Book Info
-
Project Leader:
penbuddy
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Participants:
The WEbook community -
Who Can Write:
Project Leader Only -
Category:
Poetry -
Genre:
General -
Language:
English
book_central
penbuddy's best 3 poems
GIVE FEEDBACK
This, my friend, is very beautiful.
In every essence of every word, I felt passion and a beautiful story unfolding.
I have voted publish, for that is what these poems deserve.
:)Saphira
In every essence of every word, I felt passion and a beautiful story unfolding.
I have voted publish, for that is what these poems deserve.
:)Saphira
This Feedback was...
I had yet 'til now had the pleasure to read your first submission. I do, however, remember reading the last two and very much enjoyed them as a re-read. Amazing pieces worthy of this contest- best of luck. You have my support and vote.
This Feedback was...
General:
"Oh my goodness"!!! ... they are bloody brilliant!!!!.... I loved them all. I voted PUBLISH - 100% :). The way you expressed every line & told a perfect tale in "poetry" is just fantastic! As they say " time is a great healer & we all learn survival in any & every which way, through all walks of life in some-way at some-point! " Dignity" - I have never let anyone take my Dignity away from me! I smile for that! :)
Good luck my friend!
Mahoney X
Imagery:
"I cried once" - Great Imagery! I was so their!
"Oh my goodness"!!! ... they are bloody brilliant!!!!.... I loved them all. I voted PUBLISH - 100% :). The way you expressed every line & told a perfect tale in "poetry" is just fantastic! As they say " time is a great healer & we all learn survival in any & every which way, through all walks of life in some-way at some-point! " Dignity" - I have never let anyone take my Dignity away from me! I smile for that! :)
Good luck my friend!
Mahoney X
Imagery:
"I cried once" - Great Imagery! I was so their!
This Feedback was...
I agree with Elouisa about the blues on the guitar that remind me of muted lights and the smell of perfume and alchol in the air, talking sometimes still by the entertainer. Enthralled by this artists tallent. Try listening to some Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra for the " moods ". It needs to be simple yet elegant, will get back to you with more soon. Peace my friend.
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Bud, I am not knowlegdeable about poems and tend to stick to kids stuff. But I really liked these. I am on my way to work but when I have some time I will read some more of your work. all the very best
Philippa
Philippa
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I would love to hear To the Shrink put to music. Blues on a guitar. I vote yes, publish.
Louise
Louise
This Feedback was...
Maybe good if you could put the music or the type of music it would go under, nothing wrong with the lyrics just would like to hear it. Peace.
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Each poem is well done.
I cried once was my favourite, because it ties in with that idea of learning from experiences and helping others with what you've learned.
For the other two you seemed to have a lot of facts tied into the flow of the poem which is really interesting and brilliant.
You've got my vote.
I cried once was my favourite, because it ties in with that idea of learning from experiences and helping others with what you've learned.
For the other two you seemed to have a lot of facts tied into the flow of the poem which is really interesting and brilliant.
You've got my vote.
This Feedback was...
All well said To the shrink is my fave. Tough to read but it has to be said
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-vote
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-vote
This Feedback was...
all very good but Private Jone's Reality really stands out , thumbs up.
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Nice work. You got my vote.
Check out mine? http://www.webook.com/project/Touch-My-Heart
It would be greatly appreciated.
Check out mine? http://www.webook.com/project/Touch-My-Heart
It would be greatly appreciated.
This Feedback was...
very passion-filled and also very unlike poetry I'd usually read this has entirely its own structure and flow
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I love work that works through by twisting and stretching words so that they evoke tru feelings. Excellent work, poignant and inspiring. Has my vote!
http://www.webook.com/project/Troubled-Waters-Poetry
http://www.webook.com/project/Troubled-Waters-Poetry
This Feedback was...
nice work, somtimes pain is the ultimate teacher, I liked the way you did the last two, war is a terrible thing good only for corporations, I was drafted in 1968, was to skinny, was finally made 4f, thank God, you captured the terrors of Nam, and expressed them well, will mankind ever learn, probably not, I voted yes, good job
This Feedback was...
These are powerful and honest poems that really inspire! Great work! Yes vote from me!
http://www.webook.com/project/Reminiscences
http://www.webook.com/project/Reminiscences
This Feedback was...
I like your Vietnam Blues -- an honest approach to a unique time in our history that too many are choosing to forget. I wish you well!
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Penbuddy,
These were beautifully written, you but alot of imagery into these, not a word out of place...
Well done, I wish you good luck with getting published.
These were beautifully written, you but alot of imagery into these, not a word out of place...
Well done, I wish you good luck with getting published.
This Feedback was...
"I cried once" would make a great song. It is a very emotional piece that I have been through myself. "To the shrink" was great! Original stucture with a true messege hiding in all the wise-ass one liners, And "Private jones reality" was a refreshing kick in the teeth with brutal honesty about the things that had happened in nam. I think you have a very unique way of saying things. I love writing that pushes the boundries of things were not supposed to say. Great work! Good Luck!
This Feedback was...
All three are excellent, but I especially resonated with Private Jones' Reality. Well done.
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The repeated lines at the end of "I cried once" add a great touch. Yes vote.
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First of all Thanks for voting for my poetry, really, really apreciated
I've voted and I specially like 'I cried once' the rhymes are great
I've voted and I specially like 'I cried once' the rhymes are great
This Feedback was...
This should be published without a doubt. The wording is great but it also calls you to read between the lines. It's a great piece.
This Feedback was...
This is work worthy of to be publish. You have a great talent. The words flow so easily when reading it.
Great job and best of luck.
Love,
Ana
Great job and best of luck.
Love,
Ana
This Feedback was...
Done! I dont check my votes, dont know how. But I'm in there somewhere in the Human Interest cat. Confusion Over The Meaning Of Life. Please vote only after leaving a brief comment on my entries.
In no way do I want my entry to be selected without objective judgement.
Take care,
Susan
In no way do I want my entry to be selected without objective judgement.
Take care,
Susan
This Feedback was...
Wendy, your vote was well worth the wait. Bless you and your very gracious words.
`
`
Penbuddy, sorry I took this long but you know my vote is yours always. Your ability to write the beautiful word, astonishes me every time. Your writing gets deep in my heart and deep into my soul. I love to read your work, it is so worthy of publication, I can't say that enough. You have a great way of crafting just the right word. You can expect to find such magnificent emotion in your work and to me your writing inspires people of all walks of life. It's like a brilliant tree with branches reaching out, giving strength and character to all. A shade of love so personal and caring. Your faith feeds life into WEbook and I stand before you in so much gratitude of your great, inspiring beauty, God Bless You, love Wennie xxxhugs
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I like the first one, describes the bitter progress of a broken heart. I liked you're song, The Vietnam Blues, made me laugh to see the title afterwords... Private Jones' reality was amazing, who does heal after the pains of war?
3 incredible poems, you have my well deserved vote.
http://www.webook.com/project/Glimpse-of-Reality
3 incredible poems, you have my well deserved vote.
http://www.webook.com/project/Glimpse-of-Reality
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I think that Private Jones Reality is one of the most powerful things I've ever read.... You are a wonderful writer. Vote yes!
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Honest and poignant. Loved, as has been said before below, the writing of them in the language of the era. This only adds to the strength of, particularly my favourite, 'Private Jones' Reality'. Being from Blighty I cannot truly understand the trauma and emotions suffered by the troops in that war. Or the neglect and derision they have had to deal with afterwards, and basically what seems like, to an outsider, an embarrassment to be ignored, and pushed under the carpet of politics. I can only sympathise, That said I believe they should be published.
H Good luck
H Good luck
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A yes vote from me. I like the second and third ones, they ring true, as though you experienced these things first hand, and I'm sure you did. Very thought provoking and a important reminder to all about the effects of war on an individual as well as a whole country.
This Feedback was...
Very heart-felt poems. To the shrink was my favorite of them, but they're all very deep, well written poems.
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I've read these before and surely they deserve to be published!
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Thank you all who have voted so far. Looking forward to seeing the rest of my friends votes.
I voted publish this one Private Jones Reality.
People forget all to quickly that many many people other those that died suffer on and on and on..........
Good Luck.
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-competition
If you get time.
People forget all to quickly that many many people other those that died suffer on and on and on..........
Good Luck.
http://www.webook.com/project/Three-for-the-competition
If you get time.
This Feedback was...
Beautifull written. I am inspired by your magnificent talent.
Keep up with the great work, and by the way, you got the "Publish" vote from me!
~Kate
Keep up with the great work, and by the way, you got the "Publish" vote from me!
~Kate
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I forgot Slessor, Brooke, Dawe and Douglas. You are honestly up there with them.
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I can't believe I hadn't voted to publish this before. I think your war poetry is amazing, and I put you down with Sassoon, Owen, Rosenberg and Nichols. You have done such a wonderful job and I know I've already told you, on these three poems, how much I enjoy them. =)
This Feedback was...
yes vote, of course!
if you want to find mine:
http://www.webook.com/project/Voodoo-Hearts-My-3-Poems-for-entry-Webook-2009poetryVOTE
thank you.
if you want to find mine:
http://www.webook.com/project/Voodoo-Hearts-My-3-Poems-for-entry-Webook-2009poetryVOTE
thank you.
This Feedback was...
I liked Private Jones' Reality the best. Good luck in the vote.
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Publish. I think all three are brilliant. I really like the honesty in your work. I noticed recently, while reading poems by great classical poets from many different eras, that they all had one thing in common, whether it be Shakespeare, John Donne, Dorothy Parker, T. S. Eliot or Margaret Atwood. They all wrote (and some still write) in the language of their own time, as you have here. Well done.
http://www.webook.com/project/My-Poetic-Trilogy
http://www.webook.com/project/My-Poetic-Trilogy
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Got my vote. Great writing. Keep up the great work. Good luck with the vote.
Sarah
Sarah
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Very strong ... The Shrink and Private Jones' Reality are almost overwhelming ...
G'luck in the voting ...
jfx
G'luck in the voting ...
jfx
This Feedback was...
General:
The overall message of your poems is well conveyed.
Tone:
In I Cried Once, the poem ends with gratitude for the pain which made the speaker stronger. As a result the message of acceptance of both joy and pain is clearly conveyed.
Too the Shrink clearly conveys the bitterness left behind from being on the front lines -- and the inability of anyone to step into your shoes.
The overall message of your poems is well conveyed.
Tone:
In I Cried Once, the poem ends with gratitude for the pain which made the speaker stronger. As a result the message of acceptance of both joy and pain is clearly conveyed.
Too the Shrink clearly conveys the bitterness left behind from being on the front lines -- and the inability of anyone to step into your shoes.
This Feedback was...
I thought I had left feedback for this piece a while back, Bud. It may have been in short story form in another one of your writings. Very good though, albeit, a brutal memory to live with and I understand those well. Thumbs up on your Poetry from me Bud, and I mean it genuinely! I hope they are published in the WEbook Poetry publication.
Omanh
Omanh
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I guess you will end up with three different feedbacks from me. But, love this piece on Nam, and the chorus, well, that is one of the more creative ideas I have seen applied to poems. Thumbs up, Bud!
This Feedback was...
Sound like something that the saying, 'been there, done that' applies too. Except that is just too 'glib' a response to the feeling and atmosphere you create in the poem. Truly beautiful if even in a sad way. BTW, I love the twist at the end where you end with a 'thank you'. Very good use of the irony of these events in our lives. Thumbs up!
This Feedback was...
Hello Penbuddy!
These are really great poems. It offers a lot of insight, I voted to publish, I would love to read more. I liked the To The Shrink and Private Jones' Reality most. But I think all three of them were truly something and one of a kind. I thought the form for To The Shrink added to the perception some how, it made it more of a read, it helped the flow. I liked your choice of words, it was descriptive yet simple and it made it easy to visualize all that went on through the poems. The format and choice of words brought out a great tone. It was like I could hear the anger in your voice, through your poems I could tell how you were upset and what bothered you. It made me upset too. I also enjoyed, and maybe this is more bias of an opinion, but I liked that two were politically based and gave a lot of emotion toward the ordeal of the war. And the other one, I Cried Once, might also be from a slightly bias opinion was that it showed emotion and it was about something more personal. However, I know that even if they weren't topics I would choose to write about for myself, they are still great poems. I wish you luck and you have my vote =]
~Devlin~
http://www.webook.com/project/Devlins-Love-Poems
These are really great poems. It offers a lot of insight, I voted to publish, I would love to read more. I liked the To The Shrink and Private Jones' Reality most. But I think all three of them were truly something and one of a kind. I thought the form for To The Shrink added to the perception some how, it made it more of a read, it helped the flow. I liked your choice of words, it was descriptive yet simple and it made it easy to visualize all that went on through the poems. The format and choice of words brought out a great tone. It was like I could hear the anger in your voice, through your poems I could tell how you were upset and what bothered you. It made me upset too. I also enjoyed, and maybe this is more bias of an opinion, but I liked that two were politically based and gave a lot of emotion toward the ordeal of the war. And the other one, I Cried Once, might also be from a slightly bias opinion was that it showed emotion and it was about something more personal. However, I know that even if they weren't topics I would choose to write about for myself, they are still great poems. I wish you luck and you have my vote =]
~Devlin~
http://www.webook.com/project/Devlins-Love-Poems
This Feedback was...
I voted TO PUBLISH!
Wow, I loved the last one. It was so powerful to me. ( A Vet.)
Even to a civi' it must b a force. I admit that it's not so commercial but there has to be a niche' somewhere for this poem it ranks with the best. The narrative at the ending was an essential touch too. I loved it.
Wow, I loved the last one. It was so powerful to me. ( A Vet.)
Even to a civi' it must b a force. I admit that it's not so commercial but there has to be a niche' somewhere for this poem it ranks with the best. The narrative at the ending was an essential touch too. I loved it.
This Feedback was...
Good luck with the contest I voted for you. I hope you check out mine and vote for it if you like it.
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Sorry that should read we only try and most fail miserably.
Just and old fart, trying to get through the day. apologies!
Just and old fart, trying to get through the day. apologies!
This Feedback was...
The human language does not have words that are fit to describe the thoughts and feelings of a true war Veteran of any war. We only and most fail miserly this Author does not!
Publish!! by all means!
Publish!! by all means!
This Feedback was...
yes your poems have some of the best, most vital themes, well constructed, eloquent. should be among the top listed.
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General:
Cleverly written,
Form:
interesting stepping stone illustration
Content:
vital
Imagery:
beautifully illustrative
Musicality:
flowed well. Shah.
Best of luck dear friend... fingers crossed!
Cleverly written,
Form:
interesting stepping stone illustration
Content:
vital
Imagery:
beautifully illustrative
Musicality:
flowed well. Shah.
Best of luck dear friend... fingers crossed!
This Feedback was...
I believe that your war poems capture the lingering bitterness war embeds in the hearts of soldiers. It was interesting to read your take on coming home to a country so weary of war. Those two poems reflect emotion of the Vietnam era.
I did not like the romance poem as much, though it was well written. It lacked the power of the other two because the central problem was resolved in what I think of as a typical manner.
I did not like the romance poem as much, though it was well written. It lacked the power of the other two because the central problem was resolved in what I think of as a typical manner.
This Feedback was...
Hey I read all three, they are all excellent but I have to say the first is my favourite :)
This Feedback was...
Please Leave a comment and encouragement. I always appreciate the kind and helpful remarks of others. I love the encoruagement WEbookers bring to the table for each other.
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