.) I didn't get bored for a second. And that's a very important attribute as a writer, keeping the reader interested. Keep it up!!
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